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sacuna's gift part 2



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Tue Nov 27, 2007 6:55 pm
selenasacuna says...



** 6 months later**
One night I walked hand in hand with my boyfriend. We often spent nights like this together. Dark and cloudy it was so romantic.we went to my favorite place The willow tree where momma was, and sat cuddling. I wondered if he would turn me into his Enchantress.
He slowly started kissing my temple and as I relaxed into his arms he began to kiss my lips with almost no pressure. At the same time he began to pull up the skirt I was wearing tonight. When he reached right above my knee he stopped and let his hand rest for the moment as he began to put more pressure on my lips. I sighed and opened my mouth at his unspoken insistence; His tongue joined mine in chasing, tasting and withdrawing.
His hand no longer resting began going upwards once again towards his goal. he gently whispered for me to part my thighs for , I stiffened but relaxed and moved so that my legs were straddling his while my back was pressed to his chest. I began to wonder what he was going to do but then his hand was between my legs and found a nub of skin that was hard. He so gently I almost didn’t feel it began to circle that most sensitive nub. I cried out as the pressure began to become to much for me. He told me to just relax. I dug my heels into the ground as I exploded on a plane of pleasure and whispered
"Katori what’s happening to me? "
As my heated flesh began to cool he smiled against my hair and told me that upon the next full moon if I wanted he would finally turn me into his enchantress...
I sighed and whispered “yes...”
As soon as I recovered we stood, him keeping an arm around my waist to support me. Every now and then I'd glance back over my shoulder and look at the willow tree where mother rested.I miss you mom. I thought to myself. Katori hand moved up to cup my breast as i blushed in the dark. he laughed and nuzzled the side of my neck his fangs rasping against my skin.He took me up to my room and left me at the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow night my love." he whispered. "Tomorrow is the full moon."
"all right, good night" I replied
The next morning I awoke and laid in bed for awhile. I smiled remembering how Katori had kissed me and how he had made me feel. The more I thought about it the more certain I was that I needed to do something for him. To thank him for what he did to me last night. But, what? I began to think back to about two months ago when Katori had caught me reading a romance novel in the library. He had taken it from me and begun to read it aloud. I had shrieked and blushed. He kept reading how the woman had pleasured her partner. That's it I suddenly thought excitedly. I'll do just as the woman in the story did. Now what was it she did? oh yah she dressed in a sexy outfit and took him in her mouth. I hope i don't choke. I thought to myself. I got up and looked in my closet trying to find any kind of neglige to wear. I didn't own anything. Time to go shopping. I thought with a sigh. I hate shopping, HATE IT!!!
I grabbed my keys as I shrugged into jeans and tee shirt. I ran out the door and down the steps to my ferrari black convertible...
Two hours later found me at the local undergarment shop having tried on everything in the boutige the clerks and I were exhausted. We giggled as I helped them to hand everything up. We've known each other since pre-k and they thought it funny I wanted neglige to wear finally for Katori. I finally decided on a simple one peice number made of all black lace and silk. it had a mini skirt which went to half thigh and slits all the way up the side. after I checked out and left the shop I looked at the time and swore a blue streak... It was already six o clock. I'd be late for dinner! I raced through the city streets hoping i'd get home in time to change. I pulled into the drive at five forty five. I raced inside as the sun finally set. I ran upstairs and changed into the neglige. I threw on a silver silk robe and pulled my frizzy hair back into a bun.
I walked slowly down the stairs trying to calm my racing heart. As I approached the dining room door I took a deep breathe in and walked into the room. I stopped cold just inside as I looked in astonishment at what I thought was the dining room. The table was gone replaced with a sofa with silkin cushions every other space was covered with candles giving the room a golden glow. The pictures that had hung had been replaced with mirrors. the couch I noted was big enough for two to lay side by side. Iwalked slowly into the room looking for Katori. I saw him standing next to the fire place. He was facing me and I walked toward him. As i reached his side he smiled at me and placed a kiss upon my brow.
I smiled and pulled his head down for a kiss on the mouth. He seemed to understand exactly what i wanted and what I needed. His arms incircled me and he held me close as i leaned into him, letting him have total control of this kiss and this night. i remembered what i planned to do to him later and let the hands that had been resting on his chest start to drift lower, I heard his sharp intake of breath as i settled my hands on his hips and circled mine against him. He tightned his hold and picked me up. "eep" I sqealed. He laughed and returned to kissing me. he stood me up and my legs bumped against the couch. I felt his hands untying my robe and as the fabric fell away he stepped back and looked at me.
I smiled as I felt his hot and appreciative gaze travel down and back up my body. Then his eyes met mine and I knew that I was in control. His gaze was cloudy like a drunk man being asked to drink one more glass of whiskey. I smiled at him as I reached for his own robe. He beat me to it. He wore nothing underneath. I stared into his eyes then allowed my gaze to travel down. His chest was smooth and lightly muscled. his arms and thighs were more heavily muscled his his midriff. His manhood or his cock as it was called. I knew afew other names but these two were my favorite. i knew that it would take both my hands to go around him he was so swollen. Also the fact that he was as long as my wrist to elbow made me nervous about putting his length down my throat.
Ismiled up at him and pushed him down onto the couch following till I straddled his legs. He inhaled sharply as if he could geuss what I was thinking. I palmed his length and kissed him where his cock met his body. He gasped and arched his back while trying to tell me to stop. But we both knew he didn't want me to. I worked my way all the way down to his tip where a white cream like substance was starting to come out, I took the tip into my mouth and he began pleading with me. " oh God please Selena just oh God please..." I knew what he wanted and was only to happy to give it. I worked my way up till I finally got all of him inside my mouth. I began to move him in and out and he starteed thrusting in sync with me. He was panting and clutching one hand in my hair urging me on. The other was on the couch back holding himself as still as he could, but sadly succeeding.He trusted another few times then I felt a thick warm liquid sliding down my throat. I quickly swallowed as he collapsed and didn't move accept to put his arms over his head and eyes. I moved my body till my head was beside his and snuggled close. Hturned onto his side and looked me in the eye. I blushed and stared at his nose as he continued to look at me like he couldn't decide wether to kiss me or tickle me.
I licked my lips and his gaze moved to them. I was really blushing now. He thought spoke to me Why? you didn't have to. " " But I wanted to" " Did you not enjoy it? If not just tell me" " Of corse I enjoyed it!!!" H broke in. H kissed me and mercilissly I might add. I could feel his manhood stirring against me. The next thing I knew He was lying between my legs and my neglige had been torn away. His fangsrasped against my throat and traveled towards my chest when his lips closed on an aching nipple I screamed low in my throat and bucked upwards, his strong arms held me in place as he tortured me with tongue in fang. He lightly nipped my nipples as he kept transfering from one to the other. I moaned feeling my womb contarct in need. He seemed to know and slipped his hands down between his to play with my aching flesh. He slipped a finger inside my and I twisted under him oanting wanting him to stop this torment. Katori please please stop I can't bear anymore.." He held me close making shushing noises and kissing my lips. I felt him nudging his length inside of me. I arched up under him but he held me still so that I couldn't move.I felt a searing pain in my neck and womb at the same time. I stilled until he began moving inside of me. Then I arched and moved with him. Within a few strokes I was panting then when I thought that I couldn't take anymore I exploded into the stars. He did to right after me. His head was attached to my neck and I could feel him transferring his blood to me through my neck. I fell into a deep sleep.
Last edited by selenasacuna on Fri Nov 21, 2008 8:03 pm, edited 6 times in total.
  





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Fri Nov 30, 2007 4:15 am
Fye says...



Hey selena, nice to have you on YWS. :) Something I have to tell you: you should review before you post your work. I see you have 7 posts and all of them is where you've posted your own work. Reviewing other people will have you a better chance of receiving critiques. Pay attention to other people's critiques and make changes to your work if necessary, too.

You have some punctuation problems with periods. Many of your sentences need to be broken up with periods. Also, I realize your "dialogues" are wrong in terms of format.

The story captured me but you have to work on the mistakes I've mentioned above. Probably then I'll review your piece further. PM me once you're done and if you need any help!

Fye.
  





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Thu Dec 06, 2007 7:45 am
roxythekiller says...



First off, thank you for posting a sexy story. I've been on many romance sites that had boring cuddle-happy stories without any real action in them. Romance is a sexy genre, and your story is sexy.
However, the plot is relatively thin. It just seems to be about a hot and sexy relationship between two attractive people.
Sometimes, character development adds sexiness, because it can create sexual tension. Sex scenes show the act, but tension is all in the aura. For example, Batman having sex with Batgirl is different from Batman having sex with Poison Ivy (the latter has more tension, the former is kind of boring. Both women are attractive, but their varying personalities set different moods to the otherwise standard act of making love.)
Also, giving your characters some imperfections (such as being a little on the sloppy side, having hair that refuses to cooperate) can add realism and make the story more real (and thereby sexier) to the viewer.
Otherwise, great job ^_^!
  





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Thu Dec 13, 2007 8:56 pm
selenasacuna says...



hello thanks for liking it dont worry ill add more detail about the two love birds later for now the female sacuna is just about to get her powers and trust me its gonna be funny and sexy as well as good smiles
selena
98% of teenagers do or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2% who hasn't, copy & paste this in your signature.
selena

also I have a confession I am obsessed with vampires ~selena
  





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Sat Dec 15, 2007 9:52 pm
kinzygirl223 says...



I thought it was good.
Very entertaining.
There were some punctuation problems though.
Watch out for those.
I can't wait for you to write more.
  





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Mon Dec 24, 2007 1:17 am
aperez says...



i love the way that you describe evrything. its a great story! write some more!!!
  





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Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:06 pm
Chaotic Romance says...



Well, this was interesting, but confusing at the same time...

It's a good start, but it has some errors in it that they distracted me from being able to read the story. There are some punctuation errors and grammatical errors (ex: some of your paragraphs didn't start with a capital letter, some of your sentences didn't flow right, commas and periods were placed in strange places, etc).

As for the characters, they seemed way too perfect, which made them seem unrealistic... I agree with roxythekiller about character development without it the story is not realistic. You should write your characters to have some flaws, that way the reader can relate to them more and that makes them much more believable.

The description was also lacking... I had a hard time picturing what the character's looked like and the setting they were in. What the characters look like is something that needs to be told to the reader in the first chapter, especially when its this long and there is a lot of time to do it. You don't want to describe things too much, but you did need more description then you have here.

Okay, there's more, but those are the main problems that I see with this...overall, I think that this was a good start, but it just needs a little work.
"Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault." - Dr. David M. Burns

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Fri Dec 28, 2007 1:10 pm
Liavel says...



I'm a Romance writer myself and I liked how you played this out. It's true that a lot of Romance topics in this section or on other cites forget what Romance is about, but you seemed to get it pretty well here.
I did have trouble with your punctuation though. For the writer it may not seem too evident but for a reader it can really mess up the entire feeling of the story being told when you can't get through some of it without re-reading a couple of lines.
Besides that I like where you're going with your characters but they seriously need more description. So far you've only told us that these are two super beautiful characters who can't keep their hands off each other.
The dialogue needs to be written in the correct format and I think you could stand to take some descriptions out not because they are bad but just so that you can leave a little up to the imagination of the reader.
After all that I think that you've done a good job with this Romance. I hope to read more of your work. Let me know when you put up more.
"He to whom God has given knowledge and the gift of speaking eloquently, Must not keep silent or conceal the gift, but he must willingly display it."
  





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Mon Dec 31, 2007 5:35 pm
PerforatedxHearts says...



Yeah [ditto to all of the above]. There's really no structured sequence of events. You've got a sequence, but it seems like a forced let's finish this, this, this, and now we're on this part. So give a little more detail, run this through Word grammar and spellcheck, correct all the dialogue bits, format the paragraphs, all that good stuff. Make this story look good so that we don't have to nitpick on your presentation.

For a Romance story, all the elements of sexiness and whatnot is there, but it's altogether still pretty weak. Give some background, kick out the cliche, DETAILS, and structure up everything.
"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music." --anonymous/banner.
  





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Tue Mar 25, 2008 12:35 pm
selenasacuna says...



thanks everyone for the advice i'm hardly ever on here and ill try to work on it and fix it as soon as i can.
selena
  








Deadlines just aren't real to me until I'm staring one in the face.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief