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Expect the Unexpected- Chapter Three



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Fri Oct 26, 2007 1:43 am
Chaotic Romance says...



I just want to thank all of those who have read and commented on this so far! I really appreciate it! I've already written 27 chapters out of the planned 35 of this story, so expect new chapters to be coming out at least every day or every other day! Here's chapter 3, Enjoy:
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Elizabeth made her way back to class, hiding the fact that she had been crying, the last thing she wanted was for that to be discovered by anyone. Not that it was anyone else’s business but people had a tendency to gossip about everything in that dratted school. And even if she wasn’t that popular or that much of an outcast she didn’t like the fact that people would know that she broke down after over six months of being alright and dealing with the pain of what had happened as best she could.

She walked back into the classroom and felt everyone’s eyes on her as she made her way hastily back to her seat. Mr. Comston seemed unfazed by her entrance and continued teaching as if she hadn’t just walked in. She sat back in her seat, placed her agenda on the floor by her feet and prepared to take notes on the lecture for the rest of the class. And ignore the boy sitting behind her. Or at least try to.
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Elizabeth sighed in relief when the bell finally rang to end her history torment. Usually she liked that class… but not today. Especially with David sitting behind her whispering in her ear almost the whole class.

She thought that it was never going to end.

Now, she could get away from that creepy boy…she didn’t really know why she felt that way. There was just something about him that made her uneasy, very uneasy. And she liked to listen to her guy instincts about people because, most of the time, they were right.

She made her way out of the room hoping to avoid him at all costs. Though, she had a really strange feeling that that was not going to happen.

Her fears were confirmed when a male voice interrupted her thoughts,” Hello.”

She looked at him, “Go away.” She said as she squeezed through the stupid freshman who were standing in the middle of the hallway and blocking the path. Stupid freshman. She thought darkly as she started shoving, seeing that being nice was getting her nowhere.

“Not very nice are you?” he asked, catching up with her rather easily; even though she had started walking considerably faster. She wasn’t sure if he was referring to what she said or what she did just a few seconds ago. Probably the former.

“Not to guys who like to stalk me, I’m not.” she answered, trying to walk faster, but the many students standing in the middle of the hallway made that difficult if not completely impossible.

“I am not stalking you.”

“Really?” she asked looking at him skeptically, “Then how come I’ve seen you three times in the last hour then?”

He shrugged, but didn’t answer. She rolled her eyes. Sometimes guys really pissed her off.

“Whatever.” I got class to get to." For once she was really looking forward to her math class, because hopefully he wouldn’t be there.

She turned her head to yell at him some more but discovered that he was no longer walking with her. She looked quickly behind her and saw him standing in the middle of the hallway, staring right at her. Unblinking and unmoving. Getting a lot of complaints from the students trying to get by, he was kind of big and therefore took up some space. But yes, there was something seriously wrong with that boy… this left the question of what exactly was wrong. And honestly, she really didn’t want to know.

She turned around and walked the rest of the way to her class without another interruption. That she was grateful for; she didn’t want to be late for Algebra II, that lady hated her and did anything to torment her.
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­David growled, glaring at her retreating figure. He ignored the surprised and shocked looks of the students that were all around him from the action.

He just kept glaring; she was not making this easy. How was he supposed to do anything with her, if she didn’t trust him or at least like him for that matter? Things were not off to a very good start and he was afraid that it was going to continue that way.

He couldn’t let everyone down… this was very important assignment and he couldn’t fail. He wouldn’t fail. He would just have to try a different approach. That’s all. Just find her weakness and use it to his advantage…

He smirked as a new idea formed in his head and he stalked away heading to his second period class. He didn’t want to go, but he felt that he had to do a good job of acting “normal”, though that word had not been in his vocabulary for quite a while. He had to keep the charade going in order to show the girl that he was in fact harmless. At least for the most part anyway.
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Elizabeth sighed in relief after the late bell had rung and he hadn’t shown up. And she hoped that he wouldn’t be late, like last class.

“Will you please pass in your homework?” her Algebra II teacher, Mrs. Lent, asked from the front of the room.

She grudgingly took the papers that were handed to her from the guy behind her and added hers to the stack before she passed it along to the girl in front of her.

“I have written some problems on the board for you to do while I check your homework.” Mrs. Lent, said, pushing her glasses up as they had slipped slightly down her nose. “And it will be graded, so I would be extra careful upon doing them.” She threatened before sitting down at her desk, and began marking the first paper in her collected pile of homework with the red pen she held in her hand.

Elizabeth looked at the board, and rolled her eyes, oh please this stuff was way too easy. It was sad. Really sad. She knew she should have been put in the honors class at least. But no… she hadn’t gotten a high enough grade on that stupid entrance exam that she was forced to take in order to see if she could move up a level… She glared at the paper as she began copying down the first problem. This was going to be a very long math class. And she was not looking forward to it.
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­ The bell finally rang, signally the end of second period. Algebra II had been harsh today, it was especially bad because Mrs. Lent was feeling extra evil and had called her up to the board to do two out of the eight problems that were written on the board when it was time to go over them. She was always trying to find excuses to fail her. That woman hates me Elizabeth thought darkly as she left the room.
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By lunchtime, she had almost completely forgotten about that David boy… almost, was the key word here… he seemed to follow her around. They had every class that morning together except for math and she hated that class anyway, so it wasn’t like it was that much of a good thing anyway.

She threw her stuff onto her usual lunch table and headed up to buy lunch. She usually brought her lunch, but thanks to Ashley, she hadn’t had time to make her lunch today… so she had to settle for what the school was providing which turned out to be some chicken and rice dish. But, it did not resemble chicken and rice.

She made her way back to her table to find that it was now mostly occupied by her friends; she took her normal seat between Katie and another friend, Rachael.

Katie scrunched her nose up in disgust when she saw what happened to be on the tray that Elizabeth was carrying, “What is that?”

Elizabeth shrugged, “I don’t know, but I don’t plan on eating it.” She said, as she grabbed the apple which seemed to be the only thing that was edible on her plate.

“Why’d you buy your lunch anyway? Don’t you usually bring it?” Rachael asked, after she had taken a bite of her own food. Which actually looked edible. But that was because it was real food and not the crap that they served at school.

“Yea, but my bitch of a sister was hogging the bathroom this morning. It was either no shower or no lunch. Guess you can see which one I picked.” she explained.

“I don’t know why you don’t like her, Elizabeth. There’s nothing wrong with her. She’s really nice.”

“Hah, that’s what she wants you all to see. But at home, she’s the spawn of Satan. Really. I hate siblings, I always wonder why I wasn’t an only child… sure would have made things a lot easier.” She muttered, though in all reality it was just her sister she couldn't actually tolerate, her two younger brothers as well as her older one she didn't mind. But that might be because the former didn’t hog the bathroom and the latter didn’t even live at home anymore.

Katie rolled her eyes at her and Rachael just shook her head. Of course, they didn’t know what went on at her house. Everyone in this school thought her sister was a perfect little angel, but she saw right through her little façade.

“Anyway,” Katie started, “We never finished our conversation from this morning, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. Here we go again.

“Hey, don’t roll your eyes at me.” Katie said poking her lightly in the arm, making her wince slightly.

“Fine. What do you want to know?”

“I wanted to know what you thought of the new boy, David, I think his name is?”

Elizabeth looked at her, “He’s a creep.” she said simply.

Katie stared at her for a few seconds before finally responding with a very intelligent, “What?”

“I said he’s a creep, he’s been in all my classes so far, except math. And I just don’t like him. There’s something about him that is just not right…” she trailed off, as the whole female population of their table stopped what they were doing to stare in awe at her. The males just look confused.

She looked around at all the shocked faces,” What?” She asked.

“How could you say that? He’s gorgeous!” Katie insisted.

She shrugged, “I don’t fall for someone based on looks, Katie, you know that. Besides, I’m not attracted to guys who- I just don’t like him, there’s just something that makes me very wary about him…but I can’t really put my finger on it.”

Katie looked at her like she was an idiot, “Please, Elizabeth, how could you not say that he isn’t attractive?”

“I never said that, I just said I don’t like him. I get bad vibes from him. And that’s all I’m saying, so there. End of discussion.” She said as she pulled back from her chair and got up to get something from the snack machine located out in the hallway.
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David watched, from a safe distance, as Elizabeth and her friends talked, about what a surprise, him. Even though he was far away he could hear their conversation almost perfectly. He had very good hearing.

He wasn’t surprised to find that she was not attracted to him. In a way, that made things all the better… that made him go in a different direction in strategy, a much better direction he thought.

He watched as she got up and left the room, perfect timing… he sat back and thought for a few more moments before making up his mind and swiftly getting up and making his away towards his destination.
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Elizabeth bent over to pick up the candy bar from the snack machine and nearly jumped when she felt a presence behind her, one that was way too close for comfort. She jumped up and whirled around to see David standing before her, a smirk on his face, “Hello. You know, that’s not very healthy…” he said pointing out the candy bar.

“So? Who are you to tell me what to eat?” she asked, quite rudely, but she really didn’t care.

He shrugged.

She rolled her eyes and stepped around him heading down the hallway that led back into the cafeteria. He followed her. “Why won’t you just leave me alone?” she asked, once he had gotten into step with her which didn't take long since his legs were a lot longer then hers.

“Because I like you, and I go after everything I want.” She shuddered the way he said that made it sound like she was an object to be claimed and not a human being.

She stopped and whirled to face him. “Well, I am something that you are not going to be able to get, because I don’t like you, so you might as well stop now while you’re ahead. If not, things could get ugly, very fast.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t like me. We have never even been properly introduced.” He said grabbing onto her wrist and preventing her from leaving.

“I just don’t like you. I don’t have to tell you why.” She said, jerking her hand out of his grasp and walking away but not before saying, “Stay away from me.” She threatened not looking back, “Or you’ll be sorry.” And then she was gone.

He smirked, so she wanted to play hard to get? Very well, he would play, but in the end he would have her.

He always got what he wanted.
Last edited by Chaotic Romance on Fri Oct 26, 2007 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Fri Oct 26, 2007 5:35 pm
sokool15 says...



Well, there was a slight problem again in this chapter with your 'he-him' 'she-hers' etc. Names have a purpose, you know.

So...just go through the story yourself, concentrating on how you would read the story if you didn't know your own characters like th back of your hand...YOU know who they are, but do WE? So look at it from a different perspective and try to slip in some names.

The very first paragraph, for example...not reading the chapters one after the other, we wouldn't know who 'she' was who is coming back from the bathroom. Other places, as well, of course.

Another thing you should read through your story concentrating on is dialogue. Listen carefully to the nuances of your voice, putting commas where you feel a lift or pause in your voice...it helps it be more natural.

Otherwise, a very nice job. Editing is not your friend, I won't tell you that :roll: but it's good for you and your story, so I highly recommend doing a lot of it. Reading your story out loud is a very excellent way to catch many things that your eyes naturally skim over when reading to yourself.

So there you go! Keep posting, please.

~MademoiselleKool

P.S. your vampire is creepy. *shudders*
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
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Tue Oct 30, 2007 3:12 am
BigBadBear says...



Wow! That is excellent! I loved it.


You have really fixed everything. I couldn't even find anything with my careful eye. Great job! I really love you charactors now. David is awesome. I really liked him, even if he is a bit..weird.

Anyway, there is nothing except for me to tell you that you are a fantastic writer! Great job!

I can't promise any more critique tonight, but I'll try to read the next chapter tonight!


BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 1:03 am
JackBauerHasABaldSpot says...



Okay, just as a side note, unless you're going to post these chapters all in one post, please don't do it all in one day. It's against the rules to flood the boards with your stories, and it's something I've been seeing on this particular section. It really does discourage readers, so give each post at least a week before posting another one.

Anyway, I feel entertained enough by this, it was good. Though, you might want to do a few read-throughs and proofreading, because there are errors in here that can be a little distracting.

Oh, and though the whole idea doesn't seem that original, I like the parts that aren't (though I can't really relate to the character that well, I like her). Yes, very similar to Stephenie Meyer, but I still like it.

I'd tool things a little, though. Elizabeth needs something in her life to be happy about, unless of course, you're writing that in. Other than that, I'll just say this: persist.
"...some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright."
-The Shawshank Redemption
  








Think of all the beauty still left around you, and smile.
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