He drove me for a burger. May not have been gourmet but fast food was the only thing opened that late. Sitting across from me on a plastic booth he didn’t touch his food, instead he watched me eat mine. It took me a while to figure out what was going on. I had polished off the burger and half the fries by the time I felt the tingling of his stare. A wave of self consciousness swept over me and I guess it showed since it got him smiling.
“You’re nice to look at, even while you stuff your face.”
“Oh thanks, I am a pretty piggy. But I’m ravenous so lay off.”
“Ravenous, huh? Why do you have to use a vocabulary word for girl? You know that ‘hell of hungry’ would have worked.”
“Deal with it boy.”
“Hey girl you know I didn’t mean to call you a pig.”
“Yes boy I know you didn’t.”
He picked up his burger but didn’t stop smiling at me; now it was my turn to watch him. Between bites he would flash me a smile and make a random face that resulted in ketchup packet throwing and soda moving into the nose. I couldn’t remember the last time I just didn‘t give a damn and let loose. He took fries and all the ketchup packets I had thrown and made a man with a three heads and one eye on each of them. I made a girl with a gun shooting down his monster.
The group of women working behind the counter gawked at us as we made fools out of ourselves with fries in our ears and noses. Luckily the dance hadn’t been formal or we would have looked twice as foolish. Other people‘s perception of me didn‘t really matter to me. I never had really, but with him I had a new feeling of invincibility. With him I could have walked the streets butt naked and it wouldn’t have bothered me.
“Hey Lexi, how ‘bout we really give them something to look at?”
“What did you have in mind?” I knew exactly what he was thinking but that didn’t keep me from playing dumb. I’d never had a boyfriend before let alone a kiss. The thought of sharing such a revered milestone of teenage development with him was enough to make my breath halt.
But he wasn’t thrown off by my fake ignorance as I would have hoped. He laughed for a second, removed the fry from my mouth and laid one on me. It wasn’t the picture perfect mini make out session you might think. What I was really trying to do was hold back the puke. I could taste the food in his mouth, and the thought of the bacteria we were exchanging, the saliva was sickening to a point beyond belief. After a while I calmed, and it even began to become enjoyable when I didn’t think about all the other things.
Of course I was the first to pull away, to his great displeasure. Looking over to the women behind the counter I could see he had gotten what he wanted. They were all middle aged, with the hardship of their lives etched onto their faces. The looks of longing, of hatred they shot toward me were almost too much to bear.
“I got to go.” He looked away for a minute and when he returned his gaze the smile was back again but it wasn‘t the same. It was forced, stretched out on his face to ease the rest of whatever was left of the night.
“If that is what you really want. Come on, then.”
The walk to the car was filled with silence, but it wasn’t a hostile one. It wasn’t exactly comfortable either. I don’t remember telling him my address on the ride home, I was to busy sulking over how I’d ruined our evening. But I must have, because he got me there, in record time.
As I got out of the car, he stopped me. The genuine smile slipped out again, melting away everything else.
“Can I get your cell number?”
“You don’t want my house?”
“Already have it Lexi, remember?”
Again with the spacing, yes he had my number and I had his. In class we had to get the number of five people we didn’t know as a way to make new friends. I had thought he’d asked for mine because it was convenient. Now I was thinking it was for something a bit more.
“Why? I would have thought I ruined your evening back there.”
“For a second. I got over it. I am lucky I even got a kiss out of it. I guess your number is pushing it.”
“You already have it! But here’s my cell anyway. See ya boy.” I leaned in and gave him quick peck on the lips; at least that is what I had meant it to be. He held my face in his hands to extend it but held out on the mauling. No pulling away on my part for this kiss. I probably would have allowed him to go farther if it not been for the front door of my house opening.
**********************
Melissa and Derek were my best friend Tyler’s cousins, though up until that year I had no real interest in them. We’d all become friends in high school and formed a group with a few other kids and family members. But eventually Derek and everyone else began planning to take our friendship even farther.
Since Tyler and I were young everyone had thought that we would end up dating when we hit puberty, and maybe, we’d get married. But after Tyler had announced he was “not into women” it was like everyone was in a hurry to fill the void he left in their plans for me. They had basically raised us for each other and had always assumed we were soul mates. After that everyone was in a hurry to play the cupid. To them Derek was the obvious choice, with him being the little brother Tyler never had.
Their physical resemblance was astonishing, with their thin almost gangling frame, marvelous hazel eyes and olive complexion. Even a few of their mannerisms were the same. The mutual habit of flexing the muscles on their faces in boredom, and their infatuation with my hair. Both of them retaining enjoyment from braiding and unbraiding it at the most random moments.
But even with an angel face and his sweetly normal demeanor, he was too much like my Tyler for me to be comfortable going out with. Derek could be very inconsistent with his feelings for me at times. One minute he’d be head over heels about me, then when he realized I wasn‘t interested he cooled down, almost painfully so.
For awhile there had been pressure on me to go out with him, and of course I caved. The dance was our night, the chance I had promised Derek and everyone else and I ditched him so I could get hot and heavy with “summer boy” and no one, even Tyler would take this lightly.
Tyler looked like he was about to jump over the table and throttle me. The night before Derek didn’t even come into my mind till I began explaining the night to Tyler and Shawn. The betrayal in Tyler’s eyes began to cool as Shawn patted his back.
“You left my cousin on your guys’ date to dance with this a-hole.”
“Oh don’t you go after me. Do you know why I said yes when this guy
asked me? It’s not because I thought he was hot, I barely knew the guy for pity’s sake! I said yes because the whole time I was with Derek he was commenting on other girl’s asses! How do you think that makes me feel Tyler?! Huh? It hurts to know that the guy your dancing with is check out some other chick as he gropes your backside! At least with this other guy I knew that he was into me!”
Both of them looked shocked. This wasn’t the response they had been expecting. But before any of us could say anything my phone was ringing again. He was calling.
“Excuse me.”
I pushed my way through the front door and breathed in heavily. I was so
happy to take a breather it could have been Satan himself calling and I still would have been pleased.
The voice was thick and dreamy as if the person on the other end had just woken up from a fantastic night’s sleep. I could hear his slow rhythmic breaths and I couldn’t help but adjust mine to his. It surprised me that he’d barely woken up; it was nearly one o’clock in the afternoon.
“Sleepy head? Have a nice dream?”
“Yeah, it was sooooo good. Mmmm. Hmmm. I haven’t had a dream that I’ve wanted to remember since I was little. Is there a way I can repay you for that?”
“Me? Why?”
“Ha. Ha. Ha. Hmmm...You play dumb when you don’t feel comfortable with what the other person says. It’s cute. Like a little girl or something...when I was younger I knew a girl who did that too... When ever they would tease her she’d start playing with this ballerina necklace she always wore...she’d bite her lip too if she was really upset. But she always played dumb...she was so good at it that I almost forgot it was a way to defend herself...Lexi you there?"
“Yeah. I’m here.”
“I must be boring the shit out of you. Heck, if I didn’t know any better I’d think I was wasted.”
“Are you?”
He paused and when he started speaking again his tone was serious. Almost grave. “I won’t drink around you if you don’t want me too. But I only do it with buddies or at a party or something. Lexi I am not an alcoholic.”
“I never said you were, you don’t have to get defensive. All I asked was if you were wasted.”
“It’s one o’clock. I haven’t even gotten out of bed.”
“Were you last night?”
If he had been that would have explained a lot of things. As much as it killed me to think of the answer I had to find out. If what had happened the other night was nothing but a drunken mistake I wanted to know about it before anything else happened.
“Lexi why do you always expect the worst?”
“Were you wasted last night,” I repeated. I probably knew that I was being childish and stupid but I couldn’t really put the notion to rest till he silenced it himself.
“Hell no.”
The dreaminess was lost from his voice as it became more and more firm. Already I’d ruined another moment. I couldn’t help but think bad things about this guy. I barely knew him and for all I knew it could still be all a joke. But even as I thought that I knew it was bull shit. I was running out of steam on this whole manufactured distrust deal. Tyler was right when he’d said I was dense, and now the guy I was really into figured out that I am always prepared for the worst.
“I’m sorry. You must think I’m crazy.”
“Don’t be. Hmmm...Hey you never answered my first question. What are you don’t right now?”
“I’m standing outside the coffee place down the street from school while my best friend and his boyfriend glare at me threw the window. Your call couldn’t have come at a better time. It was really starting to get ugly.”
“By any chance are you talking about the Ramos boy?”
“Yeah, actually. How’d you know?”
“Because you guys are always together.”
I tried to sense if there was any hostility in that statement so I would know to tread softly. Deciding that there didn’t seem to be any I started explaining what had happened with Tyler. I told him about Derek and the pressure that was put on me to like him. How I had left him. As I drew to a close I couldn‘t help myself, “...now I am dreading going back inside so do you mind just keep talking to me for awhile?”
“Does it sound like I mind?”
“Not really. But you could be leading me on. Playing a joke.”
“You worried that I was playing a joke on you?”
Oops. I couldn’t believe I’d let that part slip out. But after growing up in house where emotions rule you kind of loose your filter.
“Did I say that?”
“Yeah. But why would you think I’d do something like that? I know my actions are a bit suspicious, but do you think I’d be talking to you right now if this was a joke? I mean I know teenage guys aren’t known for their sensitivity but if this was a joke it wouldn’t be going on this long.”
What he was saying made sense but like everyone was implying I was stubborn. And in my heart I couldn’t let that trait go that easily. But it wouldn’t take long with this guy’s love and affection for me to get over my inferiority complex.
“Man this isn’t my day. My mouth keeps digging up all the crap I want to leave buried.”
He let the growing seriousness of the conversation go and we talked little longer, about silly meaningless stuff that was similar to what we had talked about in class. I was glad. Lightheartedness I could handle with ease but the more the conversation grows in significance the more I draw up the shield.
“Lexi you busy later?”
“Nah, I get one outing a day and this is it.”
“Oh well. No sweat. How ‘bout tomorrow?”
“Um...maybe.”
“Can I call you then?”
“Sure.”
“See ya gorgeous.”
“If your lucky beautiful...”
If I were you, I'd focus on the way you've styled your writing. It's very off-handed and talkative, as if you were speaking casually to a neighboring body, and it doesn't make for a good read. Try not to use flimsy cliches like "raise the shield." It can make things difficult.
Keep up the good work!
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