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The Closet: Chapter Four (Revised)



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Fri Aug 10, 2007 6:16 pm
KiteRide86 says...



So it's real different, except for the beginning. So, bear with me, and pretend Jamie didn't start a relationship with Forrest! Kay! :wink:

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Morning fled into the room and Jamie rose with the sun. After cleaning up a bit, she dragged herself downstairs, following the scent of pancakes. As she plopped herself down at the kitchen bar, her mother sat the pancakes, all ready buttered with syrup running down the stack, in front of her.

“You didn’t have to make breakfast for me, mom. I could have managed a bowl of cereal or oatmeal.”

“I insist.” Edna smiled, clearly missing someone to take care of, other than herself.

Jamie picked up her plate and moved into the living room where she flipped the television to Vh1. Jamie ate her pancakes while watching perfectly toned men and women dance and sing about love. After a while Edna joined Jamie on the couch.

“She looks so good in this video. Don’t you think so?” Jamie asked, commenting on the video, “If only I could be built like that.”

Edna sighed and turned the television off.

“Why did you turn it off? I like that song.” Jamie protested.

“But you’re finished with your breakfast and besides I have a job I want you to do for me while you’re here this summer.”

“Like what?” Jamie asked, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

“I need you to clean the hall closet out. Everything in it is yours and I’d like you to sort through it. Keep what you want and trash what you don’t. Alright?” Edna took Jamie’s dish and carried it to the kitchen.

Jamie eyed the remote considering turning it on again, but instead she picked herself up and went to the closet. Inside were stacks of brown boxes with labels on them. In the center was just enough room for her to sit and tear through each one. So she grabbed her ipod and sat down.

She decided to go through them by years, since they were labeled that way. So she grabbed the first one which read “Baby stuff” and opened it up. Inside she found mostly tiny jumpers and dresses, but there was the occasional binky and bottle. Only one thing was kept from this box, and that was her baby book. It contained the only tangible records of her first steps, words, birthdays, etcetera. Feeling curious, she looked inside.

“Hm…daddy was my first word. Wonder how that made mom feel?” Jamie muttered to herself, closing the lid on the baby box.

Over the next few hours, Jamie slowly sorted through her toddler years. She pillaged through mountains of frilly clothes and baby dolls. Every now and then she stumbled across an interesting book that caused her to stop and read through the tiny pages. She didn’t know why the juvenile words were so enthralling, but she simply couldn’t put them down. Reading through countless Dr. Seuss works caused her to work at a slower pace than before. However, she didn’t mind the slow pace. She considered it a time-consumer for the dull summer ahead.

Hearing her stomach growl, she checked the time on her Ipod. 1:30, it glared. Deciding two boxes were enough for today, Jamie pulled herself out of the piles and headed into the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator door to find an empty cave, save for the few condiments and Diet Cokes in the side door. Closing the door back, she made her way to the living room where Edna was watching television.

“What happened to all the food in the fridge?” Jamie questioned.

“Oh, I haven’t been able to get to the grocery yet. Forrest usually takes care of that, but he’s been working more, lately.”

What doesn't he do, Jamie thought sourly. “You should’ve told me it was barren. I’ll go now. Do you have a grocery list I can use?”

“Yes, I keep it in the drawer next to the refrigerator.”

“Alright, I’m on it.” Jamie said, giving Edna a thumbs up. She grabbed the list and her keys and left the house.

Today, the melodic voice of Ella Fitzgerald filled the Prius. Jamie’s spirit’s were always lifted with the help of bubbly swing music. After listening to only three songs, she pulled into the grocery’s parking lot. She found a conveniently close spot next to a cute candy apple blue Mustang and a white rusty Accord. She picked the least damp cart she could reach and rolled it inside.

Once inside, she began to move quickly down the list, packing her cart full of everything from canned beans to fruit juice. She felt good about helping her mom, even if it was extremely overdue, and she could not help but hope that she would eventually erase Forrest from the picture permanently. She intended on showing Forrest that she was fully capable of taking care of her mom on her own. The plan was set. Now all that was left was its execution.

Placing the last item in her cart, she headed for the checkout line. She scoped out the carts in front of her and decided to flip through a magazine while waiting. But before she could even decide whether or not she liked Gwen’s new style, someone said her name.

“Jamie?” she heard a man’s voice and looked up.

“Mr. Kendall.” Jamie greeted her former math teacher.

He smiled awkwardly behind his bushy mustache. She noticed he still had a fetish for plaid pants and cream socks, but his hair seemed neater than usual and he had lost the red square glasses. For him, that seemed like a major makeover.

“How is college treating you?” He asked, folding his arms.

“Good, I made the dean’s list last quarter.” Jamie answered, reluctantly putting the magazine back on the rack.

“That’s magnificent!”

“So…what happened to your glasses?”

“Oh, contacts. Mindy said the glasses made me look old.” He snorted.

“Whoa, who’s Mindy?” Jamie asked, floored.

“My fiancé. We met last year on the internet. A few months ago we met in person and well…”

“That’s wonderful.” Jamie smiled, mostly from shock.

“Well, it was nice seeing you. I have to meet Mindy in fifteen minutes at our favorite coffee shop.” He waved and went on his way.

Jamie giggled at the thought of Mr. Kendall getting married. While, she didn’t get a good look at Gwen’s outfit, she was next in line. She began setting the items on the conveyer belt.

“Do you plan on feeding the homeless?” The cashier joked.

Jamie would have ignored this comment with a smile, but he was clearly trying to flirt with her and she didn’t mind.

“You caught me. I thought I’d play super hero today.” She joked, continuing to put things on the conveyer belt.

He beamed a pearly white smile and swooped his sandy blonde bangs to the side.

“Alright I confess. The fridge was empty and I’ve been too lazy to come out. Not much of a super hero now, huh?”

“Maybe not, but we have enough people trying to be super heroes. Sometimes it’s good to be normal. There’s less stress that way.” He said, scanning the items and placing them into bags.

“Agreed, but stress attacks normal people, too. It seems no one can escape.” Jamie began putting the bags into her cart.

“Of course not.” He smiled again, “Your total is two hundred and twenty-four dollars and sixty cents.”

Jamie handed over her credit card and he waved it over the laser. After cramming the groceries in tight, she rolled the cart out to the parking lot, filled the trunk, and left the store.
Last edited by KiteRide86 on Sat Aug 18, 2007 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:50 am
Alainna says...



Wow, totally different ending. Poor Forest.

I'm not to sure about this Ian guy. Would you really arrange a date with someone in the first three minutes of knowing them? It's a bit unrealistic and there isn't a good lead up to when it all happens.

My suggestion is to maybe pan it out a bit. Like make her a few trips to the supermarket and she keeps seeing him and they get to know each other a bit. At the moment it is slightly falling into the cliche pot, and your writing is far too good for that.

Also, a bit more description and emphasis on Edna's character would be great.

All the best,
Keep it up,
Alainna
xxxxx

P.S. Feel free to pm me if you need more help on this because I love 'The Closet'!
Sanity is for the unimaginative.

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