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Shotgun Chapter Three



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Fri Jul 20, 2007 10:07 pm
omgsh mikey says...



I quietly closed the door to my locker and closed the lock. The end of the day came more quickly than I realized, and I sighed as I lifted my bag onto my shoulder. “Lacey.” I turned around, and looked up at Adam. I hadn’t talked to him since he kissed me. I guess everything just got a bit awkward between us, so I had been avoiding him. “Can we talk?”

I nodded, and pushed my hair over my shoulder. Chunks of students left, and some stayed and chilled in the commons. “What’s up?” I asked. I leaned against the lockers as Adam finished biting his nails. “You know,” I said, “you really shouldn’t do that. It’s kind of gross.”

He smiled sarcastically at me, and said, “listen… I’ve been thinkin’ a lot these two weeks you’ve ignored me. I’m still a little buzzed since the last time we… hung out, I suppose, and well… it’s been driving me crazy, Lace.”

I blinked, and bit my lip. He sounded miserable.

“Are we still friends?” He asked. I gave him a small smile, and nodded.

“Yes, Adam. Of course we are.”

“Because… ya know. I’m pretty sure we’re not going to have the same friendship as before…”

I nodded. I decided that I had to be honest with him sooner or later, I’d just tell him. “Listen, Adam. I – I really – I really like you… as more than a friend.” I bit my lip, and waited for his reaction. His face washed with relief, and he let out a long sigh.

“Really?” I nodded, and he smirked. “Ok.”




I listened to Adam’s steady breathing as we laid in his backyard. My head was resting on his belly, and I was quite comfortable. Adam’s fingers were gently running through my loose hair, and he said, after a long moment of silence, “you still up for going to prom with me?”

“Yeah,” I said.

He took a deep breath, and I bit my lip. We hadn’t agreed to officially date, exactly, but I knew what I wanted. Adam and I had been friends since fourth grade, so I knew him better than anyone else at school. I knew his pet peeves, and his bad habits. I knew he liked to have two kinds of cheese on his grilled cheese sandwiches. I knew he believed in God, but he wasn’t exactly one to show it.

“Adam?” I asked, turning my head to the left slightly.

“Yeah?”

I knew he was too shy to say it himself, so I was going to do it. “Are we – are we dating now?” I waited patiently for his answer, and he took a deep breath.

“I don’t know yet. It’s – I want to, Lacey, but… I don’t know. Don’t you think it would be a little weird?”

I frowned. I had a feeling something like this would come out of his mouth, but he had a point. “Just a little…”

“Just wait until after prom, ok? I’ll give you an answer then.”

I nodded. “Ok. And you, mister, make a very good pillow. You’re really soft.”

He laughed quietly. “Ok. That’s… good to know, I guess.”

I let out a sigh. I wanted this moment to last forever, but sadly, Anne came running out. “Adam!” She yelled. “Momma says it’s time for supper.” She ran over to us and looked down at me. “Hi, Lacey!”

“Hey, Annie.” I sat up reluctantly, and looked down at Adam.

He smirked, and stood up. He held his hand out for me, and I took it gratefully. He carefully lifted me up, and we walked back toward the house in silence. Adam held the door open for both Anne and I. “Thanks,” I said softly. He nodded, and followed behind me. As we walked down the hallway to the kitchen, I stopped to look at one of Adam's pictures. He must've been about three or four. There was a lake behind him, and he was grinning from ear to ear.

Adam passed me, squeezing my shoulder. “Mom!” He said. He walked into the kitchen, and I followed. “Do you think Lace could stay and eat with us? I’m supposed to give her a ride home, and I don’t want to hold up anything…”

Mrs. Smith was a short lady of about five feet three, with wispy gray hair and a pleasant face. She was always smiling, and she was always happy. “Oh, yes, of course, dear. Adam, will you set a place for her?” While Adam was accomplishing his mission, Mrs. Smith said, “Lacey, how are you, dear? How’s your mom?”

I smiled. “I’m good. I’m starting to get excited about my new baby sister. And my mom is doing great.”

“What are you going to name her?”

“Um, she’s still deciding on either Isabella Marie or Lily Rose.” And she was driving me crazy with deciding.

“Oh, those are beautiful names. If Adam had been a girl, his name would’ve been Anne. I’ve always thought Anne was a beautiful name.”

I laughed. “Anne, huh? Well, it’s a good thing that you finally got one.”

She smiled. “Yes, of course. Dear, will you help me carry the food out to the table?” She picked up the dish of roast beef, and I gently picked up the mashed potatoes. Mrs. Smith loved to cook, and she was amazing at it. I haven’t eaten with them many times, but I was always trying to stay long enough to have a chance to.

I followed her out of the kitchen and set the dish down on the table. Adam looked at me, and I smiled at him. Mrs. Smith went back into the kitchen to get the rest of the dinner, and he said, “is she like, being uber nice?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but she’s always like that, Adam. You should know that. You live with her, remember?”

He nodded, and laughed. “Yes, I guess that’s true. She’s usually not so peppy, though.” Mrs. Smith came in, smiled, and took her place at the table. Adam pulled a chair out for me, and I felt my face flush. I slowly sat down, and Adam took his place next to me.

I folded my hands, as did everyone else at the table, and Mrs. Smith said grace. They were a religious family, like I mentioned earlier. I was pretty sure that this was the only time they pray, though. I knew that they went to church every Sunday. Sometimes, I even went along. I never understood what they were talking about, though. My parents never took me to church, but I wasn’t completely clueless about God. I knew that he sent his son Jesus to save us from our sins, or something. Adam never really talked about it with me, but I never really asked, either. I’m perfectly fine with my lifestyle.






Adam pulled up into my driveway and turned off the ignition. He ran his hand through his dark brown hair, and sighed. “I’m really glad you’re not avoiding me now,” he said. He looked at me, and locked my gaze with his.

“I’m sorry,” I said softly. “I think we both needed the space, though.”

He nodded. “Yeah. It was probably a good idea.”

We stared at each other for another moment, and he leaned in closer to me. I could feel his breath, and I closed my eyes. Softly, he said, “I want to try this again.” Gently, his lips brushed mine, and my heart started to beat furiously. This was how I was supposed to feel, right? I kissed him back, and he pulled back, smiling.

“Ok. I – um – I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded, and opened the car door. “Bye, loser.”

I smiled, and as I got out of the car, he laughed, and said, “bye, Lacey.”

-------------------------------------------------------

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last two chapters, and I'm so happy you all like it. I promise I'll keep writing this story. I'm hoping to actually finish something this year. :)
Last edited by omgsh mikey on Sat Jul 21, 2007 9:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"This band is metal in that we have a lot of metal in our instruments, and there's quite a lot of metal on my belt buckle as well." - Mikey Way
  





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Sat Jul 21, 2007 3:30 am
Wiggy says...



It's so dang CUTE! I can't wait for more!

I have to do this quickly, or else I'd do more in depth. The "dears" from Adam's mom were really annoying. I think you need to tone it down just a bit; also, you changed tenses a few times, so do a readthrough on that and you can catch them.

Sorry I don't have time for more! Keep it up!
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Sat Jul 21, 2007 9:03 am
Rydia says...



Hello again! That was a really sweet chapter and it had a good, slow pace that suits the romantic moment. Here's my usual list of suggestions first -

He nodded, and followed behind me.

“Mom!” He said. He walked into the kitchen, and I followed. [This confused me a little. First Lacey is being followed and then she's following. I think you jump to the kitchen too soon. Take a moment to describe the hallway or whichever room the front door leads to. At least mention it. Perhaps Lacey pauses to look at a picture on the wall or a particular ornament that catches her eye and that's how Adam overtakes her.]

“Yes, of course. Dear, will you help me carry the food out on the table?” ['Out on the table' doesn't sound quite right. Maybe 'out to the table' would be better.]

I followed her out of the kitchen and set the dish down onto the table. [Use on rather than 'onto' because it's smoother.]

I’m sure that this is the only time they pray, though. [A change in tense here. Should be 'I didn't think they prayed any other time though' or 'I was pretty sure that they only prayed before lunch.' Something along those lines.]

Sometimes, I even came along. [Again, a tense change. Try 'Sometimes I even went along.'][/color]

My parents [s]had[/s] never [s]taken[/s] took me to church, but I wasn’t completely clueless about God.

[s]I’m[/s] I was perfectly fine with my lifestyle.

Softly, he said, “I want to try this again.” Softly, his lips brushed mine, and my heart started to beat furiously. [Don't use softly twice. Perhaps replace the second with tenderly?]

________________________

Other than that, a great chapter but a little more description wouldn't hurt and do you intend to use Annie as a semi-main character? Only she could do with a little more characterization if you do.
Writing Gooder

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Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:28 pm
mateeah3 says...



Dang, I haven't been on in awhile and I checked to see you if had posted another chapter of Shotgun and I forgot I had already read this one and started reading it until I realized I had already read it. Damn! Excited for nothing.
  





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Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:29 am
omgsh mikey says...



Lol. It's ok. It's my fault, really. I haven't updated. Heck, I haven't even started the next chapter. Shame on me.
"This band is metal in that we have a lot of metal in our instruments, and there's quite a lot of metal on my belt buckle as well." - Mikey Way
  





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Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:49 am
PerforatedxHearts says...



This is adorable, even if I haven't read the other chapters.

But the "problem" with this story is that, and I'll ignore all grammar mistakes, it needs something more catchy than cute love. The dialogue is realistic, but it isn't too interesting. Either spice up your writing with more lyrical sentences or something pretty and thoughtful (think Sarah Dessen or something like that), or just make the intro a good BAM! to draw in the reader.

I liked this. You're on a good start, for the romance part. Just tweak your storytelling a bit and this'll be quite a read.
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