Is this an effective opening? What do you think of the characters? Dialogue? I'm not so sure about the ending, any suggestions? Other nit-picky things?
Please be harsh.
Thank you
--------------------------------------
1. Grey
November.
Perhaps today will be the day. We’ll make eye contact and exchange a smile. We’ll talk, have a conversation, or laugh at each other’s jokes. Perhaps today will be the day that everything starts to turn around.
I trudged my way into the band room. The usual five or six people are already in their seats, getting their instrument out, or talking to one another. I went to my locker and grabbed my trombone.
Four minutes until everyone else will get out of their first class.
Nic Washington, a fellow trombone player, looked up at me from the video game he plays on his computer almost every morning before band starts. “Good morning, Cora,” He smiled.
“Good morning, Nic,” I smiled and set my trombone case on the platform behind me that the trumpets stand on for jazz band. Nic is sitting a little farther down on the platform.
“How are you on this fine, November morning?” He asked.
I set my bag on the floor beside me. “Not too bad, yourself?”
“I’m great actually. I finally found a way to beat this level,” He turned back to his laptop screen.
I smiled, not knowing what else to do, and slowly got my trombone out.
Nic and I went to Homecoming together this year. I really had not planned on going, but my friends guilted me into accepting his request after he asked me. Nic is a really nice guy. We talked a lot during marching band season because we stood next to each other throughout a large portion of the show. It was pretty obvious to me that he liked me during this time and in a way I was expecting that he would ask me to Homecoming. I don’t know if he still likes me, but I feel bad because I’m just not interested and can’t see him as anything more than a friend.
The bell rang and Nic stuffed his laptop into his bag before taking his seat.
I squirted some water on my slide and put oil on the springs of the F-attachment valve to stall as long as possible as people began to come in from their last class.
Two of my friends, Libbie and Miyah walked in together and went to their respective locker rooms to grab their instruments. Voices began to pick up in the hallway and a large group of sophomores walked in.
The group is being led by Colin and Archer who are singing a song that seems to be about Colin. Colin has short dark hair, hazel eyes, and an amazing sense of humor. I like him. I’ve probably only exchanged a handful of words with him, but that’s okay. One of these days things will work out.
Archer is one of Colin’s best friends. He’s more muscular than Colin who is tall and lanky, has light brown hair and blue eyes. His girlfriend, Grace, tagged along behind them. She plays flute, has very light blond hair, very pale skin, and extremely big pale blue eyes. Next to her is red-headed Claiborne who plays alto sax.
Colin and Archer both play trumpet and have lockers right next to each other, about three away from mine. I walked back to my locker to grab my folder, hoping that he might notice me and say something. He didn’t. He’s too wrapped up singing his song with Archer.
I slowly walked to my seat.
Libbie also plays trombone and we sit next to each other in band. As soon as I sat down, she turned to me. “I’m starting to get really pissed at Miyah,” Her eyebrows furrowed.
“Why, what’d she do?” I glanced to the other side of the band where Miyah was taking her seat in the clarinet section.
“I don’t know, she’s just being really annoying lately. She never wants to do anything and she’s always complaining.”
I watched Colin and Archer walk towards their seats, the row right in front of the trombones. I turned back to Libbie, “What does she complain about?” I glanced back at Colin and attempted to make eye contact with him, to no avail.
“Her mom, how she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and how no one takes her seriously,” Libbie rolled her eyes. “Like, I know that she doesn’t have the best relationship with her mom all the time and I know that people are kind of mean to her sometimes, but I’m just getting really sick of hearing about it, you know? I just want us to have fun!”
“Yeah, have you talked to her about it?”
“No, cause then she’ll just get pissed off at me.”
The last couple members of the band took their seats and our director, Mr. Baker took the podium.
Libbie is very sensitive and gets angry easily although her anger never lasts for very long. She seems to feed off of drama and conflict, something she shares with the other girl in our section, Cathryn. I don’t mind the conflict and drama to a point, but then it just becomes excessive and unnecessary.
Cathryn sits on my left, Libbie on my right. The two of them leaned forward and whispered about Miyah to each other while Baker made announcements.
“Hey you two, pipe down,” our section leader, Joseph, turned to them and whispered.
Cathryn glared at him and sat up in her seat, grabbing her phone so she can continue her conversation with Libbie in a less obtrusive way.
Baker warmed us up and we began playing a march. Cathryn and Libbie continued to text each other about presumably Miyah, Nic and Allen, the bass trombone player, talked about video games, and I did my best not to stare at Colin.
It’s convenient that the trumpets sit right in front of me, but Colin is further down the row, often obstructed by a head or stand. Directly in front of me is Archer and my friend Harper. Well, I’m not entirely sure if we’re still friends because we haven’t done anything together in over a month and we hardly talk.
I’m not quite sure what happened. All I know is last month Allen asked her out. I was really happy for her when she told me because I knew she had liked him for a while, but then she started to not have very much time for me. She seems to only want to hang out with Allen and the other couple in our friend group, Polly and Evan. Polly is my oldest friend and this last month, ever since Evan asked her out, I’ve felt like I’m slowly losing her.
Harper and Archer talk to each other a lot during band. I try not to look at them too much because I don’t know where things stand with Harper and I, or what’s going on. I try not to think about it too much or think about what our friendship used to be like because it’s kind of painful. I feel like I’ve been cast out of the friend group and left with next to nothing.
I almost feel as if some problems would be solved if I had a boyfriend too. Maybe Harper and Polly don’t invite me to things anymore because we don’t have as much in common and I would always be the double third wheel when we hang out. Maybe they think I’m pathetic because I’m seventeen, a senior in high school, and I’ve never had a boyfriend.
I still have Libbie and Miyah, but I can’t hang out with them all of the time. The gossiping and the drama gets old fast and there is very little variety in the activities we do each time we’re together.
I miss the last year when the six of us, Harper, Polly, Miyah, and Libbie, would all hang out and have so much fun together. At the end of junior year Harper and Libbie got in a series of large fights and decided their friendship wasn’t worth keeping creating a large division in our friend group. Things haven’t been the same since.
I caught a glimpse of Colin as he switched chairs with another trumpet player. I still have after band and after school to potentially smile at or talk to him. All hope is not lost. Today could be the day.
Gender:
Points: 32055
Reviews: 1162