z

Young Writers Society


Sometimes, chapter Fifteen



User avatar
529 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 30280
Reviews: 529
Fri Aug 19, 2011 5:35 pm
xDudettex says...



Spoiler! :
Hey, hey! Sorry for not posting for a while. I had a brief falling out with the novel again, but thankfully I'm back to writing and editing. This chapter's a bit more on the romantic side and I hope it's the start of things to come :)

In the last chapter, Aiden came to Harriet's rescue by lying to Brandon and Harriet found out about a dance contest.

Enjoy!


I made sure to wear the violet t-shirt that I’d bought when shopping with Cassie a couple of weeks back, when getting ready for band practise on Friday night. I’d been saving it up for a special occasion and thought what better an occasion than showing off my new look. New hair, new outfit, new confident Harriet. I pulled on my jeans and stuffed my phone into my pocket before running downstairs to meet Leanne in the hall. She was slipping on her biker boots over a pair of neon pink socks.
“Ready?” she asked once she’d straightened back up and retrieved her bag from the banister at the bottom of the stairs.

I nodded.

“You know, I’m glad you’re coming. It’s nice that we can do something together, besides work that is.”

I smiled as she opened the door and waited for me to step out onto the drive.

“You look nice,” she added, following me outside. “Your new hair really suits you.”

A warm, fuzzy feeling filled my stomach. “Thanks, Leanne. I appreciate it.” I let the sound of her heels clicking on the concrete fill the silence for a moment before deciding to confess. “I thought you might think I was trying to copy you.” I raised a hand and patted my fringe. “You know.”

Leanne stopped at the driver’s side door, looking at me over the roof of her car. “Don’t be so silly, Harri. Hundreds of girls have side fringes and choppy layers. Just because I sort of have the same hairstyle as you, doesn’t mean I’ll hate you. Or think you’re copying me.”

My worries eased at her words. It had only occurred to me yesterday, when Cassie had been talking about where Leanne got her hair dyed red, that I’d begun to see the similarities between our hairstyles now that I’d had mine cut.

“Good,” I replied. “I mean, I didn’t want you to think I was trying to be like you or anything.”

Leanne unlocked the car with a jarring sound before climbing inside. I got in too, to see her staring at me again. “What is wrong with you?” she asked. She looked confused, like she’d just been asked to explain why Zelda King had just called someone a fork.

I shrugged. “What do you mean?”

“Why should you care whether you look like me or not? I don’t.” She smiled. “In fact, I take it as a compliment that you kind of look like me.”

I relaxed even further then. She’d seen me wearing her blazer the other day and I’d been worried that she’d wonder why I’d suddenly taken an interest in wearing it, even though she’d told me to help myself to the clothes she hadn’t wanted.

“I do draw the line at dyeing your hair red though.” She smoothed a hand over the curls she’d fashioned her hair into before turning the key in the ignition. The car sprang to life and we buckled up. “It would just be plain annoying if you did that.”

I shook my head. “I like my brown hair.”

“You keep your freaky, two tone hair.” Leanne laughed as she pulled out of the driveway and

I chuckled just as my phone vibrated from my pocket. I took it out to see Aiden’s name flashing on the screen.

Have you left yet? My bikes got a flat and I need a lift x

I glanced out of the window to see that we were just coming to the end of the cul-de-sac. If Leanne made a left, we could get Aiden.

“Turn left,” I said, waving my phone. “Aiden needs a lift.”

Leanne did as I said and we headed into the next road over. I spotted Aiden fiddling with a bike outside a house with a bright blue door. Leanne beeped the horn and Aiden waved. He wheeled the bike up to a wooden gate before stashing it inside his back garden. He then jogged back down the path just as we pulled in.

He climbed inside, a huge smile on his face. “Thanks so much. I thought I was gonna have to walk all the way there.”

“No problem,” Leanne replied, steering the car back towards the main road. “We wouldn’t have been able to practise properly without a bass player anyway.”

Aiden laughed. “It’s nice to know I’m loved.”

Leanne turned the radio on then and the car was filled with a song I’d never heard before. It wasn’t like the other music that Leanne usually listened to. It was a lot softer, with more emphasis on piano then guitar.

I unfolded the mirror from the sun shield above my head and studied my make-up. I’d tried an extra layer of mascara and it seemed to have worked okay. My lashes weren’t clumpy or spidery like Cassie’s sometimes were, but they were definitely thicker, making my eyes appear wider. I was beginning to wish that I’d tried the silver eye shadow that Cassie had bought me last birthday, when I noticed Aiden watching me in the reflection. He was smiling and I grinned back before turning around in my seat.

“You were lucky Leanne took so long to get ready,” I said. “Otherwise you’d have had to have walked.”

“I’m glad I text you,” Aiden replied. He glanced down at his watch. “We should be at the cinema now, though,” he added with a jokey grin.

I felt my cheeks starting to burn and I caught sight of Leanne frowning.

“Yeah, well.”

Leanne cut across me. “You were going to go to the cinema?”

I found myself nodding. “I didn’t fancy watching a horror film, though. Besides, Aiden’s got band practise.”

Leanne shrugged and looked into her mirror so she could see Aiden. “You could have ditched practise if you wanted.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “I thought you said you wouldn’t have been able to practise properly without a bass player?”

“I know.” Leanne turned to face me as we stopped at a red light. “But I mean, if you guys wanted to go on a date, then we wouldn’t have minded.”

My cheeks were definitely burning now and I spotted Aiden’s ears turning a tell tale pink. “No!” I said. “It wasn’t a date.”

Aiden was nodding from the back seat. “It was just a favour actually.”

“What sort of a favour?” Leanne kept glancing between me and the road. “A bet?”

Aiden laughed. “No, nothing like that. I was just helping Harriet get out of something else.”

Leanne raised her eyebrows. “And what was this something else?”

“What’s this? Twenty questions?” I asked.

“I’m just curious,” Leanne replied.

“Nosy, more like.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that Leanne wouldn’t lay this to rest until she had got what she wanted. “Aiden pretended to be going to the cinema with me tonight so that I wouldn’t have to go to Brandon’s football practise.”

Leanne laughed. “Brandon? As in the guy who stalks you?”

I nodded, feeling stupid.

“Is he really that bad?”

I knew Leanne’s question was aimed at Aiden, but I answered anyway. “Yes. He is. He’s really annoying and he goes on and on about sport and how good he is. He’s big headed.”

Aiden was laughing and I twisted in my seat to scowl at him.

“What?” he asked, pulling on an innocent look.

“You know he is,” I replied. “He’s always asking me to watch him train and it’s really irritating. Especially seeing as I always say no, but he just won’t give up.”

“Why don’t you just go?”

I turned to Leanne with wide eyes. “Why should I?”

“Uh, because he keeps asking you. Poor sod.” She chuckled. “It’s not like he’s asking for a snog, is it?”

For the third time in ten minutes, I could feel myself blushing. “No, but.” I hesitated. “But I know I’ll have a rubbish time and then he’ll ask me for a snog.”

“Just stop being a baby and go!” Leanne exclaimed. “You only have to go once.”

I sank in my seat, feeling one of Cassie’s pouts sneaking onto my face. “But what if he gets the wrong idea? What if he keeps asking me to go another time and another time and then, before I know it, I’ll be his girlfriend.” I blanched at the thought. “No way.”

“Just make it clear that you’re going the one time and I’m sure he’ll understand.”

I scoffed at the idea. “You don’t know him. He won’t take no for an answer.”

“Try him.” Leanne gave me a brief stern look, her focus still on the road. “You never know, you might even like him.”

I opened my mouth to speak but Aiden beat me to it. “Yeah, Harriet. Just give it a go.”

I wanted to wipe the stupid smile off of his face. He was being purposely annoying. “Whose side are you on?” I asked, raising my eyebrows pointedly as if trying to say, ‘You know I like someone else.’

He just shrugged though, oblivious to my subliminal message. “Yours, or course. But your sister does have a point.”

I tutted. “If I watch him train and then don’t come home, it’s because he’s locked me in his basement.”
Leanne starting laughing again just as she pulled to a stop behind Sonny’s car. I gazed out of the window to see him tossing a rugby ball on the garden with Warren. His back was to me, giving me a great view of his behind. I felt myself smiling.

“Are you getting out or not?”

I turned around sharply to see Leanne halfway out of the car. She was smiling at me and I wondered whether she’d seen me watching the guys on the lawn.

“Yeah, course.” I undid my seatbelt and hopped out of the door, following after Aiden who was already walking over to join Sonny and Warren. I noticed Roz waving from the front door as I got closer to the house. Her hair was streaked with green today and she was wearing a pair of yellow dungarees.

“Yo!” she called. “I’ve been doing some baking. You’ve got to try my cherry muffins. They’re to die for.”

“Or die from.” Warren pulled a face. “Food poisoning,” he whispered before suddenly jerking forwards. I jumped out of the way just as Sonny appeared from behind him.

Sonny laughed at the sight of Warren rubbing his head. “Don’t be so mean to your sis, dude. She bakes nice stuff.” He seemed to notice me then and, after a brief moment of staring at each other with blank expressions, he grinned at me. “Harriet. You’ve had a hair cut.”

My knees went weak at the realisation that he’d noticed. He’s actually noticed! “Yeah,” I replied, trying to act cool when my stomach was in knots. “Thought I’d try something different.”

He nodded. “Yeah, it suits you. Brings out your eyes.”

I knew that Brandon had said the exact same thing and, when he’d said it, it had sounded cheesy, but coming from Sonny the compliment sounded genuine. My heart swooned.

***

Watching ’The Dead Atlantic’ without Cassie moaning by my side was a lot more enjoyable. I could focus on the music properly with no distractions. Of course, I did find myself paying more attention to Sonny than to anyone else, but then that was to be expected. I mean, why wouldn’t my eyes be drawn to his mad guitar playing abilities and his confident smile? Not to mention his leather jacket and skin tight jeans. All he needed was a pair of sun glasses and he’d be the ultimate Mr. Cool.

“That song went out to Harriet.”

I snapped my gaze over to Leanne to see her smiling wildly at me. “Me?” I asked. Then, realising I sounded stupid. “Why?”

“Because you’re an awesome girl.” Sonny was smiling at me too, only his smile made me hot all over. “And, you have a super cool hair cut now.”

I couldn’t help beaming even though I knew I probably looked flushed at his compliment.

“Hey! Does that mean my hair cut’s super cool, too?” Leanne was watching Sonny with a strange expression, but when he turned his smile to her, her face softened.

“Course!” he replied. “You both look super cool.”

Leanne looked satisfied with his answer. “Good.”

“Do I look super cool?”

Sonny spun around to face Aiden before laughing a deep, rhythmic sound. “Sure, why not? Though I think you need to bulk up a bit.” Sonny was looking pointedly at Aiden’s skinny frame. “You need a bit more muscle on you.”

My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when Sonny flexed his arms to further his point.

“Nah,” Aiden replied. “I like being lanky.”

Sonny laughed again and I realised I really loved the sound. “Alright then. As long as you don’t mind knowing that I could beat you in an arm wrestling match, hands down.”

Ten minutes later, Sonny had beaten Aiden at arm wrestling five times and Warren was now pitting his strength against Sonny. He was wearing a grimace as he tried with all his might to force Sonny’s arm to the table. Leanne and Roz had gotten bored and had gone off to the kitchen to sample Roz’s cooking. I though, was entranced with watching the way Sonny won with ease. He was a gracious winner, not shouting out arrogantly that he was unbeatable. I smiled warmly as he looked up at me, having just pushed Warren’s arm to the table for the second time.

“Fancy a go?” he asked. He was wearing a cheeky grin and I felt my spine tingle. “I’ll go easy on you.”

I bit my lip, giving myself time to think. On one hand, I really, really, wanted the excuse to touch Sonny, but then again, I didn’t want to look like an idiot when he pushed my hand to the coffee table in half a second. I didn’t want him thinking I was such a… girl.

“Go on,” Aiden said, offering me an encouraging nod. “You never know. You might even beat him.”

I glanced Sonny to see him trying to keep a straight face at Aiden’s suggestion.

“Why not? Aiden might be right.” I sounded more confident than I felt, but I forced on a smile anyway.

Sonny watched me as I got up from the sofa to take a seat opposite him. “You know the rules?”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not exactly rocket science.”

“Ooh! Get her!” Warren exclaimed. “Little miss cocky.”

“I like a confident girl,” Sonny said. His eyes seemed to bore right through me and I shivered.

“Just get on with it,” Warren said. “I’m getting old here.”

Sonny tutted at him before looking at me again as he set his arm on the table, hand out and ready to accept mine. I got suddenly nervous then and sat down in the chair quickly to try and hide it. Slowly, I set my arm parallel to his. My palm hovered inches from Sonny’s but I didn’t have time to worry that my skin would be sweaty against his as he grasped my hand, sending a jolt of pleasure up my arm.

“Ready?” he asked, his head bent down close to mine. I could feel his breath on my face and smell his cologne again. My mind was overrun with daydreams and thoughts and I almost didn’t notice him asking the question for the second time.

“Sure,” I replied, hoping the nerves wouldn’t leak into my voice.

“On your marks. Get set.” Warren’s eyes flitted between me and Sonny. I quickly glanced at Aiden to see him watching us with a smile. “Go!”

Before I could register what was happening, I felt a huge weight pressing down on my hand. I screwed my eyes shut and tried as hard as I could to push back, but I knew Sonny’s arm wasn’t budging. He really was strong. Digging the fingers of my free hand into my leg, I tried again, my arm wobbling with the pressure.

“Go on!” Aiden shouted from somewhere behind me. He sounded closer than he had been before and I opened my eyes to see him standing next to me. He had one hand on the table, as if willing what little strength he had would course through the wood of the table and into me.

I gritted my teeth at the look of concentration on Sonny’s face.

“Don’t go easy on her!” Warren sounded outraged. “Don’t let her win!”

“I’m not,” Sonny replied.

“You must be!” Warren exclaimed.

Just then, the muscles in my arm went into a spasm, leaving me wide open to defeat. Sonny seemed to sense this and within seconds my arm was against the table. Sonny left his hand resting on top of mine for a moment until Warren bounded up behind him and clapped him on the back.

“I thought you were gonna get beaten by a girl!” He laughed. “You honestly weren’t going easy?”

I breathed in deeply and flexed my arm. It felt sore and weak, strained by the effort.

“Nope.” Sonny held his hand out to me again, but this time for a hand shake. I jumped at the chance to hold it again and extended my arm out to him. “Great effort,” he said. “You really had me hanging on in there.” He beamed. “I never knew you had muscles like that.”

I shrugged and pulled my hand back slowly, just in case he fancied holding my hand again. “It’s probably due to all the dancing I do.” Maddi was always making me hold my arms out straight, so I guessed that must build at least some strength in them.

Sonny nodded. “Yeah, I forgot you danced. Maybe I should come along. It sounds more fun than a hundred bench presses at the gym.”

I smiled. “You’re welcome to join me.”

“Yeah.” Sonny smiled back. “I might just do that.”
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 946
Reviews: 53
Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:06 pm
View Likes
Preachergirl18 says...



This spam review has been removed by Big Brother.
  





User avatar
498 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 22451
Reviews: 498
Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:08 pm
View Likes
theotherone says...



Hello there. :)

Have you left yet? My bikes got a flat and I need a lift x

Yay one more sign... :) Is that a kiss or a hug. Because I was certain that it was indeed a kiss, but then my sister said it was a hug, so I'm confused now.
But I mean, if you guys wanted to go on a date, then we wouldn't have minded.

That was funny. :P
I gazed out of the window to see him tossing a rugby ball in the garden with Warren.


Plot wise: Finally some action! I like how she got her moments with both of them, and you keep the suspense going. "It's Aiden... No wait, it's Sonny for sure. Euh, Aiden and H seem pretty close... But then that look?" By the way, that was what I was thinking throughout the chapter. ;)
So, I have to tell you you did a great job. And I'm looking forward to that dance session with Sonny. ;)

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466
  





User avatar
51 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5690
Reviews: 51
Sat Aug 20, 2011 1:14 am
View Likes
KaylaCoon says...



Kayla here!!

AHHHH!!!! I love this soo much! Dude the line about her getting locked in the basement made me lol. :)

Well to start, I liked how this chapter focused more on Harriett. I mean they all are about her but there wasn't any Cassie. So the reader how more time to focus on Aiden, Harriett, and Sonny. The thing I really like about this book is I can't predict what's going to happen..

I mean I would like to think Harriett falls madly in love with Aiden and they live happily ever after. But I honestly don't know what's going to happen. Like is Sonny gonna end up liking Harriett but she doesn't like him anymore? I don't know! And I love it!

I love this storyy. I read a story the other day that I knew exactly what would happen in the story. I have no clue what's going to happen here!

I can't wait to read more. This story is so amazing. I love how your charactes are normal, not like super rich mega stars. They're normal with jobs and familys you know! You're story is just great.

--Kaylaa :D
The closest friends are the ones you'd take a bullet for, but they're the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well<33--Alex Gaskarth

"So take my life I'll had it to you, you can try on these clothes but you can't fill these shoes,"-- Poison-All Time Low
  





User avatar
770 Reviews

Supporter


Gender: Female
Points: 30301
Reviews: 770
Sat Aug 20, 2011 2:01 pm
View Likes
borntobeawriter says...



Annnnnaaaaaaaaa!

*sigh* I love them all, I truly do.

Ok, I noticed quite a few typos, but for the life of me, I can't find them again.

I really enjoyed this, as usual. I would have liked to know how his hand felt in hers. Was it warm, countering her sweaty palms? Was there a good distance of height in their hands? How close was Aiden to her, leaning over her almost, as he encouraged her?

It's just that you do such a good job a creating an atmosphere with your characters, I just wanted to delve deeper into this first touch with Sonny.

One thing I would caution you against........Is the Gary-Sue syndrom (I think it's called) It's the male version of Mary Sue, when you get a too-perfect character, all the time. Sonny is a teenager, make him act like one. Show us his faults, his weaknesses, and have Harriet think they're amusing. But just show us something to prove he's human. Or have someone else point those faults out.

Because a too-perfect character gets boring after a while, even if it is Sonny :P

Loved, loved, loved!

Keep it up!

Tanya
  





User avatar
1087 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 44360
Reviews: 1087
Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:16 pm
View Likes
Sins says...



I've actually made time to review!!! Review day must motivate me/convince me that homework and school isn't important. I like. Not that I'll be any use anyway...

As always, I loved this chapter! I can most definitely see the plot progressing well now. I know you've been a little worried about that, but honestly, you really shouldn't. It's great to see your characters progressing as well, of course, so another thumbs up for that. I could probably go on and on with my compliments forever, and I highly doubt you want that, so I better stop expressing your awesomeness before I blow something up. Or bore you to death. Either one.

The only kind of critique I have is actually what Tanya said... so basically, I have nothing. I was actually going to mention this earlier, but I thought that we hadn't seen enough of Sonny yet for me to make a proper judgement. There was a lot of him in this chapter though, so I think I can make a fair judgement now. I agree with Tanya when she said that Sonny seems a bit too perfect. Look at it like this:

The good things about Sonny: he's muscular, he's fashionable, he isn't arrogant, he's strong, he's incredibly good-looking, he's quite funny, he's kind, he always compliments people, he's a talented musician, and there's probably another round of things I could think of if I thought carefully.

Sonny's flaws: err... he doesn't go easy on a girl when he's having an arm wrestle with her...? xD

Do you see what I mean? This will make me sound like a complete stalker, but I saw a comment of yours on Tanya's wall about this, and you said you added in something about Sonny's breath smelling like cigarettes as well as something about his guitar playing doing something to his fingers (you know what I mean). I didn't notice that in this, but I don't know if that's because you haven't added it in yet/haven't added it in this, but added it into the word document or something. In case you did add it in though, and it didn't save, I though it better mention that.

On the same note, I think it's good that you added in those flaws, but I don't know... I suppose they seem a bit minor, especially the finger thing. The cigarette issue is good though, methinks, although we haven't really seen Sonny smoking before, have we? I'd like for you to add it in a bit more, so that way, we can refer to Sonny smoking being a flaw a lot better. In general though, I would maybe like to see some more flaws. I'm not saying that he has to be a horrible guy who takes the piss out of everyone or anything (gosh, no!), but just something a bit more... well, a but bigger, I suppose. You could even use it to your advantage. Make your readers like his flaws.

I absolutely hate using my own characters as 'good examples' in a critique (it makes me look so darn arrogant), but nonetheless, I'm about to do it now. xD Take Charlie from S&S. He has his fair share of good aspects, but he also has his fair share of flaws (I hope he does, anyway), but his flaws aren't really things that make you dislike him. For example, a few are that he's timid, he keeps his emotions to himself, he blames himself for everything bad that happens, he doesn't think before he acts a lot of the time, and he lets his feelings take control of himself a lot. None of them are exactly things that make you hate him, but they are flaws nonetheless. I mean, those aspects of his personality hardly help him in life.

Do you kind of see what I mean? Just because someone has flaws, it doesn't mean those flaws have to make the reader dislike the character more. In fact, a lot of the time, flaws can be used to create feelings like sympathy and humour towards the character, therefore making the reader love that character even more. It's some clever shizz, my friend. Basically, if you don't feel that comfortable with adding in loads of flaws to Sonny or anything, then use flaws to your advantage. Give Sonny flaws that will make us readers love him even more.

God. I've rambled. So much. I had no idea... I'm sorry. >.< I hope you manage to bring out something somewhat useful fro this big chunk of text. Negatives aside though, I can't tell you how much I'm liking this novel now. 'Tis awesome, my friend. Awesome.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.
  








WHAT'S UP, POTATOES?
— Rudy (Aru Shah and the Nectar of Immortality)