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Dying Love Chapter 3



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Sat Aug 06, 2011 3:58 am
Arisu2533 says...



A\N: I know it has been a while, but here is chapter 3! Four is already being edited, and could be up by Moday. Tell me what you think of this chapter!




Elli pointed the gun at his bedroom door.
"Why does he use this pesky weapon?" Elli snorted. He traced the snake outline on the gun's handle.
"This is a human weapon not a demon slayer weapon, so how does he kill demons?"
The gun slipped out of his hand and fell. He picked up the gun and examined it. He looked at the electric blue colored bullets that had fallen out. They were shaped like a street cone; it had a lavander colored cross design. Elli picked up the bullets, and then quickly dropped them.
"The bullets are the weapon not the gun." Elli looked at the burn mark on his hand.



Emma walked down the stairs with a blue towel on her head.
"A nice shower is what I needed," she mumbled. Emma grabbed a cup from the cabinet, and filled it with milk. She quietly walked into the living room, and looked at the slumbered Alex on the sofa.
"Alex was weaken by Peris, he could berly walk I couldn't him walk home like that," she thought. She looked at Alex who was stretched out on the sofa. One arm was stretched over his face, and the other beside his body. She turned around and walked quietly back to the kitchen.
"They want to use him to kill Mauvasis, but he doesn't even use his power, Mauvasis would-" She shook her head to rid the thought. She grabbed another cup from the cabinet, and filled it with water. She quietly walked back to the living room, and set it on the table next to Alex.
"No," he mumbled.
The arm that was covering his face was now resting on his stomache. There was a worried expression on his face. He was still asleep.
"No," he said again. He opened his eyes and grasped his head.
"Alex, you okay?" she asked. Alex nodded breathing heavily, and sat up. He looked at me and started breathing more heavily, and grasped his chest.
"Alex!"I grabbed his hand. He closed his eyes and opened them again. He took a deep breath, and his breathing slowed down.





I held her hand as we ran through the forest.
"Shit, No," I thought. Emma had a few cuts on her arms from the branches scratching her. She was breathing heavily, and slowing down. I picked her up bridal style, and ran farther into the forest. Something grabbed my leg and pulled me. A tentacle wrapped around waist and neck. It held me in the air. Elli grabbed Emma by her hair, and pulled her up. He held his knife like hand to her kneck.
"No!" I yelled.
"Help us kill your father," he said.
"If I don't-" Emma shrieked as his hand slowly pierce her chest.
"Emma!" I tried to pull away from the tentacle. Elli threw her body against three tree.

I opened my eyes trying to remember where I was. I grasped my head.
"Alex, you okay?" A concerened voice asked. I nodded. I sat up, remembering I was at Emma's house. I looked at Emma. There was a blood stain on her chest, and blood leaked from her head. It started getting harder to breath. I grasped my chest hoping it would help me breath.
"Alex?" her voice asked in distraught tone.
Her bleeding hands held mine. I closed my eyes and then opened them. The blood disappeared and I could breath again. I held my head in my hands.
"Alex,you okay?" Emma asked.
I looked into her concerning blue eyes, and pulled her into my arms.
"I am sorry," I mumbled. "I think I put you in danger." She looked at me.
I explained to her my nightmare as she brought me an asprin.
"It was just a nightmare. If they were after me they would have come after me already." She held my hand.
"What about the gym?" I asked.
"Damien said that he sent people to clean up the damage, and erased the memories of anybody nearby."
I nodded.
"Are you feeling better?" She asked.
"Yeah, I should go," I mumbled."Be careful."
"I will have Peris on me at all times," she said as she held up the shrunken staff. One press of the button, it extends to a longer silver staff. The staff can do as much damage as pouring acid on top of a peice of human skin. When she activates Peris, it's demonic stage bring pain to any demon near. The pain is agonizing, and if you haven't already disintegrated from the demonic pressure, when Peris's blade touches you it burns your skin even more then when it is staff. I should know from earlier today.





"Alex, Emma," May yelled from down the hallway. The two teens turned to thier friend.
"May what's up?" Emma asked.
"Now that testing is over can you guys spare some time to come to the park?" she asked.
Emma nodded. "It's already been two days since the attack in the gym,and there's no sign for trouble," she thought.
"Alex?" May looked at Alex with a baby face. He nodded.
"Yay!" the girl yelled with excitement. "Jen and Noah are infront of the school waiting."
Emma reached into her locker and grabbed her staff.
"Let's go."
The five teens walked to the park.
"So, wait, Noah cursed out Mr. Ghent?" Alex asked. May nodded.
"Dude, he was freaking getting on my nerves, ' Mr. Torres if you can't find the variables to this problem then you will not succeed in life.' he was over reacting!" Noah mimicked.
The teens laughed[*] and walked to a table near the forest and spent the next few hours together.
"We haven't spent this much time together since the nineth grade," Jen said. Nighttime had already fallen, and the moon was bright and full.
"We have to get home," May said.
Suddenly the air filled with a demonic feeling. Emma looked at Alex.
"Let's go to my house," Alex suggested.The teens nodded. Alex and the other four teens walked to the corner.
"Oh, I left my backpack," Alex lied. "You guys know the way I will catch up."
He glanced at Emma. She nodded.






Before I ran back into the forest, I ripped a branch off a tree. The demonic feeling got stronger as I ran deeper into the darkness. Something pulled my leg, and I fell face first. Tree vines wrapped around my ankles. I tried to pull away, but the vines got tighter. More wrapped around my body and lifted me up.
"Let me go," I demanded.
"Why would I let you go." Jane walked out of the dark forest. She walked up to me.
"Why don't you use your powers to burn the vines away?"
"No," I turned away.
"But you're a demon, and a cute one at that." She turned my head to face her.
"Come on, please," she begged. She lifted my chin up.
"No."
I tried to pull away, but the vines got even tighter.
"The more you move they get tighter."
Her eyes looked into mine, and she leaned in. I turned my head away. The vines got tighter.
"I was looking foward to that kiss." She made a pouty face. "You must be in love."
"Love?"
"Love is blocking you conscious." She tapped my forehead. "That is why I can't suduce you. I wonder who it could be." She tapped her chin.
"Emma was it?" She grinned
"Don't bring her into this," I yelled.
"Too late." Elli walked from the forest. Two demons walked out with tied up Emma, Jen, May, and Noah.
"Let them go," I demanded.
"Come with us," Jane said. I looked at my tied up friend, and then at Elli.
"No, don't!" Emma shouted.
Jane walked towards my friends.
"Get away!" I yelled. She walked to Noah, and lifted his chin.
"Instead of coming with us you can always fight your friend." She whispered something in his ear. The vines around his body dissapeared and he walked to Emma. The vines wrapped around me dissapeared, I fell to ground. Noah reached in Emma's jacket, and pulled out Peris.
"To keep your friend safe from yourself you can always come with us."
Noah's eyes were the same color as Jane's,topaz. He clutched Peris.
"Go," Jane said. Noah ran towards me clutching the staff.
Last edited by Arisu2533 on Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sat Aug 06, 2011 12:25 pm
Vitaletum says...



Not enough dragons. I must say, if there were more dragons the narrative would flow like a river, but rivers are awesome - it really depends how happy you are with the no. of non-dragon characters that are in this poem.

Keep writing though :)
  





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Sat Aug 06, 2011 1:18 pm
Arisu2533 says...



Not enough dragons. I must say, if there were more dragons the narrative would flow like a river, but rivers are awesome -it really depends how happy you are with the no. of non-dragon characters that are in this poem. Keep writing though




dragons, poem, uhhh, you have the wrong fourm.......
" The little girl ran into the angel’s arms and into heaven, while I flew to hell."-by EvensLily
a spactacular YWS writer!
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 3:36 am
artemis15sc says...



Hey, thanks for posting another chapter. Your had some nice elements, but I think it needs a little work.

I didn't really get why you put that part at the beginning. When you switch between different character perspectives, the different pieces need to flow together and move the story along. The Emma and Alex narrations did a pretty good job, but the one from Elli's perspective, well, I didn't really see a point to it. I don't feel like it built on the plot or the story, and I think it might be best just to cut it out.
If you want to keep it try adding some detail to it, give it a reason for being there, make it more vibrant and alive. I feel like it was suppose to be a funny commentary on the characters, but I was kind of confused as to what was going on.

That brings me to my next point. I think you've got a good story, but in the end when Jane shows up your writing got kind of vague, and it was harder to figure out what was happening. trying adding some detail to that scene. Not only will it make the scene easier to follow, but more interesting and engaging to your readers.

I was really excited to read this, totally loving the Emma + Alex!
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