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When We Grow Up - Chapter Two!



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Tue Aug 16, 2011 9:43 am
Maisie says...



High School

High School. If I was to explain it, I think it would be best described as a hierarchy of sorts. You see, you have all your typical cliques. Cheerleaders, sporty kids, nerds or as we liked to be called “academics”, the populars (which, technically, usually consists of the first two groups of people) and then, there were the musos, drama group kids, hippie kids and I guess the list could go on forever if it was really necessary, which for some people, such as the populars, it was highly necessary for them to judge people by who they hang around with, or what they love to do. To be honest with you, I don’t understand why people have to be labelled to know where they stand amongst a large group of people, when most of the people actually grew up together.
Luckily for us though, in a few short weeks, we will leave school after finishing our GCSEs. It’s kind of like, after twelve long years, we are finally being released into the wild, like animals in a zoo, and if you saw this place, you’d understand why I am, by no means, being at all sarcastic. I’m being deadly serious.

I am in fifth period on Wednesday morning. It is April, and so, for the most part, it’s mainly sunny. So everyone around here knows that when the sun is here, everyone has happier moods anyway. Most people in English class are actually happy today. Maybe it’s because of the sun has decided to stop hibernating under the clouds for once, or maybe it was because we had Mr. Collins for English on a day like today.
I take my seat in the middle of the classroom. I spot Lucas just to the right of me. He smiles and waves. Then, he mouths “Talk to you later?”
I nod quickly and smile.
He smiles back and Kimberly Whiteman, who everyone knows has a crush on Lucas, plants herself next to him. I swear, I think Lucas is the only one who doesn’t have a clue.
Almost as if right on cue, Mr Collins enters the classroom, everyone turns in their seats to focus at the front.
“Well, good morning everyone!” He grins happily, he slides his suit jacket from his arms and places it on the desk beside him.
The general pleasentaries are given, and the lesson has now started.
“So, cast your minds back to a couple of Wednesdays ago. I asked you guys to prepare a counter argument to the person you were paired with.”
Everyone seems to make a grunt or a sound indicating that they remember it.
“Well, excellent!” He claps his hands together and then grins. “Who would like to go first?”
I begin to slide further and further down my wheelchair and Mr Collins beams at me. “Erin, I see you sinking.”
Oh, crap!
“Why don’t you and Kimberly come up and get it over with?”
I clear the back of my throat, and nervously make my way to the front of the classroom.
Oh, great. I know this feeling all too well - pure embarrassment washing over me like a tide swiftly moving among tbe sand. I look at Lucas, who is sitting there, staring at me. He smiles encouraging, and gives me a nod as if to say “You can do this, I know you can.”
Kimberly struts up to the front of the classroom as if it is her stage. She was everything I would never be, beautiful and condifent.
“I am argung the side for popularity, Mr Collins.”
“Okay, Kimberly.”
Kimberly glances at me as if to say the battle has commenced. Okay, it’s okay Erin, you know how to do this in a boxing ring, but what about outside of the boxing ring? Yep, I’m toast.
“The rules are as follows, one person out of the two opposing sides can intervene at any point, and I will grade you on how well you fought your corner.”
Fight your corner? The more he uses boxing references my stomach begins to settle. But I still feel like I’m being dangled into a toaster at this very minute.
“Kimberly, I see you are eager to get this underway. Let the battle commence!”
FIGHT!
“Well, you see, popularity is the highest level of high school. We are the elites, we have friends, we go to parties, we are all beautiful. And then, you see people like my opponent here. A geek. A nerd. The lowest of the low of all levels.” She pauses for a few minutes and gives me an evil Cruella De Vil smile.
“First of all, I am proud of what I am. What gives you the power to judge people anyway? Yes, I’m fully aware that it is human nature, but because you of all people are stuck in their little “popularity” you don’t dare mix with the rest of the groups in the school, because what? Are we unworthy of you?”
“Quite frankly, yes you are!” Kimberly scowls at me.
“And why is that?”
“Well...” Kimberly stumbles to find an answer.
“Because we aren’t all size zeros who can fit into cheerleading outfits? That we don’t wear Chanel perfume or Marc Jacobs heels?”
“Exactly!”
“What world are you living in, may I ask?”
“Certainly not your world. You study all the time, you are the type that reads Pride and Prejudice for fun and probably goes to dorky sci-fi conventions.”
I actually laugh out loud at this one. “How can you make that assumption when you don’t even mix with the rest of the groups in this school?”
“Well...I...I...”
“You don’t know do you?” I smirk. “That’s my point made. These populars as we call them, or certainly this one, judge us and they don’t even know us. How do you feel about this?”
Kimberly seems to come up with the most hurtful comment. “Look at you. You’re a nerd, you’re a geek.”
“Call me whatever you like, because honestly, I’m much more of a bigger person than you will ever be. So I’ll just feel bad for you, because you will never know how to be nice to someone.” I tear leaks from my eye and Mr Collins sees it, puts a hand on my shoulder and exhales.
“Erin...”
“No, I’m fine honestly. I’ve dealt with bigger obstacles than her in my life.”
“No, Erin. Listen here, I feel bad for you. You can’t even walk, and you have to have people help you all the time.”
I exhale a few times, and turn for the door.
“Erin, wait up!” Lucas calls after me.
I breifly hear him say. “Good one, Kim. Absolutely fabulous.”
  





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Tue Aug 16, 2011 3:34 pm
Preachergirl18 says...



This spam review has been removed by Big Brother.
  





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Wed Aug 17, 2011 12:24 am
TheGatherer says...



Hello Maisie,

so I'll start by nit-picking...

Spoiler! :
To be honest with you, I don’t understand why people have to be labelled


I think to be honest is fine, you don't kneed to address the reader...

if you saw this place, you’d understand why I am, by no means, being at all sarcastic.


I can't say it's wrong, but if I removed by no means, which are between commas, the sentence would mean the opposite...

I swear, I think Lucas is the only one who doesn’t have a clue.


I know the text is rather plain in punctuation but it would really shine on here with an exclamation mark! (I know it's cheap, but that just means it shouldn't be overused...)

Almost as if right on cue, Mr Collins enters the classroom,(...)


Take the almost I don't think there's an almost exactly idea...

he slides his suit jacket from his arms and places it on the desk beside him.


Don't you mean the chair?

The general pleasentaries are given, and the lesson has now started


It's pleasantriesand I would write and (then) the lesson started.

pure embarrassment washing over me like a tide swiftly moving among tbe sand.


the sand. Nevertheless I love your metaphor...

“I am argung the side for popularity, Mr Collins.”


arguing

(...) I still feel like I’m being dangled into a toaster at this very minute.


I think you could change that preposition. For example, for above.

She pauses for a few minutes and gives me an evil Cruella De Vil smile.


Love this reference to the 101 Dalmatians!

"(...)Yes, I’m fully aware that it is human nature, but because you of all people are stuck in their little “popularity” you don’t dare mix with the rest of the groups in the school, because what? Are we unworthy of you?"


in your little popularity
to mix/mixing
because of what?
Are we unworthy to belong to you? (suggestion)

Certainly not your world.


Another exclamation mark would fit perfectly here. And italic on your

(...)you are the type that reads Pride and Prejudice for fun


Maybe you're the type of person who...
(I had to read Pride and Prejudice for a contest)

I actually laugh out loud at this one


Forget the one or instead insert her last sentence

That’s my point made


Forget the made...

These populars as we call them


as you call yourselves
Popular is not a noun. I guess you'll have to find another word...

or certainly this one


Got any idea of what this means?

I’m much more of a bigger person than you will ever be


I'm much more of a better person than what you'll ever be (This sounds nicer...)

So I’ll just feel bad for you


I just/simply feel bad for you...

I tear leaks from my eye


I would prefer I (quickly) dry my eyes...

I breifly hear him say.


briefly
And who's him? It seems to me it's Lucas but it makes more sense if it's the teacher saying it...


So, you've got one hell of a story here. I liked the argue, especially when they start attacking each other...

“Exactly!”

“What world are you living in, may I ask?”

“Certainly not your world. You study all the time, you are the type that reads Pride and Prejudice for fun and probably goes to dorky sci-fi conventions.”

I actually laugh out loud at this one. “How can you make that assumption when you don’t even mix with the rest of the groups in this school?”


I like your story and the way you're conducting it, though the climax left me a little confused...

"(...)You can’t even walk, and you have to have people help you all the time."


I must admit: it's not the you've got to have; it kept me wondering if she had some kind of impairment...

Nevertheless, I hope my critiquing doesn't make you stop.

Keep up the good work!

TheGatherer
An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.
— Unknown
  





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Wed Aug 17, 2011 8:21 am
Maisie says...



To PreacherGirl18, I will be adding the third chapter today and keep going with the rest of the chapters for the forseeable future. Don't worry, there are like 28 chapters left. If you want, I'll PM you the link to the third chapter once it is up? Thanks for your encouragement!

TheGatherer, thanks for your review! The reviews only make me want to write more and improve so...I'll definitely keep in mind the nitpicks, though!
  





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Tue Aug 23, 2011 7:57 pm
AngelKnight900 says...



This is good but what I will disagree about is the argument present here. Sure arguments come in varieties, but in school, I don't think people will present such an argument. I will try looking at the argument. What I will also comment on is that Lucas has completely disappeared. I might change my mind once I read the other chapters but yeah....where's Lucas. Shouldn't he had chased after he or something but it's you story. Other than that, good job and keep writing.
True confidence leaves no room for jealousy. When you know your are great, you have no need to hate.
-Nicki Minaj
  





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Sun Aug 28, 2011 12:17 am
xXTheBlackSheepXx says...



High School. If I was to explain it, I think it would be best described as a hierarchy of sorts. You see, you have all your typical cliques. Cheerleaders, sporty kids, nerds or as we liked to be called “academics”, the populars (which, technically, usually consists of the first two groups of people) and then, there were the musos, drama group kids, hippie kids and I guess the list could go on forever if it was really necessary, which for some people, such as the populars, it was highly necessary for them to judge people by who they hang around with, or what they love to do. To be honest with you, I don’t understand why people have to be labelled labeled to know where they stand amongst a large group of people, when most of the people actually grew up together.
Luckily for us though, in a few short weeks, we will leave school after finishing our GCSEs. It’s kind of like, after twelve long years, we are finally being released into the wild, like animals in a zoo, and if you saw this place, you’d understand why I am, by no means, being at all sarcastic. I’m being deadly serious.
I am in fifth period on Wednesday morning. It is April, and so, for the most part, it’s mainly sunny. So everyone around here knows that when the sun is here, everyone has happier moods anyway. Most people in English class are actually happy today. Maybe it’s because of the sun has decided to stop hibernating under the clouds for once, or maybe it was because we had Mr. Collins for English on a day like today.
I take my seat in the middle of the classroom. I spot Lucas just to the right of me. He smiles and waves. Then, he mouths “Talk to you later?”
I nod quickly and smile.
He smiles back and Kimberly Whiteman, who everyone knows has a crush on Lucas, plants herself next to him. I swear, I think Lucas is the only one who doesn’t have a clue.
Almost as if right on cue, Mr Collins enters the classroom, everyone turns in their seats to focus at the front.
“Well, good morning everyone!” He grins happily, he slides his suit jacket from his arms and places it on the desk beside him.
The general pleasentaries pleasantries are given, and the lesson has now started.
“So, cast your minds back to a couple of Wednesdays ago. I asked you guys to prepare a counter argument to the person you were paired with.”
Everyone seems to make a grunt or a sound indicating that they remember it.
“Well, excellent!” He claps his hands together and then grins. “Who would like to go first?”
I begin to slide further and further down my wheelchair and Mr Collins beams at me. “Erin, I see you sinking.”
Oh, crap!
“Why don’t you and Kimberly come up and get it over with?”
I clear the back of my throat, and nervously make my way to the front of the classroom.
Oh, great. I know this feeling all too well - pure embarrassment washing over me like a tide swiftly moving among tbe sand. I look at Lucas, who is sitting there, staring at me. He smiles encouraging, and gives me a nod as if to say “You can do this, I know you can.”
Kimberly struts up to the front of the classroom as if it is her stage. She was everything I would never be, beautiful and condifent confident .
“I am argung arguing the side for popularity, Mr Collins.”
“Okay, Kimberly.”
Kimberly glances at me as if to say the battle has commenced. Okay, it’s okay Erin, you know how to do this in a boxing ring, but what about outside of the boxing ring? Yep, I’m toast.
“The rules are as follows, one person out of the two opposing sides can intervene at any point, and I will grade you on how well you fought your corner.”
Fight your corner? The more he uses boxing references my stomach begins to settle. But I still feel like I’m being dangled into a toaster at this very minute.
“Kimberly, I see you are eager to get this underway. Let the battle commence!”
FIGHT!
“Well, you see, popularity is the highest level of high school. We are the elites, we have friends, we go to parties, we are all beautiful. And then, you see people like my opponent here. A geek. A nerd. The lowest of the low of all levels.” She pauses for a few minutes and gives me an evil Cruella De Vil smile.
“First of all, I am proud of what I am. What gives you the power to judge people anyway? Yes, I’m fully aware that it is human nature, but because you of all people are stuck in their little “popularity” you don’t dare mix with the rest of the groups in the school, because what? Are we unworthy of you?”
“Quite frankly, yes you are!” Kimberly scowls at me.
“And why is that?”
“Well...” Kimberly stumbles to find an answer.
“Because we aren’t all size zeros who can fit into cheerleading outfits? That we don’t wear Chanel perfume or Marc Jacobs heels?”
“Exactly!”
“What world are you living in, may I ask?”
“Certainly not your world. You study all the time, you are the type that reads Pride and Prejudice for fun and probably goes to dorky sci-fi conventions.”
I actually laugh out loud at this one. “How can you make that assumption when you don’t even mix with the rest of the groups in this school?”
“Well...I...I...”
“You don’t know do you?” I smirk. “That’s my point made. These populars as we call them, or certainly this one, judge us and they don’t even know us. How do you feel about this?”
Kimberly seems to come up with the most hurtful comment. “Look at you. You’re a nerd, you’re a geek.”
“Call me whatever you like, because honestly, I’m much more of a bigger person than you will ever be. So I’ll just feel bad for you, because you will never know how to be nice to someone.” I tear leaks from my eye and Mr Collins sees it, puts a hand on my shoulder and exhales.
“Erin...”
“No, I’m fine honestly. I’ve dealt with bigger obstacles than her in my life.”
“No, Erin. Listen here, I feel bad for you. You can’t even walk, and you have to have people help you all the time.”
I exhale a few times, and turn for the door.
“Erin, wait up!” Lucas calls after me.
I breifly briefly hear him say. “Good one, Kim. Absolutely fabulous.”


More spelling errors in this one; be sure to edit!

Ok, so it looks like we’ve fast forwarded to where the main characters are now seniors. That came as a bit of a shock. Since they were both nervous about starting our in high school last chapter, and now they are almost finished with school, and they seem to be having issues with who’s popular and who’s not. It doesn’t seem very realistic to me. First, because at this point in their lives, no one really cares anymore about your social status. Heck, in a few months they will graduate and probably never run into half of their class anymore. It won’t matter anymore who was labeled as a jock or prep or whatever. So it’s kinda odd to see Erin fretting over this.

Also, it’s not a very big issue, but I don’t get the point of the class discussion. The topic was pretty random and it really doesn’t seem like something that would come up in a senior English class.

Since I’ll be a senior this year I’m trying to relate to the characters, but to me they still seem so juvenile. Popularity is something I’d worry about in middle school, not my senior year. And in the first chapter, I’d figured pinky promises were silly around 6th grade. But everyone’s different, you know?

Anyways, if you need reviews for the next chapters, just let me know!
Have an awesome day,
blacksheep
The bad news is we don't have any control.
The good news is we can't make any mistakes.
-Chuck Palahniuk
  








I can't understand why people are frightened by new ideas. I'm frightened of old ones.
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