Young Writers Society

I'm kind of experimenting with how I'm doing the texting portion of this. I want it to be obvious that they're texting, not talking in person but I don't want it to seem boring. Is this style any better? If not, what do you think I should do?

Thanks for reading! Any and all suggestions are much appreciated!
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Now that Camilla has found a new male infatuation, she has slightly less time for me. This is typical Camilla. I don’t take it personally at all. It’s part of her relationship cycle. Pretty soon she’ll either call me, freaking out because Bennett asked her out; or she’ll call me, angry, because things aren’t going to work out with her and Bennett. Only time will tell which way it’ll go this time.
A part of me is glad that she happens to be in a period of male obsession right now. She’s so busy devoting all of her energy and attention to Bennett that she can’t suspect anything is different or out of the ordinary with me.
Micah and I talked yesterday for about an hour. We covered all of the simple bases like favorite color, favorite food, movie, music, animal, TV show, song, memory, etc. I learned a lot. He’s really easy to talk to. I hope he thinks the same about me.
But now I’m a little stuck. I really want to keep talking to him. I want to be able to ask more personal questions and get to know him on a deeper level than “we both like the color blue!” How do I instigate that? How long am I supposed to wait? Should I wait for him to text me first? What if he never does?
I finished my homework in record time and tried to find something interesting to watch on TV to get my mind off of Micah. I settled for some bridal show.
My mom poked her head around the corner from the kitchen. “Hey Ash, just wanted to check in,” She smiled. “I think I’m going to go lie down or read or something. I’m exhausted.”
“Are you making anything for dinner?”
Mom frowned. “I think we still have some leftovers. If not, there’s pizza in the freezer. You and your brothers can have that, okay?”
“Sounds good.”
My mom cooks a real meal out of a magazine or cook book about once a week. Other than that, we usually eat pizza, take out, leftovers, or something simple like burgers on the grill or chicken on the stove.
We have a dining room table, but it’s usually covered with stuff so we eat wherever we can find room, very rarely as a family. My dad is always working or running errands so he’s not always home around dinner time and eats when he gets in.
My show cut to a commercial break so I got up to find something to eat. I grabbed the last slice of lasagna from two nights ago and put it in the microwave.
My two younger brothers stormed into the kitchen. They’re eleven and twins. Individually they’re not so bad. When they’re together, which is most of the time, they’re almost always out of control and annoying to the point that I want to rip my hair out.
“Ashton! Make us something too!” Dennis cried.
“You’re both perfectly capable of making your own food,” I crossed my arms.
“But we’re busy,” Murphy jumped up and down.
“So am I,” I grabbed my lasagna from the microwave.
“You’re just watching TV!” Dennis screamed.
“What are you doing that’s so important?” I asked them.
Murphy jumped in circles around me. “None of your business!”
“In all of this time you’ve been talking to me, you could have been getting something to eat.” I went back to the living room and sat down. Dennis and Murphy stood in front of the TV with their arms folded across their chest.
I did my best to ignore them and pretend I was still enjoying my bridal show. That became impossible after a minute. My lasagna is too hot to eat right now anyway. I sighed and went back to the kitchen and made them both a hotdog. When I got back to the living room, Dennis and Murphy were taking up the entire couch and they changed the channel to some dumb cartoon.
I handed them each their hotdog. They continued to stare at the TV without a hint of gratitude. I tried to grab the remote and Murphy snatched it out of my hands. “We’re watching this!”
“I was watching something before you came in.”
“Yeah, but that was boring.”
I sighed, grabbed my lasagna, and went back to my room. It’s not worth the battle.


I haven’t heard from Camilla or Micah all weekend. With Camilla, I’m sure that just means she’s busy with Bennett. She’ll fill me in on everything at the lunch table tomorrow, I’m sure.
With Micah, I’m not sure what that means. Maybe he’s lost interest. Maybe he’s just really busy. Maybe he thinks I’m extremely weird and doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
I don’t know if I should text him or not.
I finished my third movie of the weekend and grabbed my phone. Maybe I can text Camilla and we can do something later. It’s hardly afternoon and I have no idea what to do with the rest of my day.
As soon as I touched my phone, it buzzed.

Sunday November 13, 1:14 PM: Text Message from Micah Smalling to Ashton Everwright.
Micah: Hey Alice! How are you?”

I stared at the screen of my phone. Micah. Micah texted me first! Who needs Camilla? My day suddenly just got a little more exciting.

Ashton: Hey Micah! I’m not too bad, a little bored. You?
Micah: Yeah, I’m a little bored too
Ashton: And you decided that I’d be just the person to make that better
Micah: Haha something like that. I mean, if you’re busy I’ll leave you alone…
Ashton: I GUESS I can make some time for you in my busy day…

I love this. I would never be able to say these kinds of things or be so playful if we were talking in person. I’d just fumble over words and make a fool out of myself.

Micah: Oh good. I appreciate that
Ashton: You up for round 2 of questions or are you all questioned out?
Micah: I’d be up for round two. Can I go first?
Ashton: Sure!
Micah: Do you have a best friend? If so, who is he/she?

Crap.
Camilla is my best friend. Is he on to me? Could he possibly know something? He can’t.
I can’t tell him that my best friend is Camilla. It would be awkward on so many different levels. Plus, he’d instantly know who I am and our days of talking would probably be over.

Ashton: Yeah, her name is Celeste. We’ve been friends our whole lives. What about you?
Micah: That’s awesome! Tell me about her. I don’t think I really have any BEST friends. My closest friend is probably Zach.
Ashton: She’s a lot more outgoing than I am and completely boy-crazy. But she’s really sweet and fun and we can talk about anything. Tell me about Zach.
Micah: That’s cool. What kinds of things do you guys like to talk about? Zach and I can talk about stuff, but he’s mostly just my go-to guy to hang out with and have fun with.
Ashton: Aw you always need a friend like that. Celeste and I talk about everything. Clothes, school, people we like, people we don’t like. Boys. We’re very typical
Micah: Do you guys talk about me?
Ashton: What’s there to talk about? Do you talk to Zach about me?
Micah: What’s there to talk about?
Ashton: Haha my turn. It kind of goes along with the best friend thing. Who is the most important person in your life?
Micah: My younger sister, Kayla. You?
Ashton: Aw that’s sweet! I’d probably say Celeste. How old is Kayla?
Micah: 14. Actually, she may be my best friend. Well, I may be hers a least. She tells me everything.
Ashton: I’m guessing your family is pretty close?
Micah: Yeah, we’re really close. Yours?

I always feel a little awkward talking to people with close-knit families about family. It’s not that my family isn’t close – we’re just – not that close. It doesn’t really bother me. It’s just kind of awkward.

Ashton: We all love each other deep down
Micah: Do you have any siblings?
Ashton: Two younger brothers. 11. Twins. Dennis and Murphy.
Micah: Oh wow.
Ashton: Yeah. Do you have any siblings other than Kayla?
Micah: Jemma, but she’s in college so I don’t get to see her a lot. You have any idea where you want to go to college yet?
Ashton: Nope! I’ve finished all of my applications but I have no clue. What about you?
Micah: I’m in the same boat. I’m sorry, but Kayla needs some help with a project so I’ll text you later!
Ashton: Alright. It was nice talking to you, Micah
Micah: You too, Alice

This story is going great but there's only one negative thing that I don't like about this chapter thought. With a great beginning comes a great end, right and there really isn't one. No offense. I just think that you could have extended this chapter a little more instead of ending it with a text message. i say this because the ending was a little ehh as it ehh not good enough. Other than that, I'm very amused by this story and I can't wait to read more. Keep writing and keep me updated.

I enjoyed this chapter alot but I feel as if there is pleanty of room to dive deeper into the conversation and Ashton's feelings and thoughts as this conversation is going on. At the very end of the chapter I really think it needs another paragraph or two explaining what she goes on to do next and her thoughts after they say goodbye. This will enable us to have more insight on who she is personally. Also if you wanted to add maybe a conversation with Camilla, that might help make the chapter go further. I love Aston's brothers and I think you described perfectly how younger siblings act (No offence to any other younger siblings reading this) This chapter was a little choppy but I kinda liked the mood that set, I imagined the pace of reading to be like how she was feeling. All she paid attention to was the conversation and stil was feeling a little bit akward about the whole situation but like Micah was loving the way it was panning out.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!
~Blondie Missy Angel~

I agree with the others on how the chapter lacked a little bit. I think adding another paragraph would've helped a lot. I also think that the text conversation was a little bland, maybe add a little more important information?

Other than that, it was pretty good and I enjoyed it! The way you portrayed Dennis and Murphy was brilliant, spot on. The start of the chapter was great too, I liked how you always tell us a little bit about Camilla's personality and habits when it comes to boys.

I'd love to read more, keep me updated!