“That wasn’t your manuscript? This is your house, Maru’s your dog!” Tae Yeon breathed, nostrils flared. “I’m not an idiot.”
Won Soo stayed silent, but his eyes watched Tae Yeon wearily.
“Remember that time you said I was a liar? That if I didn’t believe in solutions I wouldn’t be driving you to God knows where? You were right about another thing too. I wasn’t afraid of death - I was afraid of dying right before something perfect came along. And I thought, for a while, that you were it. But you’re not. You’re just afraid of something I don’t know about. You’re just a stupid, petty liar.”
“Tae Yeon,” Won Soo sighed, but she cut him off.
“You know what I realized?”
“What.”
“You never wanted to be a writer. You never tried. You hide this perfect manuscript away from the world and delude yourself that it’s not yours. You don’t want recognition, you don’t want anything.”
“Anything else?”
“Plenty more,” she snapped and then went on, “all along you’ve been schooling me. Telling me all this wise crap about my problems when you don’t even know your own. I saw how much money you have, it’s more than enough to go back and forth to Istanbul ten times over. But do you even want to go to Istanbul? I can’t trust anything you say to me anymore.”
“Can I talk please?” Tae Yeon just glared silently, crossing her arms defensively. “Yeah, so I haven’t been completely honest with you.” He sighed and then ran his hands through his hair in frustration.
“Remember that time I said you were stuck in this mental prison?” Tae Yeon arched her eyebrows skeptically. “Okay, so I was talking to myself too. That manuscript, I really didn’t write it. My brother did.”
“What make me feel terrible and tell me he’s dead,” Tae Yeon spat out bitterly.
“He is,” Won Soo said solemnly and her face fell. “I’m just kidding. He’s not, but it’s been a long time since I saw him.”
“Funny.”
“I think I first found that manuscript by snooping through his bag, just like you did, around 7 years ago. I came down for the break during my junior year. My brother had already finished medical school, and was in the process of applying to hospitals. We had a really big argument, because my brother wouldn’t publish the manuscript.”
Won Soo sighed, and then shoved his hands into his coat. “He had made his mind up, that he wouldn’t be an author. See, the girls Ji Soo and Hyo Eun were just personas of his careers. To be an author, or to be a doctor. In the end, his fiance of 10 years won out, I guess. Course, my brother’s the type to dedicate his life to one thing. Couldn’t do both.”
“That sort of makes sense. Ji Eun’s death was metaphorical.”
“Yeah, but, and I guess I was jealous, I couldn’t accept his decision. He had all the talent I couldn’t find and he was just giving it up and being a moron. I took the manuscript, telling him I would write a story that surpassed it, headed back up, and quit college. I didn’t want him to keep paying for me.”
“And that’s what happened?”
“Not everything. That mental prison? I’m still in it. I wrote so many stories, too many to count, but in the end, I burned them all up. Nothing I wrote could compare. It was a psychological torture I couldn’t, still can’t get out of.”
“So what does Istanbul have anything to do with this picture?”
“It’s the setting of my first novel. When I was a senior in high school and my girlfriend read my first draft. She told me it sucked, that I needed to go to Istanbul for it to get any better.” He looked at Tae Yeon before adding, “She was rich too. I guess that’s where my vendetta against rich girls started.”
Tae Yeon shook her head, and walked over to Won Soo to cradle his hands.
“So go, go to Istanbul,” she whispered softly.
“I can’t. What if I go and nothing gets better. What if I’m just not cut out to be a writer. What happens to the past seven years?”
“Nothing,” Tae Yeon consoled, “they just stay there, and let you know how far you’ve come. Won Soo, you can’t sit here complaining that nothing gets better when you don’t even try. Go to Istanbul, and get your inspiration. I’ve only known you for a couple of days and even I know how annoyingly perceptive, and incredibly sensitive you can be. You’re going to be a great writer, I can tell.”
“Come with me,” he urged, tugging on her arms lightly. Tae Yeon shook her head not sure if the wetness on her face were tears or melted snow.
“You know, I think I get why your brother chose to be a doctor. I remember now that Hyo Eun would always feed Maru everytime she went to his house. Maybe, to your brother, the ability to support his family was more important to him than writing. That’s what he needed to do.” She cupped her cold hands on both of his cheeks and stared deeply into his eyes.
“We’re not what we each need. You need to go to Istanbul, I need to get back home. You know, I was always jealous of Lee Eun Ah. How she was always so sure about what she wanted to do, how she was going to fight for her own life. It’s something I learned from her, sometimes the answers we want are right in front of us. Still, we have to go the long, hard way to find them. I’m going to go back and get the forgiveness of my parents and his. And, next time, I’m not going to make the stupid mistake of letting other people decide. I knew the answer all along, but Starry Hill really helped me see it.”
Won Soo looked down at her, his heart pounding rythmically, as he knelt his face closer.
“Kim Tae Yeon, I’m not like my brother. If I was the narrator, I would have definitely chosen Ji Soo. Which means that you’re what I need. I’ll go to Istanbul. And come back. And then I’m going to find you. So wait for me. Don’t get married.” Mesmerized with her subtle beauty, Won Soo held her closer.
“Kiss me,” she said instead. Won Soo took it as her pledge anyways. Their cold lips touched, starting a warm flame in both of their wounded hearts.
“Merry Christmas,” he murmured in her ear before returning to kiss her again.
THE END
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