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Dear Lucy: Chapter Two



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Sat Jul 30, 2011 4:44 pm
paperbackheart says...



Chapter Two: Changes in the wind

As the summer progressed, the girl named Lucy bothered me even more. When I came to the park, she sat on the swing, kicking herself higher and higher into the air. When Maman and I came up over the hill, she would jump off and smile at me. When I saw that the first time, I held on to Maman's coat sleeve as if it would keep me safe. She would gently push me away, telling me to be a good boy before walking down to the streets, to go to work. I would glare at the girl, who would stick out her tongue before she began swinging again. I would sigh and lay down in the grass, eager for Maman to come back. Around lunch time, Lucy would leave and I would claim the swing, since I didn't have anyone to take me home for lunch. 

This was our routine for weeks. I would not speak to her while she complained of her older and younger siblings, her parents, her dogs, and anything in particular that was going on in her life. She didn't leave me room to talk and I did not mind listening. There wasn't really much to do otherwise.

"Judas," she said one day, startling me from my half asleep state, "do you like me?"

I gave her a wary look. First off, I was amazed that she even remembered my name. Second off, I wasn't sure if I liked her. She was the only one who talked to me, but she was still a brat. "Why are you asking?" I asked, watching her out of the corner of my eye. 

"Because I don't have a lot of friends," she said. "I was wondering if you were my friend."

I was in disbelief. Lucy was so popular on the playground, but she claimed she didn't have many friends. I rolled my eyes. "Stupidhead, I'm no one's friend. I just wait for you to get off of the swing so I can swing when you're gone," I stated before beginning to cough. My throat still hurt and my father had not given Maman permission to buy cough medicine. I was forced to suffer with this until the summer was over. 

Lucy growled, jumping off the swing like mad woman and staring down over me. "I hate you! You don't even like me," she yelled. 

"I just said that."

"Well I hate you too. I'm sorry that I even tried to play with you because you're just a stuck-up boy," she said, turning up her nose in disgust before stomping off to join the other kids. "I won't ever waste my time on you again." 

I watched her as she went up to a blonde boy, all smiles and cheerfulness. She laughed and sent a dark look my way, whispering in his ear. The whole group began to laugh as he said something, pointing to me. I scowled at all of them in reply, going on the swing and beginning to fly up in the air. Lucy only smirked, turning her back to me as she flipped her hair, leaving me behind as she became animated with her friends. 

This wouldn't be the first time she did this. 

Papa came to get me that day. My eyes widened as I saw his face peer over the hill. He was in his factory clothes still, a blue suit covered in dirt and dust. His goggles were on the top of his head and I could see the bags underneath his eyes. He looked weary, but I was excited. "Papa!" I exclaimed, jumping off in mid-swing before running down the hill. 

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face, something I remember being worried about. "Judas, have you been playing here alone?" he asked in that gentle voice he reserved for only Mel, my younger sister, and me. His dark hand pat my head and I gave him a grin. 

"Yep!" My voice grew softer as I whispered loudly, "The other kids are mean and I don't like them."

Papa gave me an equal grin. "Well school starts soon and then you can meet new kids," he said, picking me up and setting me on his shoulders. 

I let out a yelp of delight, pulling his goggles and putting them on my face. "Thank you Papa! You never take me home."

"No problem son."

As I looked back, I saw the look of horror on Lucy's face, watching me leave from the safety of her crowd of friends. I stuck my tongue at her and turned back to talk to Papa, telling him about my days at the park and listening to him roar with laughter at the stunts that happened there. 

I wish that moment would never had ended. My father and I were having the time of our lives. If only our looks hadn't ended it all. 

[b]A/N: To clear it up, Judas's dad is black. Yep. I put my hint in there. Geez I can't believe that I would have to. With white guys, you don't have to.

But I digress.

Reactions? This is a sole Judas chapter, but I'm going to go back to Lucy only in the next chapter. And you'll learn what's up with his dad later. Kay? Done. Review. Now.
Last edited by paperbackheart on Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sun Jul 31, 2011 4:11 am
chloe13 says...



I liked it! The way the kids react to eachother is really natural and believable.
And I agree, it's like in books people just assume everyone is white until the author says different!
It seems like you have a really good plot emerging here and I can't wait to see where you're going to take this.
Good work!
  





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Sun Jul 31, 2011 6:06 am
artemis15sc says...



You have an amazing writing talent, and as the other said, you use it to create very believable characters and situations. Your writing keeps getting better and better too, I eally enjoyed reading this chapter. Can't wait to see how this ties into the prologue!
Sorry for not giving any solid feedback, but I can't think of any ctitism. This is totally brilliant to me.
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Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:19 pm
Noelle says...



Hi there!

This is a really great story. I read the prolouge and chapter one too and you did a good job taking the story from one point to the other. Judas is a belivable character and you did a great job developing him. It's okay that you wrote all about him this chapter because he's the main character! Since you're writing in first person, you really can't give us much detail about the other characters except for what Judas knows.

So there were a couple tiny (and I emphasize the word tiny here) mistakes I stumbled across while reading.

When I came to the park everyday, she would be there sitting on the swing...

Originally you had the comma before the word 'everyday', but I think it sounds better after it.

I would not speak to her for these weeks while she complained...

I don't think it's necessary to say 'these weeks' in this sentence. You already mentioned it in the previous sentence.

There wasn't really much otherwise to do otherwise.

'Otherwise' should be put at the end of the sentence. It sounds better that way.

His googles were on the top of his head...

Watch spelling! :)

...he asked in that gentle voice he reserved for only Mel and me.

Who's Mel? I don't remember you mentioning him before. Of course, it's always possible you did because I'm not the most observant person in the world.

As I looked back, I saw the look of horror on Lucy's face, watching me with her friends as I left.

The part I underlined just sounds a little confusing. I understand you meant to say Lucy and her friends watched Judas leave, but it sounds like Lucy watched while Judas left with her friends. Know what I'm trying to say?

Again, I really enjoy this story! Can't wait until the next chapter comes out. Keep writing! :)
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