Chapter 10
We sat in his hospital room. He was in a small coma. But the doctors said that he should get out of it soon, it’s not that bad of a coma.
We waited for a while.
“We should head home sweetie, it’s really not worth waiting until he wakes up. When he wakes up we could ask the doctors to call us,” my dad said as he sat next to me.
I held his hand tightly, “No, I want to see him wake up dad,” I begged.
He smiled weakly and let me place my head on his shoulder.
“Fine, we can wait,”
I shut my eyes and eventually fell asleep.
He finally woke up but I was sadly asleep.
“Jessa, Jessa…?” my dad shook me and I woke up.
“Huh,” I murmured opening my eyes.
My dad moved away from me and sat down. I saw Harry sitting up in his bed and I automatically jumped off the seat. I ran up to him and smiled.
He was okay.
“Hey Harry,” I said.
He smiled, “Hey Jessa, what are you doing here?” he asked quietly.
“I heard about the accident over the TV and I came as fast as I could,”
His tan face looked really pale and tired. The room was depressing as it is so no wonder.
The walls were a shade of beige and the window was covered with blinds. There was a small TV hanging from the wall and there were some dull hospital paintings of flowers.
“Really…? You care that much?” he asked.
I held his hand and squeezed it a little.
“Yes, I do. Just because we broke up, doesn’t mean I don’t care anymore,” I smiled.
He sighed and shut his eyes. My dad was out of the room, probably getting a doctor to tell them that Harry finally woke up.
I let go off him and sat back down on the green armchair, it was really uncomfortable, like sitting on hard rock.
“Jessa…” he said weakly.
“Don’t talk, save your energy,” I recommended.
Yeah, I cared about him; I mean he was close to me. But it’s not gonna be a huge break through at all. I’m not going to date him or anything… I don’t even want to anymore.
That’s when my dad walked back into the room with to Styrofoam cups filled with coffee. He smiled when he saw me sitting down.
“Hey honey, how’s he doing?” he sat down next to me and handed me the burning hot cup.
“I think that he’s fine, the doctor will tell… right?” I said.
A doctor walked in and smiled widely at us when he saw Harry awake.
“This is very good news,” he started.
He walked up to him and checked the monitor that was next to the bed. It followed Harry’s heart beat and breathing rate.
The IV hung right next to him and the doctor tapped it a bit and wrote something down on his black plastic clip board.
His grey hair made him look older, but a lot of people get grey hair at the age of twenty!
“Harry is in good form, all he had was a concussion and he broke his arm. The protection in his car was great enough to protect his head and rest of the body…” he said as he stepped in front of us.
I sighed with relief and patted my chest, to show a sign of relief.
My dad did the same and the doctor chuckled. Harry was in great form at least.
“How long will Harry be staying here?” my dad asked the doctor.
“We want to keep him under observation for about a week… oh and, his guardians are not answering any calls from us, can you contact them please?”
My dad smiled, “Of course I can, but they are on a business trip in Europe, so it’ll be hard to get them to actually talk to us.”
The doctor nodded and shook my dad’s hand.
“I would like Harry to rest a little bit more, so it would be good if you guys went home and had a break yourselves…ha-ha, you’ve been sitting here for hours.”
I smiled and stood up, ready to leave. My dad did the same as we waved to Harry. He didn’t seem to notice, his eyes were shut.
***
I sat in Georgie’s house, she wasn’t mad at me anymore. Which, as you can tell, was really awkward. I mean, yeah, she got mad at me for no reason, but how did she stop? When did she stop being mad at me?
“Jessa, I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t believe that perfect Samuel could do such a thing like that!” she was sitting on the dining chair.
I sat down right across from her and sighed. She finally found out… what took her so long?
“Well, he could; he wanted to make you happy, that’s all; because he’s our best friend. He just wants us to be both happy! So, he did that for you, just so you’d be happy, so you wouldn’t be walking around all sad that you can’t have him,” I explained.
She nodded and held my hand. Her hand was ice cold so I shivered at her touch.
“I understand now, you’re jealous,” she said quietly.
I pulled my hand away abruptly and my jaw dropped.
“Excuse me?! What I just said is true! He said it himself! I didn’t want you to get hurt like that, but too late, you did. So, it’s not my fault! I was trying to protect you!” I protested.
She chuckled, “I know, I just wanted to see if you were truly jealous, well you aren’t. You care about your best friend, me!” she hugged me over the wooden table.
She squeezed me tightly and then let go. She was a hugger.
I looked at the yellow wall clock and it showed that it was three thirty pm. The raspberry walls made it look like a retro kitchen. All the cabinets were the same color as the dining table, a light oak.
“Thanks, at least this is not a problem anymore,” I motioned my hand to both of us.
She cracked up again and so did I. The doorbell rang and Georgie hopped off the seat and headed for the front door. She opened it and I heard a short yelp.
“Hey,” Sam said.
What is he doing here?!
“Hey,” Georgie replied, a little less excited.
“Are you ready…?” he asked.
Oh.
No.
He.
Didn’t.
She sighed, “No… I mean, I don’t want to go with you on that date,” she said softly.
I heard a deep breath.
“Why not…?” he asked, a little more furious.
“Uh, Sam, I know that this is fake hope, um…” she tried to explain.
I crossed my arms over my chest.
“No it’s not!” he protested.
What an ass.
“Yes it is Sam, Jessa told me…”
That’s when I heard a stomp and a small skip. I turned on my chair and faced the old time oven. Maybe he wouldn’t notice…? Oh, what am I kidding, yes he would!
I felt a small tap on my shoulder but I shrugged it off.
“Jessa,” Sam said angrily.
I heard a door slam but I didn’t turn around to face his angry face.
Why was I so scared, or maybe no, afraid? I mean this was true. Well, that sometimes happens to me. I get scared even though I’m right and even though it’s true.
So, despite my fright, I turned around and faced his flaring nostrils and wild eyes.
“Hey Sam,” I waved and smiled weakly.
“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked.
“Doing what exactly…?” I asked seriously.
I crossed one leg over the other and he sat down where Georgie just was sitting… by the way, where is she?
I scanned the room, but she wasn’t here. Yeah, leave me alone in my freaking time of need.
“Making my relationship fail.”
Maybe she was eavesdropping, just to make sure I was right or Sam was right. Sam might just know this so he’s making sure that he plays the innocent guy. Ha-ha, it’s not gonna work with me in this situation.
“What relationship Sam? What relationship? The fake one, with the fake hope and fake love? The one where one girl actually likes the guy and the guy just tries to make her happy because he’s her best friend? Hmmm…?” I asked abruptly.
His jaw dropped and he swiped his face with his hand. I smirked and started to brush my hair with my hand, it was all tangled. When I got home earlier, I washed my hair. I never dry it or brush it after that. It dries itself, oh; you’re such great hair, hair.
He rolled his eyes and answered, “Jessa, I didn’t mean to disappoint you…”
“No, you aren’t disappointing me, well you are, but that’s not the point. You’re disappointing Georgie. You are breaking her heart. Do you know what you’re doing!?” I cut him off.
“No Jessa, I didn’t mean to disappoint you that I like Georgie not you!”
That’s when I lost it. Why did he just say that? What is wrong with his tiny only knowing math brain? Oh, that’s the reason. Never mind.
“Hold on ass, you think that I like you…?” I chuckled and pointed at myself while he nodded, “…that’s so funny, I don’t like you Sam, I love you. You’re my best friend, I love you guys both! But if you’re talking in other terms then… ew, you idiot! I do not like you that way! Why do you guys keep on mentioning that lie?!” I protested with a yell.
“Because it’s true, we can see it, wait, Georgie mentioned this too?”
I nodded, “No, it’s not true Sam, I do not like you that way, and I’m still getting over Harry. I can’t like anybody else but him now. It’s just the way life goes. And I just don’t want you breaking her heart, really, I don’t. This is worse than just saying ‘I don’t like you, sorry,’ Sam, it is.” I explained my theory.
He caught every word I said and looked down at the ground. I must’ve scored him big time today. He scratched his blonde hair and sighed.
I was right and he knew it. He’s freaking hesitating.
“You’re stressing him out with your lies Jessica!” Georgie came running from the stairwell and side hugged Sam.
“No, not again! I’m right guys, I’m right!”
“Fine, I believe you,”
I put on a confused face.
How could someone change their minds so quickly? Wait, we just talked about this. She’s role playing, nice.
“Since when, one second you’re Sam, then the next you’re me?” I asked, shocked.
“He’s hesitating for too long, I mean we’re best friends. I know when one of us is lying and he definitely is.” She explained.
I smiled and felt a concrete brick that weighed a ton, lift off my light shoulders. Finally, someone knew that I was right at this moment. I am right and will always be.
Well, maybe not always, but now, I am.
She let go off Sam and slapped his arm. He grabbed that part of the arm and held it tightly. He looked like he was in utter pain. Ouch.
“Thanks Jessa, I owe you one…” he hopped off the chair and speed walked out the door, slamming it.
Georgie sat on the chair and smiled from ear to ear.
“Yes, we finally got him to crack.” She said in excitement.
I felt complete guilt run through me and I faked a small smile.
“Hey, hey, hey, why are you fake smiling? Don’t tell me that you feel guilty now!” she pointed at my smile.
“I do feel guilty, I just don’t know why. He seemed really pissed Georgie.” I explained.
I leaned my chin against the palm of my right hand that was balancing on the table. She hid her smile and sighed. Did she start to feel guilty too?
“Well, I don’t, too bad Jessa. You’ll get over it,”
I shook my head and ran to the brown front door, slipping my coat and boots on. She followed behind me with a short halt.
“Where are you going now?” she asked.
“Home,” I opened the door and ran through the cold wind.
No, why is this guilt over powering me?!
I ran through the two foot snow and there was still more falling from the grey sky. I pushed through the harsh winds and twenty degrees temperature.
My heart was beating like crazy as my stomach grumbled. I barely ate anything today, just a small sandwich before I headed towards Georgie’s house.
***
Matchbox Twenty blasted through my iPod Soother as I sat in my sweats chewing on a Pop-Tart. Yeah, I was that upset with myself. You see, one problem is solved and another comes my way.
Bleh.
I sat down on my bed and tapped on my keyboard. I started to write a story, which is a huge shocker to me. I never wrote anything in my life, well, maybe only in class when I had too. But other than that, never.
I watched those words pop out on the screen, it seemed pretty good, no, really good. I just kept on typing as the music played their sad, sad songs.
“Bed Of Lies” turned on and I automatically stopped the rush of words. My computer was on my bed and I stood up. I looked out the window and saw the dark night. The words from the song made my heart sink and my whole body tingle.
This is the kind of music that moves me that I love.
People walked on the sidewalk, talking as they went. I saw kids throw snowballs at each other. Oh, those were the times when we gave crap about forever friendship with risks, relationships and many more teenage problems.
I miss them. A lot.
“And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes; I’m walking it down…” I sang along to Rob Thomas.
I sat on the floor and watched my dimmed room. Nothing was going to happen, I mean, it is just a room. Crap, I didn’t go visit Harry, oh who gives a dam!?
He didn’t care about me or trust me, so I give a crap now!
No, that was worse what he had to go through… oh well. I feel like crap now, I don’t need to feel even more badly seeing him in his position.
My cell phone rang and I answered it, “Hello…?” I said weakly.
“Hey Jessa,” Harry said.
“Wait, you’re at the hospital, how are you calling me?” that was a really dumb question, they have phones there. But still, mind as well.
He breathed in deeply, “I remember your phone number, so I called,”
I got off the floor and sat on my now, star covered bed. I changed the comforter during the day. The peace signs were getting smelly…
“Uhuh,” I hummed.
“Why didn’t you come visit?” he asked, still weak.
“I, um, I’m really busy, that’s all.” I lied.
“It’s oddly quiet there, and all I can hear is some dim music,”
I hung up and felt tears pop up. I don’t need them again. I took a deep breath and blinked tons of times. That helped sometimes to keep the tears away.
Gosh! Matchbox Twenty changed into a happy song!
I bolted to the radio and pressed next until I found another sad song. I know when you’re sad, you’re supposed to do happy things, but I did everything differently, I want the music to match my mood.
I sighed from relief and fell to the floor. No, I didn’t faint; I just fell and laid there. Laid there, and listened to every single word. Those words were strong and…sad.
“Say goodbye, these days are gone… and we can’t keep holding on, and all we need is some relief, through these hard times…” I sang along.
“…move around your bedroom, cursing the naked sky, ‘You should be here tonight!’, but you stand alone and cry!”
Tears fell through my eyes and ran down my hot cheeks. Rob Thomas sometimes makes me feel like the world’s most important person. He feels just like I do sometimes. He just does…
That’s when someone knocked on my door. I bet it’s my parents, worried about me.
“Mom, dad, I’m fine.” I lied.
The holidays were soon, in just three days. I mean, you shouldn’t be sad then, maybe I’ll just fake the happiness. No, that’s just not nice for Jesus’ birthday.
“It’s not mom or dad,”
I can’t believe it. What is he doing here? He’s the one that made me feel like this!
I stood up and walked to the door slowly. I grabbed onto the lock and felt tingles run through my spine as I opened the door.
“Sam… what are you doing here?” a tear dripped into my mouth.
My heart pounded like crazy as my stomach did its original somersault. He looked into my eyes and I wiped my tears away. He chuckled which made me smile.
“I wanted to apologize…” he started.
I let him into my room and closed the door. He didn’t walk very far away, he was right in front of me, so I stayed put and waited for him to finish. He put his hands in his pockets and sighed.
“Well…?” I asked.
When he looked back up at me, my heart jumped, almost ripping my chest apart. I took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry Jessa; I know that it wasn’t your fault. I don’t know what came up in me, why did I even blame you, why did I let you take the blame?” he asked himself.
“I don’t know, ask yourself.”
“Why didn’t you stop me…?”
I rolled my eyes and waited for his reply.
Fine, it wasn’t coming; I thought that he knew that I did try to stop him.
“I did try to stop you, but Georgie didn’t believe me, until today. Gosh, why did you act like it was true when I knew Sam, I knew that it was a lie?” I loudly said.
“Okay, you did try to stop me, but I don’t know why I pretended to be offended, I don’t like her that way. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that…”
I sighed, “You know that stress takes five years off your life, I might just die today,” I joked.
He smiled and seemed to get that I forgave him and showed him that what he did was just the stupidest thing to do in the world.
I saw him rub his hands together.
“No, you won’t, thanks Jessa,”
“I don’t know why I forgave you like that…” I pushed past him and he faced me anyway, “…I mean you practically ruined my life! You know how I react to things like that Sam! You made me feel so guilty, do you know what I had to go through?!”
“I went through the same thing,” he sighed.
I rolled my eyes and my stomach flipped with anger.
“No, you didn’t!”
“Yes, I did!” he stepped closer to me.
“Really? Now really?” I crossed my arms over my chest.
I felt hot all over; it must be from the anger again.
“Yes, I felt really guilty, I just wanted to come out clean, and she could forgive you. She can’t ever forgive me,” he stated his point.
“Yes, she can Sam,”
“But she wouldn’t from this, and you guys are my greatest friends. I wouldn’t wanna lose that, so I lied. But I came clean later, right when you left I went back to her house and I told her…”
“Even though she already knew…?” I cut him off.
He nodded and went on, “She wasn’t as pissed as I thought she would be, I just didn’t want to be the guilty one,”
“But you are the guilty one,”
I stepped closer to him and our faces were just five inches away from each other. My breath rapidly increased as we eyed each other.
“I said I’m sorry, it all worked out,” he apologized.
“It did, but it happened…”
“Exactly, it happened, it’s in the past.” He cut me off.
I felt my stomach grow hotter.
“But I wanna know if you know that it’s your fault. I want you to admit it,” I demanded.
“But I already did,”
Oh yeah, he just did.
I put my hands on my hips and sighed, this is going to be a long night.
“It’s just that, I had to go through that all, and it hurt so much Sam, do you understand that?” now I sounded like a concerned parent.
“Yeah, I do, that’s why I wanted to apologize.” He said softly.
I looked from his lips to his eyes. There was something that felt right doing exactly that. My stomach flipped when I saw him grow a smile on his lips. We were really close.
“Well, I don’t know if I should forgive you…” I hissed.
That’s when he was even closer to me, I could smell his breath. I felt his warmth travel to me and we stared at each other, straight into our eyes. My heart was pumping the blood around my body even faster than ever.
I turned my head away and sighed.
No, I couldn’t do what was gonna happen. I just couldn’t let it happen. It was too… wrong.
I cleared my throat and stepped away from him. He hung his head down and cleared his throat. There was an awkward flow between us. I could smell my mom’s lasagna run through the house. What…? That was really random, but I love her lasagna.
“I guess that I’ll head out,” he headed toward the door.
My stomach did another somersault.
“No, Sam, wait…” I said lightly.
He turned around but didn’t react to my words, he opened the door. I ran up in front of him and shut the door. He was super close again so, I leaned against the door.
“What Jessa…?” he asked, a little furiously.
He didn’t meet my eyes at all. I took a deep breath but nothing came out of my mouth.
“I gotta go Jess,” he looked up into my eyes and he held his breath when he met my gaze.
Even the music didn’t bother us; it just went on and on. I didn’t even bother to look away, to stop this awkward interaction.
He moved a strand of my hair off my cheek and it tingled at his touch. He let his breath go. The strand was tucked behind my ear and I grabbed his hand when it was dangling through my hair.
Our hands were intertwined and the tingles just went on and on. He leaned in as We The Kings sang through the speakers. I just closed my eyes, like they sang out and I felt his lips against mine.
The kiss was completely different than from the dream, maybe because that was a dream and this is real life, or is it opposite? No, this is definitely real life.
It was soft, softer than… I shouldn’t think about him right now. His hands went up my back and mine went through his hair. My heart pounded faster than before as our lips intertwined.
When we let go, we were still as close as before. I couldn’t say anything, it was just that shocking.
He was about to kiss me again but I turned my head away. This definitely wasn’t going to happen again, at least not now.
“Sam…”
“Yeah, I know…we shouldn’t do that.” He agreed with me.
I looked back at him and I moved away from the door, opening it for him.
“I guess that I’ll see you later,” he said.
“Okay, bye,”
He left with a wave and I watched him walk down every step. My heart felt like it was sinking when he walked out the front door, away from me, away from my life. No, that’s too dramatic; he’s staying in my life.
Wow, he just… kissed me.
I stepped back into my room and shut my door lightly. I leaned against the door, feeling the coldness of it hit my body like a lightning bolt. My feet started slipping and I fell to the ground, still silent.
My heart hit my chest with a fast pound as One Republic sang “Goodbye Apathy”, my favorite song of theirs. It made tingles run down me, like water running down a waterfall.
I started to breathe uncontrollably fast once I shut my eyes and imagined the situation again.
He kissed me. Like kissed me, Sam did it.
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