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The Camping Trip



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Sat Jun 25, 2011 8:12 pm
Yanni1995 says...



It was supposed to be a camping trip. For two weeks we were supposed to be camping, having fun with friends, away from parents with only a teacher to watch over us. I was so excited because I would’ve been able to get away from the norm, the boring and everyday thing. I was ready to go back to nature and was sure that the trip would be the greatest experience of my life. So how is it that I find myself stranded on an isolated island with only one person for company? That’s probably because I chose to be the hero and ‘save’ him from his own stupidity. I am alone on this god-forsaken island with my best guy friend who, at the same time is my closest girl friend’s crush and I now find myself… attracted to him? Not exactly, in love with him? No idea. Confused? Very much.

I’m afraid, but I’m not afraid of our isolation nor do I fear living in the wild. I’m afraid of these growing feelings that I have for him. We’ve been friends for a long time, since middle school, and I fear that these feelings would affect our friendship if he ever came to know of them. And it doesn’t help that he told me he loved me.
We’ve been alone on this island for two months, two weeks of which he was sick and delusional. During those two weeks I had to take care of him and everything would’ve been alright if he didn’t say that he loved me while he was shaking with the chills brought on by his fever. I don’t know if he remembers but I’m sure that I do and I really don’t know what to make of it. When I heard it, I had this inexplicable feeling. I felt happy? I don’t really know. All I know is all of this started roughly four months ago when we were told that the school had organized a camping trip.

Four months earlier:

“Gail!” my best friend Stephanie ran through the school halls screeching my name at the top of her voice. “Gail, Gail, Gail!” she chanted as she stopped in front of me. I was taking my books out of my locker as it was the end of the school day.

“What, what, what?” I turned to her, slamming my locker door shut as I did so. I looked as she hopped around in her excitement, her red curls bouncing with every movement. Her blue eyes that held a strange red tint making them seem almost purple shone with enthusiasm and barely contained joy as she spoke.

“We’re going on a camping trip!” she exclaimed. I stared at her dumbly for a long moment as my brain processed the information I just received.

“What?” I asked as if what she told me was a dream. “We’re doing what?”

“The school arranged for a camping trip. They finally yielded under the pressure!” she said happily.

“Well finally,” I replied. “They’ve been trying to get them to do this since the beginning of the year.”

Anything she was going to say was cut off as she stared at something behind me. Her purplish-blue eyes took on a glazed expression that cued me in on what, or in this case who, she was staring at. I turned around and sure enough, there he stood, Samuel James Anderson. He was the captain of the basketball team and was probably the cutest guy in my class not to mention, my closest guy friend. Stephanie had a huge crush on him and seeing as she was still in the sophomore year, she had asked me to be her ‘spy’. He was currently talking to the rest of his teammates. I had to admit, he was really handsome. The way his brown hair fell just past his shoulders and swayed as he tilted his head back while he laughed somewhat fascinated me. I turned back to my best friend to find that she was still staring at him, her eyes glassy as she thought of thoughts that shouldn’t be running through her mind.

“Oi!” I said snapping my fingers in front of her face. “You were going to say something…”

“Oh, um, yeah, what?” she said incoherently.

“What about the trip?” I asked.

“Oh, um…”

“Stephanie!” I called out to her. “Can you please stop ogling him, and talk to me about the trip?” I said in annoyance.

“Okay, okay,” she replied holding her hands out in defense. “We have three days to submit our names for the trip. The list is on the board in front of the head teacher’s office.” She told me then paused as she thought. “Let’s see, today’s Monday so then we have until Wednesday to sign up. Thursday would be a free day for all those who want to go so they can get ready and then we’ll leave on Friday. We would be gone for two weeks. We’ll stay at the White Beach Camp on Greendale Island.”

“We’re going to Greendale Island?” I asked then whistled at her nod.

We were interrupted by another loud voice calling my name.

“Gail!” Michael Angelo screamed as he ran through the halls. His dark hair bounced atop his head as he ran, his chocolate brown eyes shining with excitement. He swept me off my feet, spun around and kissed my cheek before letting me back on my feet. “Have you heard?” he asked enthusiastically. I nodded in response which led him to give me another peck. “We are so gonna have fun!” he exclaimed.

The rest of the three days went by without incident. Soon, it was time for us to hand over our permission slips. There were less than ten people outside the head teacher’s office on Wednesday morning. Michael, Stephanie, Samuel were all there including four other students whom I knew about but didn’t know personally.

“So, there are only eight of us,” I mused. “I guess this is a good thing since now we’ll only need one teacher to watch us.”

Ms. Applegate, our headmistress, came out of her office to speak to us.

“Alright everyone,” she called us to attention. “Tomorrow, you will all have a free day so you can prepare for the trip. As was written in the letter, the trip will last for only two weeks and then you'll all return and give us a report of what you did during the time. I expect all of you to be on your best behavior and since there are only eight of you, only one teacher will come to watch over you. Know this though; the teacher will only be there to supervise, everything else will be done by each and every one of you. Gail and Sam, I expect you two to keep the others in line,” she said.

“What about me? I'm a senior too,” Michael protested.

“You are a senior but sometimes you act as if you were a freshman. Today, you will resume the day as usual and tomorrow you will have to prepare for the trip. You will meet the designated teacher here in school at the parking lot on Saturday morning at eight. Anyone who is late will be left behind. That is all, dismissed.” and with that she went back into her office.

We filed out of the room talking about our upcoming trip.

“Who do you think the teacher will be?” Michael asked everyone.

“I don't know,” I replied.

“I hope it'll be Mr. Johnson,” Samuel replied. I agreed with a nod.

“Why him?” one of the younger students asked. She was one of the freshmen who thought they ruled the school. She flipped her platinum blonde hair from her face then examined her nails as she waited for his answer.

“Mr. Johnson knows what to do during camping.” he replied then he looked at me conspiratorially. “Besides, if it's not him then we won't even survive the wild animals that may come across our camp. He knows who to pick to do which chores and when to do them,” he finished.

The girl whose name we still hadn't gotten froze in her step. She turned around slowly then stared at Samuel with wide baby blue eyes. “Chores?” she asked with a terrified expression on her face.

“Well yeah,” Michael answered. “What else are we gonna do out in the wild? We will sit by the fire, cooking the meat that we, ourselves, caught, drinking water that we collected from the river and then we will sleep in a tent that we pitched up by ourselves.” he said, putting a finger up for everything he listed off.

A shrill shriek escaped from the frightened girl's lips before she took off in the direction of the headmistress' office.

“Hey, where are you going?” another freshman asked. The boy was trying desperately to hold in his laughter, his dark eyes shining in mirth.

“I am not going to that field trip!” the girl exclaimed, never looking back. The freshmen roared in laughter, Michael fell over holding his sides as he laughed relentlessly, Sam and I just chuckled while Stephanie shook her head but she couldn't hide the smile on her face.

“You guys are evil,” she said.

“Well, sorry for not wanting a girl like that to be with us for two whole weeks,”
Michael replied. He then turned to the freshmen. “Now, all of you better be ready to be out in the wild. I don't want to hear anyone complaining and I don't want to see anyone not following whatever was told. The captains for this mission will be Gail and Sam and I won't have anyone putting everyone else in danger. Am I clear?” he asked, his voice full of authority.

The boy who had called out to the blonde girl stood his ground and just nodded accompanied by a 'Yes, sir!' Michael ruffled his dark hair like he would a younger sibling before turning to the other two. The girl had long black hair with a bluish tint which was tied up into a ponytail. Her small body looked so fragile against Michael's large frame and her body trembled slightly in fear. She, however, quickly overcame that and stood defiantly before Michael.

“Who do you think you are? If they,” she said pointing towards Sam and I. “are the captains of this mission then they should be giving the orders and not you.” she finished.

“I like her,” Stephanie said earning a shout of protest from Michael.

“What about you?” Michael turned to the last boy. The boy whose dark brown eyes were wide open in fear squeaked then ran off.

“Wow,” I said. “Mikey why are you scaring little children?” I asked.

“Because that's what they are,” he said. “They're little children who think going to camp is as easy as their normal lives. You do remember what happened the last time we had kids like them, right?” he asked with a dark expression. Samuel and I nodded in assent. The three others looked from one to another obviously confused.

“What happened?” Stephanie asked, voicing out the question that the others also wanted to ask.

“It's not something we like to talk about,” I replied stiffly. The bell rang signaling the beginning of the classes. “Let's go; it's time for class.” and with that I turned to go.

“Gail,” Samuel's voice was soft as he called me. I turned to face him only to be caught in a comforting embrace. “It's going to be alright. Nothing's gonna happen to us this time,” he said then he pulled away looking at my face. He locked gazes with me then said, “I promise I'll protect you.”

His words dug deep and I cried. I couldn't help myself. Two pairs of arms wrapped around me and I knew that both Michael and Samuel knew what I felt. I cried in their arms, ignoring all the other students who stared at us while they hurried to their next classes. They led me out of school and into the garden. I don't know what happened to the three other people we were with but at the moment I didn't care. All I wanted was to forget that fateful night and enjoy my time with my friends. It had been two years since it happened but I still couldn't forget it no matter what I tried to do.



Gail was excited. She was in her sophomore year and she was finally allowed to go to the annual camping trip that her school sets up. Freshmen were not allowed to join because they were ‘too young to be exposed to the primal world’, or so the head master had said. But this year, there was a new and younger head master and he was all for letting the younger students attend the trip so that they may ‘gain experiences they wouldn’t while in their pampered lives and learn from them’, or at least that’s what he said.

Mr. Lopez was rather young but he was full of innovative ideas and supported the improvement of the school so much it seemed like it was an obsession of his. This year, everyone was allowed to join but it will be on a ‘first come, first served’ basis as the maximum number of students permitted to go was only twenty.

Gail got ready to go to school and was on her way in no time. She, unlike other girls don’t spend hours in the bathroom and therefor was always early. She went to school with the permission slip tucked inside her jacket pocket.

When she got there, there were a few students milling around. Some were waiting for their friends; others for classmates while others were simply enjoying time before classes started. She walked over to her blue locker, twisted the knob for her code and was just about to open it when a pair of arms wrapped around her waist and she was spun around. Hungry lips claimed hers and she responded eagerly. Moments later they pulled apart. Gail looked into the blue-green eyes of her boyfriend, Jeremy.

“Good morning,” he greeted.

“Good morning to you too,” she replied. “Why didn’t you come home last night?” she asked but he only gave her a look that said we-will-talk-about-it-later; she just nodded her assent. He leaned in for another kiss but they were interrupted by a loud voice.

“Gail, Jeremy, good morning!” the voice shouted. They both turned to the direction of their best friend Michael who was sprinting towards them. Jeremy sighed deeply before letting go of Gail but he kept an arm around her waist. They waited for Michael who skidded to a stop in front of them. Michael kissed Gail’s cheek then turned to Jeremy whose face reflected jealousy and anger but there was mirth in his eyes.

“Morning Mikey,” Gail greeted, giggling lightly at her boyfriend’s expression.

“What’s up Mike?” Jeremy finally asked with a smile on his face.

“Well, there’s the upcoming field trip,” he said cheekily. “Other than that, I don’t think there’s anything else.”

“Hmph,” Jeremy replied grumpily.

“Gail,” Michael called to her. “Haven’t you been giving him any?” he asked suggestively. Gail blushed at his innuendo making Jeremy chuckle slightly. “He’s so grumpy these days.”

“She’s been giving me plenty,” Jeremy replied. “You don’t have to worry about that,” he told Michael. Jeremy then turned toward his girlfriend, a predatory gleam in his eyes. He stalked her making her back up to the row of lockers behind her. He caged her in his arms and leaned in for a kiss but was once again interrupted by another voice.

“Get a room you guys,” another male voice said. All three of them turned to the voice to find another friend rushing toward them. Kevin stopped in front of them and Jeremy sighed deeply once more before he reluctantly let go of Gail.
Last edited by Yanni1995 on Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:10 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Writing is not simply 'telling', it is also 'showing'. ~ Yanni1995
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 1:38 am
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creativemuse1 says...



Well, I would like to say that this was a pretty good idea. But in the beginning, I got a little confused and as the story progressed, I still was confused. Well, first, I think you could make the beginning more interesting. You should catch the reader's attention. Does the school have a headmaster or a headmistress? Does this take place in a private school? What happened on the camping trip Gail went to?
In the second paragraph, I was wondering, which friend is she stuck on an island with? I thought it could be either Michael or Samuel. In the flashback, you changed from first-person to third-person. I was wondering, did you do that on purpose? Are you going to make another part of this story? You miss commas in some of the sentences. But I would really like to read the other part of the story, If you are making one.
:)Life is full of hard times and good times. Lift your chin up, Ladies and Gentlemen.
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 2:40 am
KaylaCoon says...



Hola Kayla here.
Well to start, your opening was very undescriptive. It would've been nice if you described the island, or the boy, or the surrondings. Maybe put some more feelings or descriptions would really be nice. Depending on the island. I am always thinking about like tropical islands. Describe the rippening bananas, or the coconuts falling down. But I suppose if it were just like a regualar island be like all the rustling of the bunnies, bunnies are nice.

I did like your story, the idea behind it seems great, but like a twist would be super awesome, like maybe the best friend goes looking for the two people and she sees them like kiss? or maybe cpr and she takes it the wrong way and freaks out. Best friend problems are always awesome.

Or maybe have the girl finally admit her feelings for him and maybe he knew the way off all along but really just wanted to spend some time with her?

anything to make the storry have a pop! I can't wait to read more, let me know!

--Kayla!!
The closest friends are the ones you'd take a bullet for, but they're the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well<33--Alex Gaskarth

"So take my life I'll had it to you, you can try on these clothes but you can't fill these shoes,"-- Poison-All Time Low
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 4:31 am
MiRaCLeS says...



Hello!

So, I noticed that you labelled the part where the flashback was about to happen. That's a bit like saying: Caution! Awesome paragraph right below. You don't do that, it's your job as a writer to signal to us reader subtly that it's a flashback. Most of the time it can be written in italics and the scene setting, mood and atmosphere is all different so to signal that this happened in the past.

I'd like to compliment you on the beginning two paragraph though, you told us the current situation, but not as to why they go there, which made me rahter curious, which in turn made me read on. So, really good hook in the beginning.

Another thing, I'd like to compliment you on is your dialogue, as far as I can see they're punctuated clearly and they sound real, like something someone might actually say. You also used dialogue to tell us about the camp and not info dump us, so that's really good. Your scenes and how your character all intereacted all seemed very realistic. So, well done on that. :)

So, overall pretty good, just change the way you told us a flashback was coming. :)
  





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Thu Aug 04, 2011 4:59 pm
Doxie00 says...



OMG THIS Ws AWEEEEESOOOMEEE!!!!!

LIKE I GOT HOOKEDD ON IT FROM GHE VERY FFIRST PHRASE! :D

Im afraid i aint got no nitpiicks for ya! xD

CANT WAIT TO READ THE REST! Especially what happenned that last camping trip! u_u
  








Who, being loved, is poor?
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