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Sometimes, chapter Ten



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Thu Jul 07, 2011 5:33 pm
xDudettex says...



Spoiler! :
Hey there! So I know I only posted chapter nine on Sunday, but I really want to know what you guys think of this part. I think things start to happen in this chapter, character wise, and I'm not sure whether it was a good or bad step, having a character behave like they do in this chapter. I want to know if it was the right thing to do or not.

Thanks to those loyal few whose thoughts and comments really do mean the world to me, and to those who read the crazy things my brain comes up with :)

In the last chapter - Harriet discovered Aiden fancies Lara and Aiden invited Harriet to the cinema with the band and gave up his seat so she could sit next to Sonny. Enjoy!


I’d yawned so many times in the last five minutes that I’d lost count. I could feel another one threatening to bubble to the surface as I wiped a damp cloth lazily over the counter top. The smell of disinfectant was burning my eyes and I wanted nothing more than to close them and go to sleep.

“Stop yawning, Harri. You’ll put the customers off if you keep giving them the ‘fly catching’ face.”

I shrugged and backed into Leanne, dripping water from the cloth all over her new green skinny jeans.

She rolled her eyes at me. “If I’d have known that you were going to be a zombie this morning then I wouldn’t have let you come last night.”

“I’m not ten. I can handle late nights,” I replied.

Leanne laughed. “Evidently not. You’ve been wiping the sides with a screwed up apron.”

My eyes widened as I studied the cloth in my hands. Leanne was right. I’d been using one of ‘Retro shack’s’ aprons to clean up spilled slushies and smoothies.

“Oops,” I said. “My bad.”

Leanne took the apron from me and sighed. “Yeah, your bad. Look, why don’t you sit down for five minutes and let me serve?”

I shook my head, ignoring the hair that fell into my eyes. “No. I have to keep working. I’ll only fall asleep if I get half a chance.”

“Okay. If you’re sure,” Leanne said. “Just don’t have any more attempts at cleaning. I’ll get someone else to do it.” She smiled as her phone sounded from her pocket. “Just try not to poison the customers.”

I aimed a salute at her and watched as she studied the screen on her phone with a beam.

“Who text you?” I asked, leaning forwards to try and catch a glimpse of the message.

Leanne jumped backwards and shook her head, holding her phone to her chest.

“Please?” I asked.

“It’s only Sonny,” she said, stashing her phone back into her pocket. “He was saying something about the film last night.”

I turned away quickly and tried to ignore the way my heart was beating against my ribs as if I’d just run a marathon. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she continued, hovering over my shoulder as I took an order for a banana smoothie. Even the sound of the blender whirring didn’t shut her up. “He was saying about how cool the special effects were. I mean, didn’t that fight scene look so real?”

I rolled my eyes at the glass I was pouring the smoothie into before smiling up at the customer. “£1.50, please.” The girl handed me a five pound note and I counted out the change to the sound of Leanne describing how cool the laser guns were. “Thanks,” I said. “Enjoy.”

The girl smiled, gave Leanne an odd look, and then left.

“And I’m the one scaring the customers away,” I mumbled.

“Huh?” Leanne asked. “I was talking about the laser guns.”

“I know,” I said, turning back around to face her. “I heard you.”

Leanne cocked her head to the side. “Oh. Good.” She straightened back up and smiled. “Did you like the film?”

I nodded and set to work wiping the counter down again, with a cloth this time.

To be honest, I couldn’t even remember anything about the film. I’d tried to stay focused, but it had been near impossible while sat next to Sonny. I’d never known someone to fidget so much; I’d had a mini heart attack every time he’d moved. Not that I really minded. I was just glad to have got to sit next to him.

“You and Aiden seemed pretty close.”

I almost choked on the water I’d just taken a swig of. What was is on about? I composed myself for long enough to swallow the water I still had in my mouth. “We’re friends,” I replied, hoping that I didn’t sound lame. Besides, it was true.

“Just friends?” Leanne had raised her eyebrows in what I guessed was supposed to be a meaningful way and I wanted to rip the bow out of her hair for it. “’Cause to me.”

“Yes. Just friends,” I said, giving the side an extra hard scrub. “That’s all.”

Leanne laughed and pulled at the sleeve of my t-shirt playfully. “Jeez, Harri! I was only asking. No need to get angry.” She smiled. “It’s just that you spent most of the evening talking to him.”

“So?” I asked, sounding a little uptight. “It’s not like I know Roz and Warren that well.” I avoided saying Sonny’s name. There was too big a risk of me blushing and blowing everything. “I know Aiden from college. I have to sit by him in English.”

“Oh. So you’re not friends with him by choice?” She was watching me carefully and I wanted to shove the dirty cloth in her face to get her to look away.

“What’s with all the questions, Leanne?”

She shrugged. “I’m just curious.”

“Yeah, well go be curious somewhere else,” I said, shooing her away as another customer approached the counter.

Leanne chuckled. “Okay, Harri. I can tell when I’m not wanted.”

I pushed my hair out of my face and forced myself to smile. “Welcome to Retro Shack! How can I help you?”

***

Leanne soon disappeared into the staff room so I was left to my own devices. Fed up of scrubbing the counter and serving, I signalled to Lance, the other guy on duty today, that I’d had enough. He ambled over from where he’d been collecting glasses and smiled at me.

“Leanne doing your nut, eh?”

I laughed. “You could say that.”

Lance set the tray he’d been carrying down onto the counter and scratched his jaw. His glasses made him look nerdy but the muscles under his apron begged to differ; he always boasted at how many times he worked out a week. “Your sister’s not that bad.”

“She’s being nosy,” I said, coming around the counter to stand next to him. “She thinks she’s missing out on some big piece of gossip.”

Lance raised an eyebrow.

“She’s not,” I said, eyeing him meaningfully.

He raised both hands to his shoulders. “Alright. I was just gonna say that you know you can tell me whatever you want.”

I wanted to laugh. Little did he know that he’d be the last person I’d tell about Leanne’s ideas about me and Aiden. Lance, being on the College football team, was almost certain to tell Brandon everything.

I grabbed a spray bottle and cloth from the cleaning cupboard and made my way towards the empty tables by the window. At least then I could stare out at the street and pretend to be doing some work.

I set to work wiping down the first table that seemed to be covered in slushie, when I caught a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. Brunette hair and a huge smile, I waved back at Lara with enthusiasm. At least her optimism would keep me awake. The bell above the door sounded and I looked up to see her making her way over to me. She looked nice dressed in a navy coat and dark jeans. I found it hard to understand why Cassie hated her so much; if you discounted the whole thing with Mike, that was.

“How’s life, Harriet? I miss not sitting next to you in English.” She sounded like she’d just drank four caffeine loaded coffees and I realised I missed her happy go lucky attitude.

“Great thanks,” I replied, dropping the cloth onto the table. I wiped my hands on my apron. “You know, same old same old.”

Lara nodded and her ponytail swished behind her. “I know, right? College work seems to be taking over at the moment.”

“No thanks to Mr. Lloyd,” I said. “Do you reckon he likes setting us giant essays?”

Lara giggled. “I bet. He’s always the one that ruins my weekend plans. I was supposed to go shopping today but that huge assignment of his threw that plan out the window.”

I watched her in awe. Even while complaining she managed to sound happy. “That’s a shame. I could do with a shopping trip. I need to update my wardrobe apparently.”

“Who told you that?” Lara asked, a confused expression on her face. “I think you dress lovely.”

I couldn’t help smiling. “Cassie actually.”

Lara nodded. “How is Cassie?”

“As cheerful as ever,” I replied.

“I was going to ask her where she got her perfume from actually,” Lara said. “It smells lovely.”

Bad idea. “Uh, I think it’s some limited edition stuff from one of the beauty shops in the precinct.”

“Thanks. Now I really need to go shopping.”

I picked the cloth back up to resume cleaning. Leanne was helping Lance serve and I didn’t want her accusing me of slacking off.

“Actually, do you fancy going shopping with me next weekend? Only, providing Mr. Lloyd doesn’t overload us with work, I should be free. And it would be great to have a proper catch-up.”

I snapped my gaze back up from the table, unsure of how to respond. Sure, it would be great to hang out with Lara, but what was I supposed to tell Cassie? ‘Hey, just hanging out with the girl who ‘stole’ your crush from you.’ Yeah, so not gonna go down well.

Lara was watching me expectantly and I forced myself to make a decision. A quick glance at Leanne, hoping for some inspiration, and I nodded to myself.

“Shall we say eleven?”

***

I spent the next half hour worrying about whether I’d made the right decision or not.

“Of course you have,” Leanne said after I’d confided in her. I had a feeling she’d been trying to lip read my conversation with Lara anyway. “You can’t let the fact that Cassie doesn’t like her stop you from hanging out with your friend.”

I nodded more to myself than Leanne. What she was saying made sense, but the prospect of Cassie finding out about me spending time with Lara still made me nervous. Cassie’s tendency to get overly jealous about the stupidest things scared me. I couldn’t help thinking back to when I’d lied about my French grade last year, to make her feel good. Only it didn’t work out so well when she found out the truth; the silent treatment had been worse than any insults she could have spun at me.

“You gonna tell her then?” Leanne was smiling at me.

“You know I’m not,” I replied.

“Bad idea,” Leanne said.

“I know.” I sighed. “But what am I supposed to do? She’ll only go off on one if I do tell her. What do you think I should do?”

“Sonny!”

My heart rate increased dramatically at the sound of his name. “What?” I glanced up to see Leanne skipping round the counter and over to the door. Butterflies descended into my stomach when I spotted Sonny’s car parked just outside.

“Sonny’s here,” Leanne said. “He’s come to talk about setting up another gig.”

I instantly spun around to check my appearance in the mirror hanging on the staff door. My heart dropped as my eyes fell on messy hair and smudged mascara. Why hadn’t Leanne told me I looked like a panda that had been dragged backwards through a hedge? Panicking, I rubbed my fingers under my eyes before patting down my hair. I heard a car door slam just as I spotted a mark on my chin where some smoothie had splashed onto my face. Could I look anymore of a mess?

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. It would be awesome. Oh, hey Harriet.”

I dragged the back of my hand along my chin, praying the smoothie would wipe off, and then turned around to see the hottest guy on Earth standing next to my sister.

“Hiya!” I replied. Since when do I say hiya? Leanne was looking at me strangely but I tried to ignore her. “Leanne said something about setting up another gig,” I added, trying to redeem myself from the ‘hiya’ situation.

Sonny nodded. “I’ve been speaking to the guy in charge of events at The Rooster and he seems keen to have us back there to play another show.”

“Yeah,” Leanne said. “Sonny’s working his charm.”

Sonny laughed and I dug my fingers into my palms in an attempt to stop the girly laugh that was threatening to escape.

“You should definitely come if we get it, Harri,” Leanne said. “You haven’t seen us properly yet.”

“Yeah, you should. Besides, we can never have enough groupies,” Sonny said.

I could feel myself blushing. He has no idea.

Leanne hit him on the back of his head but all he did was laugh again. “Eww, Son. Seriously? She’s my sister.”

Sonny looked at me, dead in the eyes, and smiled. “So?”

I thought my heart was going to explode.

Leanne rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her hair. “Anyway. Sonny and I are gonna go in the staff room to check our website so I’m leaving you in charge.”

I laughed under my breath. “I’ll try not to go insane from all the responsibility.”

Sonny followed Leanne round the counter. He was wearing a leather jacket today and it made my heart melt.

“Just knock if you need anything,” Leanne added just before the door clicked shut. I nodded at my reflection in the mirror as the bell above the door rang. Retro Shack was quieter than usual today, probably due to the rarity of a sunny day in November. I knew I’d rather be outside than shut up in a shop with barely anybody for company.

Lance was back to scrubbing tables and I watched him for a moment, entranced by his repetitive motions; spray the cleaner, scrub the table, set the coasters back down.

“Do you want anything?”

I shook my head at the sound of Lance’s voice and smiled. “I’m just so tired and bored. I could really do with being at home right now.”

Lance stopped what he was doing and turned to me, a crooked smile on his square face. “So I guess you’re not coming to football practise tonight, then? Brandon will be ever so disappointed.”

I pulled on a sarcastic smile. “Oh dear.”

“Oh come on, Harriet. He’s a nice guy,” Lance said, perching on the side of the pool table, much to the annoyance of the two guys who were having a game.

“So everyone keeps saying.”

“Just give him a chance.”

I shook my head and cursed under my breath when my hair fell into my eyes. Again. “Nope.”

“Why not? It’s not like you have a boyfriend or anything.”

I tried with all my might to keep from looking at the staff door. Lance had seen Sonny come in and he was sure to guess something was up if I glanced at the door. “So?”

“Just one date?”

Lance’s pressuring was making me feel mean but I forced myself to stay strong. “No can do,” I said with a shrug.

Lance shook his head slowly and picked the spray bottle back up just as the bell above the door sounded again.

“Oh, Harriet. I’m glad I haven’t missed you.”

I smiled. “What are you doing back here, Lara? I mean, do you want a drink or anything?”

“I’ve come to give you my number,” she said and I looked down to see her holding out a bright pink scrap of paper. On it were eleven digits elegantly penned in blue ink. “I couldn’t remember if you had it or not.”

“I’m not sure actually. Thanks.”

Lara grinned and studied the menu on the counter. “Actually, I might just have a strawberry smoothie.”

“Sure,” I replied, starting to work on her order. “Coming right up.”

In no time at all, I had her drink ready. I was just adding the straw when the door bell sounded yet again and I caught sight of a flash of blonde hair. My worst nightmare was confirmed when I almost choked on the smell of summer berries.

“Here.” I thrust the smoothie at Lara rather too forcefully. “It’s on the house.”

Lara frowned lightly and stopped rummaging in her purse. “Really? Are you sure?”

I nodded hard and plastered on my best customer service smile. “Thanks for calling in.” I glanced down at my jeans to make sure the piece of pink paper was concealed in my pocket. “See you again.”

Lara took her drink and backed away from the counter. I couldn’t tell if she looked confused at my sudden weird behaviour or if she was pleased that she’d gotten a free drink. “See you.”

I nodded again, trying not to look right at Lara, as I spotted Cassie hanging around by the giant menu board.

Once Lara was gone, I surveyed the room and once my eyes landed on Cassie, I pretended to notice her for the first time.

“Oh, hey Cass!”

Cassie sauntered towards me, her gaze still on the door that Lara had just walked out of. “Hey, H. I was just passing when I thought I’d drop in.” It was then that I saw the shopping bag in her hand. “I didn’t know she’d be here though.”

I thought about acting the innocent, feigning ignorance about who she was referring to, but I knew better of it. “Lara was only getting a smoothie.”

Cassie nodded and leaned against the counter. “Yeah, I noticed.”

I glanced coolly over at Lance to see him smiling to himself. I wasn’t surprised; I was sure that at least half of my College year knew about Cassie hating Lara. All except Lara and Cassie, it seemed.

“What did you buy then?” I asked.

Cassie gave me a look that showed she knew I was purposely changing the subject. She narrowed her eyes at me. “I’m not stupid.”

I nodded. “I know that.”

“I mean, I’m not stupid enough not to know that you and Lara and still friends,” she said.

I forced myself to look at her diamante studded earrings instead of her eyes. “Oh.”

There was a brief silence in which we both looked anywhere but at each other. A boy appeared at the counter, wanting a blue slushie, and I happily complied. When I’d finished his order however, I was back to staring at my finger nails.

“Did you two talk about anything nice?”

Part of me was surprised to hear Cassie speak first, with her being so stubborn, but it was the sound of her voice that stunned me the most. She sounded almost upset.

I looked at her properly for the first time since she’d entered and something struck me. Behind the pale pink lipstick and the layers of foundation and mascara, she actually looked worried. I swallowed hard at the prospect of telling her the truth.

“She invited me shopping.”

My words hung in the air while Cassie appeared to process them. Instead of getting angry like I’d been expecting, I spotted her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly.

“Oh.”

“I might not go though,” I said quickly, afraid that Cassie might start crying. Her eyes looked shiny with potential tears.

“You should go.” Cassie shrugged. “I mean, you shouldn’t let the fact that me and her aren’t… friends, stop you from hanging out with her.”

I pinched my arm behind my back. Was I dreaming? Was Cassie actually being, dare I say it, reasonable?

“Uh, yeah. I think I might go then.” The awkwardness was killing me and the sad expression Cassie was wearing was unsettling. “Are you okay?”

She nodded half heartedly.

“Because you can tell me, Cass. If you’re feeling…”

“I just don’t want you to have more fun with her and then decide to ditch me.” She clamped a hand over her mouth, almost as if she was shocked at what she’d just admitted to.

“Cassie.” My throat was dry and I didn’t know what I was supposed to say. “You know I’d never do that.”

She brought a hand up to cup her face and I prayed that she wouldn’t start crying. “I just feel so inadequate next to her.”

My mouth dropped open before I could help it. I snapped it shut straight away. “That’s bull.”

Cassie’s eyes widened at my almost cursing. “It’s how I feel.”

“Well, you shouldn’t feel like that.”

“But Lara’s so happy and smiley and popular and lovely.” A touch of the usual, feisty Cassie nearly escaped as she quoted the word that Lara was famous for saying all the time. “And I’m not.”

I leaned across the counter and beckoned her forwards into my outstretched arms. “You are lovely. You are a happy person… most of the time. You have a great smile and anyone who doesn’t like you has something wrong with their brain.”

I felt Cassie grip me tighter. I was suffocating on her perfume but I didn’t care.

“I’d choose you over her any day.”

“Thanks, H,” Cassie whispered into my ear.

“Any time,” I replied, blinking to try to unstick some of her hairspray covered hair from my eyelash. My eyes stung but I didn’t care. I was just glad Cassie had finally opened up to me about something.

“I didn’t know Sonny was here.”

My heart leapt to my throat again and I eased back from her a bit so I could look at the staff door. I’d forgotten that Sonny was here. Sure enough, when I’d detached myself from Cassie’s vice like grip properly, I saw Leanne and Sonny exchanging glances in the staffroom doorway.

“Well, uh, I’ll, uh, text you later.” Cassie sounded embarrassed and I turned to see her already half way to the shop door. “Thanks, H.”

“No problem,” I replied to the sound of the bell ringing as the door swung shut.

Leanne coughed behind me. “Wow. I didn’t know she had feelings.” She was attempting to smirk but it had gotten lost halfway to the surface leaving her looking bemused instead. “She may look like a Barbie doll but she sure ain’t plastic on the inside.”

I shrugged. “I’m just as surprised as you are.”

“Nice one, Harriet.”

Sonny’s words made my spine tingle.

“Yeah,” Leanne agreed. “I didn’t see that one coming at all.”
'Stop wishing for the sunshine. Start living in the rain.' - Kids In Glass Houses.

'Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?' - MCR artwork.
  





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Thu Jul 07, 2011 7:37 pm
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KaylaCoon says...



Kayla here!

Welp, I'm just as impressed as ever! Writing come so natural to you! And you never seem to have a problem with finding anything to say or write about in your chapters. I like the conflict in the chapter where we find out that Cassie isn't as tough as she seems. She has layers, you really made your characters deep.

I like how ever time Sonny talks whether directed to her or just in general, she gets all flustered and freaks. I also like how Brandon is a re accuring problem. How ever one seems persistant with the fact that she give him a chance. I like how you use that problem as a side note to distract the from the main plot. And whether we like it or not, I'm sure Brandon and Harriet will go on a date sometime.

Even though the readers want Harriet and Aiden to be together. I think you are doing a really nice job of really making this story play out. You're adding things so the readers don't get bored and the main plot is really amazing and captivating. It really hold your attention.

I honestly can't find anything wrong with this chapter and I can't wait to read another!!

--Kayla!! :D
The closest friends are the ones you'd take a bullet for, but they're the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well<33--Alex Gaskarth

"So take my life I'll had it to you, you can try on these clothes but you can't fill these shoes,"-- Poison-All Time Low
  





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Sun Jul 10, 2011 8:41 pm
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Sins says...



I'm here! It's about time.

I'm going to warn you in advance that this will be my most useless review yet. :P

I really loved this chapter, Anna! I love what you did with Cassie because you added a new layer to her, and you made me sympathise with her a lot, so a brilliant job there. I'm assuming this was what you were talking about in the spoiler about your characters behaving in certain ways, right? Well, if it is, I don't think you need to worry about it because I reckon you handled it well. As always, I love your characters in general, and I'm glad that the plot is progressing nicely because I know you've struggled with that in the past. Overall, a great job! You should be proud. 8)

The only kind of critique I have is a really pathetic nit-pick, to be honest... I've noticed that whenever Sonny's name is mentioned or he appears in a scene, Harriet gets all flustered. That isn't the problem though because I love that she gets so embarrassed, but I've noticed that you describe her fluster in the same way a lot. It gets a bit repetitive, basically. For example, you always seem to mention her heart/heartbeat. It's obviously not a huge problem, and it can be fixed pretty easily, methinks. Just be sure to vary your descriptions of H's reactions to Sonny because you could end up falling into the trap of repetitiveness. >.<

LOL, I'm so useless.

It may be because I'm half asleep right now, even though it's not eve 10:00pm yet, but I think that's all I have to say. I can't really see any huge issues with this or anything. It could be a good thing though because it shows that your writing is getting harder to critique due to it being so good! Hopefully, someone will be able to give you a better review some time!

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins
I didn't know what to put here so I put this.
  





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Mon Jul 11, 2011 9:27 pm
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SakuraFallsSweetly♥ says...



Hey there! I really love this! Please PM me when you write more? I love Sonny, he's my favourite. Harriet is pretty awesome too! =] This is such a good story! I'm litterally hooked. This should be published. Like, seriously. You are an amazing writer! Love it! Great job.
The only true failure, is when you give up. ♥
  





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Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:21 pm
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theotherone says...



Hey Dudette!

I'm so sorry it took me this long to get to this... Life is a little bit packed for me lately, and well now that I'm pretty much stuck in bed, I have the time to review your stuff. :)
I’d tried to stay focused, but it had been near impossible while I sat next to Sonny.

What was this on about?

“’Cause to me...

This is a suspended sentence.

This was a slow chapter once again, and I'm wondering when we will actually see a conflict... But no matter, it was still a good chapter. I like the little 'freak out' Cassie had, it makes her less of a bitch and flat character. :) I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!

Keep writing. :)

-Other One

PS: Sorry for the short review...
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
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Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman