Chapter 9
“How do you honestly think I did?” I asked Vanessa anxiously as we climbed off the crowded train and made our way down the road towards her house.
“You did great!” replied Vanessa rolling her eyes, “You did fantastic! You have way more chances of getting in then any other girl on that stage. You actually had talent.”
“But I did bad…” I groaned, maybe before the audition it was easier to tell myself that I didn’t give a crap about this part but ever since I got to be close to Erik and see what the part of Eliza would get to see (and most definitely kiss) I wanted it. I wanted to be Eliza. I wanted the chance to have him look lovingly in my eye and tell me, even if it was just acting, how much he loved me. I bet April didn’t get that from him!
“I’m not even going to bother with this,” muttered Vanessa, “You, my friend, are going to shut up about the audition until you get the results. Plus I thought you were having second thoughts about doing this play?”
“I saw what I’d be missing out on if I didn’t do the play.”
Vanessa didn’t answer me instead her eyes turned distant. She has been like that ever since we came out of the theatre. She barely talked during the shopping trip except to assure me that I did fine and to complain about Mike and his perverted hands. I was used to this kind of silence, Vanessa and I have been friends for years and we’d tell each other everything but there was just that one thing that she never told me about. At first that frustrated me but as the years went on I grew used to it and tried to pretend like she was just silent and was listening to me chattering on about some pointless problem. I knew that she’ll tell me if it was serious…I’d find out eventually.
“You’ll get the part,” said Vanessa confidently, shaking her head and forcing on a smile, “Trust me when I say that if God hates me. You will get the part.”
I raised an eyebrow, “Wait, what?”
“I better go,” said Vanessa quietly, gave me a quick hug and ran across the road into her estate. I watched her as she rushed through the tree lined estate, her hands folded into fists.
Would me getting the part really piss her off that much?
I contemplated her last words as I made my way through the streets of Dublin suburbs. High income houses glared down at me from each side of the road, their driveways filled with gleaming and expensive cars. It was the middle of spring and blossoms decorated each tree, the air filled with a curtain of swirling white and pink petals. What could possibly be the problem?
My Saturday passed in more silence from Vanessa. She refused to answer my calls and didn’t even turn up to Derrick’s garage as his band practiced for a gig taking place on Grafton Street next weekend.
“Is she answering your calls?” asked Derrick sitting down on the sofa beside me. He grabbed a can of coke from a cooler and put his feet on a coffee table.
I grabbed the laptop off the coffee table and put it on my lap. “No,” I replied and shrugged, “She was being really weird! It’s like one minute she was all laughing and stuff and the next minute she just stopped talking.”
“Maybe she’s just realizing how much she likes me?” asked Mike.
Gary and Sam snorted from the distance. Gary threw his drum sticks in the air and dropped them on the floor. Sam and Derrick rolled their eyes and laughed.
“I strangely doubt that,” I said frowning, “Otherwise she’ll be talking to you now wouldn’t she?”
“I know but jeez…what a way of crushing my dreams like!”
“She’s always going on mad ones like this though,” said Derrick reassuringly, “Its matter of getting used to it at this point.”
“That means she has a problem and she also said that if God really hates her I would get that part in the play, what could that mean?”
“She’s jealous…?” asked Gary, “That’s what it sounds like from here anyway, why else would she be so pissed off about you getting the part?”
“I doubt that too,” I replied and sighed, “She was the one that kept insisting I audition for the stupid play! It’s so damn pointless why can’t she just tell us what’s wrong?”
“Mainly because some people like to keep most of their problems a secret,” said Sam, he scratched his head, “Hmm…”
“She’ll get over it,” said Derrick dismissively, “It’s not like anyone is dying or anything. She’ll get over it and be bragging about some dude she met in no time.”
That was also true. After every episode Vanessa went through, she’d always come back to us with a mad story about meeting some hot dude in a shop, the park, the restaurant, the beach…wherever. The story always starred the same guy...dark short hair and grey eyes- she was a sucker for grey eyes. That seemed kind of suspicious but also made the situation a lot less worrying.
Mike sat down on my other side and put an arm around my shoulders, “But what about you Michelle? Will you be bragging about some hot new dude you met over the weekend?”
Only one, but I wouldn’t be bragging about him, not until I got the part. “Of course,” I flashed him a huge grin, “I’ll always be bragging about a hot new dude. He always has the same name.”
Mike grinned, “I know, I know…no need to say it…”
“Derrick,” I grabbed Derrick’s hand and gave him a huge grin.
Derrick grinned back and intertwined his fingers through mine, “Of course,” he murmured.
Mike pulled his arm away from me and got up to grab his microphone, “Come on Derrick! Let’s show this girl how to really rock. I’m going to sing a song about what a loser you really are.”
I laughed and released Derrick’s hand as he got up to join his band. His eyes didn’t leave me as our fingers let go. And even then I felt the warmth bubbling at the pit of my stomach, he was always there for me when I needed him, he was always around to help me with whatever problem I had. Why was he dismissing Vanessa’s problem as if it was nothing to worry about?
That night when I was online on Facebook I noticed the comments on April’s page. Ok I admit that maybe I did add her even though I always told myself that I never would. Vanessa was right- it was a good way of keeping an eye on the enemy. I felt sorry for even looking on her page after I saw the comment.
“Erik C- I love you <3”
I quickly logged out of my profile. Slammed my laptop shut and put it on my table before lying back on my bed. I remembered thinking that April will never get to see Erik looking deeply into her eyes and say that. I remembered thinking that I was lucky for getting the chance to stand on stage with him like that but the truth was that she was lucky. She was the one that got to kiss him. She was the one that got to talk to him. She was the one that he was going out with and quite clearly loved and me…I was nothing.
I was sick of being myself. I was sick of being plain and weird Michelle. It was about time that I changed into someone who everyone would like. Vanessa’s makeover might’ve been a bit effective but it wouldn’t match my new makeover. I covered my face in my hands and tried to swallow back the lump in my throat. Why did I even like Erik?
Erik was popular, he had everything he needed and he had talent. Why the hell would someone as hot as him be interested in someone as plain as me? Who was I kidding anyway? It’s not like cutting my hair and putting on a fairly decent outfit could get me anyone! I was never going to be like April, I was never going to be perfect with long blonde hair and tanned smooth skin; I was never going to have long legs and big boobs, quite the opposite. I would always be me. I would always be the weirdo by the name of Michelle. The one who wears big hoodies and no makeup, the one who people throw paper balls at in class and laugh when my back is turned. It frustrated me, it sickened me.
I sat up and quickly made my way to the bedside table. I grabbed a bottle of black nail varnish and unscrewed the lid. If I was going to be pretty- I might as well start with the nails.
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