Allured Chapter 4

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Chapter four
Snow

The whole day I felt everything, everything she was feeling.

I felt her curiosity and excitement as we watched the soldiers training in air combat. Her happiness when a small boy with dark ruby wings gave her a white rose from the garden. And her sadness when we said goodbye that night.

I was so happy she couldn’t feel what I was feeling, because as the day went on I fell more in love with her.

I hated not being able to control these stupid feelings.

I hated love.

That night when I said goodbye to her and she closed her door I didn’t go to my room. I went to see that some other business was done, and went down into the dungeons.

I found him sitting in a cold stone cell, his wing already healed from the dagger that Vivvian had stabbed him with. His pasty white face looked even darker and scarier in the dark dungeon. But he didn’t scare me.

His black beady eyes looked up at me as I approached and his face twisted into a sick smile. I wanted to punch it back into his pastry face so bad. But I would wait until he was released, now I was just going to scare him.

“Skilton” I growled, my face just inches from the iron bars that held him in his cell.

“Well well, isn’t it Vivvian’s lover” Skilton crackles, his sickly voice echoing through out the dungeon.

“I am not Vivvian’s lover” I snapped, showing my teeth

“Sure you aren’t” Skilton said simply then shook his greasy black hair “What is it you want?”

“I’m here to warn you” I said, fury seizing my body “If you ever come back to this castle, I’ll kill you. You leave Vivvian alone!”

Skilton chuckled, mocking me “You shouldn’t be worried about me, friend. There are far more worries then just little old me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I hissed.

“Why would I tell you?” Skilton walked over to the bars, his face inches from mine. “But all you need to know, I was only lovin on Vivvian because she wont be around for very much longer, and clearly your not going to love her. She needs some love before she dies.”

Anger lashed out and I grabbed his skeleton hands, pulled them through the bar so his face was plastered against the iron bars. His eyes went huge, in fear. I could almost taste the fear he was putting out now.

“You tell me what you meant or I’ll cut every one of your fingers off” I pulled out my dagger so he knew I was serious.
“Okay! It’s the Mabbians” He said quickly, I could almost feel him trembling through his cell “They are coming in from the north, and they have a spy!”

“Who! Who is their spy!” I teased his fingers with my dagger.

“I don’t know!” He screamed “Whoever he is, he killed Cara! He killed Cara and he’s going to kill Vivvian too!”

I shoved him back in his cell, and he fell lamely to the ground.

I sneered. “You’re a coward.”

I turned around, while I listen to him sob in his cell. I would kill him, before we were through.
Write with your heart first
then with your head




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The whole day I felt everything, everything she was feeling.

I felt her curiosity and excitement as we watched the soldiers training in air combat. Her happiness when a small boy with dark ruby wings gave her a white rose from the garden. And her sadness when we said goodbye that night.


I LOVE the first few lines soo much :D It sounds soo adorable :D
Well the plot is moving along nicely and I can't wait to read more :D
Snow is protective of Vivian and yeah...conflict between love and job again :D I like it :D
The only problem is, maybe you should lengthen this chapter a bit more and just add a bit more details :D This scene is meant to be sort of really tense...but I kind of didn't feel it a bit, so a bit more details and it'll be perfect :D
"We love the ones that ignore us
But ignore the ones that love us"

Alexx




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Hello again. :)

Whoa, next chapter is short! Like Alexx said here, you might want to get a little more details in this one.

That night when I said goodbye to her and she closed her door, I didn’t go to my room.


“But all you need to know, I was only loving on Vivvian because she wont be around for very much longer, and clearly your not going to love her. She needs some love before she dies.”


That's all I've got to say... You already know that I like the plot, and it<s coming along nicely. Good job and keep writing!

-Other One
Behind every mask, lies a man that can't live in his own skin. - Woe is Me <3
Need a reviewer? I don't bite, I promise. :) ---> viewtopic.php?f=188&t=76466




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Pretty good. Kepp writing! I can't wait for the next chapter. I did not find that many errors so I won't mention them:)
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He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war.
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