I want you guys to comment on this scene so i know whether it sounds to corny or not. I really need your guys opinion. I've never written anything like this and haven't read much of this stuff either so please let me know what you think.
Elwinn and Ralic sat on their bed staring at each other. Neither were sure how to go about this at all. They had been married that day and what a beautiful ceremony it had been. The firelight from the fireplace cast shadows across their faces. Elwin stared longingly at the beautiful glow that was cast on Ralic's face. She was a bit nervous and could tell by the expression on Ralic's face he was too. Neither wanted to seem to eager for this afraid that it would repulse the other. Ten minutes passed and Elwinn leaned in and kissed her husband. Ralic wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back. It had started as a simple kiss but had become far deeper and more passionate. Ralic and Elwinn felt their lips crushing against one another and felt themselves let go.
Ralic put his hands on his wife's shoulders and moved them to the back of her dress. He felt the small ties and undid them slowly. He looked at her watching making sure that boundaries were not being broken. 'This is silly,'he thought. The two were married it shouldn't matter at this point. When all ties wer undone his slipped her sleeves off letting them fall to her waist. Elwinn broke the kiss and said, "I love you." She then put her hands on his shirt and began to unbutton it. All traces of nervousness or uncertainty melted away. Ralic slipped her out of her wedding dress and Elwinn him of is groom attire. Ralic felt his eyes examine her body. He looked over her flat stomach, her soft smooth legs, round chest, and her face. Elwinn examined him as well also stopping again at his face.
She smiled at him closed her eyes. Ralic eased her body down onto the bed and his on top of her. He smiled at her as well and kissed her lips and neck. He then began to work in her. He rocked her body slowly kissing her neck. Elwinn felt a sharp pain as her virginity was given to the man that she loved. She moaned in pleasure and her heart beat fast. She was breathing fast as her hands rubbed his back and chest. Ralic felt her starting to work with him as well and moaned. The great pleasure he found in her body was amazing. He whispered in her ear, "You are my first and last." Elwinn just grabbed his face and yanked his to hers. She kissed him violently and roughly. She then began to think, 'How could anyone take this feeling for granted. The great love and pleasure I feel at this moment is amazing. I can't see myself doing this with any other man. Knowing that I waited and gave my body to my husband is a great honor. This was worth the wait. This feeling is not worth all the money in the world.'
Passion consumed the new couple. They worked each other harder and faster. Elwinn was gasping for air and orgasims were coming out of her mouth at an alarming rate. She wasn't the only one Ralic as well was having the same reactions. Ralic kissed her again and again. He explored every inch of her body. The two tired after about three hours. Both were not satisfied but felt that their bodies couldn't take much more. The two sat up in their bed and stared at one another. Elwinn scooted closer to him and felt Ralic's genitals on her thigh. She kissed him tasting his tongue and mouth and he hers. The bed was a mess and the blankets tossed around. Elwinn finally pulled away. "I love you," was all she could say. He laughed quietly and said, "I know so do I." The two then lay down and fell asleep. Ralic wrapped his arms around his wife and pulled her against him. Her bare back pressing against his chest. The two fell asleep in perfect bliss.
ok so what do you think.
