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Forgotten Diety ( Chapter 2: A dip into the past)



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Mon May 12, 2008 6:06 pm
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



Damian lay on the cold metal of the cage floor. He listened to the carnival animals as he drifted off to sleep. Remembering was one of the hardest tasks he ever had to commit. His master had only given him one task. Just one simple thing to do, watch over Tom Calaveras. Comfort him when he was on the edge of sanity. Hinder him from foolish acts. But all he did was day dream of his past life as he watched from the clouds.


He wouldn’t have seen the urgency in the man’s eyes if he had tried. The pain on combating his inner fears, and the weight of his actions upon him. Lust was tearing his marriage apart as he the lashed out at his wife for accusations. Fear in her eyes as she packed their bags. Stuffing items into plastic bags, filling the trunk to its rim. Sleepless night as she waited for dawn to rise. Plan in hand as her day began. Dana was leaving him, but only after her daughter’s birthday.


Ten- year- old Adeline awoke as the sun brushed her face. She sprung out of bed and went to shower. Then she carefully pulled the blue lace dress over her head. Tying it around her small waist she headed for the stairs. Eyes closed she sat on the banister. With a shove she slid down the spiraling staircase. Gleefully she burst out laughing.


At the end of the banister she flung to the floor skidding into a puddle. Her hands broke her fall. As she looked down small hands covered in something sticky. Dress stained to no repair. Skin turning red, she lifted herself from the wooden floor. Two little feet slumped towards the kitchen. Pushing the door open, it stopped half way. Angrily she shoved it and it banged against something. The door creaked open and she peaked inside.


The whole town heard her scream that day. Daddy was lying on the kitchen floor and huge pool of blood around him. His daughter hurried to his side and shook him.

“Daddy, please wake up.! It’s me Adeline. The game’s over daddy. It’s not funny anymore.”


She shook him but he didn’t wake up. He didn’t when she screamed his name, or when they pried from him, or as she raced after the ambulance. Tripping as she jumped for the metal ladder as the van sped away. A scar appeared below her eye after that, marking the day for years to come.

“It’s all my fault," he whispered.


Of course she couldn’t see him. See his wings encasing her as he gently places a kiss between the part of her hair. But she shivered as he did so. She could feel him. Feel the coldness of his lips, as his wings turned from the wings of doves to the wings of a crow. This was his punishment. To stay on earth and watch over her stripped of his angelic powers and human necessities. But he deserved it none the less, he had failed her. He had felled his master, failed the woman to be, the one he was in love with from the start.


All night within that carnival the deity stirred. Forgotten and cold he shivered threw the night. Everyday he got more decrepit. His feathers plastered with caster oil. The carnies smeared that on him so his feathers would look like onyx. Back trailed with lashes. Whips leaving dug impressions on his pale skin. Hair a mess eyes clouded, all hope lost. It was him that needed saving. Adeline had cared for herself, most of the nine years he had been locked away. Never aging but he always remembered her, always to remember his treason.


Blue eyes staring at the dark room, the blackness surrounded him once again. He drifted again into restless sleep. Maybe she would come again maybe not. He surely didn’t deserve the effort. Although something told him she would. A felling that he would soon be free set him at ease. And also a notion of impeding dismay.
Last edited by Fall_Into_The_Sky on Thu May 15, 2008 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.
  





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Mon May 12, 2008 8:15 pm
Angel of Death says...



This was so beautiful Fallen, I really love where this is going. Its great how you weaved the prologue into the second chapter thus explaining who and what Damian is. I would love to hear Damian's thoughts sometime soon, please keep writing.
Good job,
Angel :D :D :D :D
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.
  





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Tue May 13, 2008 6:20 pm
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



Yea I have writers block though so chapter 3 will take some time.
I'll probably have it up by next week.
This week is the finals etc... of my last class( graduating soon)...
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.
  





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Wed May 14, 2008 1:54 am
TNCowgirl says...



Wow, good job!!!!!!


Keep going, please please please keep going.

I'll give a better crit later.


TNC
"And you wonder why we don't like you!" -Trumpkin
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Wed May 14, 2008 3:13 pm
mandy92 says...



Wow!! This was great! I loved it and I so wanna read more.

I hope you do good on finals.

And please, please keep on with this story!!

You have to or I'll be very upset!!


-Mandy :D :D :D
  





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Wed May 14, 2008 7:08 pm
TNCowgirl says...



Fall_Into_The_Sky wrote: Remembering was one of the hardest tasks he ever had to commit. His master had only given him one task. Just one simple thing to do, watch over Tom Calaveras. Comfort him when he was on the edge of sanity. Hinder him from foolish acts. But all he did was day dream of his past life as he watched from the clouds.


Interesting task if you ask me.



He wouldn’t have seen the urgency in the man’s eyes if he had tried. The pain on combating his inner fears, and the weight of his actions upon him. Lust was tearing his marriage apart as he the lashed out at his wife for accusations. Fear in her eyes as she packed their bags. Stuffing items into plastic bags, filling the trunk to its rim. Sleepless night as she waited for dawn to rise. Plan in hand as her day began. Dana was leaving him, but only after her daughter’s birthday.


So sad, so so so very sad.


Ten year old Adeline awoke as the sun brushed her face. She sprung out of bed and went to shower. Then she carefully pulled the blue lace dress over her head. Tying it around her small waist she headed for the stairs. Eyes closed she sat on the banister. With a shove she slid down the spiraling staircase. Gleefully she burst out laughing.

Ten-year-old, don't ask me why it is supposed to be like that. But that is what I've always been told you have to do.

“It’s all my fault he whispered.”


"It's all my fault." He whispered.


Ok, I cried.

The first time I read this, I was kinda on a bunch of meds. Wisdom teeth were yanked out. But that is terribly sad. Oh my goodness. But it was good. Please ignore my other crit. It was horrible. But my goodness, this was so sad and *tears*
"And you wonder why we don't like you!" -Trumpkin
.
.
Vist my world and make it bigger!
Want a Readers crit???
  





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Thu May 15, 2008 4:01 pm
Fall_Into_The_Sky says...



I might have somthing up my today or tomorro.
Depends on how much of my schooling I get done.
Plus I kind of messed up my writing hand..

The next chapter will be when she returns to the fair. And as I said the cotton candy guy will be a part of the story also.
The only wrong love is only one never felt.
Live to day as if your would die tomorrow.
Love like you know no other, dream as if they'd come true, hope because you can reach the stars.
  





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Fri May 16, 2008 12:44 pm
angelicahandover says...



Great job! :)
I'll crit another day. Sorry, I'm supposed to be writing a speech on 'Why I love English' for some competition that my teachers have signed me up for.

And speeches aren't exactly my forte. Haha.

My apologies.
Anyway, I hope to read more after your finals. ^^
Love, a wondrous power that Science can't explain.
  








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