z

Young Writers Society


Hey Its High School Pt2!



User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 300
Reviews: 0
Sat Apr 26, 2008 3:36 am
C.Archer says...



Hey, its me again with a new chappie. I've discovered that some of my charries are going to swear more than others, just 'cause it's high school, and, come on! How many of you who're either in high school or have been in high school and never heard a swear? but not in this chappie. Eventualy. So be warned in the future.

~~~~

"Morning, Aurora!" Aiden greeted me by my locker.

I showed him a weak smile, "Hello."

He frowned, "Bad morning?"

"Bad life." I replied.

He sighed and put a hand on my shoulder, "It'll get better. Look at the bright side; we're graduating in 9 months."

"Yeah, the bright side just got darkened. My parents just decided I'm far too achieved to go to the college of my choosing. Harvard is more their liking."

"But we planned to go to the same college since we were four! You can't leave me!" Aiden dropped to his knees and grasped my legs.

I patted his spiky head, "There, there, my friend. No worries."

He stood up, "Easy for you to say."

I would've replied to that if it weren't for the usual screaming from the end of the hallway. That's right; Josh Gregor had just entered the school. Flashing his phosphorescent smile at everyone who said hello to him, he walked down the hall with such pride and dignity. No one dared to step into his 'personal bubble' of followers. Surrounding Josh was the 4 J's. Juan, Jack , Jacob, Jon. Josh's best friends and teammates. And they all had girlfriends. The 4 C's. Caitlyn. Chloe. Cindy. Chailyn.

That was 'The Crowd'. The Crowd that everyone wanted to part of.

It was so high school that it made me sick.

"C'mon, let's go to Journalism." Aiden said to me, taking my arm and dragging me.

My spirit lifted. Journalism was my class. I had a solid A in that class. I was so passionate about this class, that my Award-winning novel would sit closed on my desk and not in my face. Nothing could ruin this for me.

"Well, Mr. Gregor. Late again I see." Mrs. Breton, my Journalism teacher, said to Josh, who was standing in the doorway.

Oh yeah, except the fact that Josh Gregor was in it.

"Sorry, I had things to do. But, honestly Mrs. Breton, I wanted to make it on time. I have such enthusiasm for this class!" Josh replied.

Girls giggled and guys smirked. Mrs. Breton's expression stayed the same, "As hard as that is to believe, I do believe it. Please, Joshua, find a seat."

Josh's eyes roamed around the room, searching for an empty seat. Unfortunately, the only empty one was the desk next to mine.

Josh walked over and planted himself in the desk comfortably. I sensed his eyes on me so I turned to him. His mouth turned into a smile as he said, "Hey."

"Hello." I replied, turning my attention to the blackboard.

"Now, Joshua. I would wait till after class to bring this to your attention but I feel now is a good time. Mr. Gregor, it seems as if your athletic responsibilities are more important than your schoolwork. And that has come to a halt as of now. Mr. Gregor, if your grades do not rise to at least a C but next month, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to talk to Mr. Placide about cutting you off the team until it does."

Josh's slouched position quickly straightened up, "WHAT?! C'MON, MRS. B! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

Guys and girls part of Josh's posse nodded furiously in agreement.

"Mrs. B, you can NOT do that to Josh! He's like, the football GOD! Without him, the team is nothing and we'd lose to Rockport!" Caitlyn, Juan's girlfriend, cried out.

I rolled my eyes, "Oh please..."

Everyone's' eyes quickly focused in my direction. Had I actually said that out-loud? "Excuse me?" Josh said, turning to me. Yeah, I said that out-loud.

"It's just; you make it seem like the world would come crashing down if the coach cuts you off for a little while. It's just football."

Everyone gasped. "Just FOOTBALL?! How can you say that?!" Josh said.

"Like this: IT'S.JUST.FOOT.BALL." I said, slowly pronouncing each word.

Josh rolled his eyes, "You wouldn't understand; you hide behind books all day. What would you know?"

"Well, atleast I have a future and my academics' aren't slipping because of some barbaric game that takes no talent nor effort."

"YOU CAN'T TALK THAT WAY TO JOSH! HE'S THE MAN!" Juan shouted.

"YEAH!" (s) filled the room and Josh smirked. "Ms. Addison, I must say, I'm delighted to see you this way. Usually it only takes questions for you to actually talk in this class. You enjoy this class, am I correct?" Mrs. Breton said to me.

I nodded, "Absolutely."

Mrs. Breton smiled, "Wonderful." She turned to Josh, "Mr. Gregor, there are two options. One is: you give up football practice for studying and private tutoring with my best student. Or: fail this class and get cut from the team permanently. Choose."

Josh sighed and turned to face the class, "Guys, for the team, can I take some time off?"

"Whatever you do, buddy, we're here for you, man." Juan said, patting Josh on the shoulder.

Josh turned to Mrs. Breton, "I'll take the tutor."

"Excellent. Ms. Addison, congratulations. You are now the private tutor of Mr. Gregor."

My jaw dropped, "NO! I REFUSE! I'm NOT tutoring... him."

"Hey! What's wrong with me?!" Josh said in defense.

"You're nothing but a possessed jock that cares about nothing but sports and girls. It's impossible to teach someone like you."

"Ms. Addison, if you do this, I'd be happy to give you extra credit. It would look excellent on your college applications. And, I would love to write in your recommendation letter that you were delighted to help another student who is lacking."

I hated it when she made a point.

I sighed, took a look at Josh, and bowed my head, "Alright. I'll do it."

I looked up to Mrs. Breton smiling face, "SPLENDID! Now, class..."

At that moment, I tuned Mrs. Breton's voice out. I couldn't bear to hear it any longer. I now officially hated her for what she did to me. Stupid teachers.
Last edited by C.Archer on Sun Apr 27, 2008 4:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
Can we, for two seconds ignore the fact that you're severely unhinged and discuss my need for a night of teenage normalcy?
  





User avatar



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 4
Sat Apr 26, 2008 1:38 pm
alexa119310 says...



I thought this was okay, I liked how you introduced the characters, letting the reader get a feel for their personalities. One thing that I suggest you work on is not repeating the same word to describe something over and over, such as the word "class". It's okay to use it a few times, but use other words as well, or else it can become boring for the reader.
  





User avatar
71 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 71
Sun Apr 27, 2008 1:22 am
Kepe says...



In general, your flow was good. It was easy to see the individual personalitys of each character.

The only thing I really had a problem with was the last part of your story where the teacher demanded the Aurora tutor Josh. That really doesn't seem believable, and since this story is in a modern high school setting I think you really need to make the actions of your characters believable.

All in all it seems good. I will reserve judgement for later chapters. Good luck, I am looking foward to finding out what will happen next.
  








I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.
— Flannery O'Connor