Young Writers Society

I don't owe you any more critiques, but I wanted to find out what happens to Emily.

I have to say that I'm kind of disappointed. Her dad just suddenly got better? No! I mean, maybe Emily should help him struggle out of his addiction? The way it is, with just a note, seems impossible and kind of... too perfect. I've heard that quitting alcohol can be really tough -- why was it so easy for her dad?

But asides from that, I like it. I'm glad that Emily is having trouble finding out who Jesse Brandon is; it makes her life more believable.
.. that came out wrong. I'm not mocking her pain or anything -- I'm glad that she's having trouble for the sake of an interesting story, not because I get joy out of other people's (even fictional character's) grief. Lol, no. I'm not THAT evil! XD

My critique for #2 basically applies here as well, so I won't bother repeating myself. Suffice to say that I think you should make the reader relate to Emily more, and that it's a little too perfect with her dad quitting the booze, but overall I enjoy the story.

I want #4!

Keep writing,
Camille

That was a short one but I really thought for a second there that it was all coming to an end. It almost sounded like Emily is sinking into depression, poor girl, but parts of her life are getting better. So far pretty good, don't be afraid to put more of her feelings out there. Looking forward to part four.

*~*Foreseer*~*

personally i'm still loveing your series but i do think that the ending was a bit to perfect
sorry but i do

Oooohhh, I like the ending there! "Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you. My mom's coming home." Nice job. That will definitely keep the reader wanting more.

well, dangg.
im super glad her dads getting better.
it always takes something big to get them to realize it.
becauase at first i hated him, but yay [x
i cant wait .
reading the fourth part now