Young Writers Society

I hope this disasterous night together cheers you up ^_^
~ Roxy

We did not strip down that that night, which was probably a mistake on Ethan’s part. His clothes were wet in the first place.
“What a great way to spend Valentine’s Day,” I thought to myself.
Sleeping on an old gym mattress, shivering under an ratty blanket with a wet German boy in my school’s basement.
The mattress shakes suddenly, and I turn around.

“Christ,” I mutter.

He’s shivering and gasping, eyes tightly closed.
“Can you stop shivering? It’s shaking the mattress. I can’t sleep.”
He just takes a deep, sudden breath and… and then it hits me. I slide my hand under his shirt, and start to pull it off.

“What--- what the fuck are you doing?” he gasps.

What the fuck AM I doing? Damn it. Maybe I should explain. I don’t routinely undress straight boys on Valentine’s day.
“Hold still. I’m not raping you.” I inform him courteously.
I opened my mouth to explain further, but then he goes stiff.
Fuck.

I can see the headline now---Janitor Finds Student and Dead Half-Naked German Boy in School Basement.
I look down at Ethan. Even in this crappy light I can see the color’s fading from his face. I grab his hand and feel his pulse, but it’s so weak that there was nothing else I could do except when I knew needed to be done. Think what you want about that.

I pulled off his wet jeans, shoes, and socks. Occasionally I brushed against his skin, and then it was hard to breath. I wanted to rub my hands all over it, lick it, kiss it--- but then I remember it’s Ethan. The Ethan I can’t stand, who I’m only rescuing so that the janitor
won’t find a dead guy in the basement tomorrow. And… admittedly I feel a little guilty that he ended up here tromping around in the rain looking for me.

“Okay, don’t panic.” I tell him, but I’m actually assuring myself as I shakily lay down next to him, “I’m just going to warm you up so you don’t die, nothing else.”

He’s naked now, except for his underwear.
Boxer-briefs, who knew?
If he dies, it would be only too creepy to know that at the moment I had nothing better to think about what underwear he was wearing. So, I look away and modestly and pull the blanket over both of us, sealing out as much of the cold as I can.
I strip off my clothes, too, putting them over his body and in any place of the blanket that has some cold air leaking in. It’s warmer now under the blanket, almost comfortable. Ethan’s breathing is even out, and I relax a little at the sound.

“You won’t be so relaxed when you wake up with me for Valentine’s Day,” I think to myself, settling in beside him.
I wrap my warms around his waist and pull his naked chest close to mine. We’re both naked now, except for my boxers and his boxer-briefs. I’m so glad I’m wearing boxers… they hide things a lot better than briefs. My hands slide to his rounded ass, but I quickly pull them back up to the small of his back. What am I doing? I’m a pervert, but I’m a nice pervert.
The truth is I never laid in bed with another guy like this before. The feeling you get when you lay with a guy the first time is underrated and overwhelming, and I don’t know how to hold him. If I loved him, I wouldn’t take advantage of him. But it’s not that easy when you’re that close to someone. Especially when I can hear the air fill his lungs, smell the shampoo he uses. I can feel his skin warm up under my fingers… I can almost taste it.

Damn it Ethan, why did it have to be you?

I push a leg between his, and put my head in the crook of his neck. I don’t care if he beats the crap out of me when he wakes up… it’s a chance I’m willing to take.
The truth is, I’ve had a crush on him since freshman year. The year we could talk and I told him all kinds of things I never told anyone. That year he still greeted me back and didn’t avoid me in the halls. That changed sophomore year, when he joined the swim team. Suddenly he had new friends, and I didn’t matter anymore. First we stopped hanging out outside of school, then he wouldn’t eat lunch with me anymore, and finally he stopped greeting me after he noticed Tiffany.

But that doesn’t change a damn thing about this crush. That’s the problem with crushes; they don’t make sense.
I hear him exhale softly, and his warm breath tickles my cheek. I open my eyes to look at him…

Before I think about it, I have his face in my hands and my tongue in his mouth. I’m biting his lower lip, tasting him for all he’s worth. Suddenly, I feel his tongue rub back against mine. I gasp and pull away in the nick of time, closing my eyes and pretending to sleep. Then I just lay there, my heart pounding so hard I think it’s going to explode. I listen tensely for every movement he makes, and when he’s quiet, I let myself drift off to sleep.


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Other parts:

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2/6
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3/6
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4/6
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*well-bred gasp of shock* Sweet Jesus! Homoerotic, much?

...just kidding. I'm just excited that I am finally warming up to Toby. Eer, not in the literal manner, mind you--but in his moment of maternal-ness, he was really quite a good person. Why? We see that even though he is not the most pleasant person to be around, he has a good heart. *sniff* You need to let little glimpses into this side of him in a little earlier on, I think--it doesn't have to be full-blown Ethan saving, but we've just got to know that he isn't a glorious, Pompous Ass all the way through the story.

Much as I am enjoying the story thus far, there are a few things we need to chat about in order to make it truly worthy of rocking articles of clothing--socks in particular--from my body:

I'M SORRY. YOU LIKE BOYS, HONEY.

Here is something that is not necessarily scientific fact, but is my observation--it is mainly the very gay that come out during high school. Why? High school is treacherous. You risk being eaten alive, more or less.

Want proof? Look at a few Facebook pages of thespians, Gossip Girl-viewers and hair flippers and you will discover that "Male interested in..." is either left blank or reads "women", when you really want to tap them on the shoulders and say, "I'm sorry. You like boys, honey." They're either adamant about their sexuality, or they don't feel fit to comment.

Girls have similar problems, but people tend not to pay attention as much to girls coming out because girls are strange and emotional and completely alien.There's not as much as a set path for girls to go down--guys going against the Mystical Magical Rules of Guyness is, to most, a very "ew" thing.

The point of this mini-rant? Sexuality, especially during high school, is a pretty murky thing. Ethan, the epitome of Guyness, may have a little more difficult time--especially when nearing death--coming to terms with, you know. Being Gay.

A little more denial on his end would be excellent, in short.

THE OLDEST TRICK IN THE BOOK:

"I'm cold. Let's take our clothes off and warm each other up!"

However wonderfully you may be able to spin that, at the bare-bones level, that's what this chapter sounded like. Adding in more denial--and therefore more pausing--from Ethan would help, but if this is indeed how this chapter needs to work, there needs to be uber-justification.

First off, how is Ethan wet? I read through the past few chapters again, but it is still a bit of a mystery. If it's "damp basement" falling in a puddle might justify that, but still. Eww. Hot and German as he might be, basement-wet is a bit of a tough sell, sex-wise. If it were problems with caulking and it were rainwater, or something, that might work better--but you still need a definite moment of "Well, he was dry before, but now he's not."

___

*giggles* What an awful twist of fate. XD As usual, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

1.We did not strip down that that night, which was probably a mistake on Ethan’s part.

Take out a that.

2.So, I look away and modestly and pull the blanket over both of us, sealing out as much of the cold as I can.

Take out 'and' after away.

Interesting...

Make sure you put spaces between your paragraphs so that the reader can read it clearly. Jamie Bondage.

Ooooo, I'm excited for the finale .

Where did the narrator's mean tone go? I missed it , lol.
I was kinda confused @ first about Ethan gettin cold, you should make it more clear somehow what is happening to him? Or possibly I'm just not intelligent.

Yay! Its up! w00t!

I can.

This should be I could.

I notice that you are only describing what (Sorry I can't remember the main characters name...) (main character is doing. Maybe you should switch over to what he sees Ethan doing. How he reacts to someone undressing themselves and undressing him. You know... I person wouldn't just sit there. Right?

I strip off my clothes, too, putting them over his body and in any place of the blanket that has some cold air leaking in. It’s warmer now under the blanket, almost comfortable. Ethan’s breathing is even out, and I relax a little at the sound.

I think you made a typo here. It should be evenedout.

I wrap my warms around his waist and pull his naked chest close to mine.

Warms? Don't you mean arms.

What happened to all of (main characters) dumb/bad/smart thoughts?
I know he is in a bad situation but I think there should still be a little bit of it eh?

Woa. Movin' a little to fast for us in this last bit. Slow it down.
Other than that I can see where you are going with this now. Nice work! Please keep writing and NEVER stop!

'I wanted to rub my hands all over it, lick it, kiss it'
woah, first of all, this sounds really slang, and doesn't really fit in with the rest of it the story. and also, i don't really understand the part at the end... and there are quite a few spelling mistakes.
but otherwise, it is a really good stry, and the main thing you should focus on is making sure that it is clear what you are saying.
Sally

First I must say, to all those that are comfused about why Ethan's wet and cold, the author clearly mentions in the chapter before this that Ethan had to walk through the rain to get to the basement, since the art building is separate from the school. Pay attention, people!

I like seeing this new side of Toby too, and I think you timed it quite well actually. Usually with charachers like Toby you don't see their good side until absolutely necessary, and I'd say now in the story was definetly necessary (i mean, hes not so much of a dick that hed let his crush tha he "hates" freeze to death). I'm really loving where this is headed!