Why does she need me to go? I’m really not in the mood and I told her a million times, but she usually never listens to me anyway. The thing is that I like boys. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I’m not a lesbian... at least not yet, but I’m definitely disappointed with men. That's probably why I'd even consider being a lesbian in the future. So yeah, I’ve had my fair share heartbreaks. See, for starters, I’m already fifteen and I’ve had no boyfriends. I mean, none, zero and that’s my first disappointment. My other disappointment is that every guy I have been with (dating that is) has failed to be faithful.
I swear I’m not a difficult person to date I mean, I’m not those kinds of girls that are all stalker type and calls the guy like every five minutes, and I’m not the cold type either who doesn’t hold hands in public. I get mad at obvious things, but not at those that are stupid, and I’m up to doing about anything that he wants to do, I´d even drink beers with the guy's friends. So I just don’t get why someone wouldn’t like to be with me. I know you're probably thinking the obvious: she must be ugly. I don’t want to sound cocky, but the truth is that I’m not ugly. I don’t have anything particularly special about me. My hair and eyes are both brown and my skin is slightly tanned, but altogether, I just look nice . Many guys find me attractive, and I’m not the prettiest of my friends, but that’s because all my friends are drop dead gorgeous. Guys are usually turning around to look at me and, at parties, they all usually ask who I am, but besides making out with me, does any of them want something formal? No, they don’t. So this is why guys usually mean disappointment to me , and at the end, and the end is now, have taken me to just not want to do anything that has to do with them.
And now my cousin wants me to go on a double date with a guy I don’t even know, so that’d be a double blind date. I don’t even want to impress the guy, but still I have the cutest outfit ever on and my hair looks divine, but I swear it was my subconscious getting myself dressed and doing my hair and make-up because like I said I don’t even want to impress the guy.. I mean what if the guy turns out to be incredibly ugly and has a lot of pimples in his face or is overweight or what if the guy is gay but hasn’t come out to his friend yet but the friend is starting to suspect and that’s why he wants him to come with him on the date in the first place. The thing is that I don’t want to go out with the guy, but I’m still going, so I should at least try to have a good time, shouldn’t I?
“Farrah.”
“Señorita Farrah.”
I turn around to see Silvia, my maid ,standing by my door.
“Yes?”
“Your cousin is here now. She told me to tell you,”
Even though it sounded more like “uuur cosiiiin is heeeer , she toll me tu tell u”
'Thanks, Silvia.'"
Now, I’m nervous. Why would I be nervous if I don’t even want to impress the guy? But what if the guy isn’t ugly or overweight or gay and turns out to be Brad Pitt's double? And here I am, sociologically coco washing my head, making me seem unimpressive.
“Hey, wow you look pretty.” my cousin, Casey, says.
“Thanks, so do you.”
Casey and I, we grew up together. We’ve been inseparable since we first met at my grandmothers birthday years ago I was 3 and she was 7. Its true were four years apart but for some reason she became my best friend. Casey’s beautiful, really beautiful. I mean she’s those type of girls you spend your whole life envying asking yourself what you can do to be more like them. She’s nice when she likes you but a Bitch when she doesn’t.
I could see she was nervous too. She always is when she's about to go on a date. It doesn’t matter if she’s been going out with the guy a month or a year she’ll still be nervous before seeing him. I use to think it was because she was insecure which was something that only went through my eyes. My eyes who had known her so long and so well. My eyes that had seen her cry several times over a guy or over her looks. My eyes that didn’t understand why someone so beautiful could call me asking why people actually thought she was any special?. But eventually those issues went away and now she’s just a self-centered brat . Don’t get me wrong I love her, always will but that doesn’t change the fact that she thinks she’s better than everyone else. I think the only person Casey has never been mean to has been me.
“So, I think we're going bowling.”
“Cool.”
And I don’t mean to be this shallow and weird but after all she did make me come.
“Michael’s friend's name is Chad, just so you know.”
“Yeah thanks.”
“Are you okay? You're acting all weird.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m perfectly fine.”
“No you’re not, get in the car though I’m not talking to you like this”
“like this…?”
“me in, you out”
“fine, Ill get in”
And so I did I get into the tiny Nissan that my cousin had battled with her parents to get. I really hope my parents give me a nice car next year. I hate little cars ,they make me feel claustrophobic and, for some weird reason, incomplete.
“what’s wrong?”
“nothing Casey I swea.r”
“as If I hadn’t known you for over ten years now.”
“it's just this double blind date. “
“ow pow wow , don’t be a crybaby!”
“Casey! I’m just coming because of you.”
“and I love you for that but your making a huge deal out of something really small.”
“fine but you owe me one.”
“I always do owe you one and I always pay my debts.”
“I guess so.”
“so know be quiet because I have to tell you what Michaels giving me for my birthday.”
My cousin’s car always smells like strawberries I think she sprays perfume or something, but every time I ask, she says the car naturally smells like that, even though I know that’s impossible.
The whole way, Casey starts talking about Michael how she likes him, why she likes him, where they met, how they met, the things he says to her what she says to him ,how they’re in love etc etc. At first I was listening then I was pretending to listen now I’m practically falling asleep. Finally were there . BOWLINGMANIA that is. I never go bowling, not that I don’t like it, I just don’t. I usually just go out to the movies with a guy and with my girls we go out to parties or a house but never bowling.
”They’re they are!” Casey says excitedly pointing at the two guys standing in front of the door.
okay so Ill try to act as nice as I can to …Shit , what was the guys name again?
I always forget things like that little things that one would usually remember or okay not that little like the time I forgot to pick Kat at her house after shed call me at least 10 times that day and she couldn’t go to her own welcome back party because of me.
Or the time a friend of mine had given me his notebook so I could copy his notes because the next day the teacher was giving 10 extra points for the ones who had everything complete and I had only remembered my notebook and left his in my room to rot.
“This is Michael” Casey says bringing me back to earth.
“hey Michael” I say grinning
“And this is Chad”
Of course it was Chad.
“Hey “ I say again , and gave another grin, but to Chad I gave bigger grin then to Michael because Chad was actually cute. Not that Michael wasn’t but he’s already taken by my cousin somehow so I didn’t respond to him the same way I did to Chad (whose single).
Chad wasn’t hot he was cute which of course is entirely different. Hot is a guy that has a great body and a great ass and a great tan and a great smile. Cute is a guy that doesn’t have a great body or ass but does have a nice smile ,and a nice face. Chad’s tall , really tall and skinny. He’s blonde and has green eyes that kind of take you away. He’s not the type of guy I'd usually go for considering my type are usually tanned and dark headed , still Chad has my full attention.
“Lets go inside” Michael says
And we all do as told.
Michael is an incredibly fun guy to be with. Well at least that’s what Casey keeps saying about him. This is the first time I see Michael in person I only knew he was good looking because I’m usually stuck on my computer watching Casey show me pictures of him over and over again. For the record I do think Casey has serious obsession problems. Michael was born in Italy , his family however is a mess. I don’t know who his siblings are I just know there a lot. Michael’s a year smaller than Casey and the truth is he does seem a little immature. Nevertheless all a guy needs to make my cousin fall in love is some cheesy love phrases up their sleeves, incredible kissing skills and a gorgeous face. And all of those are things Michael definitely has (again at least that was what Casey said ).
A fat really nice guy attended us and gave us alley 8. A whole hour bowling I wonder what it’ll be like considering as I said before I never come. First I had to get a pair of smelly shoes. Their wasn’t my size so I had to push my foot into a seven ,a size and a half smaller than mine. Chad helped me though ,put my foot in.
“were you forced to come?” Chad asks
“No, were you?” I answer thinking he’d be annoyed if I told him the truth.
“no”
“okay maybe a little yes” I say because now that I think about it so what if he gets annoyed I’m supposed to not want to impress him anyhow.
“yeah me too” he says and gives me a smile.
We both laughed.
I soon discovered the real reason why I never go bowling and that’s because apparently I can’t play. The three games we played were the three games I lost. It’s incredible that I can’t even throw a ball without it going of the rails of the alley. Chad had some good laughs though, apparently he thinks it’s cute I’m such a klutz but personally I don’t think it’s cute at all. When we were done playing Michael and Casey were making out or more like hooking up so Chad offered me a ride .
Chad has a big car he has a Rexton I use to think Rextons and minivans were the same thing but guys usually hated me when I said hey there’s a minivan and it was a Rexton passing by , eventually however I learned their two very different things.
“Choose any song you’d like” Chad says handing me his ipod.
I chose “let it be” because I’m a Beatles fan I swear if John Lennon wouldn’t of been killed Id go and marry him right now even though he’d still be with that Asian chick. Not that John Lennon’s hot because he’s not, but there’s no better songwriter then him in the world and their never will be either.
“Lets do something” he says
“like what?” I ask
“I don’t know lets go somewhere just to talk”
He wants to make out with me. I think , I mean what other reason would a guy like to go somewhere just to talk. See this is precisely what I mean I start to think I could like the guy and then he want to go somewhere just to talk.
“I have an old house my parents use to rent , it’s abandoned now but it has the most beautiful view.”
Gee this guy wants an abandoned house he doesn’t want to make out with me , he wants to fuck me.
“umm er, sure”
I think if someone would want to rape me Id' probably give in voluntarily. I mean how hard was it to simply say ,no thanks, I have to be home early or something like that instead I agree to go to the abandoned house where he wants to fuck me.
On the way, we started talking about really random things ,like about apples and why their so good, we also talked about how we both hate airports and things like that. I was enjoying our conversation so much that I even forgot for a moment he was a pervert taking me to an abandoned house.
“we’re here” he finally says .
I get out of the car to see one of the biggest houses I’ve ever seen. It was huge I mean the house was a MTV cribs material. Chad goes and talks to a guard that was standing in front of one of the doors, then the guard agrees to something which I suppose is letting us in and opens the door.
“Let me show you the view I was telling you about” Chad says reaching for my hand.
We started to go up some stairs I could see he was really excited, wow he must be really horny I thought. After a while Chad started to run he was running so fast I almost stumbled on one of the stairs which by the way were eternal.
Finally Chad stopped we had reached the rooftop .
“Here” Chad said sitting down.
I followed and sat down next to him
I could see I was wrong ,he didn’t want to fuck me at least I hope not because the roofs really uncomfortable and besides I’m still a virgin so that would probably make things a lot more difficult. He wasn’t lying though the view really was incredible.
“I love it here” he says
“its beautiful” I say
“Are you cold?”
“just a little bit.”
“Here, have my jacket.”
“no really ,I’m fine Il'l warm up in a bit.”
“why in a bit if having my jacket you can warm up right now.”
“If you insist…”
“oh I do.”
“thanks , remember me to give it back because I turn out to be a kleptomaniac from time to time”
“ then we'd have to see each other so you can give it back to me so I think I’m letting you be kleptomaniac just for tonight”
“your choice, not my fault if you never see your jacket again”
“Ill take my risks.”
Something I’ve always loved are stars . My passion for them began after I came back from my CISV summer camp two years ago . I use to see the stars everyday there it reminded me of my friends back home and when I came back seeing them reminded me of my friends from camp. Every time I’m having serious issues I like going to the beach which isn’t that far away from the city to see and recognize all the constellations .It's like space is always there no matter what, just like God.
“you smell good” Chad kept whispering.
“thanks” Id keeping saying.
Soon we both started to cuddle but I swear it was just because we were cold nothing else same as when we held hands it was just because we were cold.
We stayed there hours three at least talking and talking that’s all we did . He didn’t even try once to kiss me and even though Id usually say he’s gay I’m not going to say it this time because I know that’s not the case I know he didn’t try because he somehow respects me.
When it started to go from cold to freezing we decided it was time to go. Chad took me home and asked me for my number right before I stepped out of his car. Ill call you he said and then he just left. I was confused, really confused. I Know there’s no reason to feel that way but I still am. The truth is I just don’t want to start liking the guy because at the end all I’m left with is a broken heart.
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