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Memories-Chapter Two



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Fri Aug 12, 2011 10:52 pm
WelcomingException says...



The days past slowly, Daniel came everyday with my meals, and to sit with me around noon. We opened the windows and looked at the sky quite often. He tried to help me regain my memory, but little came back to me. Mainly memories of that blond man yelling, or once of my childhood, myself and three other young children running around a pond. We came to the conclusion, I must have been on a ship before this, since I had shown up on the beach. We also believed the man in my memories meant something to me. A Brother? Cousin? Uncle? Or a Husband? The more time I spent with Daniel the closer I felt to him. About a week after my arrival at Dunmore Manor, Daniel and I sat in my room, merely talking about books. Daniel stopped short on his summary of Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens and stared at me intently.

“I think it is time you left this room Violet, let us walk around in the gardens” I smiled contently and held my hands out; he grasped them tightly and allowed me to get up. If the man in my memories was a Husband, I knew I wasn’t happy with him. The flashbacks of him always gave me a chill when he was in them, but when I was with Daniel, I did not shudder. I did not flinch when he held my arm or helped me into bed when I felt faint. I was completely content with Daniel, completely… falling for him.

I frowned to myself; I cannot fall in love with this man, not if I belong to another. I had to keep my feeling to myself. We walked through a winding corridor, it was very plain little. No knitting or pictures hung on the wall. At least eight doors lined the corridor of my own room, I felt astonish by how big this manor was.

“How shall I ever get back to my chamber? It will be twenty years before I find it” I laughed lightly, and followed Daniel. I heard a faint chuckle from his lips and knew I had impressed him. He look absolutely handsome, his black hair was whipped back neatly, and his eyes seemed more green today than before. I kept on smiling gaily, and trotted on. Daniel and I made our way through the manor and entered a large garden.

The garden had an absolute unique beauty to it; we walked along a stone path through huge purple flowering bushes. White, pink, and all shades of purple flowers brushed alongside my skirt. I breathed in the fresh fragrant smell and immediately felt relaxed. Daniel bent down beside a bush and clipped off a small floor and tucked it in my hair.

“A violet for a Violet” He proclaimed, I blushed lightly and turned my head to hide my joy. I must not fall for him, I reminded myself. I put on straight face, and thanked him politely. We kept our pace and ended up in a small court, surrounded by an arch or ivy and roses. It was absolutely beautiful, if only I belonged to Daniel.

@

Daniel watched as Violet glided over to the fountain in the middle of the court. He remembered stories of his mother and father falling in love in the moon light out here. He grinned as a small bird landed on Violets shoulder, and she jumped back. She laughed heavily, he loved her laugh. It was like holding a warm cup of tea and sipping at it lightly. She held her dainty long fingers out and the small yellow bird landed on them gingerly. Violet whistled and the bird sung along.

They walked back to manor and ate there in dinner in silence. It was not an awkward silence though. It was pleasant, he knew she was thinking of the garden, and so was he. He was enjoying her presence, but also enjoying the quietness of their thoughts.



“Alan please! I did not mean harm! Please Alan!” Violet screamed in her sleep. Daniel rushed in Violet’s chamber only to find him being restrained by Mrs. Hodge, the house keeper.

“Let me to her!” He tried to pull himself out of Mrs. Hodge’s grasp. The women had been working for their family since he was a young teen.

“You wake her know, it will only make the next dream worst, let her work through the dream Daniel!” she hissed loudly in his ear. He stopped struggling; she always treated him like he was still a teenager. Pinning him down when he was thirteen and tried to steal a coffee cake from the oven, or when he was seventeen and kissed one of the maids against her will. He deserved that slap from he, he will agree. She was a strong willed woman and did as she wanted; she knew he would never get the guts to fire her. He wouldn’t even if he got the chance; she was the only reason this house was not burned down yet.

The dream settled, and she fell back into a normal slumber. Mrs. Hodge dragged him out of the room by the collar of his night shirt and glared at him in the hall.

“Why are sneaking into a young woman’s chamber in the middle of the night?!”

“It was not meant to be, I went to get a glass of water from the kitchen and I heard her screaming from the hallway and rushed in to make sure she was alright” Daniel looked at her and grinned knowing he had won. “What were you doing in her chamber?”

“Violets been screaming most nights, am trying to help you find out who she is smart-alec!” She glared at him and slapped him lightly. Don’t look at me like that again you spoiled brat!” She hobbled off, but turned around raising an eyebrow. “Alan Price, that’s the man’s name”

@
I woke to find Lisa the young maid that had been waiting on me, putting down a tray of food. I sighed lightly, which caught Lisa’s attention.

“Good Morning Miss Violet” She smiled and pulled out a lacy navy blue dress from my wardrobe. Daniel was letting me us his sisters old dresses. She had left all her dresses behind when she got married. Her husband was much richer and wanted to buy her all new clothing. So luckily for me, I got to use the gowns.

“Good Morning Lisa” I sat up in bed I relaxed against the back bored. “Where is Mr. Decker this morning?” Daniel always brought my breakfast and then would send Lisa in to help me dress.

“My lord went into town, he said he had some business” Lisa helped me out of bed, and walked to me to the table. I always felt very weak in the mornings. I just hoped Daniel would be back soon.

“My lord said you are welcome to go to the parlour and read till he gets back. He pulled out Great Expectations and put it on the arm chair by the fireplace for you” I ate slowly then had Lisa help dress me. We walked down to the parlour were I found the book exactly were Lisa said it was.

My father’s family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name Philip, my infant tongue could make both names nothing longer or more explicit than Pip. So, I called myself Pip, and came to be called Pip… This would be a long book, especially when all I could think about was Daniel, and where he was, and weather he was ok or not…
What a Welcoming Exception *
  





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Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:07 pm
IcyFlame says...



Hello! I'm here to review as requested.
WelcomingException wrote:The days passed slowly, Daniel came everyday with my meals, and to sit with me
around noon.


WelcomingException wrote:We opened the windows and looked at the sky quite often. He tried to help me regain my memory, but little came back to me. Mainly memories of that blond man yelling, or once of my childhood, myself and three other young children running around a pond. We came to the conclusion, I must have been on a ship before this, since I had shown up on the beach. We also believed the man in my memories meant something to me. A Brother? Cousin? Uncle? Or a Husband? The more time I spent with Daniel the closer I felt to him.

This whole paragraph is full of a lot of telling - rather than showing, see if you can expand on it.

WelcomingException wrote:“A violet for a Violet,he proclaimed, I blushed lightly and turned my head to hide my joy.

WelcomingException wrote:I must not fall for him,
This is almost a contradiction, since she has already said she has fallen for him.

WelcomingException wrote:“You wake her knowing, it will only make the next dream worst. Let her work through the dream Daniel


That's all really for nitpicks. I think you could expand more on a lot of the description and show us how Violet feels for Daniel through her actions rather than simply having her tell us her feelings; it will help us to get more attuned to the character. Other than that though the story seems to be progressing at a good rate and I'm interested to see where you'll go with this.
If you need another review feel free to drop by my wall :)
Icy.
  





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Fri Aug 12, 2011 11:27 pm
nutmegan595 says...



I like this chapter, but you aren't giving much develop of the characters except in relation to each other. Daniel has a moment where we see a bit of what he was like younger but it is still superficial.

Now for nitpicking:
The days past passed slowly...

We opened the windows and looked at the sky quite often.
The often is already vague and the quite really doesn't add to the explanation; it just makes it sound a little ackward.
Daniel stopped short on his summary of Great Expectations, by Charles Dickens, and stared at me intently.

We walked through a winding corridor, it was very plain little.
I'm not sure why you had the little but it doesn't make sense here.
The dream settled, and she Violet fell back into a normal slumber.
Since in the previous paragraph you talked all about the housekeeper, this "she" implies Mrs. Hodge is the subject.
I woke to find Lisa, the young maid that had been waiting on me, putting down a tray of food.


Again I think that you need to put the whole thing in third person--so it is limited omniscient Violet and then limited omniscient Daniel--or all in first person. But I like the way the story is developing.
  








Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)