Chapter 1
“ Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen.” I rose from my knees and quickly got under my blanket.
At that moment, Nadine came in.
Nadine, my older sister, stood in the doorway looking as proud as a queen. Her sea green eyes turned to my fireplace and she gasped, her thin lips opening the slightest bit.
“ I told Brenna to make you a fire! This darned cold, nothing is ever comfortable in this winter season. Brenna!” Nadine exclaimed, the idea of me not having a fire lit absolutely shocking to her.
Brenna came huffing up the hall, her blond curls bouncing. She stopped at the doorway, slightly upset.
“ Yes Miss?” Brenna breathed. She was scared of my sister, poor thing. Only eight and works for my sister.
“ Didn't I tell you to do something before you retired for the night?” my sister asked bending her straight back to look into Brenna's eyes. Just like my sister to be like this. She is never just straight to the point. I sat under my blanket and fidgeted, making sure not to look at Brenna.
My sister stood up straight again, walked calmly to the hearth and started to put wood in. She lit a match and put it on the wood, setting it on fire. She blew out the match and faced' Brenna, who looked absolutely devastated at the fact she forgot about the fire.
“ Well, Brenna, since you have done your duty you may retire. Good night!” my sister came over to me and kissed my forehead, her brunette waves falling over her shoulder. She brushed passed Brenna and walked down the stairs, wincing from the cold marble.
Brenna sighed, embarrassed to have forgotten her duties as my sister's servant.
“ I am sorry Miss. I was visiting my mother. She is carrying a child and is needing close care. I will make it note for your warmth to never slip my mind again.”
“ It's alright Brenna. Tell your mother I give her my greatest congratulations on her baby. It will be nice for you to have a little brother or sister.” I said. Brenna had always been polite to me, but had never considered getting close to me. It was sad to see such a young heart filled with joy deflated by my carnivorous sister.
“ It would just mean more work for me.” she said, her face forlorn with the idea of changing diapers and mending an extra piece of clothing.
She tipped her head and left, shutting the door behind her.
I sighed. My room was much warmer and I felt drowsy. I forced my eyes open. Tonight was me and Marcus's meeting night. I decided to think of the upcoming holiday. I knew I was getting Marcus new boots. Good ones, not cheep ones that would be ruined within a week. I was thinking of getting Nadine a new hair thing, something decorative and sparkly. I knew she would like that because she always is upset when she does not have something perfect for a certain occasion. I could care less. As long as I am not a complete mess, I am fine.
The clock chimed the half hour, and I got up and put on my robe and my slippers. I looked into my silver framed mirror and checked my hair. My hair is the color of dark bricks, and my eyes are hazel. My fathers eyes. I sighed and tiptoed to the door.
I streaked down the marble stair silently. If I got caught, I would be hailed a disappointment. I ran towards the small kitchen where cook makes tea and walked down the cellar stairs. Halfway down, I tapped my knuckle against the small pantry. Nothing happened. I sighed and tapped again. Nothing. My small body shivered, there was a draft from the cellar. I tapped frantically and when nothing happened I rolled my eyes and turned the knob.
The small meeting place was a pantry cook didn't use because she thought it was dumb to have a pantry in the middle of a staircase, but when me and Marcus were young, we thought it was magical. So every Monday at half past ten, we would call upon the Pantry God and tell him goofy things that mother would disapprove of.
I closed the pantry door and all of a sudden I saw a flash of brown hair and felt Marcus's lips on mine. I was taken aback and when I realized it was Marcus and pushed him back and slapped him hard straight across his face. I am sure everyone heard the loud crack and I immediately stopped in my tracks. Marcus stumbled and held his cheek.
When I was sure no one was awake, I said, “ What was that?!”
Marcus laughed, still holding his cheek, “ What do you think?” he said. He took his hand of his cheek and I saw a red hand mark. I felt bad. I hadn't meant to do it that hard.
He seemed to have recovered and he smirked at me, “ You're a good kisser, even when you don't know it.” I smiled and touched his cheek.
“ Next time you know what to expect.” I said, sitting on the old pillow we had put there years ago.
“ Trust me, I won't forget.” he sad sitting on the floor.
“ Why did you do that? You just stole my first kiss!” I said, feeling sad.
“ Stole? How did I do that?” he said, suddenly hurt.
“ You kissed me! Imagine what you father would-” I stopped. He was looking at me with those brown eyes I had noticed so much lately. I suddenly flashed back to when I was eight and I watched his father hit him repeatedly in the head with the handle of a horse whip. Marcus was on the floor no longer making noise when his pregnant mother started to yell and hit her husbands back. I remember him turning around and her on the floor. I remember dragging Marcus outside the barn and him waking up and seeing his mother dead. I took him up to my room and he cried and cried until Nadine came up sobbing saying his mother was dead. He didn't need to know.
He looked at me with his eyes flaming, “ Don't you dare talk about my father! You don't know what he would think and you better not try and figure out!” he opened the pantry door and left.
I stood and ran after him. He was already out the kitchen door. I was so frantic, I didn't notice it was snowing. I was shivering and my teeth were chattering as loud as a million firecrackers. Marcus was running, his dilapidated boots flopping along.
I panted and collapsed. I couldn't catch up. I stood up quivering. Marcus was no where to be seen. I had ruined our meeting by bringing up his father. I couldn't even take it back.
_--_
In the morning, I felt awful. Not just about Marcus, but, I had a stuffy nose and a cough.
“ Playing in the snow?” asked Brenna as she came in with my breakfast. She knew. She was always eavesdropping and snooping around.
“ No, it must have been the fire that was not lit until it was too late.” I answered curtly. I was not in the mood to be enlightened by Brenna's infinite wisdom.
“ Your mother tells me to order you to go down stairs after your breakfast. She seams a little upset. Feel better.” she ended facetiously.
As she exited my room I stuck out my tongue. I was starting to think she hated me. Of course she hated me. I was her mistress.
I ate the oatmeal Brenna brought me and dressed my self in a simple cotton dress. It was loose and I didn't feel like getting all dressed up for my mother.
I shuffled down the stairs with a terrible thought of just going back up and locking the door. But, I couldn't. I would never hear the end of it.
Nadine was at the bottom of the stairs with a pompous look on her face. “ It's about time you came down, mother is having a fit!” she said.
“ She is always having a fit” I said. Nadine shrugged in agreement, and I followed her to the parlor.
My mother was sitting in a deep purple love seat reading a novel. Her hair tumbled over her shoulder as she changed positions. I am not sure why she sat so straight when no one was in her company. I suppose she wanted to look important, just in case.
My mother looked up from her book and looked at me with her blue eyes. She was calmer then Nadine had described. Maybe I wasn't in trouble.
“ Come sit, Ramilda.” she said. My terrible name came out so sweet I knew something was wrong. What on earth did I do? I sat next to her and smiled. I made sure to sniff a couple times to alert her I wasn't feeling well and to go easy on me.
“ Millie,” she said, using my nickname, “ I wanted to tell you I got a telegram from your father.”
My father? What did I do to my father?
My mother continued, “He was upset that you didn't write him last month.”
My father was on business and told us to keep in touch. He is a director of a company in New York, a place I always dreamed of going.
“ Mother, I forgot, I-” I stuttered
“ What he also said,” she interrupted, “ is that Peter is coming home today.”
Excited giggles bubbled up my throat at the thought. Peter is me and Nadines' cousin. He is eighteen and was described as marvelous by every woman in our small community. He was voted the most dashing in Vermont. It is a fake title of course, but I believe it to be true.
“ But, when did you get the telegram?” I asked.
“Yesterday.” my mother answered “ We should be expecting him any day now.”
I felt miraculously better at the thought of Peter coming home with his Navy coat on and his arm in a cast. I day dreamed about him on a big boat in the Atlantic, and scaring the sharks away.
“ I want you to be prepared for him, and, I want you to write your father two letters.” my mother concluded. She waved her hand dismissively and I stood and left the room.
This war seemed to go on forever. Last time Peter came home he told me about how he wanted to kill all the Nazi's for all their evil doings. I can't imagine Peter killing anyone but I know the Nazi's are bad. They are taking over Europe and Hitler is the dictator. I was scared that Hitler would decide to come to the United States but it hasn't happened.
I put on my hat and coat and walked to the barn to check on Peter's horse, Dimila. Dimila is just as handsome as Peter and they look wonderful riding together.
As the snow crunched under my feet, I looked up and saw Marcus's father. Mother refused to fire him after the ordeal with his wife because she didn't want him to keep on abusing Marcus without the healing hands of Brenna's mother Matilda.
Marcus's father, Remus, was strong built and had an awful temper. I am not sure why he did, he got well payed every week. He spent it all on whisky and rum along with other various alcohols. His temper was relieved by hitting Marcus, which I didn't think was fair.
When I got to the barn door, Remus did not acknowledge me, which was good luck in my view. I entered the barn and closed the door.
I went to Dimila's stall and patted her nuzzle. I looked for Marcus. When I didn't see him, I grabbed a curry comb and entered Dimila's stall. I brushed her quietly while glancing every which way for Marcus.
“ Marcus?” I asked the barn.
“ Yeah?” came a week voice.
“ Where are you?”
“ In the hay loft.” he answered.
I exited Dimila's stall, and climbed up the hay loft ladder. I pulled my self up to the loft floor and saw him sitting in the hay. I went to him and and gasped.
His right eyes was black and blue, and his nose bloody. I sat by him and looked at the glazed over look on his face. I pulled his hair from his forehead and kissed it, pretending it would make him feel better.
“ You can't stay.” he said.
“ Why? He won't hurt me.” I said.
“ Well, just in case.” he confirmed.
I reluctantly got up and went to the ladder, and said, “For what it's worth, I liked the kiss.” At that he looked at me and smiled. At least he knew he wasn't alone.
Chapter 2
“Now where on earth have you been?” someone said. I was in my room reading my novel. The hero just saved the girl from a terrible carriage accident. I rolled my eyes. I am always stopped at the best part.
I looked up from my book and a man was standing in my doorway, looking disappointed.
“ I thought you would come down to welcome me back!” he laughed.
My eyes grew wide. It was Peter! His arm in a sling, and his face aged, I didn't recognize him.
“ Oh!” I exclaimed. I jumped from my chair and ran to him, “ You look so-”
“ Old?” he asked.
“ No, just different. You need to shave. When did you get here?”
“ Just moments ago.” he said smiling. He took a good look at me and twirled me around, “you look a little old yourself!” he said, laughing.
“ At least I am not a boring old lady!” I said mischievously. Whenever Peter was around, I felt at ease, even Nadine was a little less up tight.
“ To true, my darling.” he said, his eyes glittering with the anticipation of telling me everything that had happened at war.
I took his hand and we went down the staircase, as giddy as children. Brenna was going up with Peters suitcase. She smiled at him, and he smiled back. When she passed, I gave him a questioning look.
“ What? I am being nice. She's just a kid.” he said. Peter always had pity for everyone who was less fortunate then him. I suppose that counted Brenna in for Peters sympathy.
When we got down stairs, Nadine was rushing to the parlor with a pleasant look on her face. Peter smiled.
“ Where are you rushing to, cousin?” he asked.
“ None of your business.” she said, still smiling. We followed her into the parlor and there stood a man. A very handsome man at that. He was wearing a dark navy blazer and was smoking a cigarette on the couch. My mother was chatting away at him like a school girl and Nadine sat next to him.
“ Hello fellow.” Peter said,acknowledging the man. The man looked at Peter and nodded. Nadine stood, suddenly looking upset. She stood in front of Peter.
“ Don't call him fellow!” she whispered angrily.
“ I call everyone fellow, even non-fellows!” he whispered back jokingly.
“ Well you can't call him fellow!” Nadine said, not amused.
“ I don't under stand why!” Peter argued. Nadine pressed her finger on Peters chest and pushed him into the hallway and I followed, asking the same questions that Peter was asking in my head.
“ That's the mayors son!” she said, looking shocked.
“ Well shiver me timbers! Let us all bow down to the prince.” he said bowing.
“ He asked me to marry him, so I suppose you should bow down to me also!” Nadine answered. Peter stood up straight and looked at her with wide eyes. Then he smiled.
“ No he didn't.” he said.
“ Yes he did and I expect you treat him with respect!” Nadine said, stamping her foot.
Peter looked at me for my opinion, “ Well, it is possible-”
“ Are you crazy?!” Peter asked me, absolutely stunned by the comment. Suddenly, he was walking towards the parlor with an irked gait.
“ Peter!” Nadine said. Suddenly, I was positive, Nadine looked like she was going to cry, and I knew she was telling the truth. I had to stop Peter from whatever he was going to do.
I half skipped to the parlor, Nadine behind me. Peter was already in front of the mayor's son.
“ Hello there chap.” the man said.
“ I hear you have an interest in my cousin.” Peter said coolly.
The man laughed, full and hearty, and looked at Peter. Mother looked puzzled at what Peter was getting at.
“ Which one?” the man dared. Peter took an irritated stance.
“ Which one do you think?” Peter snapped. I decided it was time to do something.
I waltzed over to Peter with the most grace I could muster and looked up at my cousin, wide eyed and innocent.
“ My dear cousin,” I started. “ please be nice to our guest. He obviously came on a mission, and we mustn't stop him.”
Then I winked half flirtatiously and half jokingly at the man, and made sure Peter saw. I skipped over and sat next to him, and rearranged my skirt so it slightly touched his leg. He smiled at me and slung his arm around my shoulder.
“ She's right.” he said.
Peter sighed. “ Do you want to marry her or not?!” he asked, and made the mistake of not clarifying who he was talking about.
“ Why would you be surprised if he did? I am turning thirteen!” I said, and pushed my laughter down my throat.
“ Why Ramilda!” my mother exclaimed, “ Why would you suggest such a thing!”
The man laughed at that and stood up, the weight of his arm imprinted on my shoulder, and went to Nadine, who stood terrified at the fireplace.
“ Nadine Thurston,” he said, looking at her with appreciation, “ would you mind if I married your charming sister instead of you?” He took out a small box and opened it, a small ring nestled inside. Mother gasped and Peter looked like he saw a ghost.
“ Yes, I would mind.” Nadine said, taking it seriously. The man laughed and kissed her cheek lightly. Nadine turned a pleasant pink.
“ You're a darling. You know what I am trying to say.” he said. Nadine looked at him blandly, and nodded.
“ I will.” she said.
“ Darling try to look happy!” mother scolded.
The man laughed again. He seemed to laugh a lot, which was the trait I liked best so far. Peter looked again, stunned at the event, and sat down where I was seconds ago. He was disappointed, and I was puzzled why.
“ You will.” the man confirmed. He put his arms around Nadine and embraced her. Mother was crying. It seemed a very emotional moment, and all I was doing was staring.
I took Peters hand and lead him out of the room. I opened the parlor door to see Marcus, Brenna, and a ballooned Matilda. I smiled.
“ My sister is engaged.” I said. Matilda smiled and seemed to bounce with emotion. Marcus was grinning also, still with a black eye. Brenna was glazed over as though she was thinking of something else.
Suddenly, Brenna burst into tears loudly, and we all flinched. She ran away from us, her blond hair streaming behind her. Matilda sighed and did not follow, and Marcus looked hurt at the sight of her crying.
None of us knew what to do. I let go of Peters hand and walked after her.
Chapter 3
I couldn't find Brenna after what seemed like ages searching. I finally decided to go up to my room to think about some things. I was puzzled that I never knew Nadine was interested in some one and knew that he was going to get engaged to her. I was suddenly hurt by the thought that she wouldn't tell me, that I wasn't her confidant.
I opened my bedroom door and saw a mass of blond hair and black cotton.
“ Brenna?” I said. She sat up and wiped her face. Her eyes were red and she looked exhausted.
“ Yes Miss?” she said shakily.
“ Are you alright?” I asked.
“ Yes.” she said.
“ No your not.” I confirmed. I sat on the bed next to her and wiped wet blond curls from her face. She breathed in a shaky breath and let it go. “ Why are you so upset?” I asked.
“ Why did my stupid father have to get killed in the stupid war?” she asked, no longer keeping her composure. I sighed. How was I supposed to answer that?
“ I don't have a father. But, you do and my mother does and your mothers does and that man that is engaged to your sister does. Even Marcus has one! Everyone but me.” she said, with calm enunciation. I thought for a while, not sure why she would cry so suddenly still.
“ So your upset that, if my sister has a child, that child will have a father and you won't?” I asked thinking that could be what she was trying to confide to me. She shook her head and got up, walking out of the room. Brenna was getting more complicated every minute.
Chapter 4
“Look!” Peter exclaimed. “ I have been invited to Stephen Sweelings party tommorrow.”
“ You hate Stephen Sweelings. He is a nauseating wretch.” Nadine said, gazing at her engagment ring in a glazed way.
“ That doesn't mean he can't throw a good party. You and the petite prince can come too.” he giggled. Even mother stifled a laugh.
“ He wouldn't want to come.” Nadine snapped. “ Those are not his people, or at least type of people.”
“ It's gonna be all soldiers!” he said. “And some women I suppose.”
“ Can I come?” I asked being hopeful.
“No. Army men, drinking. No.” mother said.
“ Stephen Sweelings doesn't drink, mother, so there will be no drinks other than punch.” Nadine said, looking at me. “ I will go with her if it makes you feel better.”
Mother sighed and looked up, determined to say no, but then nodded. My heart lifted. My first party. My first grown up party.
I could imagine myself, walking in, my straw-like legs looking long and my blue dress coming just below my knees. Nadine would do my hair elaborately, with sparkly clips and braids. Some soldier would ask me to dance. I would say he could as long as he had a friend for Nadine. We would dance a waltz, skirts swishing every which way, with beautiful girls attached to them. Flushed and giddy, we would say goodbye, and the soldier would kiss my hand and say I was a wonderful dancer. I would jump in the car and look back at him as we drove away. I would fall asleep and dream about him and wish I could do it all over again.
Chapter 5
I wore a white dress. It went to my ankles and made me look short. Nadine did not do my hair. The worst of all, Nadine's fiance was coming. He would ruin everything.
The first days of their engagement, I could tell Nadine was doubting his feelings for her were true. I could win a million dollars if I bet he was doing it for a son.
I know it is old fashioned to marry for a son and not for love, but, Mr. Hauthurst ( I later learned his name. Isn't it awful?!”) was very old fashioned. Whenever Mother said Nadine could have a sip of wine at dinner, and he happened to be invited, he would make a fuss, telling her she shouldn't get drunk. I was tempted to tell Peter to punch his mouth, just he could stop telling her what to do in her own home. I am sure he would have gladly done it.
When we finished getting ready, Nadine said she was driving with her fiance.
“ Do you have to?” I asked.
“ Why are you fussing? He is going to be your brother in law!” she said, surprised at my tone.
“ I wish not think about that.” I said, smoothing my dress. Nadine did not say anything. She probably knew how I was feeling.
I got into Peter's Ford and sighed. I knew Peter was not happy. I wasn't sure what made him upset, but everyone else was mad about something. Mother was mad at Nadine for being ungrateful that she is engaged. Nadine is mad at her fiance for being a prude about wine. Mr. Hauthurst is mad at Peter for being rude. Again, I don't know why Peter is mad. Matilda (as she always is) is mad at Remus for hitting Marcus. Remus is chronically mad. Marcus is mad at Brenna for throwing away my Christmas present he bought. Brenna did it because she is always mad at me. I am mad at everyone for not telling people they're mad at them.
Peter drove out of our driveway and into the dark street. He sighed and turned on the radio. I hummed along to the Andrews Sisters as Peter tapped his fingers on the steering wheel.
“ Millie?” he said, startling me.
“ Yeah?” I answered.
“ What do you say? Lets ditch.” he said, smiling mischievously. I thought it over, turning the opportunity over in my head. The night was already the opposite of what I had imagined.
“ Sure, where are we going?” I asked, thinking Peter was actually on a dangerous mission, tracking down some Nazi or another. Excitement filled in my chest. This was going to be an adventure.
“ You will see.” he said. We pulled over and he got out.
I followed him, knowing my dress would get dirty. He pulled out a cigarette.
“ Smoking's bad for you.” I said.
“ I know.” he answered tiredly. He sounded old, but didn't look the part. He took a drag and sighed.
“ Then don't do it.” I said, rolling my eyes.
“ If everyone thought that way no one would be dying out in Europe.” he said.
“ What does the war have to do with smoking?” I asked quizzically.
“ Killing is bad right?” he asked.
“ Yeah.”
“ Then why do it?” he asked, gesturing in a questioning matter.
I shrugged. “ I suppose-”
“ You don't suppose. It's wrong. People are just evil. You know if we were in Europe, we would all be sent to camps?” he interrupted.
“ What do you mean, like summer camps? That wouldn't be so bad.” I said.
“ Not like summer camps at all.” he said darkly.
“ Then what?” I asked, wondering why he was acting so sad.
He shook his head, “ I don't want to scare you.” he said. Chills ran up my spine as he waltzed back to the car and threw his cigarette.
“ Why would we be sent to camps?” I asked.
“ Hitler thinks we are dirty, nasty wastes of Gods gift of life. Just because we are Jewish.” He said when I got in the car.
“ What does he do to them?” I asked, suddenly scared that Peter got sent to a camp.
“ He finds ways to kill them.”
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