Young Writers Society

“What be your name; I must know the name of the violet eyes.” She turned to him. “You know not my name, nor will I tell you.” He asked “You tell me not your name; perhaps you’ve no name at all.” She responded “I have a name, which you know not.” “Then tell me, violet eyes, what must I do to hear your name?” She answered “It is simple, tell me your name, only then shall you hear mine.” Daniel said to her “I be Daniel Ramsey, son of Jonathan and Evelyn Ramsey. Will you tell me your name now violet eyes?” She giggled “What be my name, you ask. I am Acayla raise by Jacob.” He repeated her name “Acayla, I have never heard it before. What be the meaning of this strange name?” She responded “It matters not to me, nor my father.” “Can a name not have a meaning?” “I know not Daniel Ramsey.”

Hi Ease!

So, I'm really not quite sure what to tell you. First and foremost, you need to skip a new line whenever a new person speaks. It's an age old rule about story formating, and it's what help keeps things short and easy to read-not just one big block of text.

Second, there wasn't really much substance to this story. It's just two people playing around and then introducing themselves, with a few dialogue tags in between. There isn't any prose beyond that, so we get no descriptions of appearances, where they are, or anything else that could help set the story and make it seem much more real to us.

I realize that this is not a standalone story, and when paired with the rest, it's probably much better. However, when choosing snippets of your story to present, think about something that will capture the best of the writing in your piece-something that will be exciting and introduce the conflict. Right now it's kind of just, "cool, two characters meet. Why should I even care?"

I don't know where this comes in the context of your story, but you should expand upon it. Add prose that describes the scenes the two characters are in and who they are. That way we'll become much more attached to this and the scene will be much more interesting.

I hope this helps! Good luck revising, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor xo