Young Writers Society

“Melanie, stop,”I cried (1). I was running (2) behind her (3) in the dark street in God knows where (4), wearing my pajamas. She was very frightened thus didn’t look back. She was sure that it was one of the Iraqis that were trying to kill her and I was sure that it was Melanie. How could I forget my own figure and the dress I wore on my last birthday? It had to be Melanie. How could she not recognise (should be "recogniZe") her own voice?

“Yes mom. I just came down to drink water. Why are you awake?” I inquired when I saw Mel’s mom dressed in her pink nightgown standing right next to the kitchen entrance.

“Actually I have a project to complete so was up to complete it. You know how stressed I am these days,” she said and looked me carefully. There was no sweat now only tension which couldn’t be hidden from her, I turned to the other side so she could know that her inspection was irritating me" Had that dream again?” she guessed.

“Yes mom. I just came down to drink water.

USA and Iraq but I was fighting another war.

shubhiloves2write wrote:So hi all,
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I woke up from this nightmare which formed a very much part of my existence now, since they had left. I was gasping for breath. Although the same nightmare had been haunting me for months, each time it scared me more than the previous time. I was sweating and panting. I looked at the clock which showed the time 05:30 PM and threw it away in disgust. Couldn’t the clock go to the last day of my life and show me with all the people I loved from Melanie to my parents? I think dying once is easier than dying everyday with guilt stored within me. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea; what if they didn’t exist then? It would be more heart-breaking. No; I would have to wait for them. (deleted repeating sentence) The door didn’t open so I assumed that Mel’s parents were still asleep and hadn’t heard the voice. I got up from the bed and walked down to the kitchen to fetch myself some water.
“You are awake?” a female voice made me jump as I retrieved a bottle from refrigerator.
“Yes mom. I just came down to drink water. Why are you awake?” I inquired when I saw Mel’s mom dressed in her pink nightgown standing right next to the kitchen entrance.
“Actually I have a project to complete so I was up to complete it. You know how stressed I am these days,” she said and looked at me carefully. There was no sweat now only tension which couldn’t be hidden from her. I turned to the other side so she could know that her inspection was irritating me "Had that dream again?” she guessed.
“You should take them now .I’ll give those to you .Wait here,” she had a command over her voice.She went to the cabinet near the kitchen.We had changed souls and hadn't anyone know of this?
“Yes,” was all I could manage

“Melanie, stop,” I cried. I was running after her on a dark street in God knows where, wearing my pajamas. She was very frightened so she didn’t look back. She was sure that it was one of the Iraqis that were trying to kill her and I was sure that it was Melanie. How could I forget my own figure and the dress I wore on my last birthday? It had to be Melanie. How could she not recognize her own voice?

“Melanie, it's me, Jemima." I shouted to make myself audible against the howling winds. She turned back, and I could just make out that she was happy to see me here, but facial features weren't clear . After I said these words, she stopped and for that moment everything stood still. I could hear an animal’s cry as if to mark our reunion. But why were they crying? We were going to meet after nine months so why did they mourn? Maybe we weren’t going to meet. She turned to look at me though I couldn’t make out the face clearly.I could hear a horn's voice from somewher nearby.I saw something bright flash*into my eyes and Mel's, disrupting our meet. The next thing I knew was that she was shot dead by the soldiers while I stood there watching them do this. I didn't think about anything else or they didn't give a chance and I began running to a place which I also didn't know. I had proved that I was such a coward. She was gone. I was gone. Forever and ever. I started evaporating and in the next moment I wasn't there anymore. She died. I died. I had trifled with the last chance I had got. The howls of the birds were the only living thing present on the silent, dark road. That was the end. It was the end of the story that had started nine months ago. No more Melanie Stone and Jemima Rover would haunt the Iraq streets.

I woke up from this nightmare which was very much part of my existence now, since they had left. I was gasping for breath. Although the same nightmare had been haunting me for months, each time it scared me more than the previous time. I was sweating and panting. I looked at the clock which showed the time 05:30 PM and threw it away in disgust. Couldn’t the clock go to the last day of my life and show me with all the people I loved, from Melanie to my parents? I think dying once is easier than dying everyday with guilt stored within me. Maybe that wasn’t a good idea; what if they didn’t exist then. It would be more heart-breaking. No; I would have to wait for them. I think dying once is easier than dying everyday with guilt stored within me. The door didn’t open so I assumed that Mel’s parents were still asleep and hadn’t heard the voice. I got up from the bed and walked down to the kitchen to fetch myself some water.
“You are awake?” a female voice made me jump as I retreived a bottle from refrigerator.
“Yes mom. I just came down to drink water. Why are you awake?” I inquired when I saw Mel’s mom dressed in her pink nightgown standing right next to the kitchen entrance.
“Actually I have a project to complete so was up to complete it. You know how stressed I am these days,” she said and looked at me carefully. There was no sweat now only tension which couldn’t be hidden from her, I turned to the other side so she could know that her inspection was irritating me "Had that dream again?” she guessed.
“No mom,” I lied.
“Don’t lie to me .I heard the voice of something you broke,” she sternly said.
So she had heard this and was also lying to me. She was coming upstairs to see me .I turned back at her to see that how serene her face looked.
“I was just taking my medicines, mom,” I said. By now I had practiced a lot to call Mel’s mom mine.
“You should take them now .I’ll give those to you .Wait here,” she had a command over her voice.She went to the cabinet near the kitchen."Was Jemima again in the dream?" she called out from there.
Couldn't I tell her that I was Jemima and her daughter had gone there ? Jemima is here, Melanie is there,I shouted in my mind.We had changed souls and hadn't anyone know of this?
“Yes,” was all I could manage .Why didn’t I have the courage to go to her and say that I don’t need your help and let me be me. Maybe because I was hiding something from her and I was guilty. She brought the pills that I had to take. I gulped them with a glass of water.
“Now, you go and sleep .Don’t roam around. Try to forget Jemima. I know it's tough but you have to for your own good,” she said as her usual bright smile returned on her face. She patted me on my back and hugged me. Her grip was too tight that I couldn’t break myself free.
“Let me go,” I demanded and she released me and then smiled. I think I had been too rude to her. She just wanted to hug her own daughter. What was wrong in that? Maybe I felt so claustrophobic because she wasn’t my mom after all. She made a sad face and then walked back to her own room.

I went upstairs after taking medicine still thinking: why I ever agreed to it? Why did I ever agree to it? The pain to go there was curling up inside me. I wanted to be there with them, feel what they were feeling, listen to what they were listening. But not now. It wasn't possible now. I had to fight a lot with destiny now. The fight might have been going on between two countries: USA and Iraq but I was fighting another war. The one with destiny. If I fail now, I won't ever get other chance to fight anymore.
She wanted it, I didn’t. Or did I? Did I want to be in her shoes and see the world as Melanie? No, never, I was okay being Jemima. What if I was a little bit less popular than Melanie and no one would want to be my friend except for her and Kara? I got good grades and had a bright future so why would I want be Mel, an average. It was Melanie who insisted on this. Not me. It was her idea and she wanted it to be executed.” I am not guilty, judge." I had to get her back even if that meant going to hell.

The dialogue sounds a bit stiff in many places. When putting words into your characters' mouths, think of whether you could say the line in an ordinary conversation, or whether someone else could. In short, just try saying it out loud, figuring if it sounds realistic. For example, how many people do actually add "Mom" in their sentence every time they're talking to their mother?

Actually I have a project to complete so was up to complete it.

Actually, I have a project to do, so I was up to finish it.

“Melanie, it's me, Jemima." I shouted to make myself audible against the howling winds. She turned back, and I could just make out that she was happy to see me here, but facial features weren't clear . After I said these words, she stopped and for that moment everything stood still. I could hear an animal’s cry as if to mark our reunion. But why were they crying? We were going to meet after nine months so why did they mourn? Maybe we weren’t going to meet. She turned to look at me though I couldn’t make out the face clearly.I could hear a horn from somewhere nearby.I saw something bright flash into my eyes and Mel's too, disrupting our meet. The next thing I knew was that she was shot dead by the soldiers while I stood there watching them do this. I didn't think about anything else or they didn't give a chance and I began running to a place which I also didn't know where was. I had proved that I was such a coward. She was gone. I was gone. Forever and ever. I started evaporating and in the next moment I wasn't there anymore. She died. I died. I had trifled the last chance I had got. The howls of the birds were the only living thing present on the silent, dark road. That was the end. It was the end of the story that had started nine months ago. No more Melanie Stone and Jemima Rover would haunt the Iraq streets.