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Chapter One: First Impressions and Final Partings



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Sun Jul 24, 2011 1:45 pm
SophiaBurnette says...



Chapter 1: First Impressions and Final Partings
Spoiler! :
I made a club for those interested in updates on the next chapter, edits, etc. page.php?id=1364


“What, will you not suffer me?...nay, now I see. She is your treasure and she must have a husband. I must dance barefoot on her wedding day and for your love of her lead apes in hell...but no, speak not to me now. I will go and sit and weep...‘till I find occasion of revenge!”
The crowed cheered, and Elizabeth awoke. She wore not an Elizabethan gown, but a flannel nightgown, and her ginger curls were sprawled luxuriously over her pillow.
Taming of the Shrew, thought Elizabeth, still half asleep, interesting
Elizabeth loved Shakespeare. Her friends sometimes teased her about her bookishness, but it was all in play.
My friends, Elizabeth thought with a pang of sorrow, I’m leaving them today.
Suddenly Elizabeth felt that it would be better to wake up inside a book than in real life. She was to leave today and head for a boarding school that was five hours by train. Elizabeth got washed and dressed, then headed downstairs for breakfast.
“Bacon and eggs today Sweetie, your favourite,” said Mom as she served the table. Mom’s hair was red, like Elizabeth’s, except instead of wearing it long and loose, Mom had it tied up in a tidy bun.
“Thanks” Elizabeth gave her mother a wan smile.
“Nervous?” asked Mom.
“A little bit” replied Elizabeth meekly.
“Elizabeth Katherine Barley!” a man’s voice boomed from the kitchen, “turn that frown upside down this instant!”
A tall, blonde man entered the room wearing a boyish grin: Daddy.
Thunder rolled, signifying an impending storm.
Daddy looked outside, “whoa! Better get you to the station before that cloud bursts!”
***

Elizabeth waved goodbye to her father as the rain drops began to fall upon the London station. He would have stayed longer, except he had to work. So Elizabeth stood around for what seemed like forever.
“Ahem! Were do you fancy going without saying goodbye to me?” came a voice from behind her.
Elizabeth turned around to see a young girl about her age, with blonde hair and hazel eyes. Her clothes appeared to be second hand, as if she had come straight from downtown London (which she had, as she lived there).
“Samantha! I’m sorry. I forgot.”
Samantha looked Elizabeth in the eye. “Well it’s good that I caught you. I must stop you from doing something you’re going to regret!”
Elizabeth stood with arms akimbo and glared at her old friend, “I don’t see how I’m going to regret it, nor can I see how your going to stop me. Would you care to explain?”

Samantha’s eyes widened. “Are you really going to one of those boarding schools?”
Elizabeth nodded, “Yes, Sam, I am. I told you that last week.”
“Well...well I was talking to Mr. O’Henry, and he said that he went to one for a bit.”
Elizabeth snorted, “That old geezer’s never been more than a twenty minutes drive from London!” she scoffed.
Samantha continued with her story, “No really, he said that when he was a kid, he went to one, Warden Rd. or something like that. He said they force you to wear uniforms everyday, and if you get a single question wrong ever, they beat you to a jelly, and then they expel you!”
Elizabeth shook her head. “I visited the school last June, and it not like that at all. The teachers are really nice, and yes, there are uniforms, but I like them; and you don’t have to wear uniforms all the time, just during school hours.”
Samantha began to turn away. “I can’t help but think you’re making a huge mistake. Your giving away your freedom and making your parents pay for it!”
This was the last straw. Elizabeth respected her friend’s opinion, but Samantha had no right to order her around. She grabbed the other girl by the shoulder and turned her around none too gently.
“Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?”
“I think I’m you’re friend! I think you’ve been brainwashed! I think your view of the world has been thrown completely askew!” retorted Samantha.
Elizabeth stared at Samantha, and raised an eyebrow tiredly, “are your quite finished?”
Samantha nodded. “Not only am I quite finished, I think our friendship is quite finished!” she turned and ran off.
“Good riddance!” Elizabeth shouted after her, “And by the way, it’s Wade Rd., numbskull!”
When Elizabeth was quite sure her friend was out of earshot, she sank down onto a bench and began to cry.

*****

Elizabeth left the train at Peterford station with a heavy heart. She had left everything behind and now sat on a strange bench in a strange town where she didn’t know anything about anywhere or anyone. Suddenly, an overwhelming weakness took over her, and she slouched miserably against the wall and stared wistfully into the distance. No one could ever really say for sure what Elizabeth thought during this time, or how long she stayed there, but she was disturbed from her deep thoughts by a boys voice.

“Ahem! Are you, by any chance, the new Wade Road student?”
Elizabeth looked up to see the boy who had spoken. He was about her height, donning a white collared shirt and dark blue trousers, with pristinely polished black leather shoes on his feet. His golden hair was neatly trimmed and combed and seemed to be cemented in place, framing his light-complxioned, pleasant face. A faint band of freckles lay across his nose, upon which perched a pair of glasses; and behind the glasses was a pair of blue-gray eyes.

Elizabeth straitened up and faced the boy. “Yes I am. What do you want?” she asked, with a slight edge to her voice.
The boy took a step back. “Whoa! Cool it, new girl, I won’t hurt you. I’m here only to serve you!” he took a sweeping bow, doing his best to imitate a royal footman. However, he tripped and landed on the ground with a thud. Elizabeth smiled at the boy as she helped him up.
“Well, if you’re here to serve me, you might want to tell me your name.”

“True, you could have gotten by on “slave” for a while, but since you asked,” he puffed out his chest importantly, “Theo Allen, at your service!”
Elizabeth chuckled. This Theo Allen character was quite different from the brash, coarse boys of London, but she enjoyed the change.
“Well,” said Theo, “I could have probably gotten by on calling you ‘new girl’ for a while, but what’s your name, Ilse Burtelli, isn’t it?”
“Elizabeth Barley!” snapped Elizabeth.
Theo took a step back. “Calm ‘er down Lizzie!”
“My name is Elizabeth!” Said Elizabeth.
Theo grinned mischievously, “What? Anyway, the chief’s waiting out back. He’s got a motorcar! Shiniest and newest in town!” He bounded away, leaving a baffled Elizabeth no choice but to follow him. She would have to settle for being ignorant at the time being as to what was only a game, or who the chief was, or why Theo was so fascinated with motorcars. They were all over the place in London.
Elizabeth finally caught up to Theo, to find him climbing into a lovely Ford Model T. It was certainly one of the nicest Elizabeth had ever seen. Inside the car was an equally polished looking man, in his mid forties. He sported a bushy, brown beard, with equal measure and density of hair on his head. Resolute, inquisitive, brown eyes peered over a pair of round, pince-nez glasses.
Elizabeth hesitated before entering the vehicle, something that the scholarly fellow didn’t miss.
“It’s alright Miss, I’m Mr MacKay, the new principle.”
“But what about-”
“Mr Brady’s gone off, to seek his vocation. Vocations are important things, and Wade Rd Academy strives to help you find yours...”
“Just get in!” hissed Theo.
Elizabeth climbed in to the back of the motorcar beside Theo. Mr MacKay launched into a full blown speech, too long and boring to be rewritten here.
“It’s his vocation speech, almost as bad as his chivalry speech,” said Theo.

They passed quickly through a little town. With it’s quaint little streets, not yet overcome by motorcars or electric lights, it seemed like a time capsule to Elizabeth. She glimpsed people, old and young alike, as they went about their business. She saw only one other motorcar on the way to the school, a slightly more beat up, green thing, parked outside a stately looking house.
Theo’s expression changed to one of concern.
“What’s Uncle Jim doing in front of the Hayes’ house?” said Theo, half to himself.
Elizabeth looked at her companion quizzically.
“Oh, my uncle’s the town doctor. Mrs Hayes died of consumption a few years ago. They say her daughter Sylvia will get it too, sooner or later.”
Elizabeth nodded solemnly. Theo obviously cared for Sylvia Hayes.

They finally arrived at a stately old brick building. Theo removed Elizabeth’s trunk from the automobile and carried it up the steps. Seeing the young boy’s gallantry, Mr MacKay launched into another speech,
“At Wade Rd Academy, chivalry isn’t dead. Boys open doors for girls, or, in this case, carry things for them...”
So began the infamous “chivalry speech”, feared by every Wade Rd student, and the parishioners of any surrounding church that dared open it’s doors to the famous Wade Rd Choir.

The inside of the school was just as stately, with high ceilings and marble floors. The hall was dimly lit by gas lamps, making it seem as if the era were several decades before 1928. Someone somewhere was practicing the trumpet. A small group of girls could be heard giggling over a juicy piece of gossip as girls have and will for all eternity. Elizabeth scowled at this sound, she knew it’s source and cause well, and detested gossip. The trumpet, however, interested her, entranced her, sang to her of battles and hunts, and ceremonies long ago. She longed to find its source, but Theo suddenly tapped her on the shoulder.
“Hey, we’re here,” he said, smiling.
Elizabeth took a deep breath, and knocked loudly on the door that may very well have led to her destiny.
Last edited by SophiaBurnette on Sun Aug 28, 2011 9:54 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"I don't cause commotions, I am one." Elphaba (Wicked the musical)
  





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Sun Jul 24, 2011 2:25 pm
DrunkOnWriting says...



A very well written first chapter! I love this style of writing and was intrigued by the storyline. The dialogue was natural and your descriptions were very nice. Just one thing I saw...you may want to work on sentence variation a little more. Yes, this sounds like an English teacher thing to say, but it really does help the flow of your writing. For example

Elizabeth looked up to see the boy who had spoken. He was about her height. He wore a white collared shirt and dark blue trousers, with pristinely polished black leather shoes on his feet. His golden hair was neatly trimmed and combed and seemed to be cemented in place. He had a very pleasant face. His complexion was light, and a faint band of freckles lay across his nose. Perched on his face was a pair of glasses, and behind the glasses was a pair of blue-gray eyes.


could read something like this

Elizabeth looked up to see the boy who had spoken. He was about her height, sporting a white collared shirt and dark blue trousers, with pristinely polished black leather shoes on his feet. Neatly trimmed golden hair seemed to be cemented around his pleasant face and glowed in contrast to his light complexion. A pair of glasses perched on his faintly freckled nose, and behind those glasses was a pair of blue-gray eyes.


Little things like that could make all the difference, so I usually go through and vary my sentence beginings after writing. Otherwise, a marvelous piece!
  





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Sun Aug 07, 2011 10:36 pm
Noelle says...



Hi there!

This was a very well written chapter. The storyline is quite intriguing and you really have me feeling for Elizabeth. Throughout this chapter I felt her excitement, her sadness as her friendship ended, her curiosity when she reached the new town. I think you did a fine job with describing the characters, escpecially Elizabeth and Theo. I like the fact that you didn't get hung up with Elizabeth's mom or dad or her friend Samantha. I knew they weren't going to be in the story long so I'm glad you didn't waste time describing them in much detail.

I really enjoyed reading this! PM me when the next chapter is up? Keep writing! :)
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

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