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Softness of Doves



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Mon Jul 04, 2011 7:05 pm
AmeliaCogin says...



Spoiler! :
Hiya! I've had writers block for weeks and it was so hard to write this chapter! I think it's ok, but nitpicks are very much appreciated! In fact, tear it to shreads, if you like...XD


Entry IV – February 21st 1949

Nikola died in the early hours of yesterday morning.

I am repulsed by my lack of emotion. I have seen so many lose their lives: my eyes are accustomed to death. Writing such a thing makes me feel physically sick. Of course, I am devastated at the loss of my friend; pain at the loss of a dear companion. However, I feel no urge to weep and wail. I am panged only with emptiness.

We were, sad to say, expecting Nikola’s death. Allow me to rephrase that a little more tactfully: her death did not surprise us.

Yesterday, she began wrenching up blood more frequently and in larger quantities. Hysteria gripped her body, hallucinations her mind. She was feverish, wrestled violently with her limbs, and, in the evening, developed a burning scarlet rash.

In the hours leading up to Nikola’s death, Justus, Petrus, Hannah and I did not leave her side. We waited in sombre silence, our bodies stiff and motionless, and our lips dry of saliva.
She died an undignified death. Nikola hadn’t an ounce of lucidity when the end came. Her lack of sanity made the whole situation so sad, so pitiful.

We continued to sit, staring blindly into space, long after Nikola had passed. The hours that followed those of her death were that of reflection, meditation. It was when first light appeared that we dragged our limp, aching bodies from the ground and set to burying our dearest friend. There is a sad irony in that her downfall came in the form of a fatal case of Pneumonia. After all, she had survived the brutal regime of Hitler and an atrocious Prisoner of War camp. She was a remarkable woman, a courageous friend, and a wonderful asset to our ‘team’.

We buried Nikola earlier. Justus and his brother dug the grave whilst Hannah and I disrobed her body. I am ashamed we had to resort to such a reprehensible act. If we had unlimited supplies, we would surely dignify Nikola by burying her clothed and with possessions. However, with the cold lingering and our shelter weakening by the day, we desperately needed her blankets and garments.

In the camp, if someone elderly or sick or innocent died, we would strip the body and leave their naked corpse to the NKVD. It sounds disgraceful. However, we needed layers upon layers of clothing to keep from succumbing to Hypothermia. Of course, though, it was first-come-first-served.

Now, before the dark sets in, I shall copy into this diary a short poem I wrote earlier, about Nikola. I’m not very good at poetry, but she was. Nikola loved it. It seems fitting that the small portion of this book dedicated to my friend should be in the form of a poem.

In the memory of Nikola Esztera, 1927 – 1949

A pearly smile so radiant
Used to light up her face;
Her manner was so kind -
How sweet her embrace!

A gallant, selfless beauty
She proved herself to be;
Remember her as such:
A woman nobler than me

Nikola was a loving friend -
To us more like a caring sister;
She was worthy of imitation:
Oh how sorely we will miss her!


***

I couldn’t get to sleep last night.

My stomach was writhing. I felt sick. Shifting my way out of my swaddle of blankets, I trudged outside, and vomited.
I put my sleeve to my mouth and wiped away the residue. For a moment, I lingered, staring above at the twinkling canopy. Never had I seen a clearer night’s sky.
I felt a sudden, gentle prick behind my eyes. Wetness engulfed my vision, made everything -swirl into a blur.
For the first time in months, I found myself crying. My knees gave way, and sobs began to rack my whole body.
I embraced the tears as if I were being reunited with a long lost friend. In a strange sort of way, they reminded me that I was a woman. Bodily, I am not at all feminine. My flow of blood dried up months ago, and my physique is that of a shapeless child.
The tears gave me reassurance that inside, I was not completely callous and unfeeling. That night, the emotionless damn that had I had built over so many wretched years had burst open.
I made no effort to pull myself from the dirt and dry my eyes. I let wetness stream my cheeks for hours upon end.
A bitter wind chilled my core, near froze my tears. Silent droplets of rain began sweeping down from the heavens. After only a few minutes, I was sopping wet. Shivering uncontrollably, I hugged my knees to my chest, and rocked back-and-forth. The rims of my eyes were heavy and raw.
I gently uncurled my aching limbs and lay upon my back. Glinting topaz flecks shimmered about the sky, so beautifully, so innocently.
They embittered me.

***

I heard the sound of footsteps squelching in the sloppy, wet mud. I looked up. Petrus stood before me, looking sleepy and dishevelled. He eased himself down beside me, and placed a firm yet gentle hand upon my knee.

His touch sent a ripple of surreal pleasure hurtling through my body. The unexpected sensation jolted me alert. A fierce thrust of passion throbbed through my veins, sent my bones reeling with euphoria. I swear the pounding of my heart within my chest was audible. I had never felt an urge so passionate, so strong.

‘Gretal, I-’
Tears began to choke his words. I placed my hand on top of his, cringed with delight as a thrust of crippling exhilaration pummelled my hand.

He began to cry softly. For a while, I sat quietly and respectfully as his tears poured. I had wept over Nikola and the wretchedness of life. Now, it was Petrus’ turn.

When his sobs had subsided, I shifted closer toward him. He turned to stare at me, his eyes and face glistening though the darkness. Hesitantly, I leant my head upon his shoulder. He began to fondle my hair, an action reminiscent of my first morning at the camp. Petrus slipped his thin hand to the small of my back, pulled me further in toward him.

Upon a thrust of impulse, my lips met his neck. They lingered, explored every flaw of his milky skin. I smoothed his tears away with tender kisses...


***

My eyes wrenched open. Blackness engulfed them. My stomach whined with hunger. A cold sweat lingered about my body. Butterflies fluttered frantically about my stomach. My whole entity was utterly aroused.

The reality of the situation slapped me across the cheek. Devastation pummelled my thick, heavy limbs. You see, it was all a dream.
Last edited by AmeliaCogin on Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.
  





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Mon Jul 04, 2011 11:27 pm
HorsebackWriter says...



AmeliaCogin wrote:
Spoiler! :
Hiya! I've had writers block for weeks and it was so hard to write this chapter! I think it's ok, but nitpicks are very much appreciated! In fact, tear it to shreads, if you like...XD


Entry IV – February 21st 1949

Nikola died in the early hours of this morning.

I am repulsed by my lack of emotion. I have seen so many lose their lives: my eyes have become accustomed to death. Writing such a thing makes me feel physically sick. Of course, I am devastated at the loss of my friend; pain at the loss of a dear companion. However, I feel no urge to weep and wail. I am panged only with emptiness. This doesn't make sense.

We were, sad to say, expecting Nikola’s death. Allow me to rephrase that a little more tactfully: her death did not surprise us.

Yesterday, she began wrenching up blood more frequently and in larger quantities. Hysteria gripped her body, hallucinations her mind. She was feverish, wrestled violently with her limbs, and, in the evening, developed a burning scarlet rash.

In the hours leading up to Nikola’s death, Justus, Petrus, Hannah and I did not leave her side. We waited in somber silence, our bodies stiff and motionless, and our lips dry of saliva.
She died an undignified death. Nikola hadn’t an ounce of lucidity when the end came. Her lack of sanity made the whole situation so sad, so pitiful.

We continued to sit, staring blindly into space, long after Nikola had passed. The hours that followed those of her death were that of reflection, meditation. It was when first light appeared that we dragged our limp, aching bodies from the ground and set to burying our dearest friend. There is a sad irony in that her downfall came in the form of a fatal case of Pneumonia. After all, she had survived the brutal regime of Hitler and an atrocious Prisoner of War camp. She was a remarkable woman, a courageous friend, and a wonderful asset to our ‘team’.

We buried Nikola earlier. Justus and his brother dug the grave whilst Hannah and I disrobed her body. I am ashamed we had to resort to such a reprehensible act. If we had unlimited supplies, we would surely dignify Nikola by burying her clothed and with possessions. However, with the cold lingering and our shelter weakening by the day, we desperately needed her blankets and garments.

In the camp, if someone elderly or sick or innocent died, we would strip the body and leave their naked corpse to the NKVD. It sounds disgraceful. However, we needed layers upon layers of clothing to keep from succumbing to Hypothermia. Of course, though, it was first-come-first-served.

Now, before the dark sets in, I shall copy into this diary a short poem I wrote earlier, about Nikola. I’m not very good at poetry, but she was. Nikola loved it. It seems fitting that the small portion of this book dedicated to my friend should be in the form of a poem.

In the memory of Nikola Esztera, 1927 – 1949

A pearly smile so radiant
Used to light up her face;
Her manner was so kind -
How sweet her embrace!

A gallant, selfless beauty
She proved herself to be;
Remember her as such:
A woman nobler than me

Nikola was a loving friend -
To us more like a caring sister;
She was worthy of imitation:
Oh how sorely we will miss her!


I Harley saw any nitpicks to speak about, the only thing I had a problem with is, well, it just felt so cold and lacked emotion. If that was the way you wanted it, then you did a wonderful job.
"So it all comes down to this, doesn't it? Does the wand in your hand know it's last master was Disarmed? Beacause if it does...I am the true master of the Elder Wand."

"And quite honestly, I've had enough trouble for a lifetime."

~Harry Potter
  





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Tue Jul 05, 2011 12:07 am
Nightlyowl says...



I loved this! I really did. I have to go find the others if they are posted. The only thing I thought sounded a bit off was
I am panged only with emptiness.
It didn't sound too bad, in fact as I reread it it sounds fine, but when I first read it it sounded a bit off... maybe it's just the word panged. I don't know. Haha. Well I really do love this and I can't wait to read more of it. When you write a new one please make sure to pm me or tell me on my wall. Thank you and keep writing it's great!
~Nightlyowl
  





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Wed Jul 06, 2011 5:43 pm
Justagirl says...



We waited in somber silence, our bodies stiff and motionless, and our lips dry of saliva.

It was when first light appeared that we dragged our limp, aching bodies from the ground and set to burying our dear friend.

There is a sad irony in that her downfall came in the form of a fatal case of pneumonia.
We buried Nikola earlier.
Take this sentence out...
However, we needed layers upon layers of clothing to keep from succumbing to hypothermia.

How sweet was her embrace!

A woman nobler than me.

She was worthy of imitation -
Oh how sorely we will miss her!


Again, great job!! I loved it as always though this seemed a much shorter chapter than usual. Though, I can understand since you had writer's block... See if you can lengthen it a bit? Some ideas:
    *Where are they now? describe the setting a bit.
    *You could have her go on a walk and cry silently while describing the setting a bit more...
    *Do they need to move soon? Have them do that now!

Awesome job! :D

Keep writing,
Alzora
"Just remember there's a difference between stalking people on the internet, and going to their house and cutting their skin off." - Jenna Marbles

~ Yeah I'm letting go of what I had, yeah I'm living now and living loud ~
  





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Reviews: 267
Sat Aug 06, 2011 9:07 pm
Nike says...



Hi, you asked if I could review this (I hope it's this one) a while back. Well, I wasn't on for like two months, sorry about that. So now I can review.


Entry IV – February 21st 1949

Nikola died in the early hours of yesterday morning.

I am repulsed by my lack of emotion. I have seen so many lose their lives: my eyes are accustomed to death. Writing such a thing makes me feel physically sick. Of course, I am devastated at the loss of my friend; pain at the loss of a dear companion. However, I feel no urge to weep and wail. I am panged only with emptiness.

We were, sad to say, expecting Nikola’s death. Allow me to rephrase that a little more tactfully: her death did not surprise us.

Yesterday, she began wrenching up blood more frequently and in larger quantities. Hysteria gripped her body, hallucinations her mind. She was feverish, wrestled violently with her limbs, and, in the evening, developed a burning scarlet rash.

In the hours leading up to Nikola’s death, Justus, Petrus, Hannah and I did not leave her side. We waited in somber silence, our bodies stiff and motionless, and our lips dry of saliva.

She died an undignified death. Nikola hadn’t an ounce of lucidity when the end came. Her lack of sanity made the whole situation so sad, so pitiful.

We continued to sit, staring blindly into space, long after Nikola had passed. The hours that followed those of her death were that of reflection, meditation. It was when first light appeared that we dragged our limp, aching bodies from the ground and set to burying our dearest friend. There is a sad irony in that her downfall came in the form of a fatal case of Pneumonia. After all, she had survived the brutal regime of Hitler and an atrocious Prisoner of War camp. She was a remarkable woman, a courageous friend, and a wonderful asset to our ‘team’.

We buried Nikola earlier. Justus and his brother dug the grave whilst Hannah and I disrobed her body. I am ashamed we had to resort to such a reprehensible act. If we had unlimited supplies, we would surely dignify Nikola by burying her clothed and with possessions. However, with the cold lingering and our shelter weakening by the day, we desperately needed her blankets and garments.

In the camp, if someone elderly or sick or innocent died, we would strip the body and leave their naked corpse to the NKVD. It sounds disgraceful. However, we needed layers upon layers of clothing to keep from succumbing to Hypothermia. Of course, though, it was first-come-first-served.

Now, before the dark sets in, I shall copy into this diary a short poem I wrote earlier, about Nikola. I’m not very good at poetry, but she was. Nikola loved it. It seems fitting that the small portion of this book dedicated to my friend should be in the form of a poem.

In the memory of Nikola Esztera, 1927 – 1949

A pearly smile so radiant

Used to light up her face;

Her manner was so kind -

How sweet her embrace!

A gallant, selfless beauty

She proved herself to be;

Remember her as such:

A woman nobler than me

Nikola was a loving friend -

To us more like a caring sister;

She was worthy of imitation:

Oh how sorely we will miss her!

***

I couldn’t get to sleep last night.

My stomach was writhing. I felt sick. Shifting my way out of my swaddle of blankets, I trudged outside, and vomited.

I put my sleeve to my mouth and wiped away the residue. For a moment, I lingered, staring above at the twinkling canopy. Never had I seen a clearer night’s sky.

I felt a sudden, gentle prick behind my eyes. Wetness engulfed my vision, made everything -swirl into a blur.

For the first time in months, I found myself crying. My knees gave way, and sobs began to rack my whole body.

I embraced the tears as if I were being reunited with a long lost friend. In a strange sort of way, they reminded me that I was a woman. Bodily, I am not at all feminine. My flow of blood dried up months ago, and my physique is that of a shapeless child.

The tears gave me reassurance that inside, I was not completely callous and unfeeling. That night, the emotionless damn that had I had built over so many wretched years had burst open.

I made no effort to pull myself from the dirt and dry my eyes. I let wetness stream my cheeks for hours upon end.

A bitter wind chilled my core, near froze my tears. Silent droplets of rain began sweeping down from the heavens. After only a few minutes, I was sopping wet. Shivering uncontrollably, I hugged my knees to my chest, and rocked back-and-forth. The rims of my eyes were heavy and raw.

I gently uncurled my aching limbs and lay upon my back. Glinting topaz flecks shimmered about the sky, so beautifully, so innocently.

They embittered me.

***

I heard the sound of footsteps squelching in the sloppy, wet mud. I looked up. Petrus stood before me, looking sleepy and disheveled. He eased himself down beside me, and placed a firm yet gentle hand upon my knee.

His touch sent a ripple of surreal pleasure hurtling through my body. The unexpected sensation jolted me alert. A fierce thrust of passion throbbed through my veins, sent my bones reeling with euphoria. I swear the pounding of my heart within my chest was audible. I had never felt an urge so passionate, so strong.

‘Gretal, I-’

Tears began to choke his words. I placed my hand on top of his, cringed with delight as a thrust of crippling exhilaration pummeled my hand.

He began to cry softly. For a while, I sat quietly and respectfully as his tears poured. I had wept over Nikola and the wretchedness of life. Now, it was Petrus’ turn.

When his sobs had subsided, I shifted closer toward him. He turned to stare at me, his eyes and face glistening though the darkness. Hesitantly, I leaned my head upon his shoulder. He began to fondle my hair, an action reminiscent of my first morning at the camp. Petrus slipped his thin hand to the small of my back, pulled me further in toward him.

Upon a thrust of impulse, my lips met his neck. They lingered, explored every flaw of his milky skin. I smoothed his tears away with tender kisses...

***

My eyes wrenched open. Blackness engulfed them. My stomach whined with hunger. A cold sweat lingered about my body. Butterflies fluttered frantically about my stomach. My whole entity was utterly aroused.

The reality of the situation slapped me across the cheek. Devastation pummeled my thick, heavy limbs. You see, it was all a dream.


DONE with my edits. All you had were a few spelling mistakes, and, well you mentioned in the spoiler that you had writing block. It didn't show much but you wrote your story in a he did this she did that perspective. That means we couldn't really imagine the scenery. But other than that, I found this interesting since I take interest in the World War II history. Beautifully written, and a great plot. I can't wait to read more!

Keep Writing!

Nike :)

P.S. - When you post more, or if you want me to review anything else or this story, inform me please. I'm happy to help and I'll be on more often.
“There is no need to call me Sir, Professor.”
  








For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.
— Audrey Hepburn