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My Robin Hood Chapt. 1



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Sat Jul 31, 2010 8:42 pm
Forestqueen808 says...



Okay, so I saw the new Robin Hood movie last night, and it made me come up with this awesome idea. Yay or nay if I should continue....?

Chapter One

I have always wondered if the ocean is really a deep blue, and if the sky is a light blue. I wish that I could savor the beauty of the green hills and the splendor of the colorful sunset. But I know I will never see it, but I can feel and hear it all around me. I can feel the wind throwing back my hair, the water form a liquid shield around my ankles, and I can hear the sound of leaves rustling and birds singing in the spring.

Mother always tells me I’m pretty, and says I have hair like flaxenseed, and that my eyes are a dark green, that’s why I was named Ivy. Because of my dark green eyes that I inherited from my father. People say my father was a great man, and I know he was. He died when I was ten fighting for the king. I remember his face, but I have never seen the colors. I remember his broad jaw line lined with stubble underneath my fingers, his bushy eyebrows and his short cut hair. I would give anything to have a clear image of him.

When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to be different than my mother. I didn’t want to marry and end up losing my husband. I didn’t want to be pretty or a lady. I wanted to ride on my horse all the way across England, like…like Robin Hood who fought for the better good and helped take care of our land. Who would give us money to help pay our ridiculous taxes.

I heard so much about Robin Hood, wondering if he was as handsome as all the women thought, and if he had a secret hideout in the woods. Someday, I promised myself that I would find it and join him. He was my hero, I didn’t need sight to see what a great man he was.

“Can I go for a ride now?” I said in my impatient fifteen year old way. “I’ve been standing here for hours.”

“Its only been fifteen minutes Ivy, you need to have another nice dress for church. Who knows who will show up?”

“Mother, I don’t want to get married,” I said, stepping down from the small wooden stool. “I want to go have an adventure! I don’t want to be like you.” I tossed my long hair over my shoulder before walking out of my home, slamming the door as well as I could. It seemed the older and older we grew, the more and more we fought.

I walked over to where my horse, Nightshade stood, still saddled up from the morning ride I took. “Come on Nightshade,” I whispered into his fuzzy ear, making him jump slightly before hopping on. I had gotten used to riding. When I was younger, my father took me on rides every morning and afternoon. I had the trails memorized and I felt as if I had the world within my mind.

I rode off down the trail slowly, the sounds of children laughing and chickens clucking reaching my ears. As soon as I couldn’t hear them any longer I kicked Nightshade, forcing him into a gallop. I could hear the trees rustle in the wind and could almost picture them dancing with glee.

“Hey!” a voice yelled, I pulled on the reigns, stopping Nightshade. I listened for a moment. Before calling out a hello. Everything was still except the sound of a few squaking birds in the treetops.

“Hello?” I called again. “Anyone there?”

“Hello miss,” a deep voice said. I turned my head to the voice, and the voice chuckled. “What are you doing riding alone? Don’t you know the woods are dangerous?”

“I’ve ridden in this wood many times, now if you’ll excuse me, I better be going.”

“Not without a little pay I think,” the man said.

I swallowed. “You’re not the sheriff, even a blind old woman could see that.”

“You’re one to talk. How do you know I’m not the sheriff.”

“I know the sheriff's voice, he comes to my home often to collect the taxes. I would know his voice anywhere. Please, I must leave.”

I heard footsteps approaching Nightshade and me and I quickly tightened my grip on the reigns, my hands shaking slightly. “Don’t touch me,” I whispered. “Just let me go home,” I whispered, my courage beginning to fade.

A slap on Nightshade’s rear rang loud and clear through the woods and I felt as Nightshade reared up and felt myself tumble to the ground. I let out a gasp of pain as I hit the hard dirt trail which was only slightly covered by a blanket of leaves. “Nightshade!” I called as I heard his hoof beats slowly fade away down the path.

“Will?” another man’s voice said. I felt my whole body stiffen as I lay there, lifting my head slightly. I could hardly hear the soft footsteps, I couldn’t believe they were coming from a man. “Will, really, is this necessary?”

“Robin, I was just having a little fun,” the first man, Will, said.

“You shouldn’t harm a pretty lady,” Robin said. “Now come on, let’s get up.” I felt a hand grasp mine and help me stand up, me nearly tripping over my dress. “What are you doing out here in the woods in the first place?”

“I,” I paused. I recognized that voice. It wasn’t one I heard every day but…it was familiar enough. “I was just out for a ride. I ride in these woods frequently. Now please, let me go home. Where is my horse?”

“Your horse is right here milady,” Robin said, grabbing my hand and rubbing it along the familiar coat of Nightshade. I nodded and slowly pulled myself up clumsily. I muttered a small thank you, but Robin held firmly onto the reigns.

“Can you see me milady?” he asked me softly.

The question caught me off gaurd. I spluttered for a moment and thought…what should I say? Lie? I could lie, I would never see him again, how would he know? But he would never see me again, he wouldn’t constantly be teasing me. I slowly looked down, shaking my head in shame.

“Well, may I escort you home? Where do you come from anyways?”

“Nottingham,” I said. “And I don’t need a, a, a scavenger escorting me home!” I raised my voice. “I can ride better than any boy in Nottingham, therefore I can find my way home.

“Well, you don’t say. Will can escort you home, fore, I’m not very welcome in Nottingham,” Robin said, laughter hiding in his voice.

“I can find my own way thank you,” I felt the reigns and pried his fingers from them.

“What is your name?”

I bit my lip. “Why should I tell a thief like you?”

Robin chuckled. “Milady, I am astonished that you don’t recognize me. Or my voice at least.”

“And his charm according to the ladies,” Will said. I had almost forgotten he was still there with us.

“Tell me your name, and I’ll tell you mine,” Robin said. “I would hate to meet a beautiful lass like you and not know your name.” Flattery rang throughout his whole voice, and I fell right into the trap.

“Ivy,” I whispered.

“Like your eyes,” he said, his fingers brushing mine. I nodded in reply and we stood there in silence for a moment, aside from the constant moving of Will’s impatient feet in the leaves.

“You need to keep your promise,” I said suddenly, breaking the silence. “Who are you?”

I heard a small chuckle rise in his throat, and I could tell that he was grinning widely. He clicked his tongue and patted Nightshade, sending him off into an easy trot, like he had when I had entered the forest.

I looked back, me sensing his presence still in the spot where I had left him. And sure enough before I was too far away I heard his voice ring through the trees: “I’m Robin of the Hood!”
Last edited by Forestqueen808 on Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:19 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Sat Jul 31, 2010 9:17 pm
StellaThomas says...



Hey Em, Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

Ever since Ivy had been twelve,


This is really weirdly phrased.

she had longed to ride through forests, fight for the greater good, and fall in love with a dashing hero.


Where has she dreamt of this from? If this is historical, there aren't novels about such things to enchant her or anything like that.

Ivy rode better than any boy in the whole village of Nottingham, and could shoot her arrows and sword fight better than them too. Apart from her being blind and a lady, many of the town villagers gossiped about how she could have been the best fighter in the King’s army.


She's blind, and though I know blind people are capable of a lot, how is she going to be the best swordfighter if she can't see her opponents?

On that note- remember the blue ocean and green forests? She's blind, she doesn't know what those colours are.

supper of hen and potatoes.


What's wrong with good old fashioned chicken?

His charcoal black coat shimmered in the sunlight seeping through the blankets of clouds overhead.


She's blind, she can't see this.

The voice was gentle, rich and full


Full stop. Also, who calls his friends, "Men"?

“I…I come from Nottingham, I’m poor, I can’t have anything that you would want,” of hidden laughter.


...what? of hidden laughter?

A deep chuckle came from the man who had spoken second throat.


second's throat?

“Where is my horse?” Ivy asked.


She was able to do all that stuff earlier... but can't tell where her horse is?
"Its called archery mother,”


It's called archery, Mother.

“Half the time I hope no one catches that man. I wish he would come here more often to give money, but the sheriff makes that nearly impossible,” her mother sighed, taking Ivy from her thoughts. “God bless him,” she whispered. Ivy could hear the tears in her mother’s cracking voice.


Okay, I know you said that Ivy was dressed more richly than her sisters, but realistically, if they're the ones getting money off Robin, they're not going to have horses and pretty dresses and archery targets in the first place, let alone the prospects of marrying a lord.

II. BLINDNESS

I think you really need to consider the blind idea here. Consider what she can and can't do. She's probably familiar with her house, can get around fine. Maybe with the town too. Could she saddle a horse? I don't know. Is the horse going to be smart enough to avoid things that might hit her? I don't know. But she's not going to see them coming. She won't know what colours are either, so stop using them. Your description is going to have to use all the other four senses much more. It'd be a good exercise actually. Describe everything- with absolutely no visualisations, only taste, touch, smell and hearing.

But at the same time, if she was born blind, she was probably weak too, and what were the chances of her surviving this long in a time when infant mortality was high? And what are the chances of her mother putting her hopes in her rather than her healthy sisters? Forget lords, what village boy would want a poor wife back then? You need to consider all of the setbacks the disability will give her. Being blind isn't glamourous.

III. OVERALL

I think you need to do some serious research and thinking before you go any further with this.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010
  





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Sun Aug 01, 2010 12:38 am
DancingInTheRain says...



Hey Forest,
Please continue with this story, I immensely enjoyed it! :D But it took me a while to realise Ivy was actually blind, but that might just be my occasional bluntness. The only part I don't like is.....
Ok so there isn't a bad part, shoot me for telling the truth :D
Keep it up Forest
DITR ;)
  





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Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:06 am
Sierra says...



I loved the general idea of this story. But your writing style definitely made this worth reading. I love the way you describe your scenes, without going over board. Robin Hood is one of my favorite characters of all time, which makes it easier to relate to Ivy. Also, your characters are very life-like, with a lot of personality. Please keep on writing!
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Wed Aug 04, 2010 6:54 pm
xXTheBlackSheepXx says...



Chapter One

I have always wondered if the ocean is really a deep blue, and if the sky is a light blue. I wish that I could savor the beauty of the green hills and the splendor of the colorful sunset. But I know I will never see it, but I can feel and hear it all around me. I can feel the wind throwing back my hair, the water form a liquid shield around my ankles, and I can hear the sound of leaves rustling and birds singing in the spring.

Mother always tells me I’m pretty, and says I have hair like flaxenseed, and that my eyes are a dark green, that’s why I was named Ivy. Because of my dark green eyes that I inherited from my father. People say my father was a great man, and I know he was. He died when I was ten fighting for the king. I remember his face, but I have never seen the colors. I remember his broad jaw line lined with stubble underneath my fingers, his bushy eyebrows and his short cut hair. I would give anything to have a clear image of him.

These sentences sound a bit awkward. Maybe say it like ‘Mother always tells me I’m pretty; that I have hair like flaxseed and dark green eyes that I inherited from my father, the reason for my birth name, Ivy. That’s just a suggestion, and the rest was really good.

When I was thirteen, I decided I wanted to be different than my mother. I didn’t want to marry and end up losing my husband. I didn’t want to be pretty or a lady. I wanted to ride on my horse all the way across England, like…like Robin Hood who fought for the better good and helped take care of our land. Who would give us money to help pay our ridiculous taxes.

I heard so much about Robin Hood, wondering if he was as handsome as all the women thought, and if he had a secret hideout in the woods. Someday, I promised myself that I would find it and join him. He was my hero, I didn’t need sight to see what a great man he was.

“Can I go for a ride now?” I said in my impatient fifteen year old way. “I’ve been standing here for hours.”

Maybe a better word here for ‘said’ would be ‘whined’. and an exclamation point after hours.

“Its only been fifteen minutes Ivy, you need to have another nice dress for church. Who knows who will show up?”

Apostrophe in ‘its’. And maybe instead of saying ’who will show up’ you can say ’if a younger man will show up’ since that’s what she is hinting.

“Mother, I don’t want to get married,” I said, stepping down from the small wooden stool. “I want to go have an adventure! I don’t want to be like you.” I tossed my long hair over my shoulder before walking out of my home, slamming the door as well as I could. It seemed the older and older we grew, the more and more we fought.

Maybe put an exclamation point after married to get her emotion through. Instead of said you could put argued or something. Instead of ‘walking’ you could put ‘stormed’. Small changes like that would really help, I think.


I walked over to where my horse, Nightshade stood, still saddled up from the morning ride I took. “Come on Nightshade,” I whispered into his fuzzy ear, making him jump slightly before hopping on. I had gotten used to riding. When I was younger, my father took me on rides every morning and afternoon. I had the trails memorized and I felt as if I had the world within my mind.

I rode off down the trail slowly, the sounds of children laughing and chickens clucking reaching my ears. As soon as I couldn’t hear them any longer I kicked Nightshade, forcing him into a gallop. I could hear the trees rustle in the wind and could almost picture them dancing with glee.

‘I rode off down the trail slowly’ sounds a little awkward. I think you could just put ‘I slowly rode down the trail, the sounds of…’ or ‘As I rode down the trail, the sounds of …’

“Hey!” a voice yelled, I pulled on the reigns, stopping Nightshade. I listened for a moment. Before calling out a hello. Everything was still except the sound of a few squaking birds in the treetops.

You can make this a bit cleaner, I think.

“Hey!” a voice yelled.

I pulled on the reigns, stopping Nightshade. I listened for a moment before calling out a hello. Everything was still except the sound of a few squawking birds in the treetops.

Btw you misspelled ’squawking’.


“Hello?” I called again. “Anyone there?”

It should be a comma after again, I think.

“Hello miss,” a deep voice said. I turned my head to the voice, and the voice chuckled. “What are you doing riding alone? Don’t you know the woods are dangerous?”

You say ‘the voice’ a lot. “Hello miss,” a deep voice said. I turned my head towards the voice, and it chuckled, “What are you doing riding alone? Don’t you know the woods are dangerous?”


“I’ve ridden in this wood many times, now if you’ll excuse me, I better be going.”

“Not without a little pay I think,” the man said.

I swallowed. “You’re not the sheriff, even a blind old woman could see that.”

“You’re one to talk. How do you know I’m not the sheriff.”

“I know the sheriff's voice, he comes to my home often to collect the taxes. I would know his voice anywhere. Please, I must leave.”

I heard footsteps approaching Nightshade and me and I quickly tightened my grip on the reigns, my hands shaking slightly. “Don’t touch me,” I whispered. “Just let me go home,” I whispered, my courage beginning to fade.

A slap on Nightshade’s rear rang loud and clear through the woods and I felt as Nightshade reared up and felt myself tumble to the ground. I let out a gasp of pain as I hit the hard dirt trail which was only slightly covered by a blanket of leaves. “Nightshade!” I called as I heard his hoof beats slowly fade away down the path.

“Will?” another man’s voice said. I felt my whole body stiffen as I lay there, lifting my head slightly. I could hardly hear the soft footsteps, I couldn’t believe they were coming from a man. “Will, really, is this necessary?”

Maybe ‘called’ instead of said.

“Robin, I was just having a little fun,” the first man, Will, said.

Maybe ‘insisted’ instead of said.

“You shouldn’t harm a pretty lady,” Robin said. “Now come on, let’s get up.” I felt a hand grasp mine and help me stand up, me nearly tripping over my dress. “What are you doing out here in the woods in the first place?”

“I,” I paused. I recognized that voice. It wasn’t one I heard every day but…it was familiar enough. “I was just out for a ride. I ride in these woods frequently. Now please, let me go home. Where is my horse?”

“Your horse is right here milady,” Robin said, grabbing my hand and rubbing it along the familiar coat of Nightshade. I nodded and slowly pulled myself up clumsily. I muttered a small thank you, but Robin held firmly onto the reigns.

“Can you see me milady?” he asked me softly.

The question caught me off gaurd. I spluttered for a moment and thought…what should I say? Lie? I could lie, I would never see him again, how would he know? But he would never see me again, he wouldn’t constantly be teasing me. I slowly looked down, shaking my head in shame.

You misspelled ‘guard’.

“Well, may I escort you home? Where do you come from anyways?”

“Nottingham,” I said. “And I don’t need a, a, a scavenger escorting me home!” I raised my voice. “I can ride better than any boy in Nottingham, therefore I can find my way home.

End quotations here.

“Well, you don’t say. Will can escort you home, fore, I’m not very welcome in Nottingham,” Robin said, laughter hiding in his voice.

Will can escort you home then, for I’m not welcome in Nottingham. I’m not sure if that sounds any better to you or not.


“I can find my own way thank you,” I felt the reigns and pried his fingers from them.

“What is your name?”

I bit my lip. “Why should I tell a thief like you?”

Robin chuckled. “Milady, I am astonished that you don’t recognize me. Or my voice at least.”

“And his charm according to the ladies,” Will said. I had almost forgotten he was still there with us.

“Tell me your name, and I’ll tell you mine,” Robin said. “I would hate to meet a beautiful lass like you and not know your name.” Flattery rang throughout his whole voice, and I fell right into the trap.

“Ivy,” I whispered.

“Like your eyes,” he said, his fingers brushing mine. I nodded in reply and we stood there in silence for a moment, aside from the constant moving of Will’s impatient feet in the leaves.

“You need to keep your promise,” I said suddenly, breaking the silence. “Who are you?”

I heard a small chuckle rise in his throat, and I could tell that he was grinning widely. He clicked his tongue and patted Nightshade, sending him off into an easy trot, like he had when I had entered the forest.

I looked back, me sensing his presence still in the spot where I had left him. And sure enough before I was too far away I heard his voice ring through the trees: “I’m Robin of the Hood!”


I really love this story! I thought you had great description, and believable characters and dialogue. I had so much fun reading this :D Could you send me a PM whenever you post new chapters?

Something I thought you could work on is adding more descriptive words that replace ‘said’. I gave you examples in my review, but maybe you should make a list of them and keep it handy. ‘he chuckled’ or ‘he grinned’ might work for Robin. He insisted, he suggested, he assured, he supposed. Things like that.

Keep up the great work!!!
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Fri Aug 13, 2010 12:47 am
Lollipopper says...



Hey Forest queen...I really liked this. I've always liked the story of Robin Hood, and the way you brought a new world with his, I really enjoyed this.
You were really descriptive. You weren't overly descriptive, just right. This might be a little hard for younger people to read, if they even would be reading this though...

Anyway, go on with it:)

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Sat Oct 30, 2010 10:21 pm
emmily says...



I like the concept of this story. Generally, most Robin Hood stories focus on him and his group. I've never read one where the main character isn't a part of his group at all (at least she isn't so far).
Your descriptions, especially in the first paragraphs, are very vivid. I like how you have Ivy imagining all the things she wishes she could see, then going into descriptions of what she understands of the world from her other senses. Having her mother try so hard to marry her off makes sense because, without her father to work and save up a dowry for her Ivy would have a hard time finding a husband even if she wasn't blind. Since she's both blind and poor, finding someone who will agree to marry her will be really hard. Maybe Robin will end up falling in love with her?
In terms of the flow of the story itself, it works well for me except for one detail. Near the end, when the three of them are standing around talking (with Ivy standing near her horse) Robin sends the horse away, back towards the town but there is no mention of Ivy getting back on the horse. Judging from the last bit of the story, Ivy is riding the horse home but looking at the details, that doesn't make sense at this point since she wasn't on the horse yet.
I'm excited to see how this story develops.
  





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Thu Nov 04, 2010 10:09 pm
Piper says...



Hi! I loved your story, it's really cool to see Robin Hood from a differnt point of view, espesially a blind one. I do agree that sometimes she talks like she can see, which i'm guessing is just because your used to writing with seeing characters. I'm sure it just takes practice. Other than that, I loved it!
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Sun Nov 07, 2010 6:55 am
d@ydre@mer27 says...



Lol, I kept wondering why you never described how Robin Hood looked, well daydreamer that would be because she is BLIND!
Well I now officially feel like an idiot. :D
That aside, I just watched the new Robin Hood two days ago and you did an impressive job with this. I would say go on with it, it was that good. Your writing style is great, it flows and it's easy to read. Robin came off as such a relaxed character and also one with a lot of caring and touches of humor which is who he is. Everytime you mentioned him chuckling I could picture Russell Crowe doing the same thing. :D

The only thing that bothered me was her name, was Ivy really a name used back then? I could be wrong, just saying......
*daydreamer
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Wed Nov 24, 2010 12:00 am
ashleymae says...



I thought it was very good and interesting. I too am a fan of the Robin Hood legend, which is now no longer legend, but history. There is a list of 100 men who could have been him. Anyway, you are a good and promising writer.
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