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Young Writers Society


The Notorious Chronicles Ch. 1



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Mon Feb 22, 2010 2:22 am
kaiden says...



Author's Note: Rated 16+ due to violence, some profanity and sexual references. I'm assuming most 16 year olds have already been exposed to this. This is a little hobby me and my friend like to do. We think of stories together usually due to the fact that our real lives are simply too boring. The way we do this is similar to roleplaying but a little more organized because we go over ideas on how the story will turn out. Also, the story was meant to be first person and third person. Just our way of separating the two main characters in the story. It shouldn't be too confusing, hopefully. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. If there is anything that doesn't seem to make sense, errors in spelling or grammar, or even downright ridiculous... let us know. Thanks and hope you enjoy it!

“Meet the Team”

Location: Chicago Illinois, Precinct 7

Date: Dec 31, 1929

Time: 17:00 p.m.

It’s been only a year, and so much damage has been done. Banks across the country are either closed down, or owned by the mafia. The people are disheartened, poor, and corrupt. The government is doing everything in its power to make things right again, I just hope they don’t take too long. In the meantime, I’ll stick to doing what I do best.

The name is Sergeant Thomas Trump, team leader of the Untouchables Task Force. My team consists of three other members. Dallas Barker is the muscle of the outfit. He may look big and tough, but once you get to know the guy, he’s not so bad. Merrick Malloy is the guy who takes care of all the paper work. Now I’m not talking about filing reports to the chief and making records, I’m talking criminal. If there’s something that doesn’t add up and is being kept off the books, Malloy is the guy you can rely on to get the dirt. Then there’s Luck Costello. This guy is one of the best shots I have ever seen, and he’s a bit of a smartass. Despite all the crap we have to deal with Luck, there’s nobody else, other than Dallas and Merrick, I would trust my life with. We may be a small team, but we know how to get the job done.

Our goal is to eliminate any criminal activity that is conducted by the mob; this includes money laundering, bribery, robbery, extortion, bootlegging, murder… I got a whole truck load of shit I’d love to put these dirt bags away for. Unfortunately it’s not that simple. It seems that lately the mob is getting smarter and cleaning up their trail of bread crumbs. We need cold hard evidence in order to get these guys into court, and maybe, just maybe get them sentenced…that’s if the courts haven’t been paid off, let alone the other cops in the force.

“Hey Tom, you almost ready to go?” asked Dallas.

I took a moment to look at my hat that was sitting on my desk. It originally belonged to another guy on the force. He taught me everything he knew about how to be a cop and catch the bad guys. His name was Ryan Price; he was like the grandfather I never had. He was killed a few years back by some thug. I spent months trying to track down who it was, and the only lead I got was that he wore a white suit, and was apparently a total nut job. After a while of finding nothing, I just let it go. I never forgot though, and whenever I find Ryan’s killer, I’m making sure to put a bullet in the bastard’s head.

“Yep… just making sure I have everything.” I said.

I grabbed my hat and put it on. The rest of the team was ready to head out. We all had our Thompson machine guns in hand.

“Hey Tom, you sure the place we’re going to is fresh?” asked Merrick “I mean I know you’ve never steered us wrong, but there’s a first time for everything.”

“Haha, what are you worried about Merrick?” asked Luck. “I think it’s fantastic we’re going to raid this place. I mean this could be our biggest bust yet.”

I gave a little smile to what Luck said. Yes it is true; this could be our biggest bust on the Martello family, but then again…

“I don’t know Tom;” Merrick said questionably “this bust may seem too big a bust for us.”

“I know what you mean Merrick,” I answered “but this is the only lead we’ve have had in weeks. If anything, the Martello’s have got their stash of liquor in that warehouse. Now let’s go over the plan one more time. There are four guards that are going to be watching the front gate, and about ten or so inside helping unload the liquor from the trucks. The same trucks that came in today from Canada. Dallas is going to take out the guards at the gate, while the rest of us take the guys inside. If they shoot, shoot back. Dallas, you meet with us when you’re done.”

“That sounds as simple as your mother Tommy.” Luck said jokingly.

“Luck, you want me to smack you across the room?” Dallas asked, staring him down.

“No.”

“Then shut the hell up.”

“Jeez Dallas take it easy.”

“Alright you guys cool it.” I said. “Save it for the Martello’s. You have any questions?”

The answer was pretty clear to me when they all cocked their guns. All I could do at that point was smile and cock my own.

“Let’s do this.” I said. “Merrick, you’re driving.”


“Kaiden, my son, please come here.” Don Martello beckoned, “I have an important task for you today.”

“With honor Don Martello,” Kaiden bowed, “What do you need me to do today?”

“I need you to watch over the bootlegging going down at the warehouse.” Don Martello said, “That is a very important business for us.”

“I thought Giovanni was taking care of it.” Kaiden replied.

The Don snorted, “That piscione can’t get anything right, I want you to watch over him as well. Make sure he doesn’t run away if the Tolima’s show up.”

“Will do.” Kaiden said, walking out the door stopping only at the mirror to fix his short ponytail.

Kaiden walked out of the room grudgingly yet obediently. Of course he didn’t want to watch over the stupid operation. He didn’t even want to be here but as a consigliere and natural gangster, he was too valuable to the Don to simply be neglected. There’s been talk about how he could steal the throne any time he wanted to, most would follow him but Kaiden didn’t want the responsibility of leading the mafia. Besides he still had to watch out for Ernesto, the Underboss.

He walked past a group of henchmen and they automatically followed. They knew they had a job to do when Kaiden walked with purpose. They asked no questions, checking their Thompsons and silently followed. Anyone else in the hallway respectively got out of the way; and many curious heads looked out from doorways. They finally left the big mansion, hopped into a couple of Model A. Ford Town Sedans and drove to the lake.

Kaiden tightened his grip on the steering wheel and thought, “Let’s hope things go according to plan.”
Any man can handle adversity, to test a man's character give him power - Abraham Lincoln

To be the greatest is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark. - ?
  





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Wed Feb 24, 2010 9:09 am
Daisy131Spoink says...



Woah this is really good! I love the way you explained everything perfectly and made everything so fluent!
Great job! You are really talented!
  





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Fri Mar 05, 2010 5:33 pm
kristin777 says...



Excellent begiining! Catches your attention and brings you in as it should.
i do not have any recommendations as far as changes or tweaks.
  








Of those who say nothing, few are silent.
— Thomas Neill