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Sophia's Suitors-Chapter 6 Part 2



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Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:10 am
Merry_Haven says...



~Hey, I'm back with part two. After finally doing some homwork, I finally finished this part. Yeah! :D So, I hope you all enjoy and like.~~~Edited.~~~

The black carriage came to a stop at Bath's gardens. The coachmen opened the door and Sophia descended with the help of the footmen.
Holding the drawstring of her small pink purse, she turned to the driver. “I'll be back in ten minutes, and thank you for the ride.” She called out through the sounds of the passing by carriages.
Turning to the paved path, Sophia looked around for the fountain. It has to be here somewhere. Sighing at her thought, she walked slowly taking in all the wonders of the gardens. Tall, green bushes towered over Sophia. It's like a maze here.
Passing by a corner, something caught her eye, “Oh, how beautiful.” Sophia touched the China blush with tender care. These pink clusters and silvery petals are just breathtaking. I never would have thought it would be in Bath. Plucking the flower within her fingers, she walked off. The flower is so fragile and precious.
Sophia seemed so happy about the colorful flower in her fingers, she started skipping. What a wonderful day. Everyone will be happy just like me. Nothing shall go wrong today.
Her face glowed a vibrant color from the sun beaming down on her. Life is so grand. Basking in the glory of the afternoon, Sophia heard something. She stopped in her path and hid behind a large bush.
“Richard, are you serious about marrying her? You know what her father's like.” The man with the mousy voice paused then someone else spoke.
“I have to. You know I do. Whatever happened back then won't interfere with my life with her.”
“Are you sure? Your repetition in Bath could be ruined if you marry her.”
“Yes, I'm sure about this. Now you have to go, before she comes.” Suddenly, the sound of crunching gravel showed that the mousy, voice man had left. Then, out of nowhere a low groan escaped the man's lips as he pondered about his recent conversation.
On the other hand, Sophia's facial expression was perplexed as her blue eyes widened. No, it can't be Lord Covington. There are so many people in Bath that have that same name. Pushing away her thought, she took a breath in and stepped into the heart of the garden.
The moment she placed a foot onto the gravel path she saw the fountain. It was a magnificent creation of man's interaction. No word can describe how beautiful this is. Even the water in the pond was clear enough to see your face in as the lilies floated upon the water.
“Miss Selwood.” The charming voice flowed past her ears as she turned around.
“Lord Covington.” The lord's short black hair was matching the color of his waist coat. The dark brown breeches were the color of his hazel eyes. Everything about him vibrated a sense of propriety and sophistication.
“I see that you have gotten my note.” His crisp voice was like the sound of falling water. “Come join me over by the gazebo.” He lifted his arm for her and she accepted the offer.
Leading her to the gazebo, Sophia noticed how much he looked like a gentlemen. Sitting at the bench inside, Sophia spoke, “It's such a lovely view, Lord Covington.”
“Yes, very lovely.” He wasn't talking about the scenery but Sophia. “So beautiful.” She glanced at him as he took a lock of her hair and stroke it very gently. Feeling the heat rise up to her cheeks, her pink lips curved up to a childish smile.
“My lord. I came to tell you about my answer.”
He was still touching her blond hair. “And what would that be?”
“Yes. I want you. I choose you as my suitor.” Immediately he dropped the lock of hair and looked at her, with excitement.
“Sophia. Are you sure?”
“I am, my lord.”
“Call me Richard. We are now on intimate terms here.” He gave her a cheery smile.
Being hopelessly in love with him, she smiled back. “Yes, Richard. I am.”
“You've made me the happiest man alive.” Taking his hands and placing it on her warm cheeks, he lowered his head. Yet, somehow the kiss felt weird. This doesn't feel like those perfect first time kisses. Yet, this isn't my first one.
Lifting his head, he gave her one of his charming smiles. Swooning her over, he got up. “I shall go and prepare our arrangements. For tomorrow we wed.”
“So soon?”
“Yes, my love. The sooner the better.” What does he mean by that?
Sophia got up, they left the gazebo. “Goodbye, Sophia.”
“Goodbye, Richard.” He gave one more glance at her and left the opposite way. Except Sophia felt odd. Touching her lips, she turned to leave. His name. It feels weird saying it even if we're marrying. Leaving the center of the garden Sophia was off to go home and tell Helena of the news.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
The inside of the Ashworth residence was hectic. Preparations of food, wedding gowns, and guests filled the atmosphere of the house. Maids and servants went up and down the stairs, doing chores.
Giving her Spencer jacket and purse to a servant, she walked into the lobby. Sophia glanced around the first floor and saw Helena.
“Helena!”
She was by a desk and mirror, writing a letter. Helena looked up, “Oh, Sophia, you're back.”
“I am and I'm here to tell you the news.”
“Before you do, I wanted to say mama and papa approves of Simon. I know I've only met him this week but it feels like I've known him forever.”
“That's wonderful, Helena. When is your wedding?”
“The day after Lucy's wedding. On Sunday.” Helena stopped halfway from her words and noticed something. “Oh, James is still here and needs to talk to you. It seems to be very important.”
At Helena's last words, Sophia rolled her eyes. “Do I have to?”
“Yes. Now go in there before he's cross, and that won't be pretty.”
Sighing, Sophia pushed opened the door to the piano room. The moment she lingered into the room, she as bewildered by the sight of James. His messy brown hair was somewhat over his eyes. The look of him was no longer gentlemen like but that of a rogue. James was simply dashing.
Closing the door, James got up from sitting down and walked over to Sophia, who was by the wall. “Sophia, I'm sorry from beforehand.”
She raised a dark brow in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“From pushing you to the wall like that.”
“Oh.” She scanned her eyes over him and saw that his collar points were too low for that of a gentleman. “Why are you still here and why are your collar points always so low?” She blurted out without knowing she did so. “I'm sorry. I mustn't say such things.” Blushing even harder than before, she turned to walk away from him.
Turning her back from him, he spoke, “I wear my collar points to low because it'll be easier to kiss the love of my life then having it in her face.”
Sophia froze, hearing his smooth voice. It was like warm chocolate. Turning around slightly, she saw him in a different way. He didn't look like he would be part of society or even the ton in London.
James placed his thumb over her blushing cheek. His finger is so rough. “You know how I feel about you, Sophia.” Except she couldn't concentrate on anything he said. His eyes are like deep, emerald green. Ones that you could get lost in. “Please take me.” Lowering his head down, he met his lips with hers. His full pink lips glided across hers, in a innocent way. Why does this kiss feel whole and wrong but right in every possible way?
Lifting his head away from hers, he gave her a smile that seemed perfect in every way. Then something clicked in Sophia's mind. “I can't. I can't marry you.” She stumbled backwards.
James caught her and pulled her up to him, “Why?”
“I'm marrying Richard Covington, tomorrow.” Strangely, James was no longer that rogue of his but serious.
“You can't, Sophia. He's no good for you.”
Suddenly the dream like person she was, her mood changed to sour. “You can't tell me what to do. Now leave!”
Backing away from her, he went to the door and opened. “Me or him, Sophia.” James left the room and exited out the house.
Walking out of the piano room, Helena went up to her. “Sophia, what as that?”
“He wants to marry me, but I said no.” Still through the trance of the innocent kiss, she didn't look at her cousin.
“Oh, dear.” Helena paused and thought for the right words to say, “Sophia, just follow your heart and listen what it says to you.” With that Helena left and Sophia then just realized what she said. What am I going to do? I'm marrying the suitor of my choice but then James. He wants to marry me. I am so lost. Thinking about the day, Sophia left upstairs to her room.
Last edited by Merry_Haven on Fri Sep 12, 2008 5:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Mary had a little lamb. Little lamb. Little lamb!

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Thu Sep 11, 2008 1:02 pm
Night Mistress says...



looks like things are getting complex for sophia with jame's declartion of love.

so now what?

sounds like richard only marrying her for something.

I'm happy for helena, but lucy is still a brat in my eyes.

i hope you post another piece soon.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

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Thu Sep 11, 2008 3:23 pm
CastlesInTheSky says...



Merry_Haven wrote:~Hey, I'm back with part two. After finally doing some homwork, I finally finished this part. Yeah! :D So, I hope you all enjoy and like.~


Of course I will :D

The coachmen opened the door and Sophia went out with the help of the footmen.


Maybe descended would be a better word than went out.

Passing by a corner, something had caught her eye, “Oh, how beautiful.” Sophia touched the China blush with tender care. These pink clusters and silvery petals are just breathtaking. I never would have thought it would be in Bath. Plucking
the flower within her fingers, she walked off. The flower is so fragile and precious.

I absolutely love the whole reference to the flower. There's a lot of underlying meaning here and its cleverly and beautifully done. Oh, one thing - there's a tense problem: You don't need the word "had" after "something". Just a little mistake. :D

Sophia, seemed so happy about the colorful flower in her fingers, she started skipping.


Hehe :D Oh yeah, no comma after "Sophia".

What a wonderful day. Everyone shall be happy just like me. Nothing shall go wrong today.


I think this would be gramatically correct if you changed the "shall"'s to "will"s. For example, "Everyone will be happy, just like me." I think that would work better.

“Richard are you serious about marrying her? You know what her father's like.” The man with the mousy voice paused then someone else spoke.


Comma needed after "Richard."

“Are you sure? Your repetition will be Bath could be ruined if you marry her.”


I think you may possibly be missing a word here, as, "Your repetition will be Bath could be ruined if you marry her" doesn't really make sense. Or maybe I'm just being slow? :wink:

Suddenly the sound of crunching gravel showed that the mousy, voice man had left.


Comma needed after "suddenly".

Then out of nowhere a low groan escaped the man's lips as he pondered about his recent conversation.


Comma needed after "then".

There are many people in Bath that have that same name.[/i]


I think the addition of a "so" before the "many" would make this sentence perfect.

Even the water in the pond was clear enough to see your face as the lilies floated upon the water.


Lovely. We just need a little addition of a "in" after "face".


“Miss Selwood.” The charming voice flowed passed her ears as she turned around.


Typo here. I think you mean, "past" and not "passed."

The lord's short black hair was matching the color of his waist coat. The dark brown breeches were the color of his hazel eyes. Everything about him vibrated a sense of propriety and sophistication.


Very nice , compact description. I loved the last sentence.

His crisp voice was like the sound of falling water.


Lovely.

He lifted his arm for her and she took the offer.


I think that "accepted" would be a better word than "took".

Sitting at the bench in the gazebo, Sophia spoke, “It's such a lovely view, Lord Covington.”


Since there's a repetition of the word "gazebo", replace this "gazebo" with "inside".

“He wasn't talking about the scenery but Sophia.


Awwww.

“So beautiful.” She glanced at him as he took a lock of her hair and stroke it very gently. Feeling the heat rise up to her cheeks, her pink lips curved up to a childish smile.


Wow! Wow! Wow! This is so...romantic! :oops: :lol:

“Call me Richard. We are now in intimate terms here.” He gave her a cheery smile
.

It's "on intimate terms" and not, "In intimate terms."

She was by a desk and mirror, writing a letter. Helena looked up, “Oh, Sophia, you're back.”
“I am and I'm here to tell you the news.”
“Before you do, I wanted to say mama and papa approves of Simon. I know I've only met him this week but it feels like I've known him forever.”
“That's wonderful, Helena. When is your wedding?”
“The day after Lucy's wedding. On Sunday.” Helena stopped halfway from her words and noticed something. “Oh, James is still here and needs to talk to you. It seems to be very important.”
At Helena's last words, Sophia rolled her eyes. “Do I have to?”
“Yes. Now go in there before he's cross, and that won't be pretty.”
Sighing, Sophia pushed opened the door to the piano room. The moment she lingered into the room, she as bewildered by the sight of James. His messy brown hair was somewhat over his eyes. The look of him was no longer gentlemen like but that of a rogue. James was simply dashing.
Closing the door, James got up from sitting down and walked over to Sophia, who was by the wall. “Sophia, I'm sorry from beforehand.”


I know this is a very big quote, but I just wanted to mention that this was all worded beautifully and that the dialogue was amazingly realistic. Well done.

Sophia froze to his smooth voice.


I think that, "Sophia froze, hearing his smooth voice," would make more sense.

It was like warm chocolate.


Yum! :D

Slightly turning around, she saw him in a different way.


I think that, "Turning around slightly" instead of "Slightly turning around," would make more snese.

He didn't look like he would be that of society or even the ton.


I didn't understand this sentence. Perhaps rephrase?

_______________

This was all amazing and you have to get it published. It's novel-material! :D

As always, a pleasure to read.

--Sarah
Had I the heavens embroider'd cloths,
I would spread the cloths under your feet.
But I being poor, have only my dreams,
So tread softly, for you tread on my life.
  





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Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:29 pm
jasmine12 says...



I fix! I fix!


Life is so grand.

Well, some one had their weaties for breakfast....a little happy much? haha
~~~~~~~~
“Are you sure? Your repetition in Bath could be ruined if you marry her.”

I think you meant reputation.
~~~~~~~~~
“I wear my collar points to low because it'll be easier to kiss the love of my life then having it in her face.”

GASP!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~


Thats all I saw and found. Haha. NICEEEEEE ROMANCEEEEE JAMESSSSSS YAY
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Thu Sep 18, 2008 12:26 am
ashleylee says...



Wow, this is going so fast. Like everything is a whirlwind of romances and high emotions and gentlemen. I feel like you are rushing to finish this. My advise would be to slow it down, maybe add a chapter or two to even out the tones. Right now, I feel like Sophia is being really stuck-up. I mean, she has all these suitors after her but she is so blind. I don’t know…just something about this chapter didn’t seem right.

“I'll be back in ten minutes, and thank you for the ride.” She called out through the sounds of the passing by carriages.


Should be: “…for the ride,” she called…”

Tall, green bushes towered over Sophia.


“Sophia” sounds funny here. “her” I think works better.

Sophia seemed so happy about the colorful flower in her fingers, she started skipping. What a wonderful day. Everyone will be happy just like me. Nothing shall go wrong today.


All right, this bugged me because it’s too unrealistic. Life isn’t so perfect. I kind of lost interest here for a second because she was so happy and so in love and so into what she was doing…it just didn’t seem right to me. My advise would be to damper this a bit, make it more realistic.

She glanced at him as he took a lock of her hair and stroke it very gently.


Should be: “stroked”

Being hopelessly in love with him, she smiled back.


How can she be in love? I thought she didn’t like him? I’m so confused…

Swooning her over, he got up.


I think you wrote this backwards. It should be: “swooning over her”

Sophia got up, they left the gazebo.


If you want to keep the sentence like this, I would change the comma after “up” to a semicolon. If you want to change it, I would add a “and” in the middle of this sentence.

The look of him was no longer gentlemen like but that of a rogue. James was simply dashing.


All right, I was slightly confused at this two sentences because when it first starts out and she says that he’s a rouge, it sounds like an insult. Then, the next moment, you say that he is dashing…? I would try something like this instead: The look of him was no longer gentlemen-like, but more like that of a rouge. His hair was hanging low in his eyes, his clothes askew. His eyes held a crazy gleam and there was a flush to his cheeks. And yet, Sophia saw not lunacy, but beauty.

“Sophia, I'm sorry from beforehand.”


I think you mean “for”

Turning her back from him, he spoke, “I wear my collar points to low because it'll be easier to kiss the love of my life then having it in her face.”


OMG! I love this line! It is my fav, fav, FAVORITE! James is a god! No lie! I love him! :D :D :D

Turning around slightly, she saw him in a different way. He didn't look like he would be part of society or even the ton in London.


I’m not sure what you mean by “ton” here. Is it slang for something? If it is, I would try to describe it so other people know. If it’s not and I’m just being stupid, just ignore this :wink:

His full pink lips glided across hers, in a innocent way.


No need for the comma after “hers” and it should be “an” instead of “a”

“Oh, dear.” Helena paused and thought for the right words to say, “Sophia, just follow your heart and listen what it says to you.”


Missing the word “to”. It should be between “listen” and “what”

Okay, I still am in love with your story. It is so romantic. But I do think you need to be aware of the plot line that you have going on here and the things that need to be elaborated more. My advise would be to read through this yourself and see what parts don’t really make sense and can be deleted and what parts need more elaboration.

Keep up the good work! :D
"Woe to the man whose heart has not learned while young to hope, to love—and to put his trust in life."
~ Joseph Conrad


"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."
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