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AfterMash, Book 1



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Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Fri Aug 15, 2008 6:45 pm
Sorice007 says...



As the yellow taxi drove down the long stone driveway, in front a them appeared a large country estate with a sign that said "Dr. Daniel J. Pierce" The house was like one out of a storybook. It had a wrap around porch and large windows all around that give a wonderful view of the ocean. The shrubbery was pruned and the grass was crisp and fresh. The taxi stopped and Hawkeye paid the fare. The two stepped out and gathered their belongings.

"Oh Hawkeye, now I know why you hated Korea so much, this place is absolutely beautiful."

"I'm glad you love it Margaret."

"Do you think your father will mind my being here?"

"No, he won't mind at all, the minute he meets you he'll fall in love with you."

As soon as Hawkeye said that a tall lanky man who looked like an older Hawkeye Pierce,who actually spoke like him with the same mannerisms when he spoke up and said, "Well, well, well, look what the cat drug in! So, are we just going to stand here all day, or are we going to go inside?

The two men embraced and pulled away to speak.

"Dad, its good to see ya."

"Yes, it is."

"How are ya?"

"Glad to be home... There is someone I'd like you to meet... Dad meet my fiancèe Margaret Houlihan."

"It's nice to finally meet you Dr. Pierce."

"Sure have heard a lot about you while the two of you were in Korea, sweetheart. Call me Daniel."

The trio walked in the house. Hawkeye and Margaret placed their bags in the foyer and followed Daniel to the back porch. On the back porch you could see the sunlight reflecting off of the majestic ocean. There to the right was a porch swing that had held many memories both fond and not so fond for Hawkeye. The landscape was simply beautiful.

"Margaret where will you be staying dear?"

"Well, on our way here I saw a small inn in town and was planning on getting a room there later on tonight."

"No, you'll do no such thing! We have plenty of rooms here and you can stay here with Hawk and I."

"Margaret, we can room together," he ever so blatantly states and winks at her."

"I know my son, don't worry dear you'll have your own room. So when do you plan on getting married?"

"Soon I hope!" Hawkeye says mock sarcastically.

"Well Ben, what about next month?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Where do you kids plan on having this wedding?"

"Here if at all possible, its just breath taking."

"Yea, Dad, just like you and mom, I want to give Margaret the best and whatever she wants is what I want. We could have both the wedding and the reception on the lawn."

By then they had all sat down around the table on the patio discussing the wedding plans for the wedding of Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, and Ms. Margaret Jane Houlihan. This engagement would be the talk of the "Cove." Hawkeye Pierce was finally taking a wife.

"Margaret, listen how's about August 27, a month after one of the happiest days of our lives, the end of the war."

"I love it Ben!"

"Dad is that alright with you?"

"Its fine Ben as long as you marry this angel and make her very happy."

"Great! Now whats for dinner Dad?"
Last edited by Sorice007 on Sun Aug 17, 2008 5:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 1715
Reviews: 63
Fri Aug 15, 2008 7:04 pm
romance otaku says...



Sorice007 wrote:As the yellow taxi drove down the long stone driveway, in front a them appeared a large country estate with a sign that said "Dr. Daniel J. Pierce" The house was like one out of a storybook. It had a wrap around porch and large windows all around that give a wonderful view of the ocean. The shrubbery was pruned and the grass was crisp and fresh. The taxi stopped and Hawkeye paid the fare. The two stepped out and gathered their belongings.

"Oh Hawkeye, now I know why you hated Korea so much, this place is absolutely beautiful."

"I'm glad you love it Margaret."

"Do you think your father will mind my being here?"

"No, he won't mind at all, the minute he meets you he'll fall in love with you."

As soon as Hawkeye said that a tall lanky man who looked like an older Hawkeye (is it a nickname??) Pierce,who actually spoke like him with the same mannerisms when he spoke up and said, "Well, well, well, look what the cat drug in! So, are we just going to stand here all day, or are we going to go inside?" (break up the paragraph)

The two men embraced and pulled away to speak.

"Dad, its good to see ya."

"Yes, it is." (maybe not the best line)

"How are ya?"

"Glad to be home... There is someone I'd like you to meet... Dad meet my fiancèe (when did that happen?) Margaret Houlihan."

"It's nice to finally meet you Dr. Pierce."

"Sure have heard a lot about you while the two of you were in Korea, sweetheart. Call me Daniel."

The trio walked in the house. Hawkeye and Margaret placed their bags in the foyer and followed Daniel to the back porch. On the back porch (repeated from last sentece) you could see the sunlight reflecting off of the majestic ocean. There to the right was a porch swing that had held many memories both fond and not so fond for Hawkeye. The landscape was simply beautiful.

"Margaret where will you be staying dear?" (who asked this?)

"Well, on our way here I saw a small inn in town and was planning on getting a room there later on tonight."

"No, you'll do no such thing! We have plenty of rooms here and you can stay here with Hawk and I."

"Margaret, we can room together," he (who??) ever so blatantly states and winks at her." <- not the " is not needed

"I know my son, don't worry dear you'll have your own room. So when do you plan on getting married?"

"Soon (comma?) I hope!" Hawkeye says mock sarcastically.

"Well Ben, what about next month?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Where do you kids plan on having this wedding?"

"Here if at all possible, its just breath taking." (who said)

"Yea, Dad, just like you and mom, I want to give Margaret the best and whatever she wants is what I want. We could have both the wedding and the reception on the lawn."

By then they had all sat down around the table on the patio discussing the wedding plans for the wedding of Dr. Benjamin Franklin Pierce, and Ms. Margaret Jane Houlihan. This engagement would be the talk of the "Cove." (??) Hawkeye Pierce was finally taking a wife.

"Margaret, listen how's about August 27, a month after one of the happiest days of our lives, the end of the war." (who said?)

"I love it Ben!"

"Dad is that alright with you?"

"Its fine Ben as long as you marry this angel and make her very happy."

"Great! Now whats for dinner Dad?"


is this a continuation of the last one? anyway, when you are haveing a conversation of more than 2, such ad in this chapter, you need to say who is saying what. otherwise, its faily good
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