Young Writers Society

Prologue

The overwhelming stench of antiseptic still clings to my white cloak as I stride with confidence towards the neonatal unit just a few doors away. Despite the late time I can't help but to smile lightly at the thought of watching over the delicate lives within the unit. Just as I touch the door leading inside I sniff the air in search of distress.

Yet, I pick up a vast amount of desperation and what feels like grief. Distinctly I could hear the unhealthy breathing of a small child and quickly open the door to spot two distraught parents huddling near the back with a baby. My eyes assess the small child and almost immediately I knew that this little one had no chance at surviving. Its almost cyanotic hue in the child's lips and finger tips makes my heart sink with grief.

"A-are you the doctor?" The mother, perhaps, whispers hoarsely as she glances upon me.

"Yes." I murmur softly as I glance over her. Dark eyes full of tears look away from me to the young baby and for a second I almost feel as if she had seen exactly what I am.

"Please save him!" She begs holding out the tightly wrapped bundle in my direction with pleading eyes. Blonde hair falls forward as she bows her head at my silence.

"The doctors say he won't make it. Please, please." She continues, choking on tears as I carefully take the ill child to inspect closely his heart rhythm.

I couldn't respond. For I already know he couldn't make it. The sheer amount of blood within his tiny lungs would soon block all air within the hour. Still as the child's beautiful amber eyes open I found myself sad at the thought of such a child dying. Even on death's door his power remains strong and with a sigh I ask them softly, "Anything? Will you do anything to save your son?"

Such a foolish question, I admit. However, I couldn't just take this action without permission. I spot the father move closer and growl strongly, "Anything for Morio. Please." The man's pleas echo the room as I sigh heavily.

"You do know that I'm not like you?" I press firmly glaring at them firmly. They had to be a hundred percent positive that they wanted this to happen.

"You're a demon from the demonic realm. Just safe our Morio. He's everything to us!" The woman finally shouts angrily as her tears fall from her eyes when they take in the struggling gasping from the small boy.

"Very well. If I do this he will be in every way my son as well." I hiss out as I carefully place the young boy on the examining table. Without so much a flinch I use one of my disguised claws to cut the palm of my left hand. Blood flows down the skin and drips ever slowly into Morio's mouth as his eyes peer up at me.

I watch as his eyes begin to flicker silver as my blood slowly circulates to his failing heart. Minutes drag on and as the last change completes I hiss to the parents, "He is now Morio, Lord of the East. Be no mistake, upon his thirteenth birthday the demonic heritage I have sealed away inside him shall fully blossom. Until then...only slight instincts will surface around nine to ten. If you need anything feel free to ask."

The two smile as they cradle the small child in sheer happiness. Watching my new son I ponder absently if my late son would like this young child. Maybe because my son would have been his age if he had lived I wasn't sure, but something, something about this young child pulls tightly at the strings of my heart and not once did I regret doing the illegal act of turning a small child.

I absolutely love this it's grasps the reader perfectly and holds them there till the every end. But there are a few mistakes that we can easily work on. So let me review!

Soulkana wrote:Prologue

The overwhelming stench of antiseptic still clings to my white cloak as I stride with confidence towards the neonatal uniti feel like a comma is needed here. , just a few doors away. Despite the late timecomma I can't help but to smile lightly at the thought of watching over the delicate lives within the unit.i love this it seems to make the character seem deadly almost Just as I touch the door leading inside I sniff the air in search of distress.

Yet, I pick up a vast amount of desperation and what feels like grief. Distinctly I could hear the unhealthy breathing of a small childi think the sentence should end here I quickly open the door to spot two distraught parents huddling near the back with a baby. My eyes assess the small childi think a description should be placed here and almost immediately I knew that this little one had no chance of surviving. Its almost cyanotic hue in the child's lips and finger tips makes my heart sink with grief.

"A-are you the doctor?" The mother, perhaps, whispers hoarsely as she glances upon me.

"Yes." I murmur softly as I glance over her. Dark eyes full of tears look away from me to the young baby and for a second I almost feel as if she had seen exactly what I am.

"Please save him!" She begs holding out the tightly wrapped bundle in my direction with pleading eyes. Herblonde hair fell forward as she bows her head at my silence.

"The doctors say he won't make it. Please, please." She continues, choking on tears as I carefully take the ill child to inspect closely his heart rhythm.

I couldn't respond. For I already know knew he couldn't make it. The sheer amount of blood within his tiny lungs would soon block all air within the hour. Still as the child's beautiful amber eyes open I found myself sad at the thought of such a child dying. Even on death's door his power remains strong and with a sigh I ask them softly, "Anything? Will you do anything to save your son?"

Such a foolish question, I admit. However, I couldn't just take this action without permission. I spot the father move closer and growl strongly, "Anything for Morio. Please." The man's pleas echo the room as I sigh heavily.

"You do know that I'm not like you?" I press firmly glaring at them do not need an extra 'firmly' here firmly. They had to be a hundred percent positive that they wanted this to happen.

"You're a demon from the demonic realm. Just safe our Morio. He's everything to us!" The woman finally shouts angrily as her tears fall from her eyes when they take in the struggling gasping from the small boy.

"Very well. If I do this he will be in every way my son as well." I hiss out as I carefully place the young boy on the examining table. Without so much a flinch I use one of my disguised claws to cut the palm of my left hand. Blood flows down the skin and drips ever slowly into Morio's mouth as his eyes peer up at me.

I watch as his eyes begin to flicker silver as my blood slowly circulates to his failing heart. Minutes drag on and as the last change completes I hiss you've used hiss twice try different words to the parents, "He is now Morio, Lord of the East. Be no mistake, upon his thirteenth birthday the demonic heritage I have sealed away inside him shall fully blossom. Until then...only slight instincts will surface around nine to ten. If you need anything feel free to ask."

The two smilecomma as they cradle the small child in sheer happiness. Watching my new son I ponder absently if my late son would like this young child. Maybe because my son would have been his age if he had lived I wasn't sure, but something, something about this young child pulls tightly at the strings of my heart and not once did I regret doing the illegal act of turning a small child.

just need to work on punctuation and a few words but that its overall i think that this is a good story. I would love to see more on how this story turns out!

Thanks for the review ^^ This is new and due to writer's block i really don't feel like I did my best but as of now thanks for the help ^^