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Young Writers Society


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Mon Dec 19, 2011 3:31 pm
Fenrir77 says...



The dark hall reeked of something foul not worth describing, and despite my cooperation I still received the occasional prod of a spear as I was led toward my cell. Formal goodbyes already said to the sea, I braced myself for the next 20 years. And at the end of this corridor I was harshly brought to a stop by the guard behind me. He held me fast while the other retrieved a well-worn key from his belt and, after two tries, finally penetrated the equally worn lock. He yanked the rusted door out of its tight fit in the stone frame, and with no apparent reason they practically threw me into the dank chamber where I landed unceremoniously on my face. I simply lay there, stunned, until I heard the door slam shut and the footsteps echo down the lengthy hall. Soon the only sound to accompany me was the flicker of the torch outside the door that now held me from the outside world.
I sat up and drew my cloak around my shoulders taking in the sight of my new home for the next 20 years of my life. In the back corner of my 10’x10’ cell was a small wooden bench covered by two blankets, in another corner there was a chamber pot made out of a dull looking metal. But, high up on the wall, there was a sliver of a window. I peeked out only to see a lonely hillside nowhere near the sea. I stepped down from the bench and sat on it; I felt my head drop into my hands as I choked down a sob. I looked up at the window again and felt my eyes begin to water. It was the Amici, it all started with them…


It was a small port town, one that you might hear mentioned once by a passing merchant or traveler. I was the son of a fisherman who lived in that very town, and was destined to become a fisherman as well. I would go out with my father, like all the other boys did, and we would catch what we could. When we came in to port, we sold it for bread and such…life was simple—but then they showed up.
They arrived in ships made not from wood, but a bronze metal! And that’s not all, the ships moved swiftly without a scrap of sail showing. All that showed was a tower bellowing a black cloud into the air. It seemed as if they had built a fire in this tower to signal land of their arrival, but I could only guess—that’s all any of us could do. At first there were ten, but soon there were fifty, then a hundred, and finally the numbers reached the thousands. We all stared as they grew closer and closer until one reached the coast a few miles up. And as it reached the shallow water, it stopped and promptly dropped anchor. A few seconds later, the cloud thinned and ceased pouring from the tower altogether.
This repeated until there was no more room for a ship to come ashore, so the others turned in opposing directions in search of more shoreline. It was now that I realized how large they were: each one was 40 feet long and rode a good 6 feet above the water, not including the tower—I don’t know how tall that was. Soon after each ship had found its fitting place, hatches started to pop from their seamless fit in the deck and rose smoothly atop two odd looking poles. The poles somehow grew in length until they slowed to a stop. Shortly after, they began to file out onto the wide decks. It was then that I was able to see just how different they were. Some wore odd looking masks, others still wore shiny, bug-like eye covers, but the most appalling detail was their arms, each wore a toned metal gauntlet of sorts on their right forearm. These curious people looked out at us from the decks as they chattered amongst themselves and pointed in various directions.
Hours later, the bows of the ships lowered down, seemingly folding inward on themselves until they met with the shoreline itself. The bows had just turned into ramps! We all stood in silence until the people began to make their way down the bow-ramps. That was when we defined ourselves; some approached them, some ran to their homes, and others just stood and stared, obviously overwhelmed by the event.
I approached alongside a dozen others, curious as a stray dog. We stopped not 10 feet away from them; there was a long, strenuous pause. It was they who spoke first, a simple yet powerful word that broke the silence.
“Greet?” one of the strangers murmured, his eyes wide and quizzical.
The air instantly lost the tension that a moment before had seemed almost tangible. The crowds merged and tentative conversations were shared.
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The grinding halt of a sparsely laden tray yanked me from my vivid memory,
  





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Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:21 pm
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artemisathena13 says...



WOW! This was a great story. I can't wait to read more of it! I'm just a little confused at why he's in the prison place. Is this going to be explained in the next part? Just wondering. This is a great story and you did a great job with it. You have a lot of good description. Can't wait to hear more. Update soon! :D! Good luck with your writing!
Alex
  





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Mon Dec 19, 2011 4:57 pm
Niebla says...



Hey Fenrir77,

This is really intriguing and ever so well told! The story is just so real. I don't have much critique for you ... the only thing I can really find wrong with this is that us, as readers, so unsure of what the rest of the story is and desperate to find out. Although in truth, that's actually a good point. It's certainly going to keep me on edge until you post the next part.

I enjoyed this, even if it was a little short. There's not that much to go on as yet, but I'd love to read more when you post it.

~MorningMist~
  








'Hush, hush!' I whispered; 'people can have many cousins and of all sorts, Miss Cathy, without being any the worse for it; only they needn't keep their company, if they be disagreeable and bad.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights