overall its pretty good. There are a few things you could look over though:
volleyball13 wrote: But when she answered
Its best if you don't start with "but"
you've also got some great description, but the story would be even better with more. Give me more emotions and expressions; Chloe would have felt so many different things at once.
Everything else seems good. The story also seems pretty interesting. Good work!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade
Pffffft, yeah right...fat lot of help sour lemon juice would do. When life also throws me a bag of sugar, then we'll start talking.
Gender:
Points: 1245
Reviews: 19