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Young Writers Society


In the Glass Part 6



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Thu Oct 27, 2011 5:19 pm
Leahweird says...



Narissa did not act on his information right away. In fact, she seemed to being planning another prolonged absence. He didn’t find this reassuring, though. He knew she was just contemplating what horrific punishment to impose.

Eventually she must have decided to simply get rid of her rival. The anguish of the prisoner she already had would be more than sufficient.

Snow was expecting some sort of magical attack. It did not seem odd to her when an old friend asked if she would like to walk in the woods. It did not seem suspicious or threatening, not when she had been invited on such excursions a thousand times as a child. It was merely fortuitous that the huntsman was there to ask while the queen was away.

But the prince could see what was happening. He knew the look in the mans eye's. He recognized it from those memories of his last night. It was just like the look in his reflection as he stood in front of his future prison.

He was forced to watch as the princess was led farther into the forest. He couldn’t shout for help or drag her away to safety. He didn’t have hands to reach for the long knife the huntsmen had pulled from his boot.

Snow had her backed turned. He wanted to scold her for being so careless, but he knew she thought she was safe. She’d known this man all her life and he had always vowed to protect her. The prince knew he should blame himself for not warning her of what Narissa could do.

“Watch out!” he tried to shout.

As the huntsman raised the knife, the prince automatically threw himself in front of Snow White, to shield her even though he knew it was useless.

“Please look behind you,” he begged, pressing all of his thoughts against the words. “Please, Snow! Run!”

Suddenly Snow White looked back. Her gasp made the huntsman pause for a moment. Perhaps her fear had momentarily awoken his true self.

“Run, Snow!” The prince shouted again. Then the knife passed through him, but she was already sprinting away.

She ran like a deer through the trees. This forest was familiar to her. She hadn’t had a chance to come here in some time, but desperation was on her side. The prince rushed alongside her, urging her to go faster and warning her of obstacles. Eventually the huntsman stopped pursuing them, but they did not stop until dawn of the next day.

“Just a little farther,” he insisted He could see the little cottage just outside of the trees even if she could not. Snow managed to summon enough energy to make it inside the tiny house. Finally he found a little pane of reflective window glass he could anchor himself to

“I can’t be here. This is somebody’s home,” said Snow White.

“You can explain your situation to them later, just rest for now.”

“You sound like you’re whispering. How can I hear you?”

“I don’t know.” He thought he might have punched a hole in the spell with the desperation of that last call, but magic was hardly exact. “Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m just in shock. How could he have tried to kill me?”

“He wouldn’t have, but your stepmother can make people do things against their will. I should have told you that.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“She doesn’t have to use that power very often. I wasn’t expecting it.”

Narissa could get people to do so much for her, even without magic. It was one of the things he found truly evil about her.

He didn’t tell Snow that he might have ignored the information because he usually tried to keep it out of his mind. Narissa had been stealing his memories even before she trapped him, and it was almost frightening to imagine what she could have been making him do without having any knowledge of it.

“I have to go. The queen could come back at any time, and she will want to see me right away I’m sure.”

“I probably won’t be able to stay here long.”

“Then I will come and find you. I will always be able to reach you Snow, no matter how far away you are.”

He couldn’t actually know that for sure, but he would give everything he was to make it true. And if he couldn’t be there in the flesh to protect her, he didn’t want her to wait for him when she should be escaping.

Spoiler! :
This section has some inherent spoilers. I would dearly love to know if I've manged to create any sense of drama or tension despite it being fairly obvious what's going to happen.
Last edited by Leahweird on Sat Nov 26, 2011 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 987
Reviews: 1
Sun Oct 30, 2011 8:58 am
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Lulu99 says...



I like the action. It's written very well. The only thing I have to say is scenery or imagery. All i knew was that they were in a forest. Was it day or night? Did the area around the dwarfs' home contrast to the rest of the forest- or at least to Snow White because she was being chased? Other than that, I'm looking forward to reading more. I love remakes of stories like this.
  








I will call them my people, which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.
— Romans 9:25