Young Writers Society

Terrorizing the populace had put Narissa in a ridiculously good mood. She was practically singing as she combed out her long red hair. Her current look was very similar to the one she had worn when she cursed him. Perhaps it was closest to her true form.

She had aged some, but the additional years had been allowed simply because she found that people took her more seriously when she was slightly older. The prince allowed himself a moment of glee imagining her as the hideous old crone she might be if not for her magic.
Eventually her attention turned to him. His anxiety rose as she began her familiar phrase.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” she crooned. “Who is the fairest of them all?”

He tried to stay silent. He felt the answer rising within him, begging to be released. Everything that he was shook with the need to obey his mistress, but he would not so easily betray the girl he considered his saviour.
The witch knew from his silence that something had changed. It had been to long since he had tried to deny her. It had been a mistake to leave the curtain drawn back. Narissa guessed immediately that someone else had discovered him.

“Who has been here?”

“She told me you’ve left my image in the glass. Is that because you like to watch me suffer?”He asked, posing a question of his own to trying and drive away the desire to speak the truth.

“Don’t try to distract me. You are going to tell me her name.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

“If I tell you, you are going to go after her, and I don’t want her harmed.”
“That is not your decision to make,” she spat. “You don’t get choices. “
She pressed her hands against the glass to emphasis the point. He wanted desperately to tell her not to touch him, even though he knew he was only imaging the feel of her fingers, but she was not going to give him another chance to interject.

“I commend you for managing to find yourself another trollop, but it won’t do you any good. I will make sure of it. Now, I am going to ask you one last time. What is her name?”

This time she bolstered her question with magic, and he was utterly unable to resist.

“Snow White,” he whispered, despondently. Shame quickly replaced the draining sense of urgency. “Snow White is the fairest of them all.”

It is very well written. I must ask is this a book your writing, what exactly is the message?

Thank you for the compliment. I don't know if this will be a book persay, we'll see how long it gets. I'm not sure if it has a meesage or moral, but it does deal a lot with the nature of love and beauty. Obsession is also a theme.

WOW! I really enjoyed that, although at parts I found it hard to work out which person you were talking about so it might be an idea to put more names in at the beginning. The only other errors were:

The witch knew from his silence that something had change

Here the only thing you need to do is add a 'd' onto the end of change to change it into the past tense to fit with the rest of your story.

It had been to long since he had tried to her

I am not quite sure what has a happened here I think you are just missing a verb near the end of the sentence.
Overall, I really, really enjoyed the snip-it of what I read of your story. It has a really mature hint to it and that shone threw in your writing.

Thank you for your lovely comments, and for catching those errors. That missing word is kind of important, isn't it? That's fixed now.