z

Young Writers Society


In the Glass part 3



User avatar
136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:35 pm
Leahweird says...



Then one day someone else opened the curtain.

At first he thought Narissa had just taken another form. She had done so in the past. But this girl was obviously someone different. For one thing she obviously hadn’t expected to find him.

“Can you hear me?”he asked, excitedly.

She nodded, mystified by what she had discovered. “I can see you too, I think. I mean, I can see a reflection that isn’t mine.”

“How fascinating, that means I still have a body of some sort. Please, can you tell me what I look like to you?”

“You’re a little taller than me, maybe a couple years older too. You have light blond hair,” She paused to speculate. “Actually you’re quite handsome.”

He tried to smile and hoped she could see that too. While he didn’t know whether he could truly be called handsome, her description matched what he thought he must have looked like.

“Thank you, my lady. I can’t tell you how much you’ve helped me.”

“Oh, please call me Snow White.”

The name was remarkably suitable. Her skin was as pale as winter. Her complexion was emphasized by the pure black of her hair, and the bright red of her lips. The effect was striking.

“What’s your name?” She asked.

“I can’t remember.”

“Honestly? You don’t know who you are?”

He attempted a shrug. Sometimes he thought it was easier this way.

“How awful. It’s been a very long time, hasn’t it?”

“I suppose. It’s hard to measure time passing from where I am, wherever it is.”

“But you were human once. You’re dressed like a prince. Do you think you were royalty?”

“I must have been. Otherwise she wouldn’t have bothered with me.”

“She?”

“The witch who did this to me.”

“Ah. You mean my stepmother. She’s queen now,” said Snow White, her expression hardening. “I can’t say I’m surprised to learn she’s a sorceress, or that she would do something like this to a person.”

The prince contemplated the situation for a moment. If her stepmother was the queen, than she was probably a princess. She was dressed in rags, but she carried herself as though they were a regal gown. He found himself drawn to the way her ebony hair curled around her cheek.

“Oh dear,” he said.

“What is it?”

“I just realized you’re far more beautiful than she is.”

“Oh. Well, thank you,” she said, her cheeks turning a delightful shade of pink.

“You don’t understand. Every time she comes here, she asks me if I think she is the fairest in the land. Before now I’ve had no comparison. But now I’ve seen you, and I have to tell her. I can’t lie in this form, it’s part of the spell.”

“I see. She won’t like that much.”

“No she won’t. I’m afraid she’s going to try to make life even harder for you, and it will be my fault.”

“Nonsense, you are not responsible for what she decides to do,” said the princess, defiantly. “Besides, she’s already taken my freedom and my parents. How much more could she punish me for being prettier?”

“She will find a way. I can assure you of that.”

“Then I thank you for warning me. You could have stayed silent and I would never have known why she was suddenly after me.”

“No. You have no idea how much you’ve given me just by coming here. I would rather have you hate me than leave you unprotected.”

“Whatever happens, I will never blame you. I promise.” She touched the mirrors silver frame. “I have to go now. I would stay longer, but I’m not even supposed to be in this room.”

He suspected that she had come specifically because the queen had told her not to.

“Thank you, Snow, for everything.”

Rising onto her toes, the princess gently laid a kiss on the glass between them, before turning to sail out of the room. It was just a friendly peck, out of pity and solace more than affection. Yet something about the hasty touch of her lips changed everything.
Last edited by Leahweird on Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





User avatar
100 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 6717
Reviews: 100
Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:01 am
Hecate says...



Hey! I'm Stela, and I reviewed part of this yesterday, so I thought I'd do this one too, since it's out now.
It's actually really interesting. It's caught my attention. I definitely like the spin you've given it, as I said in my last review. I'm liking it even more :)

Leahweird wrote:While he didn’t know whether he could truly be called handsome, but her description matched what he thought he must have looked like.


The word 'but' is unecessary.

Leahweird wrote:“She will find a way. I can assure you of that.”


You said 'have' but I'm sure you meant 'of'. Maybe you were up too late writing this last night? :P Happens to all of us.

These are the only nitpicks I could find. I leave it to the others to add more if they can find more.

As for the story, I like how it's going. I love all the mystery surrounding the Prince. I think you can do a lot with this. I can't really comment on the characters as the parts I read were rather short. The Prince is obviously your MC, and I have to say that so far I do like him. As the story goes, I would like to see him develop. Add some unique traits to him, make him your own :)

Good Luck! :)
  





User avatar
136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Fri Oct 21, 2011 5:15 am
Leahweird says...



Thank you again for catching my goofs. I am so bad at self editing. It's embarrassing. These seem particularly weird though...
Anyways, I’m glad you enjoyed this. I will try and have the next part up soon. I hope you will honour me by continuing to read these.
  








A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown