Young Writers Society

Why am I such an idiot? I thought to myself, following the voice of my mother through the dark. I wanted to run, but I was dragged in zig zags, right angles, and every other angle in the world before I was released from the woman's unbreakable grasp, preventing me from knowing how to escape. So I was now forced to follow the lady to have any chance of survival. I kept thinking back to when I first saw this lady, and wondering why I didn't run out of terror, opposed to crawling forward, now to my demise. I guess it was because I hadn't seen my mother in so long and a small part of me still hadn't gotten over her death, so I crawled forward in hope that she was really there, and I wasn't imagining things-

She's not my mother. I ground my teeth in frustration. I had no idea what to call her because she looked and sounded just like my mother, but there was nothing of her in the way the lady moved, spoke, or even gave directions. It was like she took my mother's skin and-

I stopped in my tracks, partly because of the disturbing pictures popping up, and partly because I hadn't heard the lady's voice in a while. Trying to see in the dark, I searched for the lady. Strecthing my arm out, my hand brushed against a soft surface. Touching the surface without breathing, I realized that the surface itself was breathing. It spoke after I lowered my arm. "I turned to make sure you were still behind me, but I guess you found me first." Squinting my eyes, I could make out a reddish silhouette where the soft surface was. Well that's slightly awkward, I'm in a pitch black hallway and I'm touching the face of my captor. I took a deep breath, and ran to catch up to the lady, who had already started walking away.

Wait, I thought. Did I just call this a hallway? Now thinking about about it, I had subconsciously came to the conclusion that we were in a hallway. To test this theory, I reached my hand out to the right. Nothing. I side-stepped to the right until my palm hit something. Sure enough, there was a wall there. It had a soft texture, but the kind of soft you feel when you sit on a thin rug covering hardwood floor. It reminded me of home, with my hardwood floor kitchen and hallway, the same hallway where I was told my mom's grave was robbed. Also the same hallway where me and my brother taunted the new pet dog our neighbors bought when he had wandered over to our front door. Reminded of my home and brother, I wondered how long I've been down here, and if my brother had come over to the grave to find me not there. I wondered if he'd think nothing of it, that I needed to get away, or if he'd get really worried- as he should be, I mean, I am wandering dark halls leading to the unknown- and search the whole graveyard, to no avail. And it would all be pointless, no matter how much he searched, called my name, or thought nothing of it. Because I'd be down here, and he'd be up there.

"We're almost there, if you're wondering." the lady called from the darkness ahead. No, not darkness. A faint light was seeping under something, most likely a door. I quickened my pace, wanting to get out of here. The lady was already at the door when I reached it. Slowly, she pushed the large double doors open, revealing.....


* * * * *

A town sqaure, bathed in an early morning glow. In the center of the square was a humongous tree, probably hundreds of- if not thousands- years old. Old-timey buldings made of wood and brick surrounded the square, save for the four exits and entrances. There were two benches, one on each side of the tree. A man wearing a top hat was seated in the bench facing us, but his hat obsured his face. He wore 18 century clothing. He raised his head, his eyes immideately darting to the woman. She smiled at him, a little too sweetly. Now that I could clearly see the man's face, I saw that he was most likely in his late 20's, if not early 30's. Though he looked young, his eyes seemed aged and weary, as though they had seen one too many things. With those eyes he then regarded me, and frowned. My eyes widened at the surprisingly rude gesture.

"She isn't much to look at. Why did you bring her here again?" He stood, and glided gracefully to the woman. She took his arm without a thought. It seemed wrong, even if I was certain this wasn't my mother.

"You know why, Henry. Let's just bring her back and when we get back to the Academy, we'll give her to the headmaster. I've been waiting for a day off for so many years, aren't you glad we finally have it?" She threw her head back, chuckling. I took a step back.

"What the hell is the Academy?" I demanded, placing the attention back on me. Stupid, stupid girl, that's what I am. Henry unattached himself from the lady, seeming more like a prowling lion than the animals themselves.

"Of course, you don't know anything...and from the looks of it you won't be coming with us willingly. The Academy, Georgia Penhallow, is a school. It's different though. You won't be learning anything you've learnt before. Doesn't that sound exciting?" Every step he took forward, I took two backwards. Suddenly my back hit against a cold brick wall. Without another thought, I sprang into action.

"Not at all." With that, I sprinted towards the closest exit. I could hear loud footsteps behind me, getting louder by the second. Running down the road, I saw that it was lined with shops and homes. Few people were on the street, but as I ran farther, the street became deserted. Ahead of me there was a sharp turn to the right. I ran faster, determined to get away, but at the same time forgetting the laws of motion. As soon as I turned I stumbled to the cobblestone street, tumbling and rolling until I hit another brick wall. Every part of my body stung, and I didn't even bother to look at who it was when someone came to pick me up and carry me somewhere. I knew it was woman carrying me, but not my captor. I fell into unconsiousness before I could clearly hear the voice buzzing in the back of my mind.

Sorry for being so late! I've been a bit busy. Better late than never though, right?

The first thing that jumps out at me is when she is in the town and when she is against the wall, you say:

With that, I sprinted towards the closest exit.

To me that sounded a bit odd. She's backed up against a wall and she is running to the exit. It made me wonder, where is the exit and how did she get around Henry and the woman? If you could clarify a bit better that would be great. You described everything else in that passage wonderfully, but that threw me off. She wasn't in a building so that didn't make much sense to me. Other than that, you did a great job of describing where she was going and what she felt/was thinking as she was running away. And as you did that, you included good descriptions of the town.

On that subject, I love your descriptions. I can see everything so clearly. Keep up the good work. And the suspense is perfect. I keeps me on edge. Like when you say:

Why did you bring her here again?"

I immediately thought, "She's been here before and doesn't remember?" And the whole thing about the Academy. It just makes everything mysterious.

I like how you added the paragraph when she talks about her home because the walls of the tunnel reminded her of it. I feel like I know Georgia better. Also:

It was like she took my mother's skin and-

For some reason I like that. I don't know why. It's ominous but in an awesome way...

I don't think there is much to fix in this chapter. You were clear with what you said except that one little thing. Other than that, great job! Please notify me when you have the next chapter up.