Thanks so much, Heather!
Your suggestions for characterization really helped. I will be working on this more before moving on two part two, and I'll fix the nit-picks as soon as I get back from the country (I'll be back tonight).
And Zills -- yeah, I've got character outlines. I'm not sure what to do about Bane but I'll think about it and hopefully make him less bothersome/clichéd. =P
Thanks again! I really appreciate it.
- Camille xx
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