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Young Writers Society


Flames of Lecraesa: Chapter 1 (Sray-Valom)



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32 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4646
Reviews: 32
Tue Jun 29, 2010 9:19 pm
Phaix says...



Hey :D

You write beautifully! You have a rare natural talent that has left me jealous XD I love Strick, he's a great character. I imagine him all stoic and dark! Creiha on the other hand comes across as a little childish to me, mostly in her conversation with Strick. It contradicts my earlier view of her being brave and mature. The relationship I can see forming between Strick and Creiha reminds me heavily of Maerad and Cadvan's relationship in "The Gift" by Allison Croggon (which are excellent books by the way, if you haven't read them.)

One thing I must be picky about is your repetition of the word "arm" around the point Strick and Creiha have their conversation. It's everywhere! Something like, "Creiha looked down at her arm to see Strick bandaging her arm." (sorry i cant find the exact quote!)

Apart form that your language is fundamentally a real treat to read. I can't wait to read on!

Phaix xx
I will live forever, even if I die trying.








As my artist’s statement explains, my work is utterly incomprehensible and is therefore full of deep significance.
— Calvin