I am sorry to say this, but i am very dissapointed in you...
jk!
But I must insist on more description. *demanding little person* I have no idea how to visualize this world you've created and it makes it harder to apreciate the beauty of the whole story, which is really a shame. In fact with a little more description this story would be absolutely awesome.
I'll probably come back and read this again later, I think I ended up skipping alot of parts looking for some explanation or description of the elements you were introducing.
You've also introduced alot of characters in a short time. It wouldn't hurt to take some time out from all the action and do some history on the ones you plan to use more often.
Rent the movie ALIENS OF THE DEEP, its about the mid atlantic ridge and the ocean floor. It's like a different world down there, hydro thermal vents, mini volcanoes release all these chemicals and stuff into the water, underwater caverns, a mountain range, under water. I saw the movie at this kids museum and then started reading about Atlantis and stuff to write this story. I'll try to describe more, i'm really glad somebody has looked at these stories. Thank you,
~Torpid
When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings. — Dean Jackson
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