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Young Writers Society


In the Glass Part 4



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Fri Oct 21, 2011 8:49 pm
Leahweird says...



He felt strangely buoyant. At first he thought the feeling was purely emotional. Yet when he began to push at the edges of his consciousness, he found himself separating from the silver mist that had always surrounded him.

He recognized the contents of Narissa’s quarters; the little vanity with the silver seashells decorating the chair, the rugs and tapestries that matched her taste for the elaborate, the immense canopied bed that she slept in alone. The trappings were familiar, but he had never seen them from this side of the mirror, and he certainly hadn’t been able to move past them.

He breezed around a corner in time to see Snow scolded by an older servant. Irresistibly drawn to her, he realized that it must be her intervention that allowed him this freedom.

Further experimentation revealed that while whatever remained of his physical form was still bound to the glass; his mind was suddenly free to follow the princess. Wherever she went, his spirit could enter the area.

Even more miraculously, every reflective surface she passed turned into a window out of his prison. He spent hours that night cycling through his new viewpoints. And of course Narissa had placed mirrors everywhere. For once her vanity was beneficial to him.

First thing the next morning, Snow White came rushing into the forbidden room.

“Snow!” He exclaimed.

“I keep seeing you in the mirrors! What’s going on? I thought you were stuck here,” she said, breathlessly.

“I was. In a way I still am. Something has happened that makes it possible for me to go with you.”

“That’s wonderful! I’m so glad I could help. Although I’m not sure about making you watch me all the time. Won’t you get bored?”

"I doubt that will be a problem. I can only hear and speak from this spot, but it's so nice to be able to see more of the world, even if I can't really experience it."

"Well, let’s just hope my stepmother doesn't find out."

“I’m surprised she hasn’t already.”

“Oh! I just realized you wouldn’t know. She’s not here. She’s gone on an inspection of her property and she won’t be back for months.”

He was too ashamed to admit that only the day before news like that would have sent him into a deep depression.

“You’ll have to agree to behave,” Snow continued. “I can’t have you watching me while I change or anything creepy like that.”

“Oh I swear I’ll behave,” he assured her, attempting a bow. She just laughed and danced out of the room as someone called her away.

He admired the way she threw herself into her work, even though her chores were degrading for someone of her station. He loved the way she would smile and wave at him in the glass whenever no one was looking.

Sometimes at night he would look in at the late night business around the castle. The hours still seemed too long, for someone who couldn’t sleep. Often he found himself lurking in the mirror outside of Snow’s chamber.

He only succumbed to temptation once, and looked in on her sleeping. He found the experience profoundly disturbing. She looked too unreal, as if she was truly made of snow and would melt away if she wasn’t awake and animated.

He lived for the times when she could sneak away and come visit him. She did whenever it was possible, but the queen’s servants kept the girl fairly busy, and the witch herself returned all too soon.
  





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Fri Oct 21, 2011 10:40 pm
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Dragongirl says...



Well, well, well. Another fairy tale retold from our beloved Leah, as aways enjoyed. To be honest, I read the frist three parts and didn't comment on them for the same reason I didn't want to comment on this one. There is nothing that I can see that would make this any better. I didn't notice any mistakes but that could just be because I was so very utterly drawn into the story.
Only one thing I might say is this, in some places your dialogue sounds perhaps a little stiff. I never notice it in your storys that are written in first person, but in Beauty and The Beast and this one it is just slightly and so little that I can't even point out tha places. However it could just be me and probably is.
Waiting eagerly for the next chapter. DG
"Every writer I know has trouble writing." - Joseph Heller

~ A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.~
- Bill Cosby
  





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Fri Oct 21, 2011 11:12 pm
Leahweird says...



I so glad you enjoyed this so thouroughly! I'm tickled pink. I think you're right about the dialogue. I will endoevor to fix it.
  





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Wed Oct 26, 2011 10:59 pm
Kale says...



This was beautiful. I honestly have nothing to critique (which is very rare), aside from complaining that this section was far too short. And it's really not so much a complaint as it is me wanting more. Lots more.

Needless to say, I'll be following this story closely.

And I'll stop rambling uselessly now.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR
  





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136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Wed Oct 26, 2011 11:05 pm
Leahweird says...



Critiques are important, but it's just as good to know when you've done something right, and hearing that is certainly better for your self esteem. :)
  








Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily