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Game On (Level 1)



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Mon Aug 15, 2011 1:07 pm
Gamergirl says...



Game On
Level 1 : Press Start


Jay did spend the night with us. We stay up way too late playing video games. We eventually decided to get some sleep at around 3:30am. However I couldn't be bothered fixing up the spare bed at this time so we both just crashed out on my bed. Don't worry he slept at the foot of the bed. His long legs kept kicking me.

"Jay?" I had been awake for sometime now. "You up?" I kicked him.

"Wha'?" his eyes were half opened. "What time is it?"

"Half eight," I quickly got off the time topic. "I can't sleep and everyone will be here soon, so...." by this time he was sitting up and rubbing sleep from his eyes. "I need your help sorting everything."

Jay sighed and threw the covers off. "Can I at least get changed first?"

"Yeah, you know where the bathroom is," I told him. "I suppose I'll get ready to."

Jay grabbed his bag and rummaged through pulling out jeans, a T-shirt and fresh underwear. He scoffed into the bathroom leaving me to fuss around looking for an outfit. This was the only girly thing about me. I took ages to find something to ware. However, yesterday I had done the smart thing and hung up my outfits for the weekend. Outfit number one : a long sleeve darkish green top with dark jeans. Casual but it looked nice - I hoped anyway.

So I jumped into my planed outfit and walked out of my room. Next to the bathroom was a storage cupboard that held all sorts of junk. I had to reach up so I could grab hold of the two blow up beds. I had planned to get the sheets and that later. I also grabbed the electric pump and carried it back into my room. Instead of blowing everything up at that moment I decided to just throw it all under my bed and wait until we needed them for sleeping.

Jay came out of the bathroom, running his hands through his blond hair, yawning.

"Lets go get breakfast," I announced.

We ate bacon sandwiches along with some frosted flakes. As we munched our breakfast we watched some TV nothing was on - or I can't remember. My mother had gone out to get some supplies for the upcoming chaos, that was sure to happen when you have six teens. Speaking of which, the door bell rang.

"Hey, Cammy," I greeted him with a smile and what did I get in return. A Judo Chop.

"Fucking cut that out!" I rubbed my head and let him in. "Your not getting breakfast; you should've had some at your own house."

"How come he gets some then?" Cammy said as he walked into the living room seeing the plates and bowls.

"He stayed last night," I informed him to my regret.

"You two get it on," he wiggled his eyebrows.

I rolled my eyes and sigh in annoyance. "Your such a dick, ya know that?" I snapped stacking the empty plates and bowls.

"And yet your not denying it," I swear he loves that phrase.

After our little 'bicker' I went into the kitchen to clean up. Just as I was about to dry my hands the door bell went. Grabbing the small towel from the cooker handle, I dried my hands and answered the door at the same time - multi-tasking for the win!

It was Kirs and Thorn, they had gotten a bus together. It was then I remembered that I had shit hosting skills. I had forgotten about the guys bags. I told the girls they could just shove them next to Jay's stuff in my room. I then rushed into the living room telling Cammy to do the same. He mocked my lacking of hosting skills before jogging upstairs. What a nob head.

Ding dong! Went the door bell for a final time. I answerd the door to Kay and welcomed her. I was just about to give her an instruction to just put her bag upstairs when a barking dog made me jump.

"You let those mutts out!" I yelled at Cammy who was petting Joy.

I looked at my two idiot dogs. Both were Bored Collies but highly annoying.

I told Kay where to put her bag then let the mutts pee outside for a second. Note to self: Remember the Popper scooper.

"Oh Abbie. The mail man asked me to take this for you." she said handing me a small package.

Oh my god! This was it! The game I had order online a few weeks ago. It was a new game that no one had heard of yet and the company were giving away free first time additions of the game. I just couldn't pass down that offer. Not only that it was an RPG! I looked at Jay.

"Everybody! Upstairs!" I exclaimed. "Game time!"

We rushed upstairs and I set up my X-BOX. I tore open the packaging. I was hoping to see some awesome art on the front cover but all I was was green. I opend the disk to find it blank. "Huh?!" I said out loud. I was beginning to think I had been ripped off.

That still didn't stop me from putting in the disk. I grabbed two controllers and handed the other one to Jay.

My heart dropped into my stomach and my stomach flipped. Red. Ring. Of. Doom. I felt like screaming. I was just about to when it went back to green. Phew! Then yellow, purple and back to green. Suddenly a loading screen came up.

Are you ready?

Okay, this is new. Never heard of a game asking that question before. "Uh...yeah?" I looked at Jay who sat next to me.

Press Start

Me and Jay did in sync. A few seconds passed and I was expecting a cut seen introducing the characters and game play. Instead an other message.

Let the game begin.

"Okay, this is weird. Anyone else think so?" I nervously chuckled looking behind me at all my friends.

It was then I noticed my door was opend. All I saw was something black and white. Everyone was in slow motion. I looked back at the TV screen. A flash of pure white blinded us. We all yelled and threw our arms over our faces trying to stop the light from entering our eyes.

"Whats happening?!" I yelled through the light.

"I don't know!" Jay called back to me.

All I remembered was closing my eyes tight then the white darkened to black. I gasped and my eyes were opend. I tried to scream as I felt myself falling into a bottomless pit. No sound made its way out my throat. I tried again and again but my voice would not respond. It was then I could just feel this pit coming to an end. I was going to hit the ground. I called as loud as I could but all that came out was a wisper.

My heart thumped in my chest and my breathing was hard. Was it all just a dream? I thought just as I looked up to see the blinding hot sun. "Huh?" I suddenly realized that I was no longer in my green painted room. My soft fluffy rug wasn't beneath me however sand was. I snapped up to my feet and looked around to see sand, sand, oh whats that over there? Sand!

Panic time. However I sort of calmed down when I looked to my left and saw Jay laying in the sand. I got on my knees and woke him up screaming.

"Jay! Get up!" I yelled and he blinked his eyes open.

"Wha' happened?" Jay said sitting up then looking around at this sand filled place. "What the hell?!" he jumped up and looked around. I did the same thing. "What the hell?! I don't remember packing this." he tugged at his cloths.

"Eh?" I looked down and saw that I was ware a light purple colored outfit that had mirror shine armor on my chest, forearms and knees. Along with that I had leather boots that had my baggy trousers tucked into them. I also had a tight black see through body type suit underneath.

I looked at Jay whom was waring something like mine. Only he had a heavy looking armor covering most of his body.

I also saw something else hanging from our leather belts. Swords? I so don't remember having these ever before.

After myself and Jay had a good look at ourselves we looked at each other. Panic spread all over our face. Then we heard the sound of marching. I looked to my left to see a black cloud of people with swords and mean faces. My knees buckled and threaten to give way at any moment.

"Erm, Jay." I said my voice cracking. "There are a bunch o' people coming this freakin' way!"

"Same on the right." Jay said but somehow he manged to keep his cool.

I snapped my head to the right and saw an army of people dressed in light blue outfits. A freakin' war! Great!

Then hit me like a tone of bricks. "We're in the game!" I called out in triumph. "We must be! It's the last thing I remember."

"Impossible!" Jay exclaimed.

"More impossible than being randomly put here on a battle scene!?" I panicked seeing how close these people now were. "Oh god! What do we do?!" I said my voice getting higher and higher as I panicked.

"Well, if your saying this is a freakin' game then this should the be first freakin' level." by now we had stood back to back, Jay facing the black armored guys and me faces the light blue army. "And the first level is meant to be easy, right (?)"

"Lets freakin' hope so, as we are about to find fuckin' out."

The leader of the light blues ordered his army to stop. I got a good look at him. Black hair so dark is looked blue, his skin was deep tan. If Thorn was here you'd be seeing pink love hearts popping in and out her eyes. I then took a glance to see the leader of the other army. Light blond hair and milky white skin, that looked even whiter with those black armor on. One thing struck me. He looked evil.

Now what does evil look like? You may ask. Well here are some tips to help you recognize. Firstly the are wearing black. Secondly they already had their weapons in their hands or they are freakin' shooting at you with arrows. And the biggest thing you must remember is that, they are fuckin' coming right at us.

"Abbie, look out!" good thing Jay's reflexes are as swift as a fox, or I'd be in ribbons right about now.

His sword blocked one of the black armies incoming men. He pushed the guy away. I grabbed Jay's writs and he grabbed mine. We ducked and dived, blocked and pushed all through the battle. Jay blocked another guys sword, just as that happened the black army saw that their asses were being truly kicked. So the leader called back his men and off they went.

Jay and myself let go of each other and high fived. Our victory was shot lived as arms grabbed as.

"Hey! Lemme go!" I pushed with my shoulders which was rewarded with a knee in the chest.

All I wanna say is Extreme Boob hurting, right at that moment.

"Lay off!" I heard Jay yell and then the wind was knocked out of him.

We were dragged through the sand, ropes had been tied around our writs so we didn't move much. Still didn't mean I didn't complain.

"When I get outta here I'm gonna kick your nuts so freakin' hard, you'll be having a baby!" I yelled at one of the men.

They kicked us into the sand. I was flat on my face, chin in the sand and I coughed. I saw a pair off brown leather boots in front of us.

"Get up." said a voice and we sat on the backs of our feet.

When did we suddenly become lap dogs.

"State your name."

I looked up to see the leader of the blue army staring down at us with a look of curiosity and cautiousness.

When we didn't answer he repeated himself only in a yell.

"Your mom." Jay spat rudely.

"How dare you speak to his majesty in such a tone." a sword was pointed at Jay's neck.

The sword belonged to a furry hand. And that furry hand belonged to a dog like human. He had a thin layer of fur, this man had somewhat of a snout and small pointed up ears. One of his ears was missing a chuck.

"That is enough, Axile." the leader put his hand in front of the man, now identified as Axile. Axile looked annoyed and shocked but he put his sword away. "I will ask but one more time. Tell me your names."

I gulped and looked at Jay who clearly wasn't gonna give these guys anything. Looks like its up the crazy curly haired girl.

"My name is Abbie!" I pretty much yelled just as the leader was about to give the order to his men. "And he's Jay." my voice lowered.

"What business do you have here?" the leader said looking at me.

"We....we....." quick think of a back story. "We..."

"Were transported here." I heard Jay say.

"By whom, and why?"

Jay took in a breath to buy sometime to think of something. "Our father." I blurted like a total moron. "Our father put us here."

"We...we.....we're like slaves to him." way to go Jay. Couldn't he of said that, like, a second ago, dammit.

"Okay then, let them go." the leader snapped his fingers and two men untied us.

I rubbed my - somewhat - redden writes. I noticed Jay doing the same.

A moment later and the leader noticed something. He was looking at our hips. At first I though Creepy much. But then I realized that it was what was on our hips (Yeah I'm talking weird). Our swords.

"Where did you get those?" the leader said.

Uh oh. "Well, um, we just sort....had them. Dunno where we got them though." I chuckled nervously.

"Axile, do we have room on our ship?" said the leader.

"We have one room, m'lord." Axile looked at him. "Your not seriously thinking of taking these....these.....childern with us?"

Children? Would children have a freakin' C cup?

"I think these two are the others." since when did we become ghosts(watch the movie The Others if you don't get the joke).

"How can they be? Your father couldn't find them. Then they just suddenly pop out from no where." Axile said getting worked up over something I was highly confused about. "I do not mean to be rude m'lord, but it just does not seem possible."

"We will not know unless we try." he said to Axile before turning and smiling at us. "You two are confused, but all shall be explain later. But for now you two are welcomed to join me and my men back home."

"Hold up a sec." I crossed my arms. "We told you who we are. Now who the heck are you?"

The leader seemed baffled at this question, as if we should of known his name or something. "I am Prince Ashi Lemeno." The Prince, formerly know as Ashi said(if you didn't laugh at that then you suck).

The army had to treat the wounded. The rest of us headed back to the ship which wasn't very far. Ashi addressed it as the Lemeno II. The ship was huge. Inside was covered in a cosmic blues and pure clean white. Just what you'd expected from a space ship.

We followed Axile and Ashi to the throne room where people had been cheering for their victory in the sand. They all stopped to congratulate their prince. Ashi smiled and laughed with his men before putting up his hands and requesting for only certain people to stay, along with Jay and myself. Why did I gulp?

Ashi went and sat on the red velvet throne. A few people stood along side the big chair. Ashi looked at us then took in a breath. "This is my family." he made a hand gesture. "Well most of it anyway."

Axile stood right next to the prince looking at us uneasily. I was feeling a little awkward. I looked over at Jay who I hadn't spoken to much.

"As you know, I am the Prince of my home planet. The planet Ourium" a whole freakin' planet! "I rule over it and my people for the time being." What'd he mean by that? "Everyone else, introduce yourselves."

"I am Axile Coreeole Neco. I am the top general for Ourium's army, I keep everyone in line and serve Ashi 'till my death." Axile said. "I welcome you to our family." Jay and myself nodded to Axile and smiled somewhat awkwardly.

A woman stood next to Axile, she looked like the same 'breed' of him. Dog like being only her ears were more pointed. "I am Conie Neco. Wife to Axile and head medical for the Prince and the rest of Ourium's royal family." I noticed something, like my vision turned into an X-ray. Looked like something was inside Conie's belly. "Welcome to our family." she smiled and nodded.

I was about to ask if she had a baby when a blond hair guy standing next to Ashi spoke up. "My name is Resse." Jeez, I loved his voice. I know that sounds weird but it was like....like...velvet(?) "I protected Ashi," don't they have guards to do that? "Welcome."

Ashi looked around then counted back from five. Why? I didn't know at the time. When he got to zero something suddenly caused me to fall flat on my face. Breath was beaten out of my lungs and I couldn't suck and back in. Something heavy was on my back and it could talk. I waved my arms around and manged to smack whoever it was on me. I rolled on to my back.

"Ow! Bastard hit me!" I looked and saw a boy with dirty blond hair holding his nose. "Ah, right on time." Ashi said with just the right amount of irritation.

Jay grabbed under my arms and pulled me to my feet. I had to take in a few deep breaths.

"What the hell?!" I yelled now noticing an other boy. Twins more like. The both looked exactly the same. Well however one of the boys had a darkened birthmark on his right cheek. You couldn't really see it but I had eyes like a hawk.

"Bitch!" the boy with the birthmark was the one I smacked in the face. "I think you broke my nose!"

"Well I think your fat body broke my rib cage dammit!" I yelled as nicely as I could.

"Enough." Ashi's clear clam, but loud, voice made us stop yelling. "You two, stop. This is Jay and Abbie, you are their subordinates." Ashi said to the twins, Jay and myself gave them smug grins.

"What?!" the twins both yelled running up to the throne. "They're new! They don't know anything?! One of them's a girl!"

Sexist much.

"A girl that socked you in the face." I whispered to Jay who chuckled.

"Lucky shot I say." Jay chuckled back to me and I shot him a fake hurt look.

Ashi and the twins argued however the twins eventually stopped and stood next to Resse. "I am Roi." said the boy with the mark.

"And I am Alon."

"We fight for Ourium!" both of them said with grins. "We'll help you with your battle needs." they gave us thumbs up.

Ashi looked at us and gestured with his hands for us to do something. I looked at Jay who looked just as confused as I was.

"Bow." I heard someone wisper.

We bowed our heads low to this crazy gang of in game characters. Hey, that's what they should be called - In Game characters. Sounds like a cool way to do things anyway.

"Welcome to my ship." Ashi said and we lifted up our heads. "Alon, Roi."

"Yes, Prince?" the twins both said looking at Ashi.

"Take our new members for a walk around the ship." Ashi said smiling.

Little did I know I would meet him.
Last edited by Gamergirl on Mon Aug 15, 2011 6:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Is the glass half empty? Or half full?"

"Well, if I turn on the tap I can make it full!" ~ me.
  





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Mon Aug 15, 2011 2:22 pm
WaitingForLife says...



Yo, I was happily surprised to see you had put up the second chapter as well. Let's dive right in.

Another good chapter all in all, I really am starting to love the humor and the plt is going in an interesting way. I forgot to mention last time that it was a brilliant idea to name the chapters "Levels", I like it. The use of "profanity", such a boring term in my opinion, really works wonders here, as cussing is more than normal to a teenager. Why try to cover that up? It adds a spark to the humor, causing me to even laugh outloud at times. Like here:

Children? Would children have a freakin' C cup?

Love it. :D

A fun bonus is that I'm actually writing a very similiar story at the moment; where the main character is whisked off into the world of Mario. It's in first person as well and written in a humoristic fashion, sort of like this one. :D Small world, huh?

---------------------------------

So, everything I said in the first chapter, go through them with this one too. Also, go through what Noelle said on that first one on this one. There were many words missing letters or just in the wrong form. I won't waste either of our times by repeating those. Pay close attention to capitalisation - or the lack of capitalisation - after dialougues and those commas before the "I saids". Onto other things.

What I noticed in this chapter was another thing. Again, it's a small thing, but if you have enough of a small problem, it'll grow into one huge problem that'll knock you out cold. And this occured enough to be counted a big problem. Same as last time, first what you wrote, then the corrected version and a little discussion. Hope I can be less confusing this time.

Your version:
Jay came out of the bathroom running his hands through his blond hair yawning.


Corrected version:
Jay came out of the bathroom, running his hands through his blond hair, yawning.


I put the first comma in blue, as I guess you might get away without using a comma here, but I'd still put on in there. Now, the second one is pretty much a must. As a rule of thumb: whenever you have a sentence which had two verbs in it, there's gonna be either a comma or a semi-colon (weeell if there's a semicolon, it technically is two sentences, but whatever, not important now).

If one of the verbs is in an ing-form (e.g. singing, laughing) like in the example I chose from your text, there has got to be a comma. If both of the verbs are in a normal form, there will be a semi-colon. Wait, I'll see if I can find a situation like that in your text...

Here we are:
"You're not getting breakfast; you should have/ 've had some at your own house."


(Oh, side note: I know it sounds like "should of" when you say it, but it's written "should've" as in short for "should have".)

These are a bit hard to explain; it rather comes through practice to know when to use commas and semi-colons, but here's some sort of a rule you can try to utilise.

"When you take a short pause while reading: place a comma;
a longer pause means a semi-colon - or a stupid llama."

Okay, that rule sucked and llamas have nothing to do with it (but nothing else rhymes with comma!). :D But the gist of things is if you naturally pause while reading a sentence out loud, chances are that a comma is supposed to be there. If it's a longer pause, it's a semi-colon. If it's even longer, go with a period. A semi-colon is a bit more tricky to figure out (I struggled with this one, a LOT). They basically are put where a period could be put, but used when you want to link the sentences together instead of dividing them with as strong of a pause as a period.

I suggest finding out more from someone who can better explain these to you, as they'll step up your writing immediately, bringing more diversity into your words.

Otherwise, another really fun chapter to read; maybe work on adding more descriptions of the surroundings so that we have more than just a hunch to where it all is taking place. And the dialougue is just as great as the first one. Shine out those small grittish things and you'll have a very enjoyable piece of writing once again. :)

Aaaand that's it, keep writing! Hit me up with the next one, again.
|Life|
Call me crazy; I prefer 'enjoys life while one can'.
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The pen's mightier than the sword - especially when it's wielded by a flipmothering dragon.
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Thu Aug 18, 2011 11:42 pm
Noelle says...



Hi there!

I was very excited to see you had posted the second chapter of this! I read the prolouge/chapter 1 and I was really looking forward to reading more of this. I was going to comment on some grammer/spelling mistakes, but I see that WaitingForLife has already commented on that. So I'm going to stick with your characters and plot.

You did a good job with keeping the characters the same as they were in the first chapter. I think it's great that you have a girl playing video games against a guy, and kicking his butt too! You portrayed the two characters well also. You did a great job advancing the plot as well.

I can't wait until the next chapter comes out! Keep writing!
Noelle is the name, reviewing and writing cliffhangers is the game.

Writer of fantasy, action/adventure, and magic. Huzzah!

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"I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done." -- Steven Wright

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Tue Oct 25, 2011 10:45 pm
roostangarar says...



I am going to nitpick this. Statement of fact.
I will be harsh. Another one.
THIS IS HILARIOUS!!. Last one.

Level 1 : Press Start

Jay did spend the night with us (Who's us?). We stayed up way too late playing video games. We eventually decided to get some sleep at around 3:30am. However, I couldn't be bothered fixing up the spare bed at this time so we both just crashed out on my bed. Don't worry, he slept at the foot of the bed. His long legs kept kicking me.

"Jay?" I had been awake for sometime now. "You up?" I kicked him.

"Wha'?" his eyes were half opened. "What time is it?"

"Half eight," I quickly got off the time topic. "I can't sleep and everyone will be here soon, so...." by this time he was sitting up and rubbing sleep from his eyes. "I need your help sorting everything."

Jay sighed and threw the covers off. "Can I at least get changed first?"

"Yeah, you know where the bathroom is," I told him. "I suppose I'll get ready too."

Jay grabbed his bag and rummaged through it, pulling out jeans, a T-shirt and fresh underwear. He scoffed (What? "Scoff" is not a locomotive verb. It is an emotive verb. Try something like "shuffled", or "trudged") into the bathroom, leaving me to fuss around looking for an outfit. This was the only girly thing about me. I took ages to find something to ware wear. However, yesterday I had done the smart thing and hung up my outfits for the weekend. Outfit number one : a long sleeve darkish green top with dark jeans. Casual but it looked nice - I hoped anyway.

So I jumped into my planned outfit and walked out of my room. Next to the bathroom was a storage cupboard that held all sorts of junk. I had to reach up so I could grab hold of the two blow up beds. I had planned to get the sheets and that later (repetition of the word planned, and if you did plan to do it later, why didn't you?). I also grabbed the electric pump and carried it back into my room. Instead of blowing everything up at that moment I decided to just throw it all under my bed and wait until we needed them for sleeping.

Jay came out of the bathroom, running his hands through his blonde. (Dammit woman, you said you were Scottish!) hair, yawning.

"Lets go get breakfast," I announced.

We ate bacon sandwiches along with some frosted flakes. As we munched our breakfast we watched some TV; nothing was on - or I can't remember. My mother had gone out to get some supplies for the upcoming chaos, that was sure to happen when you have six teens. Speaking of which, the door bell rang.

"Hey, Cammy," I greeted him with a smile and what did I get in return. A Judo Chop. ( I have a friend who is also a fan of the judo-chop. Classic)

"Fucking cut that out!" I rubbed my head and let him in. "You're not getting breakfast; you should've had some at your own house."

"How come he gets some then?" Cammy said as he walked into the living room seeing the plates and bowls.

"He stayed last night," I informed him to my regret.

"You two get it on," he wiggled his eyebrows.

(Why the massive space?)

I rolled my eyes and sighed in annoyance. "Your such a dick, ya know that?" I snapped stacking the empty plates and bowls.

"And yet you're not denying it," I swear he loves that phrase.

After our little 'bicker' I went into the kitchen to clean up. Just as I was about to dry my hands the door bell went. Grabbing the small towel from the cooker handle, I dried my hands and answered the door at the same time - multi-tasking for the win!

It was Kirs and Thorn, they had gotten a bus together. It was then I remembered that I had shit hosting skills. I had forgotten about the guys bags. I told the girls they could just shove them next to Jay's stuff in my room. I then rushed into the living room telling Cammy to do the same. He mocked my lacking of hosting skills before jogging upstairs. What a knob head.

Ding dong! Went the door bell for a final time. I answered the door to Kay and welcomed her. I was just about to give her an instruction to just put her bag upstairs when a barking dog made me jump.

"You let those mutts out!" I yelled at Cammy who was petting Joy.

I looked at my two idiot dogs. Both were Bored Collies but highly annoying. (Did you by any chance mean border? And why the "but"?)

I told Kay where to put her bag then let the mutts pee outside for a second. Note to self: Remember the Popper scooper.

"Oh Abbie. The mail man asked me to take this for you." she said handing me a small package. (Mail man? Are you sure you're from Scotland?)

Oh my god! This was it! The game I had order online a few weeks ago. It was a new game that no one had heard of yet and the company were giving away free first time additions of the game. I just couldn't pass down that offer. Not only that, it was an RPG! I looked at Jay.

"Everybody! Upstairs!" I exclaimed. "Game time!"

We rushed upstairs and I set up my X-BOX. I tore open the packaging. I was hoping to see some awesome art on the front cover but all it was was green. I opened the disk to find it blank. "Huh?!" I said out loud. I was beginning to think I had been ripped off.

That still didn't stop me from putting in the disk. I grabbed two controllers and handed the other one to Jay.

My heart dropped into my stomach and my stomach flipped. Red. Ring. Of. Doom. I felt like screaming. I was just about to when it went back to green. Phew! Then yellow, purple and back to green. Suddenly a loading screen came up.

Are you ready?

Okay, this is new. Never heard of a game asking that question before. "Uh...yeah?" I looked at Jay who sat next to me.

Press Start

Me and Jay did so in sync. A few seconds passed and I was expecting a cutscene introducing the characters and game play. Instead another message.

Let the game begin.

"Okay, this is weird. Anyone else think so?" I nervously chuckled looking behind me at all my friends.

It was then I noticed my door was opened. All I saw was something black and white. Everyone was in slow motion. I looked back at the TV screen. A flash of pure white blinded us. We all yelled and threw our arms over our faces trying to stop the light from entering our eyes.

"Whats happening?!" I yelled through the light. (Light generally isn't noisy)

"I don't know!" Jay called back to me.

All I remembered was closing my eyes tight, then the white darkened to black. I gasped and my eyes were opened. I tried to scream as I felt myself falling into a bottomless pit. No sound made its way out my throat. I tried again and again but my voice would not respond. It was then I could just feel this pit coming to an end. I was going to hit the ground. I called as loud as I could but all that came out was a whisper.

My heart thumped in my chest and my breathing was hard (Try something like "laboured" here instead). Was it all just a dream? I thought just as I looked up to see the blinding hot sun. "Huh?" I suddenly realized that I was no longer in my green painted room. My soft fluffy rug wasn't beneath me; however, sand was. I snapped up to my feet and looked around to see sand, sand, oh whats that over there? Sand!

Panic time. However I sort of calmed down when I looked to my left and saw Jay laying in the sand. I got on my knees and woke him up screaming.

"Jay! Get up!" I yelled and he blinked his eyes open.

"Wha' happened?" Jay said sitting up then looking around at this sand filled place. "What the hell?!" he jumped up and looked around. I did the same thing. "What the hell?! I don't remember packing this." he tugged at his cloths.

"Eh?" I looked down and saw that I was ware a light purple colored (From now on, I will assume that you are actually American, or using an American dictionary setting) outfit that had mirror shine armor on my chest, forearms and knees. Along with that I had leather boots that had my baggy trousers tucked into them. I also had a tight black see through body type suit underneath.

I looked at Jay whom was wearing something like mine. Only he had a heavy looking armor covering most of his body.

I also saw something else hanging from our leather belts. Swords? I so don't remember having these ever before.



After myself and Jay had a good look at ourselves we looked at each other. Panic spread all over our faces. Then we heard the sound of marching. I looked to my left to see a black cloud of people with swords and mean faces. My knees buckled and threatened to give way at any moment.

"Erm, Jay." I said my voice cracking. "There are a bunch o' people coming this freakin' way!"

"Same on the right." Jay said, but somehow he manged to keep his cool.

I snapped my head to the right and saw an army of people dressed in light blue outfits. A freakin' war! Great!

Then hit me like a tonne of bricks. "We're in the game!" I called out in triumph ("triumph" seems like the wrong word here. I thought they were panicking?). "We must be! It's the last thing I remember."

"Impossible!" Jay exclaimed.

"More impossible than being randomly put here on a battle scene!?" I panicked seeing how close these people now were. "Oh god! What do we do?!" I said my voice getting higher and higher as I panicked.

"Well, if your saying this is a freakin' game then this should the be first freakin' level." by now we had stood back to back, Jay facing the black armored guys and me facing the light blue army. "And the first level is meant to be easy, right (?)"

"Lets freakin' hope so, as we are about to find fuckin' out."

The leader of the light blues ordered his army to stop. I got a good look at him. Black hair so dark it looked blue, his skin was deep tan. If Thorn was here you'd be seeing pink love hearts popping in and out her eyes. I then took a glance to see the leader of the other army. Light blond hair and milky white skin, that looked even whiter with those black armor on. One thing struck me. He looked evil. (Leader of Black army=Evil. Got it)

Now what does evil look like? You may ask. Well here are some tips to help you recognize. Firstly the are wearing black. Secondly they already have their weapons in their hands or they are freakin' shooting at you with arrows. And the biggest thing you must remember is that, they are fuckin' coming right at us.



"Abbie, look out!" good thing Jay's reflexes are as swift as a fox, or I'd be in ribbons right about now.

His sword blocked one of the black armies incoming men. He pushed the guy away. I grabbed Jay's writs and he grabbed mine. We ducked and dived, blocked and pushed all through the battle. Jay blocked another guys sword, just as that happened the black army saw that their asses were being truly kicked. So the leader called back his men and off they went. (Black army: Asses kicked and left. Got it.)

Jay and myself let go of each other and high fived. Our victory was shot lived as arms grabbed as.

"Hey! Lemme go!" I pushed with my shoulders which was rewarded with a knee in the chest.

All I wanna say is Extreme Boob Hurting, right at that moment.

"Lay off!" I heard Jay yell and then the wind was knocked out of him.

We were dragged through the sand, ropes had been tied around our wrists so we didn't move much. Still, that didn't mean I didn't complain.

"When I get outta here I'm gonna kick your nuts so freakin' hard, you'll be having a baby!" I yelled at one of the men.

They kicked us into the sand. I was flat on my face, chin in the sand and I coughed. I saw a pair off brown leather boots in front of us.

"Get up." said a voice and we sat on the backs of our feet.

When did we suddenly become lap dogs?

"State your name."

I looked up to see the leader of the blue army staring down at us with a look of curiosity and cautiousness. (Wait, did they take any part in the battle at all? Was the entire battle fought by two totally inexperienced gamers? Seems slightly far-fetched to me)

When we didn't answer he repeated himself. Only in a yell.

"Your mom." Jay spat rudely.

"How dare you speak to his majesty in such a tone." a sword was pointed at Jay's neck.

The sword belonged to a furry hand. And that furry hand belonged to a dog like human. He had a thin layer of fur, this man had somewhat of a snout and small pointed up ears. One of his ears was missing a chuck.

"That is enough, Axile." the leader put his hand in front of the man, now identified as Axile. Axile looked annoyed and shocked but he put his sword away. "I will ask but one more time. Tell me your names."

I gulped and looked at Jay who clearly wasn't gonna give these guys anything. Looks like its up the crazy curly haired girl.

"My name is Abbie!" I pretty much yelled just as the leader was about to give the order to his men. "And he's Jay." my voice lowered.

"What business do you have here?" the leader said looking at me.

"We....we....." quick think of a back story. "We..."

"Were transported here." I heard Jay say.

"By whom, and why?"

Jay took in a breath to buy sometime to think of something. "Our father." I blurted like a total moron. "Our father put us here."

"We...we.....we're like slaves to him." way to go Jay. Couldn't he of said that, like, a second ago, dammit.

"Okay then, let them go." the leader snapped his fingers and two men untied us.

I rubbed my - somewhat - reddened wrists. I noticed Jay doing the same.

A moment later and the leader noticed something. He was looking at our hips. At first I thought, creepy much?. But then I realized that it was what was on our hips (Yeah I'm talking weird). Our swords.

"Where did you get those?" the leader said.



Uh oh. "Well, um, we just sort....had them. Dunno where we got them though." I chuckled nervously.

"Axile, do we have room on our ship?" said the leader.

"We have one room, m'lord." Axile looked at him. "Your not seriously thinking of taking these....these.....childern with us?"

Children? Would children have a freakin' C cup?

"I think these two are the others." since when did we become ghosts(watch the movie The Others if you don't get the joke).

"How can they be? Your father couldn't find them. Then they just suddenly pop out from no where." Axile said getting worked up over something I was highly confused about. "I do not mean to be rude m'lord, but it just does not seem possible."

"We will not know unless we try", (Wait, what are they trying?) he said to Axile before turning and smiling at us. "You two are confused, but all shall be explain later. But for now you two are welcomed to join me and my men back home."

"Hold up a sec." I crossed my arms. "We told you who we are. Now who the heck are you?"

The leader seemed baffled at this question, as if we should of known his name or something. "I am Prince Ashi Lemeno." The Prince, formerly know as Ashi said(if you didn't laugh at that then you suck).

The army had to treat the wounded. (Oh, so they were fighting then?) The rest of us headed back to the ship which wasn't very far. Ashi addressed it as the Lemeno II. The ship was huge. Inside was covered in cosmic blues and pure clean white. Just what you'd expected from a space ship.

We followed Axile and Ashi to the throne room where people had been cheering for their victory in the sand. They all stopped to congratulate their prince. Ashi smiled and laughed with his men before putting up his hands and requesting for only certain people to stay, along with Jay and myself. Why did I gulp?

Ashi went and sat on the red velvet throne. A few people stood along side the big chair. Ashi looked at us then took in a breath. "This is my family." he made a hand gesture. "Well most of it anyway."

Axile stood right next to the prince looking at us uneasily. I was feeling a little awkward. I looked over at Jay who I hadn't spoken to much.

"As you know, I am the Prince of my home planet. The planet Ourium" a whole freakin' planet! "I rule over it and my people for the time being." What'd he mean by that? "Everyone else, introduce yourselves."



"I am Axile Coreeole Neco. I am the top general for Ourium's army, I keep everyone in line and serve Ashi 'till my death." Axile said. "I welcome you to our family." Jay and myself nodded to Axile and smiled somewhat awkwardly.

A woman stood next to Axile, she looked like the same 'breed' of him. Dog like being only her ears were more pointed. "I am Conie Neco. Wife to Axile and head medical for the Prince and the rest of Ourium's royal family." I noticed something, like my vision turned into an X-ray. Looked like something was inside Conie's belly. (Blatantly a baby. And do people really just "get" X-Ray vision?) "Welcome to our family." she smiled and nodded.

I was about to ask if she had a baby when a blond hair guy standing next to Ashi spoke up. "My name is Resse." Jeez, I loved his voice. I know that sounds weird but it was like....like...velvet(?) "I protected Ashi," don't they have guards to do that? "Welcome."

Ashi looked around then counted back from five. Why? I didn't know at the time. When he got to zero something suddenly caused me to fall flat on my face. Breath was beaten out of my lungs and I couldn't suck and back in. Something heavy was on my back and it could talk. I waved my arms around and manged to smack whoever it was on me. I rolled on to my back.

"Ow! Bastard hit me!" I looked and saw a boy with dirty blond hair holding his nose. "Ah, right on time." Ashi said with just the right amount of irritation. (Why is he irritated?)

Jay grabbed under my arms and pulled me to my feet. I had to take in a few deep breaths.

"What the hell?!" I yelled now noticing another boy. Twins more like. The both looked exactly the same. Well however one of the boys had a darkened birthmark on his right cheek. You couldn't really see it but I had eyes like a hawk.

"Bitch!" the boy with the birthmark was the one I smacked in the face. "I think you broke my nose!"

"Well I think your fat body broke my rib cage dammit!" I yelled as nicely as I could.

"Enough." Ashi's clear calm, but loud, voice made us stop yelling. "You two, stop. This is Jay and Abbie, you are their subordinates." Ashi said to the twins, Jay and myself gave them smug grins.

"What?!" the twins both yelled running up to the throne. "They're new! They don't know anything?! One of them's a girl!"

Sexist much.

(Another giant space?)

"A girl that socked you in the face." I whispered to Jay who chuckled.

"Lucky shot I say." Jay chuckled back to me and I shot him a fake hurt look.

Ashi and the twins argued however the twins eventually stopped and stood next to Resse. "I am Roi." said the boy with the mark.

"And I am Alon."

"We fight for Ourium!" both of them said with grins. "We'll help you with your battle needs." they gave us thumbs up.

Ashi looked at us and gestured with his hands for us to do something. I looked at Jay who looked just as confused as I was.

"Bow." I heard someone whisper.

We bowed our heads low to this crazy gang of in-game characters. Hey, that's what they should be called - In Game characters. Sounds like a cool way to do things anyway.

"Welcome to my ship." Ashi said and we lifted up our heads. "Alon, Roi."

"Yes, Prince?" the twins both said looking at Ashi.

"Take our new members for a walk around the ship." Ashi said smiling.

Little did I know I would meet him. ( Who? Ashi? You've already met him. Who did you mean?)

These were only the spelling and grammatical errors, and a few bits that didn't make sense. There were also some other things, but I don't want to go into too much detail until these small things have been corrected. Sorry if it's harsh!!
I hae but ane gallant son, and if he were to follow me in my footsteps, how proud I shall be.

Time isn't a straight line. It's a big ball of wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff
  








If you can't describe what you are doing as a process, you don't know what you're doing.
— W. Edwards Deming