Young Writers Society

This is only the first part I have written, I have more ideas for it and am beginning to plan it out but am not entirely sure whether or not I should carry on with it, please post a comment I would love to know what you think and if you think I should keep writing it. Thanks x.






Chapter One
Viridian lay gazing up at the night sky, wondering if what she was about to do was really worth it. She steadied herself and took a deep breath, despite the many times she’d jumped out of her window, this time it just seemed that much higher.
She stopped silent for a moment, crouched on the windowsill as a car passed by lights flickering in the pouring rain, then leaped, staying airborne for just a moment, then descending quickly towards the slowly forming mud slide beneath her that was her destination.
Viridian hit the ground harder than she had anticipated and grimaced at the mud which now flecked her face, and most of her previously clean clothes, but she couldn’t stop now-she had to keep going if she wanted this to work.
She leapt the garden fence with ease, heading out into the open fields and lending herself to the mercy of the freezing rain that stung her face wherever it could take hold, making seeing through the darkness of the night near impossible. Her first plan had been to take her chances through the city but she had soon scrapped that plan, as she was sure to be found by someone, cop or criminal alike, they were all the same in this Gods forsaken place. Thinking of the Gods, Viridian said a silent prayer to Iris:
‘Iris, messenger of the Gods and Goddess of the rainbow and of emotions, hear my prayer,
Make my emotions true and pure, allowing me to cope with all that comes before me. Shine that spectrum upon me, allowing full reign of possibility.
Bless my travels so that I will be enlightened and entertained as I should by them. Give my spirit wings to fly!’
Viridian was suddenly glad that she had paid attention in prayers this week, they had never really been the most interesting thing to her as in her lifetime she had never seen ‘The wonders of the Gods’ as her father used to call the miracle of the Olympian City and the clouds that crowned the ever mysterious peak that had been home to the Gods for thousands of years. Now, the city had fallen into disrepair, she had seen riots in the news and pictures of mutilated bodies on the covers of the newspapers, every morning on her way to school. It always seemed so near yet so far away, the Divine City was broken because the Gods were and if something affected the Gods it affected everyone. Maybe not personally but it would start every now and again, the occasional thunderbolt sent down from mount Olympus to remind everyone of Zeus’ failing grip on everything, life the world, his own sanity...
Some of the minor Gods could sometimes be seen, seeming to swoop down from the heavens to save a family from disaster only to be recalled by howling winds and the booming thunder of Zeus’ furious voice. They say no-one can go near him, not even his own daughter Athena, or his brother Poseidon who spends most of his time trying to keep the seas at bay against the never ending howls of the wind that thrashes the boats and threatens to capsize them at every turn. No one travels by sea anymore. Or by air. People move away from the coast and I’ve never been there.
Viridian wondered aloud what the sea must smell like, she’d seen pictures, everyone had, but a photograph couldn’t portray the power of the crashing waves or the sound of howling winds that deafened anyone brave enough to walk the shoreline.
The world had fallen into chaos leading to corrupt men to cease power and dominate the frightened population that moved away from anything new or different, like a shoal of fish being hunted by a shark.
Oh Gods, if only Lady Hera hadn’t been slain in battle, Zeus would never have grieved, so the world would not have descended into what seems like the depths of Tartarus. Sometimes I wonder if we even won the war or if this was the plan of some filthy creature, crawling its way out of the deepest recesses of hell, only to be thrown back down there for the rest of eternity-or so we thought.
Even if this was true, surely they brought about their own downfall, it was only Zeus’ grief and rage which gave him the strength to vaporize the hideous beasts that plagued the Earth, so maybe one of the other Gods planned it, or all of them? A secret conspiracy gone wrong, they could never have known how he would react...
Scenes of deception and lies snaked their way around the inside of Viridians head as she continued her trek through the mud soaked fields the rain began to soften, the smell of fresh grass after a storm filled her nostrils and the layers of darkness that had cloaked the world in nightfall peeled back to reveal the tropical colours of dawn that glowed with a beautiful kindness as though the God Apollo himself had blessed each f the sun’s rays himself.
Along the horizon Viridians eyes were now able to pick up on the black shadow that was cast over the city and broke through her dawn coloured daydream that brought her immediately to her senses, she was tired and it was clouding her head. She knew she should have rested more before she left but she couldn’t. She knew that if she had tried to relax, she would only have been pulled into a land of twisted nightmares by the soft hand of sleep, where walls towered higher than the sun and mazes confused her sleeping mind.
Now more aware of what she was doing, Viridian moved to get her drinks bottle and stopped dead. There was someone behind her, someone watching her; waiting.
Viridian licked her lips, tasting the salty dryness of their cracked surface. She had only caught a glimpse but like a true Amazon, her mother had taught her well. She unfroze herself giving no obvious signs that she knew they were there. Unfolding her map, she pretended to be lost, furrowing her brow and grumbling under her breath.
The figure was getting closer but if she moved she would give the game away. Wait, her mother always told her, use patience to your advantage and don’t let it be your weakness.
A few more seconds, she thought, she could hear her heart pounding in her ears as she steadied herself for a fight. It was like hunting a deer; you couldn’t let them know you were onto them until the last second.
Go! She thought as adrenaline surged through her and she lashed out with what would have been a dislocating kick to the jaw...but there was no one there.
Damn, she thought, they’re good; I wasn’t playing them it was the other way around. Viridian pulled herself up straight, only to knock her back against something, she could have sworn there hadn’t been a tree there before, suddenly a hand gripped her shoulder hard, a tear of perspiration mixed with a dash of desperation managed to break free from her forehead, if she was caught now: game over.
‘Lights out.’

Interesting. Very interesting. Original. Daring. Dark. Scary. Funny. Shizophrenic. Artful. Makes me hungry; nervous; makes me want to sing. Has a nice individuality to it. Reminds me of Greek gods. Complicated, yet simple. Fast paced, but slow paced. Loud, but quiet. Has it's moments, a few things wrong with it. May need to consider taking out 2-3 paragraphs. Lay it out even, but more convoluted. It's sweet, but bitter. Lovely, but scaving. Boundary pushing, but typically. It was great. Write more like this.

I spent a lot of time wondering about the setting and the main character, so you might want to rework this to make such things more obvious. That said, I do think that you should continue working on it. I'm a big fan of playing with mythology, and I think this sotyr has potential to be something really origional. i don't have a clear sense of where you are going with it, but I'm sure that will come.

Thanks to everyone who's reviewed my work x