A/N: I had this chapter with the prologue but decided to give it a place of its own since both of them combined seemed too long. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy reading : D
Chapter One- Never Again
Sometimes, he wondered what it was exactly that compelled him to rise every morning and live through each day. He often found himself questioning why he continued to breathe, or how his heart found the strength to continue driving the blood through his veins. Whatever, or whoever, it was that kept him alive for so long was, and always would be a mystery.
He opened his eyes. Numb.
For a long while, all he could do was stare blankly into the darkness, reliving that moment over and over again, as he had done for the past four years since it happened. He felt it, the agony of his heart breaking as clearly as though it was happening all over again. The one thing he wished to forget was the only thing he could remember from that night, or any other.
He looked over to the place beside him on the bed, running his hand over the rumpled sheets where somebody had been laying. Sunlight was streaming through the curtains, flickering on the walls and the floor as the wind moved the branches of the trees outside.
He sighed and sat up slowly, grimacing when a dull pain lanced through his back and shoulder. He ran his hand over his face and threw off the covers, dragging his legs over the side of the bed. For a moment, he only stared at them, still unaccustomed to the sight of the bulky machine that served as his right leg or the other that replaced his left arm. He ran his hand over the cold titanium surface of the contraption. The dark metal gleamed in the morning sunlight streaming in from the windows. Pressing his lips together, he held up his left arm, listening to the gears and gyros whirring and hissing softly as his elbow bent and his fingers curled into a fist and spread out, his wrist swiveling around.
He stared at each artificial limb with disgust gleaming in his eyes. He hated those things passionately. They were meant to make his life after the war easier. Instead they were among the burdens that only made everything harder to bear.
He bent over the bed, retrieved his shirt from the floor, and slipped his foot into his boot as he thrust his arms into the sleeves and began to fumble with the buttons down the front.
Just then, there was a timid knock at the door, followed by a small voice that said, ‘Master Grei, are you awake?’
He sighed heavily and looked at the door, shaking his head as he ran his fingers through his hair. He wished silently that they would leave him alone.
‘Master Grei?’ the voice repeated.
‘Yes, Theresa, I’m awake,’ he interrupted.
The door opened and a small woman with grey-streaked, brown hair peered inside, ‘General Sterling Grei is here to see you.’
‘Tell him I’m not feeling well,’ he grunted, folding the cuffs of his shirt around his wrists and buttoning them down.
‘I never took you as the type to designate such a disgraceful task to the help, Commodore,’ remarked a tall, silver haired gentleman as he stepped into the room, ‘Turning away your superior, and father both away all at once.’
Zander watched him stride to the alcove where the piano sat, and then winced when the man threw open the curtains, allowing the early morning sunlight to flood the chamber. The floor to ceiling windows gave a panoramic view of the valley below and the dome of azure blue sky that surrounded the mountains where Zander lived. The forests below appeared to be on fire with vibrant hues of bronze, copper, and scarlet. In the center of the valley was a crystal blue lake that deepened to near black in the middle where the deepest waters were. A snaking river flowed into it from a frothing waterfall that spouted out of the mountains on the other side of the valley.
‘Mrs. Hollfield, if you wouldn’t mind bringing us some coffee and perhaps something to eat for the Commodore, I would greatly appreciate it,’ Sterling said to the woman with a slight grin on his aging face.
She nodded and hurried out of the chamber without saying anything. Zander listened to her footsteps click down the hallway until they were too distant to hear anymore, and then shifted his gaze to Sterling, who was looking at the books on the shelves near the alcove, hands clasped behind his back.
Sterling looked out the window, gazing at the serene beauty of the land. He gave a sigh, ‘I think I remember now why I bought this property in the first place. Sabyne is beautiful in these parts this time of year…’
Zander said nothing, but rubbed the soreness from his neck, wincing slightly as he turned his head to one side, allowing his spine to crackle.
‘Your mother was beginning to worry,’ Sterling said after a long, dull silence as he plucked a book from the shelf and examined the cover, ‘You haven’t written or called since you returned from the front. I tried telling her that you only needed time, but she wouldn’t listen.’
‘You came all the way from Capital just to check up on me?’ Zander asked, running his hand over his face.
‘No, not only that,’ Sterling huffed, putting the book back as he took a pipe and a pouch from his coat pocket, ‘I’ve got some news I thought you might want to hear.’
He watched as Zander pushed himself off the bed and took a few fumbling steps away from it. The mechanical leg whirred and sputtered, gears grinding noisily behind the rust-splotched metal.
‘Are you alright?’ Sterling asked him as he stuffed tobacco into his pipe and struck a match on the piano.
‘I’m fine…’ Zander muttered, rubbing his thigh, ‘You said you had news for me?’
‘Yes, but that can wait,’ he replied with a shrug as he lit his pipe and drew a few puffs from it.
Zander limped across the room to the alcove and sat down in his soft, padded reading chair. Sterling took a seat as well in the chair nearby. His eyes flickered over his son briefly, and then he asked, ‘Has Theresa been taking proper care of you?’
‘Why?’ Zander huffed, sinking back against his chair.
‘I was only wondering,’ Sterling sighed, ‘You just look thin…’
‘I don’t have much of an appetite these days,’ he replied, closing his eyes.
The older man nodded slowly and toked his pipe quietly, pillars of light grey smoke curling out of the corners of his mouth and nostrils, his eyes thoughtful. He licked his lips and sat back as well, looking around the enormous chamber. The powder blue walls were well contrasted by the dark mahogany of the floor and the ceiling.
He sighed again and glanced at Zander through the corner of his eye. The younger man looked as though he had not eaten or slept in weeks, with his thin face and the dark circles under his eyes.
‘I couldn’t help but notice that my grandchildren and daughter-in-law were missing when I came in,’ he said, scratching his chin.
‘That’s because they aren’t here,’ Zander said with a shrug of his shoulders.
Sterling nodded, ‘Well, yes, I came to that conclusion already. I suppose what I’m trying to do is ask where they are.’
‘Your guess is as good as mine,’ Zander replied, rolling his eyes as he opened them again, ‘They were gone when I came home the first time.
Blinking, Sterling paused mid-puff and then stared at his son. He put down his pipe and leaned forward slightly, ‘They’re gone?’
‘According to the help around here, she took the children and left not long after I left for the war,’ Zander replied, ‘They never said where they were going. But, she took care to take most of my belongings as well as whatever money that happened to be in my account at the time. For all I know, she’s probably still siphoning out what she can every now and then. After I had the Metal attached I decided to come here, get away from the cities for a spell.’
‘Women...’ Sterling muttered, chewing on the end of his pipe, ‘They are such wickedly fickle creatures.’
Theresa and another made came in just then carrying a small table between the two of them, balancing a coffee set and a platter of warm muffins on the surface. They set it down in front of the two men and then walked soundlessly out of the room.
‘So, you’ve just been in this house the whole time since your surgeries?’ Sterling asked, ‘What have you been doing to keep busy?’
‘Trying not to lose what’s left of my sanity mostly,’ he replied with a shrug, ‘You said that you had news for me.’
‘Oh yes,’ Sterling sighed, ‘I do. It’s about the war.’
‘I don’t want to hear it then,’ Zander said with a dismissive wave of his hand as he sipped his coffee.
‘You don’t even know what it’s about,’ Sterling huffed, his brows furrowing.
‘And I don’t want to know unless you’re going to say that it’s over,’ Zander replied, his dark eyes glinting.
‘Well, it’s not over,’ the elder sighed, ‘In fact, it’s quite the opposite.’
‘Then I don’t want to hear it,’ he said firmly, sitting back again, ‘That damn war’s cost me more than I want to admit.’
‘What if it meant being a pilot again?’ Sterling asked.
Zander went rigid in his chair, his lips pressing into a firm line as his eyes narrowed. His features darkened as he said coolly, ‘I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just say that to me.’
‘Son. I understand that what you’re going through isn’t easy,’ Sterling said in a calm, low tone.
Zander’s nose crinkled and his lip snarled as he spoke through his teeth, ‘You take that back. Take it back and never say it again. Spare me the charade of understanding.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Sterling said gently, ‘I didn’t mean to imply that I have been in your situation. I was only trying to say that we need a man of your standing on the front. The Braes are pushing their way into our lands. If we don’t do something soon, we’re done for.’
‘You think I give a damn?’ Zander asked, ‘We’ve been fighting the same godforsaken war since your great grandfather was a child, even before that. It has to end at some point, doesn’t it?’
Sterling huffed, ‘We are on the brink of losing everything we’ve ever fought for. If we don’t end this now, then you can expect your children to either be fighting this war as well, or be slaves to the Braes come two years from today. We need you, Zander. I came here to personally ask you to please reconsider. Think about your country… Think about your children.’
Zander sat up in his chair, looking his father in the eye. His face was set into a carefully expressionless mask of stone. He pressed his lips together and slowly shook his head, ‘No.’
His father held his gaze for a long while, and then nodded, ‘Fine. Fine… Who am I to ask such a favor from the likes of you?’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Zander growled.
Sterling stood, tucking his pipe into his pocket as he walked around his son on the way to the door, ‘I think you know exactly what I mean.’
Without another word, he slipped out of the room and shut the door behind him.
‘In further news, the battle fronts seem to be edging further from the coast and closer to Main Land Sabyne,’ said the voice over the radio, ‘Already, encampments of Brae Infantry have been spotted near Flooded Basin in the North and an air fight was witnessed earlier this morning not fifteen miles outside of New Paradise in the North West…’
Zander turned his attention from the broadcast to his mug of beer and his book, hardly glancing up when a young man sat down at his table. The man, Botwin, was the bar keep’s son here at the Briar Rose Inn, which lay at the foot of the mountain where Zander lived. The two of them had become distant friends over the years before Zander had gone to war, and Botwin and his family were among the only friends that had remained in his life after the incident, not to mention the only ones he had yet to push away.
Zander liked to come to the inn when his house was too quiet. He liked to listen to Botwin play the piano while he read from a book and had a mug of Lam’s home brewed beer every now and then. Although he never participated in the talk had by the hunters of the region or of passers-by, he liked to listen to the other men chat. Aside from the radio, it was them who kept him informed of the reality going on outside his own world.
‘So you hear about the raid in Bracketts?’ Botwin asked him, tugging at the bowtie around his neck.
Zander raised his brow and observed Botwin quietly over his book. He was a scrawny man with hollow cheeks and bulging blue eyes. His pale skin was covered in freckles and he wore small, circular spectacles on his long, beak-like nose. He really was a peculiar looking fellow. Turning the page of his book, Zander shook his head slowly, ‘No, I haven’t.’
‘A few of the merchants that came in earlier were talking about it,’ he told him, ‘They say about twenty Brae soldiers plundered the whole town and set fire to everything. Barely anybody survived… Isn’t that just the most brutal thing you’ve ever heard?’
Zander folded the corner of a page and closed his book with a sigh, ‘War is brutal, Botwin. You might be seeing a lot more of it within the next few months, believe me.’
‘You don’t think the government will begin a draft do you?’ he asked, his expression suddenly fearful, ‘I don’t think I would make a very good soldier. I-I don’t even know how to hold a gun... And besides that, I’m not very brave. Not at all.’
‘I’m not saying a draft will start, I’m just saying that with the way things are heading, I wouldn’t be surprised if tomorrow we were all victims of a raid ourselves,’ Zander said, taking a sip from his mug.
Botwin pressed his lips together, grimacing, ‘Brutal…’
Zander shook his head slowly.
Lam, Botwin’s father, approached them and sat down as well, ‘Master Grei, that mug is running low, you wouldn’t want another pint, would you?’
‘I would actually,’ Zander replied with a nod, ‘But instead of beer, make it gin, please.’
Lam nodded and walked away, wiping his hands on a towel hanging at his waist.
‘Gin?’ Botwin remarked, ‘You never have anything stronger than a beer.’
‘Well tonight I need stronger,’ Zander muttered, ‘My father came to see me this morning.’
‘The High General was in town and nobody knew?’ Botwin gasped.
Zander shrugged, ‘He probably flew in with Royal while everyone was still sleeping. After all, his goal was to speak with me, not to have an entire village flock around him.’
‘Well what did he want? Was it bad enough to drive you to drinking or do you just not like your father?’ Botwin.
‘He wants me to return to the front,’ Zander sighed, running his hand over his face.
‘Can you do that?’ Botwin asked, glancing unscrupulously down at Zander’s mechanical arm.
Rolling his eyes, Zander shifted his weight in his chair, ‘I don’t know. If I wanted to, maybe. But that’s not the point, it’s what he’s asking me to do, how he just expects me to be prepared to jump up and go without question all the time, even after what happened.’
‘I almost forgot,’ Botwin sighed, ‘I mean about what happened in the bay. I’m sorry.’
Zander shook his head, waving his hand dismissively.
Lam placed the cold gin on the table in front of Zander and then walked away to tend a few travelers waiting at the bar. Zander picked it up and drained the glass of every last drop, shuddering as he set it back down.
‘So what are you going to do?’ Botwin asked him, staring at the empty glass.
‘Nothing,’ Zander replied, ‘Absolutely nothing. I was discharged honorably after the incident, he isn’t my superior anymore, so he can’t force me. The worst he could possibly do now is maybe try make me feel guilty, but he will never succeed at that because frankly, I don’t care.’
He waved at Lam, who returned with the bottle of gin, his eyes widening at the sight of the one empty glass.
‘You might want to leave that here,’ Zander told him.
Lam filled the glass again and then walked away, scratching the bald spot on the back of his head.
‘I refuse to feel that kind of pain again,’ Zander mumbled through the sip of gin, his eyes distant and tinged with pain, ‘Never again.’
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