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Young Writers Society


Chapter 1 Part One



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Wed Oct 19, 2011 6:49 pm
Deathcurrent says...



Spoiler! :
If I forgot to Italicize thoughts it's because I copied and pasted this from my word document. Sorry for the confusion! I also wrote this in a spur of the moment, so if you think that I should have more before all the action, just let me know and give some ideas! I'm stumped as to how to give more before the action.


Aysel Erimentha was shorter then average, but taller then short. Which made her the perfect height for her to snuggle into a male chest. Not that she had much experience when it came to relationships. Aysel went to Paladin University and was on her way to getting her masters in history. She found it amusing to see what the human race had come up with to cover the Magie battles that the Elders couldn’t hide. After last night, Aysel’s gut feeling was screeching in panic. Something was going to go wrong today. Aysel only hoped that it wasn’t something major. Aysel looked down at her watch, her sky blue eyes widening as she realized that she was going to be late to her science class if she didn’t stop day-dreaming.
Her olive toned skin was accented with a purple halter top, and her long mocha colored hair was pulled back in a braid that had violets weaved through it. Aysel had tried to break the habit of having flowers in her hair on Mondays, but the habit had stuck. It could have been because the flowers had been her mother’s way of showing affection to her.
Aysel’s legs were encased in skinny jeans that Acelynn had told her she was wearing on Monday. Aysel had given up going against Acelynn when she picked out the clothes that Aysel was to wear. The effort was too much and what did it matter if Aysel had to wear something she normally wouldn’t wear every now and again? The only concession that Aysel would never give was throwing out all of her sensible sneakers. Acelynn wouldn’t be getting her to wear high-heels for even one day of school. Aysel’s hour-glass shape, according to Acelynn, was one that men drooled over, but Aysel had trouble believing that. Aysel quickened her pace.
“Shit, shit, shit...” Aysel chanted under her breath. “Not good, please don’t let him be there yet, please.”
Acelynn Zephyr had made her late because she hadn’t been able to do the ritual to her at their usual time, and now she was running late to class. Her day was starting to go from bad to worse.
Acelynn Zephyr was Aysel’s friend and her responsibility. Acelynn would die without a magical ritual everyday and the Erimenthas and the Zephyrs had been close, so when Acelynn was born and nearly dead the Erimenthas made it so they could keep her alive with a ritual. Both families had made Aysel promise that if and when they died to take care of Acelynn. Then when Aysel was twenty, they got in a car accident and had been killed. It had been four years since then and Acelynn still didn’t believe that what Aysel did was necessary.
Acelynn believed it was some silly child’s game. Aysel’s watch read that it was just after noon. Aysel had asked Acelynn where she would be during her off hour. Her response: the library. Which had been the last place Aysel would’ve looked for her.
Acelynn wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box. She was tall, blond, and perfectly tanned. The one woman that every other woman wanted to be. Her emerald green eyes were innocent and a little wicked. She was beautiful, but she used Aysel to help boost her reputation. She had used Aysel to help her with class so that she looked knowledgeable too. In return Acelynn had taught Aysel how to be a clueless ditz. Aysel hadn’t minded, but she hadn’t taken kindly to all the ribbing and jibes that Acelynn had said to her. Being the super model was more of Acelynn’s forte, but Aysel liked her well enough; if she tragically died she would be sad but she wouldn’t be devastated.
Aysel burst through the science class room doors panting. When she regained her breath she let out a sigh of relief. Mr.Clifton wasn’t in yet and that made it so she was on time. She took her seat and took out her supplies. When Mr.Clifton walked in and started droning on about something that was supposedly interesting, Aysel found her self day-dreaming again. Half way through the class the fire alarm went off, snapping her out from her day-dreaming. Aysel jumped out of her seat and ran for the door. Exit in a calm and orderly fashion, what a joke!
When she exited with the rest of the running students, she saw that the library was on fire. Scanning the crowd, Aysel looked around for Acelynn. When she couldn’t find her in the crowd Aysel came to only one conclusion: Acelynn was still inside the library. Fear for her leapt up in Aysel. Tying her stomach into knots. Sure she didn’t care for Acelynn but she didn’t really want her friend dead or hurt, nor did she want to break her promise her family.
Aysel was separated from Acelynn by a few obstacles. First the fireman who was keeping people back, second the wall of fire and third the arched library doors. Aysel winced as she instinctively knew that Acelynn had fallen unconscious and that the volcanic flames were eating away the library floor and everything in their path. The first problem, the irritating human firemen.
“Miss please get to safety NOW!” He insisted as he shoved her back into the crowd.
“Let me through!” Aysel vociferated.
Aysel pushed and shoved, but couldn’t slip by. Then, she felt a stabbing pain of fear. Tightening the knots in her stomach, as she heard a beam inside snap. Fine, Aysel thought, I have to figure this out. Think, think, think Aysel! She came up with two options. The first, let the fire department handle it, or get past the fireman and get Acelynn out of there, then try to get another ritual done at the hospital. Surely Acelynn was going to go to the closest one, Sacred Heart Hospital, since she’d been in there the longest. Aysel decided on the latter as she heard another beam snap. It’s now or never. I’m coming Ace! Aysel thought as she prepared to slip by the fireman.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
  





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Fri Oct 21, 2011 12:34 am
Shadowwriter1 says...



You are a natural. The story is interesting and well written. The discriptions are excellent, they give you a good idea of the setting and what is going on. The prologue is brilliant. Already you have introduced what I believe may end up being a big part of the story. The killer. There are few or no mistakes in the story, which means you must of taken alot of care into writing it.
That story is amazing.It is a creative piece that will capture the attention of many. Already I have a bunch of questions. Who is trying to kill Aysel? What will happen in the fire? I want to find out really badly. It is a really good story and I can not wait for the rest to come out.
  





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Sat Oct 22, 2011 8:03 pm
sunwater says...



is there going to be a flash back on some battles and when she said magic she is saying she can use it right.
  





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Sun Oct 23, 2011 2:36 am
Deathcurrent says...



At sunwater: There may be some flashbacks, I haven't decided yet, but when she said magic she was meaning that she could use it. I'll try to make that clearer in later chapters.
“Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” -- Spock from Star Trek

"There's power in stories. That's all history is: the best tales. The ones that last. Might as well be mine."-- Varric Tethras from Dragon Age II
  








I didn't want to slow time, I just wanted to make a little rock.
— MomoMajesty's brother