Young Writers Society

Please read-> This is just a little scene I jotted down. It could be the very beginning of the story but that would be boring so more than likely I will slip in in somewhere later as a flashback. Yeah I'm not the best writer but I can get better! That's what we are all here for so I would appreciate tips to make it better!

A young girl sat beneath a willow tree. Tears streamed from her dark brown eyes and rolled on to her little lace dress. A little boy,perhaps a year older then she, came up to her and keeled down in front of her. His hair was dark red like dried blood. His eyes were silver and told a story one could not understand without explanation.
"Why are you crying?" he asked the young girl.
"I'm not crying!" she said as she hurriedly wiped away her tears and stood up with her head held high.
"Then why's your face all wet?" he said brushing his knuckles on her cheek. "Whats your name?" He asked.
"My name is Adonia Xanthe Orlaithe." She answered proudly.
The boy's eyes widened. "Your the daughter of Aunnalise? The Great war heroine?" The boy paused for a moment. "I heard she fell in battle." He said sadly. “Is it really true?”
Adonia nodded her head and her eyes began to brim with new tears. He took her hand and smiled gently. "Come with me."
With out saying anything she fallowed him to a meadow dotted with trees covered in blossoms of every color, size, and texture. The amount of grass was nearly equal to the number of flowers that dominated the area. He led her to a dogwood tree and she sat beneath it quietly. He carefully selected the most worthy flowers and gathered them together in a little bouquet tied together with a few humble blades of grass. When he held it out to her she blushed and smiled sweetly. She raised the flowers to her nose and breathed their scent in. They were ever so sweet! No flower matched the fragrance, nor the beauty of any flower that grew around the valley.
“What is your name?” She asked the boy when she'd realized he'd not told her.
“Akito.”
“Akito? Thats it?”
“That's it.” He confirmed.
“Who are your parents?” She asked with a funny look.
“I don't know, no one knows who my parents are.” He said rather awkwardly. “ but I don't need parents; I can take care of myself.
Adonia looked upon him with new eyes. He must be very strong to grow up without parents to guide him and she admired this. A Sensing her admiration Akito beamed. Then he surprised her with a kiss on her cheek. She gasped and her cheeks went bright pink. He smiled innocently but mischief glimmered in his eyes.

These are minor mechanical errors.

A little boy,perhaps a year older then she, came up to her and keeled down in front of her.

"Why are you crying?" he asked the young girl.

"I'm not crying!" she said as she hurriedly wiped away her tears and stood up with her head held high.

"Then why's your face all wet?" he said brushing his knuckles on her cheek. "Whats your name?" He asked.

"My name is Adonia Xanthe Orlaithe." She answered proudly.

Again, the dialogue, but going past that bit I questioned her reaction. If a complete stranger went as far as to invade my personal space and touch my face, I would've at the very least made a face. Perhaps I was a precocious child, but I don't care for strangers taking such familiarities with me.

With out saying anything she fallowed him to a meadow dotted with trees covered in blossoms of every color, size, and texture.

“I don't know, no one knows who my parents are.” He said rather awkwardly. “ but I don't need parents; I can take care of myself.

I would've suggested to take full advantage of his dialogue to express the transitions between the conflicting emotions with tangible details. A quick example:

A Sensing her admiration Akito beamed.

Did you purposely keeping referring to him as the boy or "he" rather than Akito to showcase him less as a person and more of an idea at least until the very end in which Adonia held him in a higher regard?

For purely aesthetics, it would be ideal to separate the paragraphs with a gap between each. It's really sweet how the two interact with another. With a bit of fine-tuning, this scene can even stand on its own as an introduction. My last piece of advice is to see if you could work on more sentence variety. I observed you used "and" quite a bit.

Hi there!
I have several things to say about this little chunk of writing here, so let me start of with this: I really liked it! It was genuinely well written and had a nice flow to it.
I don't think that this as it stands is appropriate for the start of a story- maybe with a few tweaks in terms of details about the main character could turn it into a good opener? I kind of see what you mean when you say it could make a good flashback- there's something very light and pure about this... yet certain things in it hint to deeper things, like akito not having parents. Surely there is a story behind that?

Anyway, some things I really liked were your comparisons in the opening:

His hair was dark red like dried blood.

-I crave descriptions like these; it's so specific and it sets a direct image in my head of his hair colour. A small but important detail.

Another thing I liked especially was the ending- although it didn't seem quite like an ending, but the beginning to something really incredible. This brings me to the point of suggesting that you do make this into a larger story and add this as a flashback of some sort. It is definitely something I would like to read!

Overall, this was enjoyable and I see a great deal of potential.
Thanks for the read, and happy writing
-Briggsy

This was good. I was curious about what would happen at the end though. Aside from a few grammar mistakes like "then" was supposed to be "than" in that term of a sentence, it was great. Good job.