Ultamite Chapter 1: Pilgrims Path

Finally! Something I am proud to say I wrote(it's been a while).
Just one thing I need to note, if you read my previous Project Mystic
scenes, this is a part of that universe. Project Mystic is located much farther
in the future, this is not considered a prequel though, and should not be confused with one. It's simply the beginning. I'm not ready to start where Project Mystic did. I realized I need to fill in a lot of plot holes I seemed to make. So! Here it goes!
Hope you like it. -end rant-




Chapter 1

Pilgrims Path

"Everyone." Tetra stood at the front of the pack. He turned around to address the party. His most notable feature was how short he was. Despite that he had been leading groups of adventures to Vestige Caverns for years, and was the best at what he did. His short blond hair and young face gave the impression he was weak but his back bared a large silver sword.

"We should reach the bridge leading to Vestige by dusk where we will camp and proceed into the cavern in the morning." His voice was deeper then you excepted, almost monotone.

"Wait, why aren't we going into the cave? Isn't it more dangerous out here at night?" Rizor was about the same height as Tetra and equally innocent looking. The difference was he was as innocent as he looked. His only weapon was a small black dagger which he always wielded backwards. The scar under his right eye made him look more battle experienced but the truth was he had only been fighting for about a year.

"The Vestige is more dangerous then I believe any of you understand. At night it fills with monstrous beast who won't hesitate to rip off your limps and eat them as a midnight snack." Tetra smirked.

"Stop trying to scare the kids Tetra." Ziden walked from the back of the group and right up to Tetra. Ziden was hard to adjust too. His guise was very tough and he was a Magi Caster as well. Something about the way his long black hair covered his left eye and his voice just allowed me to assume he wasn't a nice guy. To this day he is one of the nicest guys I've ever meet.

"Ziden just because we're friends doesn't mean you can undermine my authority." Tetra was kidding, I could tell by the way the left side of his mouth always crinkled when he was enjoying himself. "Let's get going. If we are to make it before dusk we must move quickly."

The party marched forward. Dark clouds began to sweep in. Now that I think about it, that was probably a very bad omen. I kept myself in the middle of the group. It felt safe between all these people. Melinda and Belinda were at the back. They are twins. Melinda is an expert rouge and Belinda is a Healer. It was fun to watch them interact because they are the perfect example of how Ying and Yang live within each other.

I saved the best for last. Alora. The first time I saw her I instantly fell in love. Seeing her every day and night since then didn't help any. She was quiet. Sometimes during camp I would see her over to side brushing her long blond hair. One night she saw me and shot me the worst look. I didn't sleep that night.

The next morning was the only time I'd ever heard her say anything. While we were packing up camp she walked over to me and said "The next time I catch you starting at me like that I promise you'll wake up the next morning unable to bear children." I wasn't going to risk it.

The trip to the cavern wasn't difficult. We encountered a few beast but Tetra and Ziden dealt with them quickly and we weren't needed. It was interesting to watch. I'd never seen a Magi Caster in action before. He didn't wield a staff or any weapon. He simply cast them with his hands. I heard only the best Casters don't need a staff.

I still wonder even now, we had such a powerful group of people. Everyone excluding Rizor and myself were well trained and excellent in their fields of training. Somehow it still ended the way it did. We were searching for something and we found it. I ask myself everyday if I am glad we did. I'm still not sure if this is happiness or regret. You see we were searching. Looking for an ore known as Ultamite. As the name suggest, the ore is one of a kind and could forge the ultimate weapons and armor, or so the legends told. No one has ever found this ore, and if they did they didn't live to tell anyone else.

Ziden got a tip from his old master that someone sighted Ultamite in the Vestige Caverns, which was also known for the dangers it held. It made sense. Ultamite hidden within an ancient cavern filled with dangerous monsters and magical traps. After going through all that one would deserve the Ultamite.

We approached the Bridge to Vestige just before dusk.

"Across this bridge lies the Vestige Caverns." Tetra was still at the head of the group. I poked my head around him to see a massive cave entrance across a large wooden bridge. The sky was pink, the sun going down just behind the face of the cave. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"Riley, pay attention." A large rock hit my forehead, sending me straight to the ground.

"Hey hey hey! Why did you throw a rock at him! Tetra! Oh man are you okay!" Rizor was panicking. He walked over to me and helped me off the ground.

"It's fine Rizor. Calm down."

"You won't survive in this cave for one day if you don't focus boy." Tetra gave me a very worried look. Here I thought he was just being a jerk, but soon I realized he was trying to protect me, to protect us all.

"Yes sir." I dusted myself off and waiting for instruction.

"Why are we waiting right here? Can't be just go across the bridge?" Melinda was asking too many questions as usual. Even in the short time I'd known her it was easy to tell she was more curious then a cat. Only problem was, she didn't have nine lives.

"If you'd be quiet for a moment I would tell you." Tetra was about to say something I'll never forget. "When we enter this cave, your life is mine. After this point, what happens to you happens to me. If you die, I die. If I die, you die. Listen to every word I say, and follow it exactly. We will make it through this alive. I promise."

His words felt true. I believed him, and not for a second did I doubt him. That was the moment I started to look up to him, and I would never stop thinking "I want to be just like him one day!"

"Let's go." Tetra motioned the group forward across the bridge. I ran past the group and followed behind him.

"Tetra, can I ask you something?"

"That depends. Ask your question and I will decide whether I wish to answer it or not."

"Well, you are a guide for Vestige Caverns, and you have been inside it many times. Have you ever seen any Ultamite." He looked and me and smiled for just a second.

"It's funny. Ever since the moment your group hired me to guide you here not once person has asked me that question. You may just be the wisest among them, or the most foolish. I've yet to decide."

"So, does that mean you are going to answer me?"

"I've been through these caves hundreds of times, and seen a lot of things. This Ultamite you speak of, I am not sure. What does it look like? If no one has seen it how does one know what it looks like? If I had seen it would I know I had?"

"See now you are just answering my question with more questions."

"Whether you see it or not, I did answer your question. Enough talk, we must move quickly." Tetra ignored me the rest of the way across the bridge even though I insisted he give me a real answer. As we finished crossing the bridge, the cave entrance was before us. Nothing about it seemed to stand out. Just a big hole in the side of a mountain. It was so much more then that.

As we stepped into the mouth of the cave, my life would change forever. Things lost, others gained. I like to believe my life never truly began until I entered the Vestige Cavern. Why? Because I never truly experience life until I was there. It's all right to be afraid. Afraid of life. It's scary, and it's not easy. You have it easy you know? You probably don't. You probably never will. Something like this, what happened to me. I have to share it with the world. If I don't, then they will never know the truth.

Ultamite...it's a blessing and a curse. Light in the dark, it shines bright. Darkness in the light, it dims the sun. We found it, and it changed everything.


Coming Soon!
Chapter 2
The Vestige Caverns

"Wait, why aren't we going into the cave and staying the night there instead of outside? Isn't it more dangerous out here at night?"

Neat way to give the reader some information on the situation! The first line feels a little too stiff, though, like it’s trying to hard to be clear or descriptive of the situation. To make it smoother, you might consider taking off the ‘instead of’ part. After all, the other characters probably already know what the other option is, right? So there’s really no point in this character stating it, especially if it detracts from the flow. Maybe cut it down to: “Wait, why aren’t we staying the night in the cave? Isn’t it more dangerous out here at night?” Or something along those lines. That example is better than the original a bit, but it emphasizes the repetition of ‘night’ where, in the original, the repetition wasn’t really obvious. So play with it a bit.

"Ziden just because we're friends doesn't mean you can undermine my authority." Tetra was kidding even though no one else could tell.

Show, not tell! Maybe Tetra has a very slight playful smile, maybe there are tiny crinkles at the corner of his eyes – something to show that he’s joking, but something easy to miss. “… he said. No one else caught the miniscule smirk that played on his lips/ the slight crinkling of his eyes/etc” Something like that.

From the first time we had meet I wasn't able to get her out of my head.

Might want to consider re-wording a bit. ^^

I wasn't going to risk it.

XD! Smart guy!

Ultamite...it's a blessing and a curse. Light in the dark, it shines bright. Darkness in the light, it dims the sun. We found it, and it changed everything.

Good ending line. Very powerful. Slightly poetic. Very nice.

Good introduction to the characters and their situation/setting! Might need to pick up the pace a little at the beginning. This line here:

We were searching for something and we found it.

Is where things started getting intriguing. The paragraph that that line’s in is where it started getting interesting. Up to that point, though, it could use a little salt. Maybe just a dash, something to pick the beginning up a little more. It doesn’t need much. Maybe just add a hook to either the first or the second paragraph, and that should take care of it pretty well. As a whole, the chapter served as an excellent hook for the overall story. It felt almost more like a prologue, except that it did have chunks of actual story. I’m pretty curious to see how you do the next chapter – if it’ll start at the beginning and tell how these people came to be together and on this hunt, or if it’ll pick up where this one left off. Either way, sounds like a pretty interesting story.

'His most notable feature was how short he was. Despite that he had been leading groups of adventures to Vestige Caverns for years, and was the best at what he did.' It feels a little weird to have that sentence start with 'Despite'. It seems to inturrupt the flow a little, plus I'm not sure what it's despite OF. I would tack it onto a sentence nearby to help the flow and make it more clear.

'his back bared...' Bore?

'The difference was he was...' Either put a comma or a 'that' after the first was, I think.

'At night it fills with monstrous beast who won't hesitate to rip off your limps and eat them as a midnight snack' 'beast' should be 'beasts', 'limps' should be 'limbs'.

'... scare the kids Tetra.' Comma after 'kids', I think.

'Something about the way his long black hair covered his left eye and his voice...' Sounds like his hair is covering his voice. XD I would rephrase that sentence to make it more clear.

"...you'll wake up the next morning unable to bear children." Assuming the narrator is a guy, most guys can't bear children. XD I think you meant 'father' children.

'... it was easy to tell she was more curious then a cat. Only problem was, she didn't have nine lives.' I like this line. ^^

Nice ending lines. >.< Great foreshadowing.

This is an interesting story so far. I think you need some more proofreading, and you could smooth out a few things a little... Some of the narrative and dialogue sound a little stiff, so you could probably work on it a little more. Try reading it out loud to yourself, and if something doesn't sound quite right, change it. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Nice job, keep working on it. Polish it up a little bit, and it will be all the better for it.